The Village
by dragonpearlz
Summary: Sequal to 'Do You Love Me'. A village household has been created to help Snape, Lupin, Granger and the Weasley's find happiness. Snape/Zia pairing. Sick!Snape, Sick!Remus, Sick!Arthur.
1. Choices to Be Made

Zia stared at the ceiling and listened to Severus snore beside her. His arms were wrapped tightly – protectively – around her. She smiled with each deep snore, relieved that he was finally sleeping soundly. She fretted about the suddenness of his breakthrough and hoped it would stick. She worried about Remus. He hadn't been so ill in a long time – at least that she knew of. She wished that she could go to him – work to heal him… but, no. That was no longer her place. And poor Arthur. His color was shifting to a red… almost feverish, but she figured it meant pain. Even Hermione was miserable because of the Ministry.

She suppressed a sob. Never had she felt so out of place, especially with the people she felt so close to. Even after Severus' betrayal, she knew where she stood. She didn't like it, but her standing was clear. Now all she was aware of was the pain of those around her and the fact that she was dying.

Somewhere around sunrise, she drifted off to sleep. She was awoken mere hours later by Severus shifting on the bed and kissing her on the cheek.

When she opened her eyes, he was smiling at her. "You ready for the day?" he asked, his voice still heavy with sleep.

She scrutinized him heavily. There was something 'off' about him. His skin didn't look right… his eyes… "No," she answered honestly.

"You'll be fine," he said, rolling out of bed. "Come on. Let's get going."

She nodded, trying to pinpoint what was wrong. She dreaded him becoming abusive again. She wasn't certain that she could handle another abusive outburst from him.

Suddenly, he bent over the dresser and sneezed heavily, followed by husky coughs.

She shook her head. Of course he would come down with whatever Remus had.

"Bless you," she said, silkily. She went over to him and placed a hand on his shoulder. "If you're not feeling well enough, you're welcomed to stay here. I'll let you know what the doctors say."

After his fit subsided, he rooted around in the top drawer, withdrawing one of his handkerchiefs and blew his nose forcefully. "No," he responded in a hushed tone. "You're too important to go through this alone."

"And you're sick."

He sighed, exasperated. "I'll be all right."

She didn't believe him. But, she knew he couldn't be talked out of it either. So, she took the compliment for what it was and didn't fight him.

**HP**

"Zia Morgan?" the receptionist at the front desk called. Zia, who had been rubbing Severus' back as his coughed miserably, stood up. "Sweetie, maybe it's best if you stayed here," she offered quietly.

"Oh yes," he replied sarcastically. "The great Severus Snape, alone in the area of St. Mungos. That's safe. You'll be carrying me home in a body-Sssskechew!" A congested, hissing sneeze cut into his statement and he groaned miserably, leaning his head against Zia's hip.

"Maybe they'll have something for this," she offered, lending him an arm to help him up. The heat radiated off his body and she wished that she had forced him to stay home. Not that she would have been able to anyway.

"Nothing I can't brew myself," he snapped, instantly feeling sorry for it. She didn't deserve his sarcasm or anger. She was being there for him when he was supposed to be there for her. The memory of her voice echoing in her head, begging him to forgive her for not dying, rang in his ears. "Sorry," his whispered, partially to the memory and partially to her.

"Please," she said with a smirk. "The great Severus Snape not being a sarcastic bastard? You'd ruin your own reputation."

He smiled at her. "Cheeky," he said.

Her heart soared. He hadn't called her that in she couldn't remember how long. She started to play with the idea that she really had her Severus back, and it made her feel happy.

Once they were inside the exam room Zia sat on the exam table. Severus sat down uneasily in the waiting chair and sighed heavily.

"You can still apparate out," she offered.

He heard her beg him to forgive her for not dying and his stomach twisted in knots. "I'm not trying to abandon you. I just…" a few shaky breaths and he sneezed again, bending at the waist.

"Don't feel well. Don't worry, neither does Arthur."

"Arthur? What are you talking about?"

"You didn't notice? He's been withdrawn… I think he's in pain?"

"He hasn't complained," he retorted more hastily than he meant to.

She grinned. "You expected him to?"

He returned her smile. "Apparently you haven't lost your touch the way you think you have."

She shrugged. "In the old days, I would have already been taking care of him."

He coughed. "It's not like you haven't had other things on your mind."

She shrugged again as the doctor walked in.

"So, Miss Morgan… how's the pain been?" The doctor nodded at Severus, but didn't acknowledge him in any other way.

"Barely tolerable."

"And the potion?"

"I haven't been taking it regularly?"

"What? Why?"

"I have people I've been taking care of…"

"… and there needs came first." The doctor nodded. "And who will take care of them when you're dead?"

Severus was shocked, but Zia never even blinked. "Doesn't really matter does it? I'm dying one way or another. It just is a matter of when."

"And have you made your decision?"

"Wait, she has a decision about this?" Severus interjected.

The doctor looked at them both oddly. "You haven't told him?"

"Six months… less now… closer to four and a half, right?" Zia swallowed thickly. Severus would see this as another betrayal. It could ruin everything.

"Wait," Severus ordered, a cough lodged in his throat, making it strained. "You have a choice about when you're going to die? And, you stopped taking the potion that could elongate that?"

At Zia's silence, the doctor cut in. "Zia has an advanced case of Healers Disease. It means that her organs are slowly shutting down and muscles atrophying. The potions were meant to slow the progress – but only if she takes them properly. Every potion she misses speeds up the process by one day."

Severus paled as his stomach turned. He had not made things easy for Zia as of late, and he could understand her choice. But, now that he felt that he was on the mend, her choice to die struck him like an arrow in the heart.

"Sev?" she asked, hopping off the table and coming to his side.

"I feel unwell," he breathed.

"Do you need to step out?" she asked, knowing that he was referring to nausea.

He shook his head as he took a shaky breath and rested his head against her side. She wrapped her arm around his back.

"I just came to tell you of my decision. But, I have to get him home."

"There is another option," the doctor said. "Don't you think that you should tell … him?"

He nodded, not opening his eyes or lifting his head.

She sighed. "There is a procedure that will slowly rebuild each of my organs and revive my muscle tissue. But it is very expensive and very painful. And, it's only temporary."

"Explain it," he ordered as waves of nausea roiled through him.

"Well," the doctor started. "As Zia said we will regrow the dying tissue and organs. The process for each organ takes about one week and is exceptionally painful. The entire procedure will take about nine months. But, it won't take away the disease. It'll only extend her life expectancy to about five years. Some people think it's worth it. Some not so much."

Severus fought against the nausea, his insides tying up with emotion, illness, and nausea. The guilt cut into him like he was being stabbed. She had been dealing with all this on her own, while rallying the troops to care for him. If she had it her way, she would have died – slipped away quietly in the night… he would never have seen her true form until she died. He would never have known her pain.

All the times he called her weak flashed through his mind – as did the deterioration of her responses. First, she responded with anger, then silence, then quiet resolution. He'd broken her. He'd shunned her. He'd …

He suppressed a retch.

She ran her hand through his smooth, silky hair. "Shhh… come on. Let's get you home."

"So your four and a half month decision is final?" the doctor asked.

Severus shook his head against her side. Four and a half months was not nearly enough time to make things up to her.

"Looks like we have some things to discuss. I'll send you a post tomorrow letting you know."

"Don't rush this decision. It's literally your life on the line," the doctor said.

'And his,' she thought sadly. There was no happy ending here. But, right now, his health was more important.

"Do you want me to run a diagnostic on you, Mr. Snape?" she asked.

"Yea," Zia answered for him.

A quick wand wave and a few mutterings. "Flu… by the looks of it both respiratory and digestive."

"Do you have any suggestions?" Zia asked, as she kissed Severus on the top of the head.

"Well, being as Mr. Snape was my professor, I know he knows what he can and cannot take. In fact, he can probably brew it better than we can. So, rest, fluids… and I can't believe I'm saying this, but plenty of love." The doctor flinched as though waiting for his wrath.

"Well… you never saw him or else we both disappear into the night. Deal?"

"Saw who? Come, I'll take you to the apparition point."

**HP**

Zia took one of her purple potions and squirmed when it tickled her. They had apparated directly into their bedroom and she put him to bed immediately. She gave him a potion to reduce the nausea and he sipped it gingerly. Other than letting her get his potion, Severus did not want her out of her sight.

She looked at him sympathetically as he lay against the pillows. Sweat was beading on his forehead. His already pale complexion seemed to get paler by the second, except in his cheeks where he was sporting a flush. "Oh Sev, I'm sorry," she whispered coming to his side. She sat on the bed and ran her hand through his hair.

He smiled at her touch. "Why? For loving me?"

She hummed at him. "For being such a handful. You didn't sign up for this when you married me." She twisted her wedding band nervously, as if she was afraid he would ask for it back.

He frowned. "I signed up for a life with you… it's always been colorful." He turned away as he sneezed wetly.

"Bless," she said, dipping a wash cloth into a bowl of cool water and bathing his face with it. "Yes it has."

"And I didn't always make it easy for you." He coughed roughly. "Especially recently."

"And, yet, I still love you," she said with a smile. Suddenly she looked sad.

"What?"

"Even though you regret it." She smiled sadly. "I can be out of your life so soon."

He grasped her hand in his sweaty one. "No…" He took some heavy breaths, and she thought that he was going to sneeze again. Instead he squeezed his eyes closed and a few tears came out. "I don't want to lose you."

She looked to the side. His angry confession about how he hated that she loved him was still so fresh in her mind. So raw in her soul, that she couldn't shake the pain.

"Or, have I already?"

"I'm sorry. I haven't compartmentalized the pain yet. I'll do it tonight. You'll never hear about it again."

"No… that's not what I mean. I just… I wish I never said it. I wish…" He moaned miserably.

"Shhh… whether you like it or not, I still love you."

A few harsh coughs ripped from his chest. "I love it. And I love you… and I'm so sorry I hurt you. I can't lose you… not before I make it up to you."

"You have nothing to make up for. I love you for you." She took a deep breath.

"Even though you doubt mine?"

"It's part of loving you," she said with a bitter smile. "I've had to put up with betrayals and abuse for as long as I can remember… but it wasn't always so," she continued after she realized what she had said. "When you and I were able to live normal lives – well normal for us anyway, you have been the best boyfriend, husband, and lover I could have ever expected."

"You made every day of my life - when I was with you – wonderful."

She smirked. The fever had to be going up for him to be that maudlin. "Now, that's a lie. We've had our fights and problems."

"To know you loved me always, no matter what, it made the darkest of times bearable."

"And you regret?" she prompted.

"Anything I've done to make you doubt my love for you. Ever." He double sneezed and groaned.

"Rest now love. I'm gonna go check on the rest of the house. There are a lot of conversations that need to happen tonight."

He smiled. "Are you going to tell them your options?"

"No… they shouldn't have to worry about me. Everyone's got their own issues to worry about."

"They know you're dying… maybe giving them an option on how long to keep you around will shock you."

She laughed. "Sev… I can't afford it."

"Paid for."

"And even if I could nine months of pain for 5 years of life hardly seems worth it. It's like a waste of your money."

He grabbed her wrist. "Never!" he growled. "Any amount of money that saves your life isn't a waste. Please let me make the last few months up to you… please let me make up the betrayals and the heartache. Let me show you my love."

"How about you take a rest. I'll wake you for dinner and we'll discuss things with the group. Yea?" She got up and kissed him on the forehead.

"I love you. And, I know you haven't heard it a lot. But, not a day has gone by when I haven't felt it."

"It's the fever talking. I'm sure," she said with a smile. "But, I love when it talks like this. It makes me feel…"

Severus smiled. "Good." He yawned widely.

"Sleep Sev. I'll still be alive when you wake," she said as she darkened the room and left it.

**HP**

Zia went downstairs and saw Remus asleep in the armchair. His too pale complexion was similar to Severus'. Her heart yearned to care for him. But, he didn't look like he wanted for anything.

"Hey! How'd it go?" Hermione asked.

"We'll discuss at dinner. How's Remus?"

Hermione frowned She didn't like the way that Zia deflected the focus of the conversation. "Ailing. We're gonna head back to the cottage tomorrow morning. The moon's in two days and … I don't know… I just want him to be home for a few days before and a few days after."

"Do you want help?" Zia asked.

"Any help that you can provide in his care would be really appreciated."

Zia lead her into the dining room where Ginny was studying.

"What potions have you given him?"

"He won't take any. He keeps saying that they interfere with his wolfsbane."

"Pain in the arse," Zia whispered. She sighed. "No wonder this thing is kicking his ass."

Ginny's head snapped up. "He can take potions."

"Some. He's right, you have to be careful – and the ones he can take aren't typically affordable. But, you're living with Severus Snape. He can brew a mean potion."

Both Ginny and Hermione were stuck silent.

"Sev's caught what Remus has… plus a digestive flu as well… so he's in no condition to brew. But, when Remus is recovering, he'll be in better shape. I'm sorry I didn't think of it."

"You've had other things on your mind," Ginny said.

"How's your dad?"

"Migraines are killing him. Not that he'll complain."

"That I can fix. There are some potions that have already been brewed that you can give him when he comes home."

Ginny smiled. "It's good to see you again."

"I feel focused. I want to take care of it. Actually, Hermione, I do have a fever reducer that Remus can take. I'll be back." Without another word she disappeared downstairs to retrieve the potion.

**HP**

"Severus?" Zia whispered, sitting on the bed. His fever had not come down any and he wasn't responding to her calls.

Guilt crushed her chest and made it difficult to breathe. How could she make him talk about her fate when he was so sick? How could she have confronted him with his honesty? She remembered the days when she used to cut herself to help her focus. She scratched at her wrist where she wanted to again.

She bathed his face with cool water again. "My love? Please wake for me."

He stirred at the touch of the cool wash cloth.

She knew that waking him would just bring him back to the misery of being awake and sick. But, Ginny was preparing a nice stew, with a flavorful broth. It would be perfect for both he and Remus – provided he could keep it down.

"Severus!"she stated in her command voice.

His eyes snapped open in an instant, but quickly shut with fatigue and illness. He groaned miserably, and she was immediately sorry she had woken him.

He glared at her. "What is it?"

"I'm sorry to have woken you…"

"Then why did you?" he snapped. His voice was strained and the effort of speaking made him cough.

"It's dinner time."

"Not hungry."

'Good,' she thought. 'He's forgotten the seriousness of the day.' "Would you like me to bring some broth up for you?"

He furrowed his brow as if he was thinking hard about something.

But, she knew that look all too well. In a flash, she picked up a fresh handkerchief and held it to his face.

His head snapped forward with three harsh, wet, unstrained sneezes, and he snatched the handkerchief away from her in order to relieve his nose.

"Bless," she said, putting a hand on his hair to test for how much his fever had elevated.

He panted heavily and sneezed again, shuddering from the force of the sneeze.

"And again."

He groaned and reached out for her hand. "Z… I feel dreadful."

"If you'd rather not go downstairs, I'll understand."

He coughed harshly and suppressed another retch. "No… I don't want to… but we have to. We have your future to debate."

"Oh Sev. You stay here. I know your stance. I'll let them know. I'll bring back broth and water for you, okay?"

"No…" he said, forcing himself upright and grabbing onto her in distress when the world bounced in front of his eyes. "I'll put up a disease bubble so no one else gets infected with… this…"

"We shouldn't have done that for Remus."

"It's he I'm worried about," Severus said, letting his legs fall off the side of the bed.

"He and Hermione are going back to the cottage tomorrow to give him some time to rest. But, she'll need the potions that he needs to recuperate post moon."

"I have some brewed. Heh…Kesssthew! Hah-ah? Achhfroo!" He sniffed thickly and coughed against the pressure.

Zia supported his weight as he put the disease bubble up.

"Do me a favor, my love?" he asked, his voice just barely whining.

"Yes?" she asked, hoping that he would decide to stay in bed.

"Don't leave my side. I need you near me."

She smiled and kissed him on his too warm cheek. "I'd never dream of it."

**HP**

Severus and Zia sat closest to the door and Remus and Hermione sat on the other side of the table. All were upset that Severus insisted on coming downstairs and to that same end thankful that he protected the rest of them with the bubble.

"Thank you for the migraine potion," Arthur said, smiling. "It's helped tremendously."

"Good," Zia said, returning his smile. "Though I don't want you to suffer that long again, ya hear? We have enough potions professionals here that it shouldn't be necessary."

She looked over at Severus and noticed that he had his head in his hand.

"Are you okay?" she asked him.

He shook his head. "I feel unwell… and the light is hurting my eyes."

"Do you need to be excused," she asked, placing a hand on his arm.

He shook his head slowly. "Not yet. Let's get this on with then."

Zia nodded. "As you all know, I had a doctors appointment today. There are options to my survival. But, they all come to the same end. I will die. It's just a matter of when."

Severus sneezed violently, and the whole table jumped in surprise. After a round of blesses, he scooted his chair a little closer to Zia. She placed her hand on his and continued. "Currently, I'm looking at a four and a half month expiration date. However, there is a procedure that will prolong my life another five years. However, the procedure will take nine months from start to finish _and_ will be incredibly painful. I don't know if I want to do it yet. I'm not sure if my life is worth the pain to both me – and to you… or the cost."

"How much is it?" Ginny asked.

"It's been taken care of," Severus stated miserably.

"How is preserving your life – even if it's a temporary fix – painful to us?" Hermione asked.

"I am _not_ a good patient," Zia deadpanned.

Hermione smiled. "Healers never are."

"Now, I don't want you all to answer 'yes' just because you feel you should. Dig deep and think hard – is my life worth the effort to care for me through a rough time?"

"Yes," Remus and Severus answered simultaneously, without thinking and without question.

Arthur nodded. "How many times have you taken care of us? So we can finally pay you back. It's not a burden. It's called family."

She smiled. "Hermione, do you mind?"

"I don't know _what_ you think of me," Hermione stated. "I don't know why you think that I'll be mad at you or why you think that I don't want you around anymore. You have been nothing but kind to me and you are one of Remus' best friends. I don't mind you being alive. But, I _do_ mind you being dead."

"Then I suppose it's settled," Zia said, stiffly. She was not looking forward to nine months of pain. She whistled for her owl and sent a post to her doctor informing her of the decision.


	2. The Talk

The next morning Zia woke up early to catch Hermione before she left for work. She caught her in the kitchen and poured herself a cup of coffee.

"You don't have to leave," Zia said, realizing only after how disjointed that probably sounded.

"How's Severus?" Hermione asked, deflecting the statement.

"Miserable. But, he was able to sleep most of the night."

"Sleep aid in the fever reducer?" she asked, looking up from the Daily Profit.

"Shh. He'll get angry when he figures it out," Zia answered with a smile.

"You're so good to him. I must admit, I haven't seen many reasons for your loyalty."

Zia shook her head. It was a common conversation. She sighed. "Hermione, you haven't seen him at his best. Yes, he can be snarky and sarcastic and an all out git sometimes. But, he's also intelligent, protective and passionate. He's got a wicked sense of humor and loyalty. Maybe I'm the only one who sees the good things. But, I do see them. And, I love him for them. Besides," she added darkly, "you don't remember the first war – I doubt you were even alive. I was not always so complacent. For a long time we balanced each other's anger and rage."

"A dark healer?" Hermione asked, quirking an eyebrow at her.

Zia nodded. "That damn Sorting Hat tried to put me in Slytherin. But, I didn't want that… I wasn't dark – yet- I was … different. So it begrudgingly put me in Ravenclaw."

She smiled when she saw how Hermione was looking at her. "You thought Harry was the only one the Sorting Hat was unsure of? Come on! Don't tell him I told you this, but it almost put Remus in Hufflepuff."

"I could see that."

"And you still don't have to leave," Zia restated.

"What do you propose? He transform here?" Hermione asked, flippantly.

"Yea," she said, nodding. An idea dawned on her. "You do know they lived here when they were together, right?"

"Who? What? Oh." It was obvious Hermione had not considered where Sirius and Remus lived when they were together.

"Sirius had set up the basement as a safe place for Remus to transform. When Sev and I moved in here I fixed it up – not exactly the same way, but so that he would have a place to both transform and heal. You know – in case it ever came down to him not being able to take care of himself."

Hermione did not respond.

"Of course if you want to go home, I can hardly blame you. It's not like you two have had a lot of alone time since you've been here."

Hermione glanced at the clock. "All right, we have got to hash this out. Why do you think that I don't want you anywhere near Remus?"

"It's hard to explain. But, you are his wife. You take care of him, love him, and sooth him now. The first and the latter have been my territory for a long time. But, you are the one who is supposed to know him better than anyone else. I don't want to flaunt our friendship at you."

"Zia, I am lost at this wife thing. It all happened so quickly… I barely know him, ya know? I mean he's a friend, but I didn't plan my life to take this turn. I guess what I'm trying to say is that I didn't prep myself to take care of him."

"So you don't mind if I help?" Zia asked, warily.

"Help? I don't mind if you take charge. Please teach me what you know. I want to be a good wife to him … and a good friend to you."

Zia nodded. "Just let me know when you don't want my help anymore."

"I don't see why your friendship with him has to change, just because I'm here," Hermione nearly yelled. "I saw the way you treated him during the second war. It's obvious your close and that you've been taking care of him for a while."

"I just don't want to step of your toes."

"I don't see it happening, but if it does, I'll let you know. I do know that Remus misses the care you provide. And, because you seemed to think that I want you out of the way as soon as possible. – I may not know you that well, but I do not want you to die."

"Thanks."

"Look, I gotta get to work. Take care of Remus today. Don't let him and Severus drive you crazy."

Zia smiled. "Thanks."


	3. HDD

Remus groaned in relief as the tea kettle magically poured more hot water into the basin he was soaking his feet in.

"Herbione gone?" he asked stuffily as Zia came into the living room.

"Yea, she and Arthur left a few hours ago."

He nodded and buried his nose into a well used handkerchief for another stuffy sneeze.

"You know, you don't have to suffer like this," Zia said, semi-coldly – a hint of the person she was before her illness starting to show through.

After two more harsh wet sneezes, he shuddered and attempted to relieve his still itching nose. "Wad do you mean?"

She squeezed the bridge of her nose and willed herself to not get angry. "I'm stellar at herbology, and not so bad at potions. Severus is my counter – stellar at potions and not so bad at herbology."

He nodded and waited for the sneeze that was building to just happen already.

"Plus, we have years of taking care of you behind us."

A sneeze exploded out of him, setting him off on both coughing and blowing his nose. When the fit subsided, he looked at her wearily. "Point?"

"Hermione told me you haven't been taking any healing potions for this."

"None I can t-take."

She looked at him as if she might curse him magically, but settled for verbally. "Damn you Remus, you know better. Are you trying to be the martyr?"

He shook his head. "No… "

She sighed. "You live with one of the best potions masters in the world, and a healer who knows your regimens by heart. We can make you potions without the wolfsbane or aconite in them."

"I know. Didn't want to be a bother."

"You're family – it's no bother." She sighed and looked him over. "Okay, so I don't want to take away the sneezing or coughing right off… as without the aconite we can't make the potion steam to rid yourself of the illness. However, I can brew you a fever reducer and sleep aid."

"The fever reducer sounds nice, but no sleep aid needed. Huh-Wuffa!" He sniffed thickly.

"How about a decongestant?"

He looked relieved and then angry. "Why didn't you do this earlier?"

"Really? Sorry, I had other things on my mind. And, I mistakenly thought you were taking _something_."

"Sorry," he whispered, rubbing his left temple.

"Ah. And, a headache reliever. That I can do with tea." She worked to remember his allergies, and what herbs would interact with what potions. "Of course Severus will brew your post moon potions – you know, something real to knock this thing out of you once and for all."

She brought him feverfew tea, and a fever reducer.

"I'm sorry for snapping."

"Eh, your sick, and I've been preoccupied. Drink."

He did so and shivered as the fever reduced. He pulled his feet out of the water and toweled them off, pulling on thick socks. "You have no idea how much better just that feels."

"It's nothing," she said was a smile and sat down with a cup of extra light and sweet spearmint tea.

"How's Severus?"

"Sleeping. I'll be giving him some potions when he wakes up. The curses he used to have to suffer through made his body extra sensitive to certain potions, so I have to be careful of the dosage, but he should be better in no time."

Remus nodded. "How are you?"

She shrugged.

The look he gave her told her that he wasn't going to settle for a non-committal answer.

"I'm scared, Rem," she admitted.

"I'm scared for you."

She gave a short laugh. She was sure he had meant to be sympathetic, but it only made her feel more scared. She needed her friends to be 'sure' for her. Remus was always the uplifting one of the group. If he was scared, she should be terrified.

He sneezed harshly, rattling the teacup in his hand, and making the tea spill over the edges.

"Oh!" she exclaimed, rushing to cast a cooling spell and pulling a handkerchief off of the table.

"I still see her sometimes, you know," Remus said, not making eye contact.

"Who?" Zia asked, tossing him the handkerchief. She knew damn well who.

"Jada. I see her – especially lately. It's almost as if all these years you've been acting. But, now you're too tired to keep it up, so you're slipping into your old ways."

She sighed and sat on the couch. "If I could go back and do it over, I wouldn't have changed."

"You probably would have died," he said, seriously.

"Doesn't make much of a difference now, does it?" she answered flippantly.

"It does. You wouldn't have made as much of a difference. You wouldn't have healed the Death Eaters without becoming one of them."

"Oh please, I was a fringer at best."

"I would have been devastated to lose you."

A thought dawned on her, but she masked it with, "Oh, please. You'd have Sirius – or Hermione. Everyone loves you Remus, you know that."

He chuckled. "Hermione and I are making it work by sheer will. She hasn't seen my dark side, and I don't know if she ever will. The sarcastic darkness that you lot have seen, is a far cry from the man she knows."

"Well, you can be who you are now. You don't have to be dark and cynical anymore."

He sneezed abruptly and cleared his nose with a honking blow.

"Rem?"

"Hm?"

She sighed. "Last night, when I asked if you all thought that my life was worth taking care of me – you answered yes, without question or hesitation." She paused.

"I did. And I mean it. I mean, what would I do without you?"

"You'll rely on your wife. You'll barely notice I'm gone – you'll see." She kicked her feet up on the couch and leaned back. Tears had been welling in her eyes and she was loathing letting them fall.

"How do you figure? I know you think that because I'm married now, that I won't ever need you again, but I need you now. And, Hermione _likes_ you. She really does. So how do you figure, that my best friend and healer for most of my life is going to die and I'm not going to notice?"

She shrugged. "You'll be off, living your life, and one day you'll get an owl. And you'll see it's been months since you've seen me, and longer since you needed me, and you'll move on."

"Right, because I have no emotional ties to you at all. I never loved you as a girlfriend or a friend, so why the hell should those feelings surface or become raw with the pain of knowing a piece of my life is gone and will never come back!" he yelled, sarcastically.

She whimpered and the lies she had been telling herself came crashing down. Tears spilled over the sides of her face and Remus squinted as he started to smell the saltiness. "So, I failed you by leaving you when we were children and now I'll fail you by dying as adults." She coughed wetly and summoned her potion. After gulping it down, she grabbed her wand off the armrest of the couch. "I need to go," she whispered, and in an moment apparated out.

She appeared in her bedroom and cursed Severus silently. He must have put a spell on the house keeping anyone from apparating in or out.

Remus was right, she knew. People would miss her, and some – like Severus and Remus – would be devastated by the loss. But, she needed to believe they didn't need her. Otherwise, she would die with guilt. She wondered if it was a guilt she would feel until the end of time.

She climbed into bed next to Severus, and snuggled into him.

Subconsciously, he curled towards her and she smiled in his embrace. She looked at his too pale complexion and compared his symptoms to those of Remus. They may both have had the flu, but these were not the same diseases. Severus seemed perfectly content to sleep through his illness, while Remus was too miserable with his respiratory symptoms to do anything of the sort. Severus' stomach burbled and she rested her hand on top of it. She sent a gentle wave of healing energy to his stomach. He had been ill several times the night before, and she wanted to ensure that he didn't lose any more nutrients.

Unfortunately, she didn't have that much control. In an instant, her hand was smacked away and he was out of bed and rushing to the loo. She let him take his time, and prepared the bed for his return.

A few moments later he returned – sweating and stumbling back into bed.

"You know," he panted, climbing onto his side, "generally, I welcome your company when I am unwell. But, I really don't want you here right now."

She choked back a sob and shook her head. "'kay," she whispered, climbing out of bed.

"It's not you… I mean… I just want to be left alone."

"It's okay. I'll be somewhere else," she said, and begrudgingly walked out the door.

"Love?" he called to her.

"Hm?"

"I just don't want you to catch this." He smiled weakly at her.

She smiled lovingly back. "I know." She mock glared at him. "You locked me here."

"You bet I did. You're not getting away from me again." He closed his eyes, then opened them slowly. "How did you know I charmed the house for apparations?"

"Remus and I got into a row. I wanted out – quick. I wound up here."

He nodded sleepily. "Go talk to Remus," he mumbled as he fell back to sleep.

Zia closed the door and went back downstairs. She felt the tension emanating from Remus, even before she could see him.

"Hey Rem," she muttered humbly as she walked into the room.

"Don't _do _that, you bitch!" he snapped.

She didn't flinch or even blink. She'd been called worse. "Rem, I can't be yelled at right now, okay? I can't handle the guilt you're trying to place on me. Don't you get it? Don't you know me well enough to know I'm dealing with enough guilt without you adding to it?"

Her tone was far too mild for his liking. With every last ounce of strength, he pushed himself to his feet. "Then RAGE at me, dammit. Tell me I'm out of place, and put me in it. Where has your spark gone? What the hell happened to you?" His voice cracked and he doubled over as coughs wracked his frame.

Zia shook her head slowly. She wrapped her hands around his shoulders and slowly guided him back to his chair. She placed the blanket, which had fallen to the ground when he stood up, back on his lap. Sitting on the arm of the chair, she rubbed circles on his back until the coughing subsided.

He took some deep breaths and leaned his head into her side – much like Severus had done in the doctor's office. "Feel better now that you've gotten that out of your system?" she asked, as his coughs quieted.

"I miss your spark," he whispered, hoarsely.

"You know; she may not be able to show the spark that we're all used to," Ginny said, coming into the room with a cup of tea. She multiplied it into three and handed them out.

"What are you going on about?" Remus asked gruffly, after taking a sip of his tea.

"We've been studying HDD in school." At Remus' inquisitive look, she went to continue.

"Healer's Disease," Zia cut in. "How do you know about the disease?" she asked Ginny.

"I have a general healers studies course that I'm taking. The professor really focuses on chronic ailments and the differences between muggle and wizarding cures. I feel like the class is harder than it needs to be, but I'm really learning a lot."

"Yes, it's Healers Disease," Zia confirmed.

"Can I study you?" Ginny asked, eagerly.

"Study me?" Zia asked, apprehensively.

"Well, I figure," Ginny sat down cross legged on the floor, "if I study the progression of your disease, I can really wow him with a final paper."

She shrugged. "I guess. But, you can't tell my name… or my past… and you have to be fairly vague about what I do now."

"What? That you take care of my uncles and provide an alternative home for my family?"

Zia sighed. "Sweetie, I'm flattered. But, the problem with HDD, is that there are reasons for the breakdowns… and not all of them will be explained by my being your aunt and the family caregiver. Plus, you'll find out more about me than – well - anyone of your generation."

"I won't betray your trust… please? It's just for a class. It's not like it's may major focus."

Anxiety twisted Zia's stomach so hard that she felt sick and dizzy. "Let me consider it."

"Okay," Ginny answered. "So, Uncle Remus – here's the thing… with HDD… the pain generally drains a healer's energy so badly that any extreme emotions are so exhausting that they are nearly as painful as the disease."

"This is why you cry and retreat," Remus said with sad understanding.

Zia nodded. "It's just so tiring to argue."

"I'm sorry I called you a bitch."

She snickered. "I'm not. It makes me feel like I've done something to illicit a strong emotional response – even if I cannot respond in kind."

Remus sneezed strongly and groaned.

Both women blessed him and diverted their eyes as he relieved his nose.

He sighed and let his eyes droop closed. "What does the second 'D' stand for?" he asked, sleepily.

"Nothing, don't worry about it," Zia answered hastily. "Come on, Rem, I'll take you to bed."

She walked him up to his and Hermione's room and paused outside the door. "It's okay. Come on," he whispered, grasping her wrist and pulling her inside.

He put himself to bed, fully clothed, and then pulled off his trousers and sweater once he was under the covers.

"What do you need Rem?" she asked, gently.

"I'm sorry for yelling."

She smiled. "Let it go Remus. It's okay – truly."

"Then what does the 'D' stand for? Why are you covering it from me?"

"Deficiency," she whispered.

"Your fear does not equal a deficiency."

"No, no. You don't understand. It's not that I'm deficient. Merely that the 'D' stands for it. Healer's Deficiency Disease. It's supposed to mean that my body is not holding onto its nutrients anymore. But, it sounds like I'm deficient in my skills or my intelligence."

"Never !" he stated, strongly.

"It will happen. You know the joke, the mind is the first to go?"

"Of course."

"With this, the mind is the last to go. I'll be a shell of who I was. And, Severus wants to prolong this hell."

"No, he wants to prolong the good times," Remus countered.

She took a deep breath. "I suppose." After a moment, she decided to change the subject. "Hey, I have a spray that may help clear you out… or at least relieve some congestion."

"A spray?" he asked, with a quirk of his eyebrow.

She nodded. "I brewed a potion to help after you've turned. But I think it'll help with some congestion – maybe help you sleep."

He shrugged and nodded.

She summoned the spray bottle and sprayed him in the face. He rubbed the sudden ache in his sinus' and heard them squeak in his head. Three harsh sneezes ripped out of him, resulting in several long gurgling blows.

She sat on the bed, and felt his face for a fever. "Your fever is dropping."

He groaned. "I'm tired."

"I'll let you sleep." She placed the spray bottle on the bedside table.

"Zia?"

"Hm?"

"I love you. You've been such a good friend to me. I'll remember you always."

She snickered. "I'm not dead yet, Remus."

His face fell. "I didn't mean to imply…"

"Thank you," she cut in. "I love you, too. I'll always miss what I robbed you of. But, I am grateful for what we were able to have. Now rest."

He closed his eyes and did so.


	4. The Blackout

Sorry for the delay. The story took a very dark turn, and I didn't like where it was headed, so I scraped it and started over. Here's the newer, lighter bits.

- HP—

The group was quiet – eerily quiet – as they ate dinner. Something was up, and Zia knew it. She assumed that it was the concern for Remus regarding his impending transformation, but she needed to be sure.

She cleared her mind and read each person. Remus and Severus were easy – they were too exhausted from their illness to really partake in any conversation which may have been held. Arthur was simply sad. Zia assumed that it was to be expected. After the death of Molly, people assumed that Arthur was going to up and die right along with her. He had coped with his emotions with his children, but Zia assumed that coping with the pain was an everyday process. Hermione was fuming over something, that Zia assumed had to do with work. Ginny was thinking on questions to research regarding Zia's illness. So, everyone just to be quiet.

A deep husky sneeze exploded out of Remus, barely being caught in his napkin. His color paled slightly, and he swallowed thickly, obviously trying to keep his stomach calm.

It was then it hit her. "Bella Donna," Zia stated, seemingly out of nowhere.

The table looked at her expectantly, hoping for a little more information.

"Sorry, no," Zia said, going back to her thoughts. "I'm trying to figure out a way to get this illness _out_ of you, Remus."

"By poisoning him?" Hermione asked, incredulously.

"Sometimes a worse response will help clear an illness out of a person's system," Zia explained.

"At this point I'd try anything," Remus said, stuffily. "I know I always seem to catch whatever's going around, but this particular bug is," he stifled a sneeze, "ugh, seems worse." He blew his nose forcefully. "Z, do you have any more of that nasal spray?"

She nodded. "I do."

"Please, I need another dose. I was able to breathe – and sleep – for six hours today. It was wonderful."

"What did you give him?" Severus and Hermione asked nearly simultaneously.

"Black pepper, bella donna, aconite, and water. His body expelled it immediately, and cleared out a lot of the gunk in his head."

"You poisoned him?" Hermione nearly yelled.

"The doses were small enough to clear it him, without causing lasting damage. We've given the spray to the wolf when he's been sick before."

"'mione, it's okay," Remus insisted. "I knew what she was giving me. And, I'm asking for it again."

She nodded quietly, but obviously unhappy about it. "I want to see how it affects you."

"I'll give him the next dose after dinner. How's work treating you?"

"Like hell."

"Why do you stay?"

"Yessshewwha!" Severus sneezed harshly, shaking violently.

Everyone blessed him, receiving a shaky wave. Zia put her hand on his knee and squeezed gently as he relieved the pressure in his sinuses.

Once the noise died down Hermione answered, "Because the pay and benefits are good. And it looks good on a resume."

"Well, depending on how you want to live, we're pretty well settled on 'pay', and anything you can need, we can handle as far as benefits – up to and including stays at St. Mungos."

Hermione sighed. "Which would be find if we remained a Village forever, but if Remus and I ever want our own life again, one of us has to make a steady paycheck."

"Rem, is your friend with the bookstore still looking for a manager?"

Remus nodded and stifled another sneeze.

"You're not helping yourself by stifling those, Remus," Arthur stated.

"Well, I can't very well sneeze all over the table, can I?" Remus snapped, and stifled another sneeze.

"HAR-Essshhh!" Severus sneezed heavily, into his handkerchief. "Sorry," he said, clearing his throat gruffly.

"Bless you, love," Zia said, planting a kiss on his temple. His fever had not risen any. But, the sweat beading on his forehead told her that his stomach was acting up again. "Drink some water," she whispered to him.

He took some small sips of his water, but put it down when his hand started shaking too badly.

"I didn't mean anything," Remus started to apologize to Severus. But, a hand on his knee and a soft shake of the head from Hermione told him that Zia had the situation well in control.

"I'm actually a little envious," Severus said with a sniffle. "I wish I could stifle these, but I'm afraid I'd ruin my eardrums."

"Yea, don't stifle those," Arthur said. "You'd blow your eardrums out and then you'll be in serious pain as well as having a double flu." After a slight chuckle, he added, "I doubt even Zia could put up with your bad humor."

"You are good to me," Severus said, with his eyes shut. He groped to find her hand, and kissed it when he finally found it.

"And you to me. Come on. You're tired. Let's get you back to bed."

Severus rested his head on Zia's shoulder and nodded.

As she helped him to his feet, she looked over the table. "Remus, I'll be right back with your spray. Hermione, I really want you to consider taking the job at the book store. The pay may not be as good, but the respect and your happiness will be higher. And, Arthur… I think you're family is pretty good."

Arthur smiled. "Yea, we're pretty good," he said waving her away.

About halfway up the stairs Severus sneezed so violently, he needed to rest against the railing. "I don't feel well," he breathed.

Zia watched as beads of sweat dripped from his forehead and down his face.

"Come on, Sev. I'm going to levitate you. It'll be faster."

"Like hell you will. I'd rather get sick here than give into this sickness so weakly."

"Honey," she soothed in a way that she knew he would despise, but she couldn't stop herself. "Please, it's okay."

"Get away from me you weak bitch," he seethed.

"All right. Here we go," she said hoisting him up. She had taken his anger as a good sign. When he was truly feeling unwell the anger was the first thing to disappear.

She deposited him in the loo, and let him be, knowing that he would want to be alone.

Quickly, she went on to get the spray for Remus.

-HP—

By the time she came back downstairs, dinner was being cleared away and Ginny, Arthur, Hermione and Remus were sitting in the living room playing 'Go Fish'. Currently, Ginny was fishing for her next cards – and getting quite wet as they were resisting being caught.

"Where do you want to be sprayed, Remus?" Zia asked, earning her some very curious smirks.

"Sprayed! Sprayed! With an 'r'!" she defended, when she realized what it sounded like she said.

The group started to chuckle.

"Nothing personal, Z, but I would have something to say about that," Hermione said with a smirk.

"Hey, I'm not getting warm fuzzies over this either," Remus said, with a chuckle.

Zia took a deep breath and enjoyed the playful ribbing. It had felt like a lifetime before humor made its way into Grimmauld Place, and she was not about to squash it.

"Then I suppose you want this procedure done in the privacy of your own room?" she jabbed back.

He shrugged, as Hermione said that it would probably be best.

"Yea, Rem. I'm sorry, but there are some things I don't want my daughter seeing," Arthur said.

"Oh!" Ginny said, covering her eyes. "My mind's eye!" After a moment, she looked over her hands. "Sorry Uncle Remus, Hermione. No offense, but there are just some things I don't want to see."

"It's really just a few quick," Zia tried to explain.

"No! No! It's okay. I'm good without it," Ginny joked.

"It's probably best, as it messy and makes me really tired," Remus defended. But, his defense was met by a fit of giggles.

Upstairs, Zia gave Remus time to change and went into his room to administer the treatment.

"You can do this if you want, Hermione. Three quick sprays to the face, then sit back. His body will take care of the rest. The only thing you want to be careful of is administering more than 6 sprays in a 24 hour period."

"No," Hermione said, sitting next to Remus. "I want to watch, at least this time."

"Okay. Ready Rem?"

He nodded and rubbed his nose.

After three sprays, Remus started to sneeze violently, into the handkerchief that he had at the ready. After several long, gurgling blows he settled into bed. "'mione, you don't have to stay."

"I want to," she said, snuggling close to him.

He smiled, warmly. "Thanks."

She kissed him on the cheek, and thanked Zia before taking him into her arms.

-HP—

By the time Zia went to check on Severus, he had already put himself to bed.

"What do you need, my love?" she asked, sitting next to him on the bed. She swept his hair off of his face, and felt his forehead for fever.

"It should not shock you that I am still sick," he grumbled.

"Nope, not at all," she said with a smile. "I only wish you could take something to help you heal."

"Well you figured out how to help Remus, miracle worker. Can't you do something about this?"

His sarcasm was not lost on Zia. "Werewolves are just easier than Death Eaters I'm afraid," she answered coldly.

"Cheeky, bitch." He sneezed violently, and a fit of coughs wracked his body.

"It's okay. I prefer those with mental versus physical bite," she whispered into his ear, just before she nipped at it.

He gasped in pleasure. "I'm not up for it," he said, sadly.

"I wouldn't expect you to be," she answered, with a kiss to his neck. "Sadly, all I can give you is a tea with ginger, hellebore, and nettle."

"Well, that would help the symptoms all right." He hiccupped, and massaged his stomach. "But, isn't there something you can give me to cure the disease?"

"I don't know, Sev. Is there?" she inquired. He knew what he could an could not take better than she.

He thought for a moment, then shook his head. "Sadly, not."

She kissed him on the cheek and went to go back downstairs.

"Z?" he called out.

"What do you need?" she asked, quietly.

"I'm sorry for telling you I didn't want you around earlier. It's not true, you know. I just-."

"Don't feel well. Sev, I know. It's been over 20 years. I get it."

"No, sit down."

She fidgeted with her ring nervously. "Hm?"

"It really upset me that you tried to apparate out. I was angry and didn't want to confront you. But, I'd rather you just come to me when you're pushed too far. I'll take care of it."

"Sev, you have so much going on." A spasm hit her back and she hissed.

"What is it?"

Her breath caught and she forced herself not to squeeze the tears from her eyes. "Pain," she breathed. "I think… I need…"

Severus sat up in bed and rubbed away the blurriness at the edges of his vision.

But, before Zia could tell him what she needed, she blacked out entirely.


	5. The Rock

Consciousness was bleak and painful… and full of marshmallows. Zia immediately felt the effects of a stabilizing potion. She coughed and swallowed, hoping that if she could burp up even one marshmallow the others would shift and become bearable. Some healer part of her brain reminded her that the effects only felt like marshmallows, but the illogical side was firmly in control.

She reached out telepathically for Severus, but couldn't get passed her own shields before she blacked out again.

Severus sat on their bed, holding his wand in thorough concentration. She had already expelled the stabilizing potion several times and the doctor had said if she couldn't keep it inside then her body would reject the procedure.

Guilt crushed his stomach, heart, and lungs as he watched the glimmers strip away and his Zia suffer as he had never seen before. He knew he had done this… he had made her suffer quicker and more extreme than necessary.

At his request, Hermione gave him everything she could find on HDD. _'Extreme emotional and physical distress should be avoided to slow the effects of HDD,'_ it read. _'If these stimuli cannot be avoided, then this potion should be brewed to slow the progression.'_ He read the ingredients carefully and sighed in defeat as he realized it must have been the potion Zia had been taking. Had been hiding…

He heaved a deep breath in as he felt his chest being crush by guilt again. What had he done to her? And, what if she died before he could make it up to her? Would she forgive him? Could she? And, maybe more importantly, could he forgive himself?

He redoubled his efforts and continued to work on the stabilizing spell.

Hphphphp

The house was quiet… nearly silent… as it had been since Zia passed out.

Hermione had faked sick days and stayed home to take care of the house. She sighed as she brought Remus and Arthur more tea and sandwiches. Not for the first time she recalled that fateful night where they were all certain that they had lost Zia for good.

After Zia and Severus went upstairs, Remus had chastised her for yelling at Zia. "Look, Hermione," he had told her. "I know this isn't the life that you wanted, but you did agree to it. The village is staying –you agreed to it."

"Forever?" she had asked. She never considered how long the village would last. 'As long as needed' seemed to have an ending somewhere.

"If that's what's needed. At least five years. And, do you really think Severus will be okay once Zia dies? Do you really think he'll be safe to live on his own?"

"He won't," Ginny answered for her. She started to clear the dishes, when they heard yelling. She smiled slightly, and sat down. "It's good he's yelling at her. It's when he doesn't that's bad," she whispered.

"Actually," Arthur corrected, "he only used to rage at her to get a response. Usually so they could both blow off steam. "He never used to treat her like this. She used to be the only person he was gentle with."

Not long after, Hermione took Remus to bed and watched as Zia administered the spray. As promised, Remus sneezed violently for several gut retching minutes, which thoroughly cleaned him out, then he fell into the first sound sleep he had in ages.

What seemed like minutes later, Severus banged open their door. She had been mystified at how it did not wake up the sleeping man beside her. Later, she wished it had.

She had followed Severus back into his room and gasped when she saw Zia, lying crumpled in a heap on the floor. In his feverish state, he had not trusted himself to lift or levitate her.

The next few hours drifted by in a haze, as mediwitches came and took Zia to St. Mungos. Severus had demanded to go with her, but the healers were concerned about him infecting her – if he had not already. Instead, Arthur and Ginny went with her and Hermione stayed with Remus and Severus.

She talked to Severus until he drifted to sleep. She explained what she had found out about HDD, and assured him that he had not caused Zia's black out. Not that he'd believed her.

She had initially thought that Remus was lucky – he slept through the whole thing. But, she had not been prepared for the amount of anger he directed at her when he found out what happened.

"Sweetie, you were finally resting. I couldn't just wake you."

"You could have and you should have!" he directed. "Damn! Don't you get it? Don't you care? She was alone… in that awful place alone!"

"She wasn't alone. Arthur and Ginny accompanied her. Besides St. Mungo's isn't that awful."

Beads of sweat dripped down his face as Remus settled back into his pillows.

"Besides, they wouldn't let Severus go, because they were afraid of him infecting her. Do you really think they would have let you go?"

"No," he whispered after a moment of silence.

"She'll be fine. You'll see. She'll come walking back in here like nothing was ever wrong. And then you and Severus will spend days trying to get her to tell you how she really feels. You'll see."

Remus' fever rimmed eyes focused on her. "I hope so," he whispered.

She handed him his tea.

He whispered a 'thank you,' but didn't look at her.

She hadn't realized how much of what she considered the 'old guard' relied on Zia. When the mediwitches brought her back on a stretcher and stated that they had started to rebuild her lungs, but that she would recover better at home, the room was filled with so many solemn looks that it was as if the mediwitches had said that she had died.

Severus only left her side to ask Hermione to do more research on her disease. Whenever she would return with information, he would be administering her potions or combing a hand through her gray hair, whispering to her. Slowly, his flu subsided, though Hermione couldn't understand how. He hadn't been eating or sleeping well. It was almost as though Zia was healing him from her comatose state.

Remus kept vigil over her whenever Severus had to sleep. His transformation went without incident, and Hermione continued to administer the spray – including while he was in wolf form. Within the week, his illness cleared up, and he only had to get past the aches that came with his affliction.

Arthur kept the house running and made sure that Severus and Remus ate and slept. A few times, Hermione had caught him looking lost into the distance – at nothing in particular. Death wasn't new to him. He'd lost his beloved wife… nothing could be worse. However, she had come to realize Zia was his rock. The person who was always doing her job – always there – no matter what happened anywhere else. And now his rock had dissolved. And, there was nothing he could do about it.

Ginny did her best to look after her dad. Even Ron and the twins worked at it. But, it was as though Arthur had decided to be the rock. And, nobody could break through.

Hphphphp

Zia forced her eyes open. The marshmallows were still filling her up, but she no longer wanted to dispel them. Severus looked at her seriously. To her eyes, he looked mad.

"Sorry," she whispered.

His concentration broken, confusion replaced the serious expression. "Why?"

"Because I'm weak," she whispered, recalling her last memory of being awake, when he called her a weak bitch. For her to be in bed, this exhausted, and with at least one stabilizing potion in her she must have gone down hard and been out for a long time.

"No," his voice caught. "You're so strong. Your lungs are rebuilding…" He wiped his eyes with the cuff of his sleeve.

"Oh," she concentrated on what he had said. "Then I passed out, huh?"

He forced out a laugh. "You could say that."

She shook her head, causing a piece of hair to fall into her eyes. "Zounds!" she swore. Her eyes rolled into the back of her head as she forced herself to try to put up her glimmers.

"No no. Don't do that. You need to conserve your strength," he demanded.

"No… ugly this way. You only see betrayal in me," she gasped out as her glimmers wavered and blipped out.

"No, you're beautiful," he gasped, wiping the tears out of his eyes again. "You're so beautiful and strong."

She closed her eyes as she concentrated again. "Not this way," she whispered. "I know what you want from me. Someone ageless beautiful and strong. Your stranger with the purple eyes. The mystery. In this form I'm old and I'm weak." She gasped with suppressed tears. Her breath getting caught in her lungs.

"No no no… please don't cry. You're lungs can't handle it."

Giving up on the glimmers, she smiled grimly at him. "Then you'll get what you want," she replied before passing out again.

As soon as she passed out again, an image floated through his mind. A picture of her gravestone and freshly overturned dirt.

"NO!" He screamed, deep and guttural. He did a quick diagnostic spell to make sure she was only asleep. Once his anxieties has been dispelled, he started to stroke her hair again. "Oh, my Zia. What have I done to you?"


	6. New Life

Hermione smiled as the sun warmed her face, and she looked over at Remus. His color was normal. He had gained some much needed weight. And, those awful dark circles were no longer under his eyes. He was positively strikingly handsome when he was well. She giggled and blushed a little at the realization that she was intensely attracted to him.

As if he read her mind, Remus rested his hand on the small of her back. They shared a smile and headed towards Diagon Alley.

They were supposed to be going grocery shopping. Hermione had a list from the house and money from Severus. She had fought him on giving her the money, but he was insistent.

"I have a store I want to show you," Remus said, walking past the grocer. "It won't take long and I really think you'll enjoy it."

She smiled expectantly. "Books?" she hazarded to guess.

His smile gave away that she was correct, but all he said was, "Come. This way." They weaved down the crowded street and into a side alley. They stopped in front of a small shop named, _Hamilton__'__s__Headache_.

She cocked an eyebrow at him. "Books?" she asked, more hesitantly.

He smiled warmly. "And apothecary. But, Brian runs that out back."

Hermione's face fell. "You brought me to your friend's bookstore."

He smiled warmly. "Think of it as you finding a new bookstore and him being about to pre-screen a new-."

"Shut up and get in here," she snapped pulling him through the door. "You can't just say things like that… I could get fired," she hissed, as the door rang a bell that hung overhead.

"I was hoping it wouldn't come to that," he mumbled. "Brian?" he called out.

"Doth my ears deceive me?" a deep warm voice called from the back. "But, does Mr. Lupin grace my threshold again?"

"Brian, my friend," Remus stated, walking towards the small gate that separated the front from back area. "Please come forth. I have brought your new assistant."

Within moments a gray haired man with a receding hairline poked his head around the corner of one of the book cases. His round wire framed glasses slid down his nose slightly, and his face was smudged with dust. "Who then?" he inquired, as his eyes twinkled mischievously. "Certainly not this precious flower before me."

"Brian, I would like you to meet…"

"Shh!" Brian cut him off. "You never know who could be listening in."

Quickly, but cautiously, Brian locked the front door and pulled down the shades. "Come, I have a better place for us to talk."

"You do know the war is over," Remus teased, as Brian lead them to the cellar.

Brian grunted. "I do, my friend. But, others do not."

Hermione and Remus shared a concerned look, but said nothing as they continued to descend the stairs.

Candles lit in the finished cellar as soon as they entered.

"I'm sorry for the secrecy my friend, but when you sell books as old as I do – some people forget not only that the recent wizarding wars are over, but some of the muggle ones as well – like the English Civil War or the Colonists Revolt in America. Besides, the Ministry is always sending in spies to try to get their hands on my more precious findings." He offered them each a seat and put tea on to boil. "Now, what is it that you came to see me about. A new acquisition perhaps?"

"Well an introduction at least. Brian Reginald, meet Hermione Granger Lupin…my wife."

"Your… wife! Oh Remus, I am so happy for you!" He hugged his friend and then Hermione. "I'm sorry my dear, I did not attend. My invitation seemed to have gotten lost in the mail."

"It was a very small ceremony," Hermione said, graciously.

"So, how did you two meet?" Brian asked, enthusiastically.

"I'm sure Hermione will tell you everything. But, actually we came to see if you're still looking for an assistant. Hermione works at the Ministry, and they have been quite abusive to her since we said our vows."

Brian nodded. "I take it you married to escape the newest werewolf registry malarkey then."

Remus nodded, his eyes cast downward.

Hermione reached over and stroked his leg gently.

"It was good of you, Hermione. Lesser witches would not have been so kind."

"I couldn't bear to see something bad happen to Remus. Especially when it was in my power to prevent it."

"And I can't bear to see her suffer for it," Remus interjected. "You know I don't make much, my friend. Do you think you could afford to pay her a decent enough wage that we won't starve?"

Brian smiled thoughtfully. "I could never let you – or your wife – starve, Remus. Even if I had to take you both into my own home to do it."

"Not necessary. We are currently living with friends who are in need of help. However, I am good with books – I love them. I'm extremely logical. I'm a fast study. And, I don't want to work for the enemy anymore."

"Well, what say you and I have a chat about the job and your skills. Remus, you can have a walk about Diagon Ally and come back in… say an hour. I'll let you know my decision then."

Hermione smiled warmly. She liked Brian. He felt sincere to her.

Remus smiled as well. "Good. I'll do the shopping while I'm out … and…," he quickly turned around and sneezed into the cuff of his sleeve. "Excuse me." At both of their concerned expressions, he shrugged. "Life," he stated calmly. "I'll be back in an hour. Have a good talk."

As soon as he left _Hamilton__'__s__Headache_, he headed straight for his old supplier. He found him near the grocery store, right where he always.

"I sent a search party to your house to collect on that healthy blood. But, you weren't there," he said, menacingly.

Remus sneezed into a cupped hand. "I have not been healthy. There wouldn't have been anything to collect."

The supplier made a grunt of disgust. "You seem to be alive. I'm sure blood flows through your veins."

"Luckily, I pulled out ten vials before this illness fell me," Remus said, pulling them out of his coat.

"How do I know it's healthy? How do I know it's not infected with this illness you now carry?"

Seeing where the conversation was going, Remus headed the conversation off at the pass. "Then give me the regular amount and I'm out. Sell it as pure. If it doesn't get the desired result, you've lost nothing."

"And what of you?" the supplier asked as he gave Remus his money in exchange for the blood.

"I'm out."

"When she leaves you, you'll be back."

Remus nodded. "I'll see you then." He smirked as he walked away and hoped he gave his supplier the flu.

HPHPHPHPHPHPHP

Zia leaned heavily on her cane as she looked warily at the stairs before her.

After her lungs rebuilt, the rest of her respiratory system needed to be rebuilt as well. After the first three days of torturous pain whenever she tried to take a breath, and blacking out from lack of oxygen, she was transported to St. Mungos. After nearly a month, she was finally transported back home.

Severus had started working as a substitute teacher while she was in St. Mungos. He had said it was to supplement income. However, she figured it was to keep his mind occupied. Taking care of her had to take its toll on him. To be in a constant caregiver roll would be difficult for anyone. But, Severus was not a healer of any kind. He never had to take care of anyone for longer than a few hours. Even when they were younger, Zia would take great pains to hide any weakness, so that he would not stress … or panic… and retreat. The humor of someone who had maintained his sanity through being a Death Eater being utterly spent from something as normal as providing care to another was not lost on her.

When she returned home, she could only get the others to go about their lives – and not dwell on hers – if she could convince them that she was able-bodied to get around the house alone. Much to her dismay, this meant the use of a cane to support her weight as she strained to breathe with her new respiratory system. For the most part she could maneuver around the house seemingly effortlessly. But, when it came to stairs, she was terrified: one slip and she could be right back in St. Mungos, with Severus swearing never Ever to leave her side.

She wished that someone was home. Anyone really. All she needed was someone to help guide her down the steps so she could have lunch. She thought about apparating herself, but she was too worried about being splinched. She sighed sadly. Severus could not want this. There was simply no way.

HPHPHPHPHPHPHPHP

Severus growled at the students in his class. Head Mistress McGonagall had given him a select group of Hogwarts most promising potions students. She thought a smaller class with people who respected his art would help calm his nerves while teaching.

And, for the most part it did. The kids were respectful, inquisitive, smart enough to reason out problems on their own, and – to his extreme delight – not only did their homework but looked forward to applying it. If he could have been granted these children during his tenure at Hogwarts, he likely wouldn't have been as tense… at least not when it came to teaching the dunderheads he had been saddled with.

But, today, they had been brewing the potion of living death. Literature often gave the potion a fictious glint – as a potion to put healthy people into a permanent comatose state. However, if the person put in was healthy, the body's regenerative process would metabolize and dispose of the potion within a day or two. But, if put into a sick or dying person, the potion would put them into a comatose state until the antidote and a cure could be found.

Severus wanted to brew a bottle himself, but had found himself quite unable to focus that deeply. Because of the complicated and timely nature of the preparation of this potion, he had split the class into two teams and promised them a reward of 100 points to each house of the team who could brew it successfully.

The process had taken nearly three weeks, and the potion was in its final stages. Severus actually allowed himself to feel hope that this task would be completed properly. Points be damned, it could save his Zia's life. And then it happened. In a span of time too quick to count, the student mixing the potion on one team sneezed suddenly and was not able to divert the spray totally away from the cauldron. Surprised by the sudden yelp of a sneeze, the girl stirring the other potion jerked her spoon downwards, breaking the cycle of three turns clockwise, two turns counter-clockwise. Both potions turned from their healthy acid green color to a sickly dark purple.

'My fortune for a time turner,' he thought. But, then when would he turn it back to? He knew intellectually that 15 seconds would be enough. But, really would it? The chap would still sneeze – likely due to the acrid smell of the potion itself. Perhaps 5 minutes back, he could send the boy into the storage unit to get something. Severus continued to think on. But, really, if he hadn't been so shallow, so demanding, so selfish, he would have known Zia was putting on glimmers and an act. He would have seen that her movements were slowing but she wasn't aging. He could have been there for her as she had been for him.

He audibly growled. "And now you see what happens when you screw up such a delicate potion. All of those supplies, all of that time, all for nothing!"

"I'm so sorry," both students stated, shocked at the befuddling turn of events.

If there was anything Severus hated, it was false sympathy. 'But was it false?' The question was in Zia's voice. 'They need to learn, it's why they're in school.'

He wanted to yell and rant about how stupid these young promising minds really were. But, he couldn't bring himself to do it. He couldn't get Zia's voice out of his head. Instead he yelled, "Class Dismissed!"

The students all looked at each other in alarm.

"But, sir, we haven't cleaned up the potion, or put away the supplies, or…"

"I said DISMISSED!" he bellowed moving towards them threateningly.

The students all collected their things and nearly ran from the room.

Once the door was shut, he sat heavily in one of the students chairs. He gazed at the now curdling potion, and his head fell into his hand. "Oh Zia, I don't know if I can save you."


	7. Severus' First Break

Zia contently munched her liverwurst with mustard on cinnamon raison bread sandwich. She was used to people thinking her favorite sandwich was disgusting, which is why she only indulged when she was alone. She thought on how she descended the stairs… on her bottom, taking one step at a time, and was remarkably relieved that no one had been home to witness her embarrassment.

She thought on the months before, and about how when Remus and Hermione had first come she had been perched on a small corner shelf on the wall. She sighed, sadly, as she realized that she would never again be able to do such things. She thanked her lucky stars that the wars were over. If they were still hiding and fighting and going undercover every other day, she's likely be dead by now.

"I love you," a deep voice said, seemingly from nowhere.

She turned towards the doorway quickly. Severus was leaning against the doorframe, looking at her lovingly.

"Are you dying?" she asked dryly.

"No," he whispered.

"Feverish then?"

He sighed, heavily. "I'm fine."

"Do you think I'm mad at you?" she asked, quirking an eyebrow.

He bowed his head slightly. Had he really told her he loved her so infrequently that she thought something was wrong when he did profess it. Since she wasn't prone to melodramatics, he supposed so. "No," he said quietly, taking a seat with her at the table.

He looked at her sandwich and wrinkled his nose. "Really, I don't understand how you eat that stuff."

"Fine!" she snapped. "I won't then." She magically cleared her plate. "Are you happy now?"

He paused, shocked. He had never known her to act like that. He had always made fun of the foods she thought were good. They had a running banter about it for years. He never expected her to respond in such a fashion. "No… you should eat."

"Then what would you have me eat?" she asked defensively. "What do you think I should have?"

He sat there silently for a moment. "Whatever you want… have your sandwich," he snapped back. He felt himself getting defensive and angry, even though he was trying desperately not to.

"Screw you, Severus," she said, as she stood up from the table. "I'm not a complete invalid yet. You can't control everything about me." She thought about her sandwich, and how she stopped eating it because of his comment. "Although it seems that you have," she grumbled as she went to move past him.

"I'm not trying to control everything," he said, grabbing her arm.

She paused. "If you know what's best for you, you'll release me now," she threatened in a low, even tone.

He released her immediately. "I've always made fun of your favorite sandwich. It never bothered you before. How was I to know you'd be so upset by it now?"

She stared through the doorway. "It always bothered me, Severus. But, I made sure you didn't know that. Because you'd get defensive and it wasn't worth the fight. So I took the shot…every time."

He looked at her, disbelievingly. "Every time?"

"Any time I responded."

"Wow…" he breathed. "I never meant…"

"You know what?" she cut him off. "I don't care." She started hobbling out of the room.

"I love you, Zia," he said, emphatically.

"I love you, too, Severus," she replied, exasperated and not looking at him. But, there was no emotion in her voice. And, for the first time since she had told him she loved him, he didn't know if he believed her.

He waited an hour before following her up to their room. "Zia?" he asked as he tentatively opened the door.

"Hm?" she responded gently as she peered over the top of her book.

"I'm sorry," he responded, as he walked in and shut the door gently behind him.

She quirked an eyebrow up at him. "For what?" she asked. There was no malice or accusatory tone in her voice. Just a quiet confusion which made his heart ache.

"I know I'm not a very good care giver. I've never really had to do it before... that was your job."

"And, now I can't do my job," she whispered, sadly.

"That's not what I meant," he snapped.

"It is," she countered. "Please don't lie to me."

He felt anger swell up in his chest. He paused. He knew if he continued the conversation, he would wind up yelling at her again. "Spar with me," he whispered.

"I can't, Severus," she said, sadly. "You know I can't."

"Spar with me," he repeated, firmer this time.

"I don't want to, Severus," she answered in little more than an exasperated whisper.

"Heitschooo!" he sneezed suddenly into a cupped hand.

"Bless you. You're not coming down sick again are you?" she asked gently.

Anger flashed through his eyes.

Cold dread and understanding filled her. His symptoms tended to appear when he was losing control of a situation. Self control was everything to him. They were the symptoms of a break down approaching. His rage was his minds last ditch effort to quell the break down. Anything to stay in control. With terrified resilience she decided that her last gift to him would be to begin the break down. She didn't know if she would survive the experiment, but his mental health could be saved and he could go on to live a long and healthy life. At this point, her life was more or less forfeit.

"I don't want to," she responded meekly, making sure a quiver was heard in her voice.

She saw the rage flair in his eyes as his posture straightened. She straightened her own posture.

"You _will_ spar with me… you will fight me, Zia," he commanded.

"I can't anymore. What can I say? You married someone who is too weak for you."

"Heyt-kestchoo!" Severus ended the sneeze in a growl. "You're doing this aren't you?" he accused.

"Doing what?" she asked as innocently as she could muster. If there was one thing she knew he couldn't stand, it was feigned innocence.

"You little bitch… I know you can force symptoms on people. I should have known you were making Remus and I sick. Anything to keep us with you, hm? Did you think I was too stupid to figure it out? Did you?" He moved at her with the speed and grace of a seasoned Death Eater.

She scurried to get off of the bed, and fell for her efforts. She felt her wrist snap beneath her as she landed and yelped in pain.

"Whatever pain you think you feel now is nothing compared to what you're going to feel when I'm through with you," he threatened.

She knew that tone of voice. He was not threatening her without intent. He intended to harm her. And, as weak and broken as she was feeling, she knew he would succeed. Quickly, she summoned a holofly – a moth like creature that records the actions in a room for a short period of time and replays it as a small hologram. She activated it and released it, relieved as Severus merely swatted it out of the way and didn't destroy it.

He came at her violently, his fist raised to strike her.

"Petrificus Totalis!" The spell was called out as she heard the door bang open, and the assault that Zia was expecting never came. Her mind whisked her away to a time long ago, during the second war, when she was called in as a favor to Madame Pomfrey to talk to the teachers and help them cope with the overwhelming fears many of them were feeling. She recalled watching Severus from the doorway of the great hall, as he walked protectively among the students who were asleep there. He looked so strong, so in control – even though she knew he had to be torn between the man he had been and the man he had become. He knew better than anyone the power of the Dark Lord, and she remembered wanting to hold him and whisper words of confidence to him – not only for his sense of wellbeing, but for hers. She let the memory of the love that she felt then fill her, and she wished that she was half as strong now as she was then.

She heard footsteps run around the side of the bed. "Zia are you okay?" It was Remus.

"My wrist," she gasped.

He uttered a quick healing spell and she felt her wrist heal in seconds. She breathed a sigh of relief as the pain dissipated.

"Don't be mad at him," she muttered as Remus helped her up. "I was trying to make him mad."

Remus looked at her as though she had just said that she had the philosopher's stone. "Why would you do that?"

"Because I figured out where the violence is coming from. He's trying to stay in control, even as his mind is breaking apart. He's trying to control his break down… I was trying to force it out of him."

"Zia it'll come in time," Remus said as he levitated Severus onto the bed.

"But will it? Will I be able to be there for him by the time he does release? Or will it be my death that ultimately does it?"

"You may not be able to continue being his healer through all of this," Remus said as he ushered her out the door.

"I have to, Remus. I have to be there for him one last time. I have to make it possible for him to move on."

*HP*HP*HP*HP*HP*

When Severus awoke an hour later, the holofly was resting on his stomach. He watched the holograph intently as the scene of him attacking a frightened and… was she injured?... Zia. He watched as she shielded herself from him and cringed at the murderous look on his face as he went to strike her.

Tears glistened in his eyes as he continued to watch as Remus petrified him and came to Zia's rescue just as his fist was about to connect with the side of her head. He was horrified. He recalled going up to the room to apologize to her, and feeling his pride and fear swell inside him again. He did not realize, however, that he had lost control so completely.

He furrowed his brow in confusion as he watched the conversation transpire between she and Remus. She was _trying_ to draw him out? To incite his break down? She wanted to help him heal before she died. His head swam as the truth hit him like a ton of bricks. She was right. He was trying to maintain control at all costs. And, that meant that he was losing it completely, not with tears or fits of screaming, but was memory lapses and violence aimed at the one person he always knew he could rely on. And, even still she was trying to help him. The least he could do was let her.

*HP*HP*HP*HP*HP*

Severus descended the stairs slowly. He ached from the petrifying spell, but he knew he didn't have a right to complain. On a better day, he may have asked Zia, or even Ginny, to give him a backrub. But, today, he knew he didn't deserve that level of kindness. In fact, if it were up to him, he would send everyone home, and deal with his pain in private.

Tension gripped his stomach. The idea of suffering alone filled him with a feeling of dread. To release those feelings alone would be like they never existed. In the past, that is what he would have wanted. But, this time he and Zia had long discussions over what he wanted and what was best for him. This time he needed people to know his pain, to see his sorrow. This time he needed his feelings realized. But, he didn't deserve it. He didn't deserve the friends and support that had rallied to him. He didn't deserve Zia. And, they didn't deserve him, but for different reasons.

He recalled the first time that had started to fall in love with her. They had been dating all through the first war, stealing time together when they could, and barely rescuing each other when they had to. He had known that he loved her at that time, but *in* love? No, that was an emotion reserved for Lily.

Until the night that he went to Dumbledore and requested sanctuary.

That night, Dumbledore had brought Zia in to read and release Severus' mind – to make sure that this was not a lie. That night, he sobbed as he released everything to her – holding nothing back. She held him when he needed to be held and listened quietly when he needed to be left alone. Then she uttered the words that he would hold dear to him for the rest of his life – not just the general 'You're forgiven' that she said to everyone. In addition, she told him, "You don't owe me anything. I'm just so happy to have you back safe and alive, Severus."

The sheer honesty of her statement, and that after all that he had done, she didn't expect anything from him… it was the most kind thing anyone had ever said to him. He knew he loved her that day, and that he would protect her until his dying breath.

His breath hitched. "Hitechy-choo!" He sneezed into the crook of his shoulder. His breath hitched again – this time with emotion. He never thought that his last breath would be after hers. He always imagined himself dying first, that she would care for him and hold his hand as he drifted off. He had planned to leave his home, money, and worldly possessions to her. He had planned it all. And now all his plans were falling apart.

"I swear, Remus. I was trying to piss him off. I thought if I could get him mad enough he would just break apart."

"Oh yes," Remus replied sarcastically, "the dam of emotions would just come flowing out. Are we talking about the same Severus?"

"You have to admit it's rather far fetched – even for your relationship," Arthur responded.

Severus heard a mug be placed on the table, and Zia thank whoever put it there.

"You have to face facts," Hermione stated. "You're in no physical condition to take him on head to head anymore."

The truth of the statement knocked the air out of Severus. She couldn't spar with him anymore, and it wasn't write for him to keep demanding it of her.

"I know, Hermione. I told him several times that I didn't want to. In fact, I used my disinterest in it to set him over the edge. And it worked."

"Yes, but if we didn't hear you bumping about up there, goodness knows what he would have done to you if Remus hadn't stopped him."

"I did it to myself," Zia responded, as if that made everything all right.

"You sound like a battered wife," Severus said, joining in the conversation. "You did nothing to deserve that attack. And, I'm sorry."

She shrugged and took a sip of her tea.

Severus took a deep breath. "May I please speak to Zia alone?

"No," Remus replied without hesitation. "You'll forgive me if I don't trust you'll be gentle with her."

Severus swallowed his anger. "Yes, of course. Heitchooo!"

"Bless you," Hermione responded. "Here, have a cuppa tea."

Severus took it numbly.

Remus furrowed his brow in concern. Something was off with Severus; something he couldn't place his finger on. Severus was disconnected, but not like when he was going to be violent. It was similar to the disassociation he used to show when he was teaching – the willful removal of his self from the situation at hand.

"Everyone clear out," Remus commanded suddenly. "Give them a chance to talk. I'll stay. Just think of me as part of the furniture."

Zia nodded in agreement.

"Thank you, Remus," Severus stated plainly.

The others left quickly and quietly, and Remus placed himself at the other end of the kitchen. His wand was hidden, but he fingered it anxiously.

Severus sat across the table from Zia. "Z, I'm sorry."

She nodded. "I know."

He shook his head. "No, you don't. Feel me, Z."

She ran her hands over his forehead and cheeks. "You have a fever," she stated plainly. "It's because you're not taking care of yourself… not eating, not sleeping – and you've gone back to work. You're pushing yourself too hard."

"Dammit, Zia!" Severus yelled, slamming his hand on the table.

Remus grasped his wand, but didn't pull it out. He watched Zia for his cue to protect her.

Zia's eyes were steely. Severus was losing control faster than she could remember him doing so in the past. She knew he was close to breaking, to revealing the first of the many secrets that he would need to release in order to be made whole again. "Read me," he commanded.

Zia deflated at the mere thought of reading his mind. It was all so tiring. "I can't Severus."

"Please," he whispered. "Just for a bit?"

As she looked into his eyes she saw something she hadn't expected to: desperation. He wasn't trying to control her this time. He was really asking her for what he needed.

She closed her eyes and steeled her mind. She knew that his occulmancy skills were stronger than hers, even when she was well. She could only imagine what his unchecked skills would do against her unprotected mind. When she opened her eyes, they made eye contact and she felt their minds connect.

Within a matter of moments the connection was broken, as Severus started to sob. She came around to his side of the table and sat in the chair next to him. "What is it?"she asked gently.

"I'm going to lose you," he wheezed. The sobs started coming harder. "I'm going to lose you like I lost Lily, like my mother." His breath hitched. "Like Molly."

She let him bow his head onto her chest and wrapped her arms around him, and tried to understand where the connection between all of them was.

"Voldemort?" she asked.

She felt him shake his head against her, but the sobs had overwhelmed him.

She planted a kiss on his head. "It's okay. I'm here."

He gasped for breath, but did not keep the sobs from coming. "You don't un-understand."

"You're right. I don't. Why don't you tell me?"

He attempted to gather himself – to stop crying and portray the look of control that he was so famous for. "Each of them loved me… and I them, in their own way. Bu-but then… I…" His breath hitched and his bit his lip in an attempt not to lose control again. "I hurt them all. I called my mother weak, and Lily a mudblood, and Molly – I never told her how much I appreciated her… and you… what I've done – what I've been doing to you…" His control lost, he broke down in a fit of sobs. He pulled Zia close to him, and buried his head into her shoulder.

"It's okay, Severus… I'm not dead. We're working hard to not let that happen, remember?"

She felt him nod against her, and then mumble something into her shoulder.

"What was that?" she whispered. She combed her hands through his hair and held him close.

"They all died before I could apologize. They all… I … I'm a bad man, Zia. The women I love, they all leave me because I don't deserve better. I hurt the ones I love, and then they die and never know … never know… that I … didn't mean…" His breath hitched and his tears ran anew.

Zia had always known about his abandonment issues. His father had been an abusive man, and his mother too weak to protect him. All through life he pushed people away with the fear of letting them get too close. His relationship with Lily did nothing to remedy his fears – since the day he lost control and finally got verbally angry about the abuse her friends gave him, she turned him out of her life forever. She knew he gave Molly a hard time for her smothering. But, she also knew that he and Molly had a repoire of banter and that Molly never doubted his loyalty for a second – not even when everyone else did.

"I'm not going to leave you, Severus," she whispered.

"You will… you'll die and go and I'll always know that I brought you pain and fear and doubt. You, my reason to wake up in the morning and to have hope for light when there is darkness. I abused you the way my father abused me. And I'll know I made you cry. And, I'll know…"

His sobs wracked his body, and finally he stopped trying to quell them. He screamed as he let them take over his voice. He shook as he let them take over his body. He grabbed onto Zia as he convulsed with years of pent up anger, energy, and fear.

All the while, she held him close, muttering nonsensical words that she had wanted to use for decades.

Proud as he was, he would have never let her before. But, now she was all that he had. She was the only thing binding himself and his mind to the reality that they shared. Without her, he would collapse into his own mind.

Remus watched silently as the scene unfolded before him. He shooed away each of the other inhabitants of the house as they crept to the doorway to sneak a peek at the strongest, most deadly person they knew start to unhinge.

He knew it wasn't over – not by a long shot. Severus' abandonment issues were well known. There were still darker secrets that were lurking in his mind. Secrets that could shock the lot of them. But, two things were for certain – Zia could still read Severus better than anyone. And, they would never get him to release his demons without her.


	8. Of Sinus Infections and Clarity

"Heh-ShesshEssh!"

Zia shook herself awake. She was still sitting opposite Severus, her arms wrapped around him protectively as he was snuggled into her shoulder. A blanket had been charmed to remain around both of them. Remus was likewise asleep and covered in the same chair as the night before, his wand firmly grasped in his hand.

She smiled tenderly. Someone in the house had taken good care of them, and made sure that the sanctity of the evening was respected. She let her eyes rest on Remus. The poor man was snoring softly, and would be sore when he woke up. She made a mental note to give him a back rub when they were all awake. She stretched her neck – it was knotted to the point of pain. She closed her eyes and took a deep breath, trying to use relaxation to unknot it. It didn't work. She sighed. She would have to ask Arthur for a neck rub later.

She dropped a kiss onto Severus head. His body temperature had returned to normal. She knew he would be still – and likely grumpy and congested when he woke up. He had not released emotionally like that in… well… ever – to her memory. She wondered how he would deal with the after effects. Would he feel shame? Anger? Release more? Would he be upset that Remus was there? Would he be distrustful of the rest of the house? While those within the village knew him better than the outside world, and she knew him better than them, this was new territory for all of them.

"Hefff-Umphch!"

She slowly extradited herself from around Severus and charmed the chair into an easy chair, so that Severus could continue sleeping.

She stretched as she exited the kitchen and nearly ran into Arthur – or the side of him anyway.

Arthur had one hand braced against the doorway between the hallway and the living room, and the other tightly clamping a handkerchief over his nose and mouth.

"Arthur!" she exclaimed. "Are you o-?"

"Chessh-Umphhff!" He blew his nose stuffily and groaned miserably.

She placed a hand on his shoulder and peaked into the living room. It was barely six thirty in the morning. Obviously, he was on his way out to work – or at least he thought he was. "Guess not. Come on. I'll make you some tea."

He coughed harshly and acquiesced, taking a seat in the easy chair. He yearned for Molly to fuss over him and tell him he wasn't going to go to work. Nobody knew what he needed or how to care for him better than she did. He knew that she could be overbearing and demanding, but she loved him. And, right now, he needed that love.

"I'm sorry that I had to magically heat the water, but Severus and Remus are still asleep and I didn't want to jar anyone awake," she explained as she handed him a steaming cup of tea.

He took a sip and sniffled wetly as the steam broke up the congestion in his nose.

"Put the cup down. You're going to sneeze soon." She pointed to the cup in his hands. "The steam," she explained.

It took him a moment to understand. He felt as though he was thinking through a fog. But, within seconds he felt the familiar tickle return to his nose and throat and chest. He hastily put down his cup and pulled his handkerchief out of his pocket. "Heh…eh…Umpfff-Chessshh!" He blew his nose fully and groaned again. His head started to ache and he wondered how he was going to make it through the day.

"How long have you felt like this?" she asked gently. His pallor showed her that these were not allergies.

"I was tired last night. But, this mornig… Hempfff! Chusssh!" He sniffed stuffily.

"And you're out of bed because?" she prompted.

"I need to work. I have a family to support." He sniffed heavily.

"You have paid time off for this sort of thing. You know they're just going to send you home when you get there… so why are you even torturing yourself?"

He cleared his throat. "They won't send me homb." He coughed from congestion.

"He's right," Hermione said coming into the room. "They won't care. But, she's right Mr. Weasley. You shouldn't go in today. You'll only torture yourself and infect most of the office."

He suppressed a few coughs, but didn't respond.

"What is it, Arthur? What is pressuring you to go in?" Zia asked, softly.

"I have to contribute."

"To?"

"The village… I – heh- barely give… to… as it..i-eh-heh-HesshCHuushh!"

Zia furrowed her eyebrows at him. "You think you don't contribute enough?"

His eyes flipped to Hermione and he bit his bottom lip.

Hermione nodded in understanding. "I have to talk to you before I leave for work," she said to Zia. "But, uh… I'll go make sure Ginny is up." She quickly went back upstairs.

Arthur sighed. "I don't feel like my family and I have a purpose here. We eat here and live here, but I don't feel like we contribute anything. So, I have to work – I mean… Heh… I… HumpfffCHessh!" After another stuffy blow he continued, "I have to at least put money into the house. Otherwise, we're a drain."

She pursed her lips and chose her words carefully. It was true that the house had not sat down and explained who was contributing what monetarily. She and Severus had discussed it and thought it wasn't anybody's business who gave what. But, she didn't take into account that there would be a subconscious competition or that anyone would feel like they weren't pulling their weight.

"Look, you give plenty in both money and time. You hold your family together – so much so that I don't actually know if they live here. You're always there whenever anyone needs your time or your help. You're working with Remus on the newsletter thing he and Hermione are doing. And, I don't know if you know, but Ron has been giving a bit of money every week as well."

Arthur was shocked. Ron had not told him that he would be doing that. He couldn't be more proud that he had stepped up to the mark. He cleared his throat. "I didn't know."

"Call out, Arthur. You carry your weight in spades. You deserve to be given a chance to get well. And, I know I'm not Molly and I don't know what you need and when you need it…" She paused as a sneezy expression crossed his face.

He sneezed wetly and blew his nose.

When he had gathered himself again she continued, "But I will take care of you to the best of my depleted ability." She reached out and squeezed his knee.

He half shrugged in response.

"There's more?" She mentally kicked herself. In her focusing on herself and Severus she had forgotten to take care of Arthur's needs. And, maybe worse, she hadn't set up Hermione or Ginny to care for him either. Under her watchful eye, someone had been neglected. There was no excuse for a mistake that big.

"I don't want you to catch this," he whispered shamefully.

She quirked an eyebrow. "In all the time you've known me, how many times have I caught whatever is going around?"

"I don't know… you were generally in hiding."

"Infrequently at best. And, I'll take precautions this time. Okay?"

He nodded. "I also don't want Ginny to find out."

"Find out what?"

"That I'm sick." He sniffed wetly as if to accentuate his point.

"Sweetie, you're going to have a time hiding it. And, that's if Hermione hasn't already mentioned it."

"Heh-Cheessh! I doe. Bud," he shook his head and blew his nose before continuing, "she's already working her part time job and she's going to school full time." He sniffed wetly and sighed. "She's going to want to take care of me, and she's already so busy. Hep-Pphesshesshh!"

"Bless. Don't try to hold them in. You'll hurt yourself. And, don't worry about Ginny. I'll talk with her about her work and course load. You'll be cared for – and so will she."

He cleared his throat again. "Thanks. Pah-Shoo!" The sneeze wasn't so much sprayed than detonated from a body that couldn't take any more.

"Come on. Let's send an owl to the Ministry. And, guess what? You'll even have a doctors note." She accio'ed a quill and parchment and wrote it up in her hand. She signed it illegibly. "If they ask you who it is, just tell them Dr. Eve Baldwynn. That's wynn with a w-y-n-n. It's the name I used to work under when I volunteered at a local clinic.

"Thangs." He snurped his sniffle and coughed throatily, as he wrote his own note.

"I excused you out for three days. We'll extend if we need to, but not before."

He smiled. "I still don'd want Ginny to know."

She shrugged. "We'll see what we can do."

"Morning dad, Zia. Are the boys still asleep in the kitchen?"

"Yup," Zia said, as cheerfully as she could muster.

"Morning, sweetie," he said to her.

She leaned down and kissed him on the cheek. "Your warm," she said in a tone that mirrored that of her mothers. "Are you okay?"

"I'll survive."

She felt his forehead with her hand, as if she would a friend. "You're running a fever. I know it's not my place to say, but you should probably stay-."

"Hefff-Umphch!" His face crashed into his handkerchief and ended in a long gurgling blow. "Ugh… sorry sweetie. What was that?"

She crouched down in front of him. "I was just saying that you should probably stay home."

He smiled at her.

"Already handled," Zia said, after she sent the owl.

Ginny smiled at her. "Thank you. Zia, can I ask you a few questions about HDD? We're going deeper into mental and emotional changes and I wanted to know if you're going through any of them."

"Likely I am. But, sure. When?"

"Sometime before my class at eleven this morning?"

"Oh dear. You've been waiting for how long? "

"Don't worry about it. I can jot the ideas down and write it up on my way to class – I'll just take the underground."

"Sure. Hermione had some things to ask me before work. But after that we can talk after breakfast. How does that sound?"

She smiled. "Good. Now let me get my dad to bed."

"Ginny, you've got to get breakfast ready for you and Zia. I can… ca..nnn-Heh-PessshhChesssh! Owwww."

"Bless you. Headache?"

"Earache… both ears."

"Sinus infection. Okay. Ginny, take your dad upstairs. Then if you could get to breakfast, I'd appreciate it. I'll talk to Hermione," she nodded to Hermione who was waiting patiently near the doorway, "wake the boys up and then get down to the lab to get a fever reducer, sleep aid, and congestion reliever for your dad."

"Actually," Hermione interjected, "a simple Pepper-Up draught should take the edge off the symptoms at least."

"No!" Arthur exclaimed suddenly. He looked sheepishly at the group. "I'm sorry. I really hate the immune reaction. Hep-Chesshesssh!"

"Well, dad, you seem to be having an immune reaction anyway…" Ginny urged.

"Listen, I'll get an array of potions and we'll figure out what you're comfortable taking once you're resting in bed," Zia proposed.

Arthur sniffed heavily and nodded in agreement.

Ginny helped him up and guided him up the stairs.

Zia watched them and smiled. Years back she had thought that Hermione would make a wonderful healer, if she had ever wanted to study it. She still thought that Hermione _could_, but Ginny perhaps _should_.

She turned her attention to Hermione. "Okay, what's up?"

"Well… you know that Remus' friend Brian has been looking for a manager for his bookshop."

"Yes, and you have been miserable at the Ministry."

Hermione nodded. "Remus took me to meet Brian last weekend. I really like him and the shop is awesome! They get antique books all the time and even some interesting muggle artifacts."

"You're going to take the job?" Zia asked, excitedly.

Hermione nodded. "I really want to. But, it's going to mean that we can't contribute as much as we have been. I mean, Remus has basically been giving money to Severus lately – about 25% of my paycheck."

"Hermione, that's a lot!" Zia exclaimed. "Why would you do that?"

"Because we have a lot of people here and only five people working full time."

"Hermione, we have savings for things like this. And, Severus is working part time."

"I don't want you two using up all of your savings to support all of us, and then not having any if you need savings in the future. Besides, the 25% is not my concern. The fact is that Brian would be able to pay me far less than the Ministry. Which means what we're able to contribute will be less."

"It's fine," Zia stated.

"Are you sure? Since it looks like Remus and I are in this for the long haul, I don't want anyone to think we're not pulling our weight."

Zia frowned. Apparently, the fact that she and Severus didn't request anything besides emotional support was not practical. This group had been through too much together. They relied on each other too frequently to not help monetarily as well. "Nobody would think that. And, once Arthur is feeling better, I think we're all going to have a sit down and explain what's expected of people again."

"Well we all know what's expected of us. That's easy. I mean even Ron helps out in little ways. He put the blankets over all of you last night for instance. So, it's not that. But, we don't want to come off as freeloading."

"Then we'll talk about that as well. But, in the meantime, please give notice at the Ministry. Your mental health and being able to take off for Remus' sake without being penalized is far more important to me and to the house than a monetary amount."

Hermione's face blossomed into a smile. "Thank you so much! I'm so excited!" She giggled like the school girl Zia had once known. "I'm going to go write up the letter and then head off to work." She quickly hugged Zia and ran upstairs.

Zia yawned and stretched. This morning had been more taxing than any full day since she had started to get up and move about. She thought about the day that awaited her: tending to Arthur, working with Ginny, helping Severus cope… just the thought of all of those jobs made her want a nap. But, she was starting to be able to give the impression that she was the head of the house again. And, people readily accepted her into that role. She didn't want to assume the 'sick role' in the house. Her job was to be the healer, and she was good at her job.

She got up and went back into the kitchen. Miraculously, both men were still sleeping.

She went to Remus first.

"Hey," she whispered, shaking his shoulder slightly. She kept an eye on his wand, but knew better than to try to take it from him.

He stirred awake gently. "Hm?"

"Remus, come on. It's time to get up."

He made a deep guttural sound – somewhere between a groan and a growl. Suddenly, his eyes snapped open and he sat straight up. "Are you okay? Oh, Zia, I fell asleep. I'm so sorry."

"Shh," she soothed. "It's okay. We did too."

He yawned and cleared his throat.

"Why don't you go up to bed? Hermione is up already, but you can get a few hours more sleep."

He nodded and tried to stretch, giving a frustrated yelp for his efforts.

"I know. I'm stiff too. I'll give you a back rub later, okay? Just go get more rest."

He nodded and stiffly walked out of the room.

She gave a lopsided grin. The fact that he hadn't wanted to stay to help her wake up Severus – or at least keep an eye on her as she did – was a testament to how tired he was.

She stood in the kitchen doorway. "Severus?" she called.

"Go 'way," he mumbled.

"Severus, come on. It's time to go to bed."

He grunted and snorted. His head lolled to one side.

She considered calling out 'Help me, Severus. I need you.' She knew that statement would wake him out of anything. But, she decided not to take advantage of that trick. "Severus Tobias Snape!" she snapped in her best 'mom' voice.

His head snapped up and his eyes opened at once. "What?" he sneered at her.

"It's morning, go to bed!" she snapped, wincing as she did so. She had wanted to show him kindness when he had awoken. But, her subconscious seemed to have other ideas in mind.

"Zia? I feel dreadful," he croaked.

She smiled sympathetically. "I know. It's been a long time since you had a good cry like that. You'll be sore for at least today."

"My stomach hurts too. And my back." He blinked as if confused by the sensations he was feeling.

"I know. It's because of how you slept. It's okay. Let's get you upstairs. Then I have to tend to a few things. But, after that, I'll lay with you."

He sniffed and rubbed at his nose.

"Do you have to sneeze?" she asked, moving into the kitchen to get him a napkin.

"No, but my nose hurts."

She stifled a chuckle. "It's from the crying," she said handing him a few napkins. "Have a good blow. It should help."

He touched his nose tenderly, as if he was wondering if it was broken. "How do you deal with crying all the time if it makes you feel so dreadful? I'd rather just bottle up the feelings inside."

"So would I," she admitted. "But, I don't have the self-control you do."

He flinched when she said 'self-control'. "Are you okay?" he asked quietly, as he stretched his hands over his head.

"Yep," she said with a smile. "I'm even better now that you've released some."

"Did I hit you?" he asked shyly.

"No. But, there is a holofly of the situation before you released. We'll watch it together and talk about it later."

He vaguely remembered the holofly, but the memory seemed just outside his grasp. He pushed himself out of the chair and kissed Zia on the cheek. "I love you," he whispered.

"And I love you. Now go – get into bed and I'll be up in a bit."

He nodded and went up the stairs. She chuckled, amazed at how quickly – when her health improved – everyone was willing to return to normal. She closed her eyes and focused herself. And, not a moment too soon.

Ginny came downstairs quietly. "He's more or less asleep," she said with a smile. "If only he could stop sneezing long enough to fall into a deep sleep."

"Well that will be the trick," Zia said.

"I'll go make breakfast – you dose him with whatever he'll take. What do you want? Waffles? Cereal? Bacon?"

"Always bacon," Zia responded before she could stop herself.

Ginny nodded. "Don't I know it. The Weasley family would fall apart without bacon. Anything with it?"

"Eggs?" Zia suggested, wondering if they even had any.

"And toast. No problem." She went into the kitchen without another word.

Zia went downstairs to the lab. Severus always kept a fairly large quantity of Pepper Up, pain relievers sleep aid, and fever reducer on hand. She picked up several vials and went to check on Arthur."

He was resting fitfully. As Ginny had said, he would look like he was just about to drift off and would be jolted upright by a thunderous sneeze. He groaned as she walked in and clasped onto his left ear. "Z… I can't do this," he whined.

Her eyebrows shot up. She had seen Arthur at his best and worst over the years. He had confessed fears and loves over that time. But, never had she heard him whine. Not once. Complain or rage? Certainly. But, never whine.

"It's okay. I come bearing medicine. And, an offer."

"Offer?" he repeated back as his breath started to hitch again. "HesshChessh! Pphesshesshh!"

She sat on the edge of his bed and brushed her hand over his forehead.

"Don't sidt so close. I don't want you to get si-heh-sick…Hep-Phhessshhh! Ugh. 'scuse be." He blew his nose and winced again.

She smiled. "I know you can't see them but I am using charms to form a thin layer between you and me. Your germs won't touch me. I promise."

He nodded with a small smile. "Thank you. I couldn't live with myself if I caused your death."

"Arthur, really. Don't be like that. This Healers Disease is what's going to take me out. Any complications therein are not the cause."

"Doesn't matter." He put his hand on top of hers and whispered, "I'd feel guilty. I already carry the guilt of not being able to help Percy… or Molly."

She looked at him sympathetically. She had forgotten about how Percy had turned on the family during the second war, and even now barely acknowledged them. And, Molly, her death had taken everyone by surprise. They were finding bodies after the Battle at Hogwarts, and there she was, lying face down over Fred – who was unconscious but alive. She had taken the killing curse for him.

The family had bound together and bounced back incredibly well. Ginny decided to go to University; Ron went to work with his brothers at the joke shop; Bill moved to France to build a family with Fleur; Percy threw himself even deeper into his work; And, Arthur shut down to everyone except his family. Zia remembered holding him as he sobbed in the privacy of her home. He blamed himself for not being able to protect her. Slowly, he was able to be productive at work again, although he never stopped being a doting and loving father. He was the rock of that family.

"That wasn't your fault either."

He pitched forward in a wet, barely contained sneeze. "I still miss her," he admitted, quietly.

"I know," she said. She could almost hear Molly in her head, telling her how to care for him. She wondered how Molly would feel about her caring for her husband. 'I'd want you to, dear,' she heard Molly answer in her head. 'I thank you for taking care of him. Your techniques are different than mine would have been. But, at least I know he's being taken care of. Goodness knows someone has to.' "We all do." She waited for him to blow his nose before continuing. "Now, here are your potion options." She picked up each bottle as she talked about it. "If I give you the fever reducer, pain reliever, and sleep aid, I can redose you every four hours. If I give you Pepper Up… well you know what that does."

He sighed heavily. "Hermione's probably right. It'll take the edge off the symptoms at least."

"There is another option," Zia said. "Have you ever heard of Razzle?"

His eyes turned serious. "I have. But, we can't afford that."

"We can afford it. Don't worry about cost. I'm more concerned about what Razzle does to the system. As you know, your symptoms are closer to that of a sinus infection than a cold, or ever the flu."

He nodded. "I've had sinus infections before. And with six kids – we've seen in all. This is definitely a sinus infection. I just hope it doesn't get w-worse- ChesshEssh!"

"Bless you." She waited for him to blow his nose before continuing. "I take it you've never had Razzle before."

"I have not."

"Okay. See, it will clear up the sinus infection in three days or less. But, it makes the body respond similarly to Pepper Up. It produces an immune response that will purge the body of the disease."

He nodded in understanding.

"Instead of a few minutes of immune response, it takes an hour. It's messy and painful. The response generally takes the form of coughing and sneezing. Wax will come out of your ears and you will go through at least fifty handkerchiefs. The next two days will be your recovery period. It's typical to pull or even tear muscles, get nosebleeds, headaches, and be exhausted as your body recovers from the trauma. This is why Razzle is both so expensive and not typically used."

"Pepper Up suddenly sounds wonderful."

"There is something else. If I give you Pepper Up now, I cannot give you Razzle during the rest of your illness. They have a bad interaction."

He pondered that for a moment. "I'll take the fever reducer and sleep aid."

"Actually, I want to give you the pain reliever and sleep aid. The fever isn't high enough for me to be worried about it yet. The pain reliever may relieve some of the pressure on your sinuses and reduce your sneezing, headache, and earache. And the sleep aid should help you not care if you do cough or sneeze."

"Molly would have just given me the sleep aid and pain reliever."

"Molly would have known what you needed. I don't know what you need or what you want well enough. Besides, I like giving those I care about some control over the care I provide. At least unless they cannot do it for themselves."

He coughed deeply. "I'm tired."

"I know," she said as she handed over the potions. "You'll drift to sleep soon. I'll check on you in a few hours."

"Thank you," he said as he yawned. "We're all lucky to have you."

"Don't get used to it," she said darkly, but she added a wink at the end.

"Too late," he replied as she left the room and closed the door behind her.

When she got back downstairs Ginny was waiting for her with breakfast.

"I charmed it to not smell beyond the table. That way the whole house wouldn't wake up expecting breakfast."

"Smart girl," Zia replied. She looked at the spread before her – scrambled eggs, toast, bacon and waffles.

"I was in the mood for waffles. I hope you don't mind."

"Not at all. You make the best waffles."

"Mum taught me to add vanilla extract and chocolate chips."

"That's good advice," Zia said with a smile as she took a waffle and bacon. "Now, what are your questions?"

"Okay, we're looking at stage two of HDD. Stage 1 is when the pain sets in and systems start to break down. Stage 2 is when emotional stressors affect them differently. Stage 3 is when they start losing their mental capacities in regards to healing. Stage 4 is when they lose their perception."

"And if they don't kill themselves during Stage 4, Stage 5 is when they die."

"Yea," Ginny said quietly. She stared at the table for a few seconds.

"Ginny, I'm not dead yet," Zia soothed.

"And I don't intend to let you," Ginny said suddenly. "I don't care how, I _will_ find a cure for this – for you."

"Let's hope so," Zia said with a smile. "Now, what are your questions. You have a paper to write – this morning."

"Right – so Stage 2 – different responses to common questions. Can you give me examples of times when you were faced with normal stimulus and responded out of character?"

"Easily, how much time do you have?"

"How about we go through each of us. What happened, how would you have responded, and how did you respond? And, then go into how you feel about the differences and the effect its had on the person, situation, or the house at large."

"You're doing this for a class today? Oh sweetheart, you have to come to me sooner."

"It's fine. Tell me about Uncle Sev."

She thought. "Which one to choose," she muttered. "I'll go for the obvious. Sparring. He and I used to spar to release tension. When I was going through Stage 1, I didn't have the physical capacity to fight him, but I wanted to. Now, I don't want to anymore. I don't want to hit or be hit. I don't want to de-stress through physical release. I think that it's hurting our marriage. He's not getting the mental to physical release that he needs and has become accustomed to. I don't know what he's doing to cope with the stress he's feeling anymore. I feel like he's a ticking time-bomb waiting to explode." She lowered her voice. "Please don't add in about him already bordering on a breakdown. It would humiliate him."

Ginny shook her head. "No. It doesn't have anything to do with this case study. So, I'm leaving it out."

"Thank you."

Ginny nodded. "Now on to Remus."

Zia quirked a smile. "Remus and I used to debate all the time. We used to have the most bluntly honest and sarcastic conversations, debates, and just frell all conversations that would leave us in stitches. And, he still tries to have these conversations. But, I don't want to debate. It's hard to be sarcastic anymore. Every once in a while I can shoot a snappy remark, but I know he's disappointed in me."

Ginny looked at her oddly. "I don't think he's disappointed in you. I think he's scared to lose you."

"Yes, and by losing something that was so instrumental in our friendship all these years, he's seeing it fade away."

Ginny sighed sadly. "Dad?"

"I did your dad a great disservice. I worked so hard to make sure that Severus was cared for and to try to find my way back into his life after he threw me aw-ay," her voice caught. "Then Remus needed care and Hermione and I started working together and then I got sick, and – I completely neglected your dad. I didn't check on him – other than to take care of a migraine. I didn't try to take care of him mentally or emotionally. I neglected him until he became too sick to hide what he was going through anymore. I totally failed him."

Ginny looked at her again. She had no idea that Zia held so much responsibility to herself. There were nine people in the house and she was taking personal responsibility for the mental, emotional, and physical wellbeing each of them – or at least each of those of her generation. "Hermione."

"I've always wanted Remus to fall in love and get married. And now he has – though in reverse – got married and then fell in love. But, I've always been his healer… always. So, now he has someone else to take care of him, hold him, and be with him when he's sick. And my place is taken. Before, I would have been confident enough in Remus and my friendship to step aside. Now, I'm scared to. I don't want to step aside. I can't keep up the other end of our friendship. So, losing the healer portion is crippling to me. I tell you that to tell you this. Hermione and I have talked at length and repeatedly about just that. And she is insistent that my relationship with Remus not change. However, I don't believe her. I know she's blunt and she'll tell me what she's feeling and thinking. But, I don't believe her. I just think she wants me dead as soon as possible so that she can be the person Remus relies on and they can continue on with their marriage without worrying about me, Severus, or the village."

"You couldn't be further wrong. She really likes watching the two of you. It's how she learns how to take care of him. She loves watching you take care of people and is so happy to be getting to know you."

"She says that. But, I don't believe her. And that's going to cause problems with me and her and me and Remus."

"The boys are never home so I'm going to skip them."

"Thank you. I really don't interface with them enough to give you and changes."

"Me?"

"You? I don't know. I've been really impressed by you: your willingness to step up and how you care for your dad and Remus or Severus. Ginny you would make a great healer."

"That's the goal. I watch you and am in awe of all the things you can do. I mean, we keep learning about how debilitating HDD is. And, yet, I see you up and about and taking care of people and… not giving in."

"Ginny, if I drop dead taking care of someone I will be so happy. I'm not one to waste away into nothingness. I don't intend to go that way. I may lose, but that's the intent."

"I know Hermione is learning how to take care of Remus from you. I want to learn how you think. How you tick. How you're so good at what you do."

"Practice," Zia said with a smile.

"I figured. But, you always seem to know what to do – when to help, when to let things go, and it's amazing to me."

"Practice with these particular people, and a lot of it. But, I'll start talking to you about what to do and how and what to watch for, etcetera."

Ginny smiled. "I'd appreciate it."

"But, what I tell you can't go past you. Not into a paper – unless it's a generality, not to Hermione or your brothers. A healer is privy to a lot of things that they shouldn't be."

"I understand. Mum used to vent to me about dad."

"Then you get it."

"Sure do. Okay, well I'm going to take this and go. Go take a nap. You look beat."

Zia glanced at the clock. It was barely quarter after seven. "Yea that sounds like a good idea. Have a good day, Ginny."

"You too. I'll be home around four."

Zia went upstairs, passing Hermione in the hallway.

"Remus is asleep," Hermione told her. "But, he's planning on working on the magazine. We have a deadline for the next issue of tomorrow. He'll write up the articles today. I'll go to the library and type them tonight."

"So, you'll be home for dinner?"

"Likely not."

"You and Remus should have a date night."

Hermione smiled. "That would be so nice."

"Okay. So, I'll have him ready at what?"

"Five, please. I'm giving my notice at the Ministry today. And, obviously, going in a bit late."

"Have a good day. I'll have him ready to go out at five. Owl us if you're going to be late."

"Okay," Hermione smiled. "Love you!" she quipped as she ran down the stairs and out the door.

Zia smiled. "Wow," she breathed.

She climbed into bed next to Severus, who put an arm around her.

"How are you feeling, love?" she whispered.

"Better. Thank you for not leaving me. I've deserved it over the years. But, you've always been there. I can't ever thank you enough. But, I do love you. Every day. And, I appreciate you being there. Whenever I've needed, since I lost Lily." He pulled her close. "I'm never going to leave you again," he kissed her passionately. They fell asleep locked in each others arms.


	9. Seduction

"HuccCHESSH! Esssh! Hep-TesshEssh! Chuh!"

Severus opened his eyes and smiled at the sight before him. Zia slept peacefully snuggled in his arms. He blinked hard and scrutinized her. Her skin was smooth as ever. Her nails were manicured. Her hair was black with grey slivers. Her glimmers were coming back up. He sighed and wondered if she was doing it consciously, or if she had gotten so used to having them up that she subconsciously raised them as she started feeling better.

"PheeffSSSHEWW!"

He turned his head and listened. Those weren't Remus' sneezes.

"HepSHHHuh!"

And they were too deep to be one of the boys… 'Oh dear,' he thought, as he extracted himself from around Zia. He pulled the covers up around her, and kissed her hair. He smiled as he walked down the hall and into Arthur's room.

Arthur was mid-sneeze when he walked in. "Hep-oh, Sev-Sev… heh… Se-eh-hah – EtchEffrooshh!" He blew his nose hard and groaned. "Hey, Severus," he whispered.

"Arthur, what happened? Flu?"

Arthur shook his head slowly. "From what we can tell, it's a sinus infection."

"Ears hurt?" Severus asked, coming next to the bed.

"Mmm… Yea. Throat and head too. And the sneezes are just… brain shattering."

"We?" Who's we?"

"Oh, Zia took care of me this morning. She took care of everyone ac-," he broke off and started coughing.

Severus accio'ed a glass of water and waited patiently while Arthur drank it. "So, how are we going to handle this?" he asked, once the coughing had subsided.

Arthur swallowed thickly and winced. "Handle what?"

"Well, you know Zia is going to want to take care of you…"

"I say we let her. She did a great job this morning. Took care of me, and helped Ginny with her homework. She even talked to Hermione about house stuff. She got you and Remus to go to bed. She was like her old self." He sniffed and coughed.

"Perhaps. But she's exhausted now."

"Well, it's not like she slept much or well last night," Arthur countered. "Look, everyone's watching her – making sure she doesn't over tax herself. So, let's do the same. Let her do what she does best. You know if we stop 'er, she's only… g-go-gonna Heh-ShesshEssh! Excuse be. She's only going to resent us."

He finished the statement so stuffily, Severus had to parse what he had said. But, he was correct. She would not rest easily if one of them was sick.

Arthur blew his nose again and pushed the now useless handkerchief aside. If this was how miserable the sinus infection was going to make him, he couldn't imagine the agony he would have to go through with the Razzle.

"What did she give you?" Severus asked, clinically.

"A pain reducer and a sleep aid."

Severus smiled. She had kept the option open for Razzle. But, in this case it seemed that he may not need it. He wasn't yet exhibiting pus, an acute fever, or any of the symptoms of a serious problem. "You could take Pepper Up."

"No, I hate the stuff."

'No Razzle for him then,' Severus thought. He put his hand on Arthur's forehead. He was running a mild fever, but nothing to be concerned about.

"You should try to sleep more."

"Hefff-Umphch!"

"Though it seems your sinuses have other plans."

Arthur sighed. "I feel dreadful. But, I can't seem to stop sneezing long enough to even contemplate sleeping."

"Would you like me to get you a book?"

"No, my eyes hurt." Arthur said, leaning back and closing his eyes. "Eeesshhh! Hepchk! Ow…"

Severus handed over another handkerchief. "Don't stifle them. You'll wind up doing yourself harm."

"Zia said the same thing."

Severus pulled a chair to the bedside and sat quietly for a minute. "Did I ever tell you about the time I froze Lucius Malfoy's hair?" he asked, with a grin.

"You what now?" Arthur opened his eyes and quirked an eyebrow at Severus.

Severus nodded. "We were in our fifth year at Hogwarts and we were learning how to freeze inanimate objects. I was working on my glass of water, when Lucius decided that he needed my attention – midspell. I turned to face him, wand pointed. He shielded himself away, so instead of freezing him, I froze his hair."

"HA! Owww… that's mean…"

"It gets better. He was so shocked, he jumped out of his seat and slammed himself into the wall… and his hair shattered like glass. It took him the rest of the school year to grow it back."

The two men laughed together, as Severus continued to think of stories and get Arthurs' mind off of his current situation.

*HP*HP*HP*HP*

Zia woke up to the sound of laughter. She smiled and rose slowly as she tried to figure out whose laughter it was. She recognized Severus and Remus right away. The third was… Arthur?

She smiled as she thought about how well the group had come together. Severus had not laughed in months, maybe years. Remus had been so stressed about the Ministry, the marriage, her health and his health that he hadn't been truly happy in what seemed like forever. Arthur had not been happy since Molly's death. And, yet, they were definitely laughing together. She took a moment to just listen. She didn't want to interrupt the joviality. She knew the moment she walked in she would have to be 'the healer' to all three – though in different ways. And, she knew that Severus would be concerned about her because she had rested for so long. No, it was more important to let them have a good time.

What seemed like minutes later, Severus walked in. "You're awake," he observed. He sounded relieved.

"Yea, I've been listening to the three of you laugh… and been tracking Arthur's symptoms."

He smiled. "You should have joined in. I was telling stories about us in school… like about the time you broke my arm."

"I broke your…" she thought out loud. "Are you kidding?" she exclaimed. "There was no reason I should have known you would be in the Hufflepuff stairwell in the girls dormitory. How was I to know when I ran down the stairs, you would be there?"

"You could have watched where you were going," he teased. "After all, I had been a raging git and only wanted to apologize to you."

"And it's not like I didn't bust myself up on the tumble down the stairs."

He chuckled. "Well, eventually, you'll tell the story and he'll get a kick out of our different perceptions."

She smiled and patted the bed. He went and sat next to her.

"How are you doing, love?" she asked in a low, quiet voice.

"I'm feeling lighter. Tired and sore still. But, it's like there is empty space in my head."

"That's good." She smiled.

"But, Remus told me about what happened last night."

"There's a holofly…" she said, pointing to the resting 'bug' on the footboard of the bed.

"While I thank you for drawing me out – and forcing the first breakdown… please don't do that alone again." He took her hand in his own and kissed her fingers. "I don't want to lose control and hurt you. You and I can't spar the way we used to."

"I'm sorry," she whispered.

He looked at her, concerned. "Please don't be. We had a good run of extreme emotions and combat. It can end."

"Time for you to find someone new then? Someone who can keep up with you?"

"Time for me to take up kick boxing and take my frustrations out on someone else. I never want to lay a violent hand on you again."

"Not unless we're sparring?"

"We won't spar. I promise."

She looked down. "Then I've broken a promise. A divorceable offense."

"What are you talking about?"

"I can no longer provide the outlet that you need for emotional or mental stability. You used to say that our relationship was founded on the fact that I could provide you those things. You can go and find someone else… I'll understand."

He sighed and hung his head. The joviality of the past few hours felt like it had been swept from his heart and replaced by an icy wind. "You know, all this time I've harbored feelings of fear that you would leave me. And, meanwhile, I instilled you with so much doubt that you seem positive that I will leave you." He ran his hand through her hair. "Your glimmers are coming back up."

"I'm just so used to them, it feels weird not putting them up."

"I figured." He paused, choosing his words carefully. "I don't want another. I want you. Sparring is something I never should have insisted on…"

"Severus, I used to love it. It's not as if you forced me into it."

"Perhaps in the beginning that was so. But recently, I have been forcing you into it. I've forced you into a lot of things." He sniffed wetly. "I don't deserve you. I deserve your scorn, yet you give me love. And, you deserve my love – but I have given you scorn. I love you – more today then yesterday, and more tomorrow than today. Sparring was fun when we were kids. But, look at me Zia, no one younger would want a fat old Death Eater like me."

"So, you stay because I'm the best you can get?" She didn't know whether to be offended or touched.

"You're the best that I want, and you're the best in the world." He kissed her on the cheek.

She smiled. Slowly, she reached out and untucked his shirt.

"Z… what are you doing?"

"Something we both need and I am _so_ in the mood for," she said, as she traced her nails along the hemline, lightly grazing his stomach. She looked up and kissed him passionately.

"Are you sure," he asked as he pulled away, breathless.

"Shut up and seduce me," she said in a commanding whisper.

He smiled wickedly and charmed the room to be soundproof.


	10. Happy Release

Severus and Zia lay in each other's arms. While she was charged up, he was exhausted.

They had not had intimate relations in a long time, and he had not released that hard in recent memory. He smiled to himself as he thought about pleasuring her until she screamed and lost consciousness. For one terrifying moment, he had thought he killed her. But, when he stopped, her eyes snapped open and she commanded him to continue.

This was the first time he felt normal in a long time. But, he really just wanted a nap.

"Are you okay, Sev?" Zia asked kindly, as she watched her husband – a man who once had an insatiable sex drive - lay exhausted next to her after only two rounds.

"Oh Merlin, yes. Thank you so much for that." He kissed her, gently, on the lips.

"Thank _you_. You were exquisite as always." She smiled at him.

"Even in my … aging state?"

"Especially so. In fact, perhaps, instead of sparring, this is what we should do when tensions and emotions run high."

While he liked the idea, he responded, "I don't want to hurt you."

She quirked an eyebrow at him. "Do I seem that weak to you? Like you were forcing me to partake in your lust?"

He smiled mischievously. "No. But, we'll take it on a case by case basis. I won't rape you."

Her eyes turned stormy. "If you tried, you would not survive the ordeal," she replied darkly.

He shifted uncomfortably. He had known that she had been put in situations during the first war that were dangerous. He remembered Lucius and the Dark Lord laughing about how they had 'taken the healer to places Morgana would dare not go', and recalled how he prayed that it meant they beat her bloody. But, he never asked them, or her, what it meant. Looking in her eyes now, he knew. They had raped her.

"How did they survive?" he mused.

"I couldn't break cover. Dumbledore liked that they saw me as a fringer Death Eater, and said that if I were to fight back, too strenuously, that they would know I wasn't really trying to be a Death Eater. So I fought back enough to make them aware that they had power over me. And, I went into an empty state during the ordeal." She looked at him, "I don't care how much I love you, or how weak I may become. If you try to rape me, I will kill you without a second thought."

"I'll heed that," he responded seriously. He smiled nervously, "We should shower. You know that werewolf already smells us."

She understood it was time to change the subject. Besides, this was not a subject she wanted to dwell on. "He'll cope. But, I miss showering with you and massaging you with the suds." She smiled at him wickedly. She had not felt frisky in a long while, and she was not about to waste it.

"Are you trying to kill me?" he teased as he climbed out of bed. He smiled as he remembered his first release – loud and forceful – and how she pulled him to her, showing him that she craved him as much as he craved her. He needed to know that. He needed to know that even after everything she was still attracted to him. He needed to know she forgave him.

"If I were to do that, I'd poison you," she replied cheekily.

He smiled and led her into the bathroom, to continue their tryst in private.


	11. Arthur's Decision

By the time Zia and Severus went downstairs, Ginny had already started dinner. They looked at the clock; it was early yet.

"I know it's early," Ginny called from the kitchen, as if she had read their minds. "But, I want to try to get dad to eat something, while he still has an appetite."

"Does he still have an appetite?" Zia asked, coming into the kitchen.

"A bit," Ginny answered honestly. "I checked on him when I came home. His fever is on the rise and the sneezing is becoming more violent. I'm concerned that by tomorrow he won't have any appetite whatsoever."

Zia blushed. "I'm sorry, Ginny. Sev and I took some time for ourselves and -."

"You don't owe anyone an explanation," Ginny interjected. "It has been so long since the two of you took some time for yourselves… It's okay. You are not the only responsible adults in the house. You have to stop acting like you are."

Severus' eyebrows shot up in surprised, but he said nothing.

Meanwhile, Zia smiled. Ginny sounded so much like Molly it was frightening. She was growing up right before their eyes and it was so nice to be there to witness it. "Yes, ma'am, "she answered in a teasing tone.

Ginny smiled, but her eyes were serious. She wasn't a little girl anymore.

By the time dinner was ready most of the inhabitants of the house were home. Ron, George, and Fred were telling Remus and Severus about their newest products, including invisible chocolate bars – so that they could be eaten during class – and misting plants – plants that water people who walk past. Hermione was helping Ginny plate and serve dinner. And, Zia couldn't take her eyes off of Arthur.

Unlike when she had seen him that morning, fever had blossomed in his cheeks and around his eyes. His nose was red and raw from blowing it so often. His normally pale skin seemed to be turning even moreso. To her eyes, he looked as though he was going to pass out at any moment.

However, all his body seemed to want to do was sneeze.

"Heh-ShesshEssh! Chessh-Umphhff! Heh…eh…Umpfff-Chessshh! Hefff-Umphch! Hempfff-sheeIK!" He groaned in pain and grabbed at his right ear.

"Dad, try not to stifle those," Ginny said quietly, as she placed a small bowl of soup in front of him. She placed a hand on his shoulder, "You could really hurt yourself."

Zia wouldn't have thought it possible, but Arthur seemed to become even more pale.

"Heh-SheesshCHessSH! Umpff! HUmphsshh! Pphesshesshh!" He blew his nose with an exhausted honk and dabbed at his eyes. "Excuse… excuse… ex… cuse… Humff-Sheeshh!" He took a moment to catch his breath.

"Bless you," Zia offered quietly.

"Thangs," he replied, breathlessly. He scrubbed at his nose with his handkerchief.

"Yea, dad. Don't worry about excusing yourself. You'll wind up losing your voice in no time if you excuse yourself after every episode," Ron pointed out tactlessly.

Ginny and Hermione glared at him from the back of the kitchen.

"HuccCHESSH! Esssh! Hep-TesshEssh! PheeffSSSHEWW!" Arthur pushed himself away from the table and turned to the side as he doubled over with a coughing fit. The coughs seemed to resonate from deep within his chest and took as much out of him as the sneezing had. He stayed bent over as he groaned miserably and pressed on the side of his neck, slowly rubbing between his ear and the base of his neck.

"Dad?" Ginny asked gently.

He rubbed his forehead with his other hand, but did not sit up and did not respond.

Ron noticed. "Dad?" he asked with a bit of worry creeping into his voice.

Arthur coughed violently, but did not sit up.

"Arthur Weasley!" the twins stated in a scolding tone that accurately mimicked their mother.

Arthur groaned miserably. He snorted and yelped in pain. After a quivering breath, he righted himself. "PheeffSSSHEWW! Essh! PesssTCHesssh!" The force of the sneezes doubled him over again and caused him to start coughing violently again.

Unable to watch silently anymore, Zia went to him and knelt at his side. "Shall we apparate to your room?" she whispered.

He cleared his throat. "Zia, I can't do this," he stated.

She saw sweat beads forming on his forehead. His disorientation was palpable. "I'll do a side by side apparition with you," she offered.

"Huh-Chessh! Essh! Hep-CheESSHH-IK…. Passshoo!" He gasped and whispered, "Ow…"

She put her hand on the back of his neck and withdrew it quickly. "Arthur, you're burning up!"

"Explains the disorientation."

"Ginny," she started.

"I'll bring his soup upstairs."

"With a glass of water, please," Zia requested.

"Zia… I can't eat." He swallowed thickly. "My stomach…"

"Shhh," she soothed. "Just relax your mind. It'll be okay."

"HAP-KesssTCHOOO!" The force of the sneeze threw him forward, and he would have fallen out of the chair if Zia didn't catch him by the shoulder. He looked at Severus through watering eyes. "I can't do this anymore," he stated.

"Do what, Arthur?" Severus asked for clarification.

He coughed. "If I'm going to sneeze my fool head off, I'd rather have the Razzle."

"Arthur, are you sure?" Zia asked.

He worked to catch his breath. "I'd rather an hour of this to several days of Hep-CHessh! it." He coughed harshly.

Severus nodded. "Apparate to your room with Zia. Hermione, get as many handkerchiefs as you can find in the house. Duplicate them if you have to. I'll get a vial of the Razzle."

"What? Nothing fresh brewed?" the twins asked, simultaneously.

"Razzle takes three weeks to brew," Severus responded seriously.

"Ready?" Zia asked. They apparated as soon as Arthur nodded.

They appeared in the middle of his bedroom, and he grabbed onto her arms tightly. "Don't let go. Zia, please don't let go," he begged, breathlessly. He redoubled his grip on her arms and squeezed his eyes shut.

"Just relax," she soothed. She knew that apparating caused slight disorientation. Most people got used to it within the first year of using it. But, for a man with a worsening sinus infection, she was sure the aftereffects were nauseating.

"Don't move. Z… don't move." He swallowed thickly.

"I'm not going anywhere. Nothing is going to happen until you're ready for it to."

He took a few deep breaths and swallowed again. After a few minutes he nodded slightly and opened his eyes. "Just… I need to get to bed. Please."

She could tell by the wispiness of his voice that he was exhausted. She made sure he was comfortable under the covers and sat down next to him. "Would you rather get some rest before we administer the Razzle?"

He shook his head tentatively, as if he were pondering something. Then suddenly, "HEP-TesCHESSH! Esshoo! Tesshhoo!" he sneezed into cupped hands. "Ugh-oooww." He sniffed congestedly.

Zia handed over a handkerchief and waited while he performed a cleansing spell on his hands.

"Sorry," he groaned. He rubbed at each of his ears.

"Ears hurting?" she asked, tenderly.

"Everything hurts," he admitted. "And sneezing makes me feel like my eardrums are going to explode. At this point, I just wish they would."

She took a deep breath. "Arthur, the effects of the Razzle are going to be extreme. Are you sure you want to do this? A simple dose of Pepper-Up will diminish the symptoms at least."

He nodded. "I just want this to be over."

"Okay. You can't go through it alone. But, you can have your choice of who you want here."

"Not Ginny," he stated. "I could never look at her with strength again if she saw me in such a state."

She nodded. "I understand. Then who? Severus, Hermione?"

"You, just you. I know… I… know… HepCHUUSHH!" He sneezed violently, causing his entire body to shake. After a quick honk of his nose he continued, "I know that this is going to be messy. But, I am quite sure the only thing that will be violent are my sneezes." He smiled at her tenderly and reached for her hand.

She took her hand in his own and smiled. "I am quite sure I can get you through the next hour with as much dignity as possible. But, it will be messy and painful. Just remember, I am a healer. I have seen worse. And, I will not look at you as less of a man for going through it."

"In fact, we should all view you as moreso," Severus said coming in. He placed the sparkling fuscia potion on Arthur's nightstand. "He has chosen you to stay?" he asked Zia.

"Yes," she answered.

"May I stay?" Ginny asked, as she brought in his soup.

Zia looked at her sympathetically. "Not this time, Ginny. He's your father. And, there are certain things that you shouldn't see until there are no other choices."

"But, I want to," Ginny argued. "How else am I to learn how you do your job so well if I can't observe it."

Zia went to respond, but Severus cut in. "Ginny, the next time I get a sinus infection, you can watch as Zia cares for me."

The room was struck silent in shock.

"Are you sure, Uncle Sev?" Ginny asked. It was well known that he would lock himself in his room for days when he got a sinus infection. Only her mum, Zia, and Remus were ever allowed in his room when he took so ill.

"Only for you. And only for teaching purposes."

Zia smiled gratefully at Severus. "Will that do?" she asked Ginny.

"Yes, ma'am," Ginny responded, humbled. "Dad, do you want your soup now?"

"Bad idea," Zia answered for him. "He's more likely to get physically ill if he eats prior to taking the Razzle."

Ginny looked down, dejected.

"But," Zia continued on. "After the next hour – hour and a half, I'm going to be wiped out. I'll need you to look in on you dad while he rests. Can you do that for me? He should just be sleeping, but just incase he needs anything."

Ginny smiled. "I'll do it. And, if you need it, I'll look in on you too."

Zia could feel Severus tense up beside her. It was his job to care for her, and now that he was acting more like himself, she could tell he wanted that control back. She reached for his hand and squeezed it. "I'd like that."

HP**HP**HP**HP**

Author's note: The next chapter is an optional chapter, written specifically for those of you who are reading this story for the sneezefic properties. For anyone else, it is an optional chapter. Little – if anything – will be revealed that has to do with the main story.


	12. Razzle  Optional Chapter

Author's Note: This chapter was mostly written as a cookie (gift) for my readers who have followed this story for the sneezefic portions. If sneezing is not something that interests you, feel free to either skim this chapter or skip it entirely.

For those of you who have followed this story for the sneezing portions: Enjoy.

HP**HP**HP**HP**HP**HP

Severus thought of all the things that Arthur needed before Zia gave him the Razzle. Gone to the loo? Check. Blew his nose until his ears popped? Check. Been supplied with a stack of handkerchiefs? Check – in fact, Hermione had brought nearly 100 and two boxes of tissues and a waste basket, just incase. Water? Check – although he had never seen or heard of any experience where water and Razzle were involved ending well. Generally, it was spilled or wound up being sneezed out, choked on, or coming out the person's nose. Bowl of water and cloths for Zia to sponge him down with? Check. Extra blankets? Check. Chair for Zia to sit in? Check – though he figured she'd mostly be sitting on the edge of the bed tending to him.

"You seem to have everything," he said to the room. "Arthur you can still back out."

"Hek-ASHHOOSSHH! Gah… D'oh. I just… jus... huh… HUSSHHHCHESSH! Jusd wandt this to be over," he finished stuffily. His sneezes were gaining in intensity, and each was more painful than the last. An hour of this seemed daunting. But, the prospect of going through days of this was more than he could bear. He wondered how his children always got through. He coughed harshly and stuffily blew his nose again, which sent a shooting pain through his ears and head. He recalled Molly giving them pain relievers and sleep enhancers. He finally understood why.

"I figured," Severus acknowledged. He handed the potion to Zia. "Are you sure you're up for this?" he asked, knowing she would say yes.

"Of course," she responded, with a smile. "My part here is easy."

He kissed her gently on the lips. "I'll see you in about an hour." He put a silencing charm on the room to help Arthur retain his dignity and left.

When she heard the quiet click of the door, Zia started to shake the potion bottle. "Okay, now I've never had to take this, but I've been told it tastes like fizzly raspberry juice. Just drink it all down as fast as you can, and put the bottle aside. You'll feel relaxed, and it should feel like your body has gone somewhere between numb and are falling asleep. The stuffiness, tickling, achiness, and pain will dull away. And then, suddenly, it will all be back and the symptoms will commence. It typically starts with sneezing, but I've seen anything from coughing to hiccups. The aches will come back, but this time because of the compounded symptoms. You will want this to end long before it does, but it will end in about an hour."

"Sombehow I don't feel more confident," he teased stuffily.

"Just letting you know what you're getting yourself into."

"Thangs, I th… thin… HesPLASCHESSH!" He sneezed freely. "Sorry," he whispered. He picked up a handkerchief from the stack and put it on his stomach.

"And don't bother apologizing or excusing yourself. You won't have time. So, bless you - in advance."

"Thank you in advance," he replied with a smile. He snorted a bit and coughed. "Here we go," he said taking the vial from Zia and gulping it down.

Zia removed herself from the bed, knowing she had thirty seconds, max, before the onslaught began.

She pulled the chair Severus had sat in earlier that morning closer to the bed and sat back. She wouldn't be able to do anything for a few minutes at least. And, she knew that people were made self-conscious when she watched with rapt attention.

"Ahh," Arthur said, relaxing for the first time since he had begun to feel ill. "Zia, this feels wonderful."

"Good," she said forcing a smile. She watched his eyes for an indication of what to do next. If all went well they would flutter as the intense tickle took over his head. If there was a problem – like an allergy – his eyes would widen in pain. She hadn't seen it happen often, but it had happened before. And, if it wasn't going to have any effect at all, he would sneeze violently once, and then feel even more miserable than he had before. The latter two options were rare. But, the first symptom of all three was shown in the eyes.

He smiled back at her. "If it could be like this, life would be splendid. Tell me, do people ever get addicted to Razzle?"

"Not generally. But, there are some people who really like sneezing or watching people sneeze. In which case, it's been known to happen. They expose themselves to illness and then take Razzle."

Suddenly, Arthur's eyes fluttered shut. "Oh, Merlin," he whispered. "What?" His voice trailed off and Zia prepared herself for the onslaught.

"Hek-CheesshhEsshh!" His face crashed into his handkerchief and remained there as the sneezing overtook him. "HushhShhussh! Epshh! Epshh! Heh-Eh-Kesshusshushhh!" He stuttered an inhale of breath. "HepshhKessh! EPSHH! Mer… Espsshh! Lin… Kesshusshh! KetchumUUSHH!" He groaned miserably, and clutched at his right ear, as he pressed the handkerchief to his face. "PesshHUSSSH! MmmessshUSSHH! HuhESSSH! HuhESSSH! Epsshhh!"

Zia tugged on the handkerchief in his hand and he released it as he took another breath. She quickly placed another one in his hand, and circled around to the other side of the bed to check out his ear. "KESSHusshushhhuh!… uh… huh… HumPESSHH!" The last sneeze nearly bent him in half and he let out a yelp of pain.

She gently pulled his hand away from his ear. It was red, but otherwise looked normal. "You're doing well," she soothed.

"Huh-Wooohumpppfff! Hesshessh! Chesshh! Kesshfressshhhuh! Uh… Huh… Umpheschhhesshhump!" He gasped and started to cough. At first the coughs were light, but they soon increased in force and moisture, until he seemed to be coughing from deep within him.

"Okay, this is when it starts getting tough," Zia said, as she came around to the other side of the bed again.

Arthur looked at her as if she had gone 'round the twist.

"Here," she said taking the moment to hand him a glass of water. He tried to pull it from her grasp. "You guide it; I'll hold it," she stated.

He took a few sips between coughs. Suddenly, he stopped guiding the glass and grasped for his handkerchief.

"Umpfff-Chessshh! SheesshCHessSH! HuccCHESSH! PheeffSSSHEWW!" he sneezed freely, spraying water on the bed. "Su-su-heh-ik… sorryUFFFKETCSHH!"

With a wave of her wand, his covers were dry. She placed a hand on his shoulder. "Don't worry about it. Trust me."

He nodded and blew his nose stuffily, just as another volley hit. "PesshHUSSSH! MmmessshUSSHH! HuhESSSH! HuhESSSH! Epsshhh!" He coughed and gasped, grasping on his right ear again.

Knowing that the fluid in his ears would have to move eventually, she moved to the other side of the bed again. Generally, the fluid came out, but sometimes it caused serious problems within the ear canal. It was still too early to tell, but the sooner the fluid released the sooner they could concentrate on the other symptoms. And there would be others.

"EtchEffrooshh!" He gasped inwardly and tilted his head to the side. But, the pain did not stop the sneezing. "HushhShhussh! Epshh! Epshh! Heh-Eh-Kesshusshushhh! HuccCHESSH! Humff-Sheeshh! Epshh! Epsshh! Epsshh!"

"Bless. Let me see," she said, kneeling on the bed. She pulled back his hand and smiled when she saw a bit of wax. "It's okay. "

"HuccCHESSH! Humff-Sheeshh! HepSHHHuh! Hefff-Umphch! Eeesshhh! Chu-huh-HEH-ESSSHH! Chesshh! Epshh! Epsshh! Epsshh! SheeshhChesshh!" He blew his nose stuffily and gasped.

"Touch what hurts."

He gasped for a breath between the violent onslaught of sneezing and clasped the handkerchief over his nose and mouth. Tentatively, he touched both ears, his throat, and his chest. "PesshHUSSSH! Eh-heh-uh-EEEessshUSSHH! EtchEffrooshh! UFFFKETCSHH!"

The force of the final sneeze drew his knees up and his body down. A wet stain seep through the blankets and his ears burned with embarrassment.

But, with another wave of her wand the stain was gone and both he and the covers were dry. "Soon you'll feel a sharp pain in your right ear, and then the pain will lessen," she stated, making no indication other than the wave of her wand that she had seen his incontinence.

"Hefff-Umphch!" He coughed harshly. "PheeffSSSHEWW! Essh! PesssTCHesssh! When's thadt?" he asked stuffily. "HushhShhussh! Epshh! Epshh! Heh-Eh-Kesshusshushhh!" He gasped for breath again. "HepshhKessh! EPSHH! Espsshh! Kesshusshh! KetchumUUSHH! EPSHH! EPSHH! EPSHH!"

She looked at him tenderly and shrugged. "When it happens." She smiled sadly. She knew he wasn't in enough pain or discomfort for things to really start releasing yet. "Here," she said handing him a small strip of pink.

"Whad's this?" He blew his nose stuffily.

"Quick. Chew it as much as you can before you start sneezing."

He popped it in his mouth and started to chew. It was sweet and sticky.

"Don't swallow it. It's what muggles use to change the pressure in their ears. It's called gum."

"HEP-TesCHESSH! Esshoo! Tesshhoo!" The gum flew into his handkerchief. His eyes fluttered closed as he tried to ask her for another piece. But, it was for naught. "HepCHUUSHH! KesssTCHOOO! HapKeessshtchoo! PheeeffShhesshh! Chessh! EPSHH! EPSHH! EPSHH! EPSHH! EssphAsshhesshh! HushhShhussh! Hefff-Umphch!" Ugh. Make it stop," he begged.

She gave him a clean handkerchief. "I can't. And, it's only just starting."

"No," he whined. "I don't want to. Pl… plee… ease… Hek-CheesshhEsshh! Hek-ASHHOOSSHH! Mmmm…Tshhhtchhhummm!" He coughed and gasped.

"Don't hold them in. You'll blow out your ears."

His hand was resting on his chest when the next wave of sneezes struck. Too disoriented to reach for his handkerchief, he brought his hand up to his face. "HesPLASCHESSH! PASSHHeesstcchhuESSH!" He coughed wetly. "Kuh- huh… HUSSHHHCHESSH! HushhShhussh! Shuuusshhh! Ussshh! Uh-ShUSHH! Muh-huh-uh-KeSHHHUHH! HuUSHH! USSHH! Ussshhhhh! Ugh…"

She handed him another handkerchief, which he gratefully grasped with a wet hand. "EHhhesCHESSH! KesssTCHOOO! EssFresshooo! Estchoo! Estchoo! Huh-eh-Hepstcshoosh!" He gasped for air, but there was none to be had as the sneezes continued to barrel out of him. "Huh-uh-SHOOSH! Wummffesshheww! Umpshoo! Epshh! Epshh! Heh-EPTSHOOSH! EhSHOOSH! Keh-HESHOO!" After the final sneeze he grasped his head. He didn't move. He barely breathed.

She knew that the pressure in his head had finally become unbearable and that the slightest movement or sound could send him totally over the edge into a screaming, crying release of pain. "Here," she whispered, guiding the glass of water back to his lips.

He took a few tentative sips before, "PheeffSSSHEWW!" The water sprayed into the glass and over his covers.

She placed the glass aside, dried his covers and gave him a fresh handkerchief.

"HuccCHESSH! Esssh! Hep-TesshEssh! Chuh! Huh-Chuh! EsCHUFF!" He snorted, coughed violently, and took another hesitant breath. "HesPLASCHESSMP! Eschuff! Heshcuff! Umph! Umph! Umph! Esshuh! Esschuh! EssCHUH! HumPH! UmPH! Huh… uh… ugh… UsshhumPH! UmpLECH!" The last sneeze was noticeably wetter than the others.

She winced at the wetness and then gave him another handkerchief. " Blow your nose. Trust me."

"Doesn't work," he whined.

"It'll work."

But, before he could even consider blowing his nose, "HushhSHHussh! Epshh! Epshh! Heh-Eh-Huh - KesshusshuSHHH!" The fit ended in a long gurgling blow. Before he finished another sneeze exploded out of him. "Hep-SHASCHESSH! " He screamed in pain and grasped his right ear. He twisted himself to the side and flopped back onto the pillows, which earned him another scream.

She jumped up to assist, "Here, let me see," she said pulling his hand away from his ear. Wax was dripping out. She tenderly wiped away the excess, pulling away only when he started to cough. "Can you roll over for me?" she asked.

Still coughing, he rolled to the other side. He sniffled and coughed harder. He screamed as the pressure in his head changed, and winced away from the pillow.

She handed him a fresh handkerchief. He lowered his hand away from his ear and she gasped. The sinus infection was worse than she had thought. Pus and blood had mixed with the wax and were oozing out. "This is going to hurt," she whispered as she tenderly wiped is away.

He yelped and pulled away from her.

"I know. But, you're in the final half."

"UFFFKETCSHH! " He sneezed wetly, freely, aiming the spray into the covers. "Ohhh…" he groaned. "There's more… huh…"

"I know. Come on," she said as she guided him back to being propped up by the pillows. His ears continued to seep.

"HesPLEWW! AchhSHOO! EscHUH! EsshUH! UFFKechSHH! KechSHH! UshketSHH! HUshhSHUUSH! Ump-ump…"

"Let it out," she coaxed.

"UmpSHUUSCHT!" He started to cough, but the sneezes continued to come. "Kuh-kuhk-kuh-UMPCH! Kuh-kuh-kuhk-huMPCH! Umpch! Umpch! Umpch! PheeffSSSHEWW!" He suppressed the coughs and set to blowing his nose. He gasped again and shook his head, allowing the coughs to come out in short bursts and letting mucus drip down his lip.

She leaned over and wiped his nose. "Don't blow," she whispered. "Just give yourself a second."

He nodded his head, feeling to miserable to feel embarrassment about her tending to his nose.

"You're about to go through the final bout of head pressure."

He sneezed airly into the handkerchief that she was still holding in front of him. Then slightly harder, "Esssumpch!"

"Looks like it's now."

She gave him a fresh handkerchief and sat back.

"ASHHOOSSHH! Huh… HUSSHHHCHESSH!" The force of the sneeze launched him forward. He held his handkerchief to his mouth as he coughed wetly. "Water…" he requested.

"Not right now. Just let it come."

He went to respond, but sneezed instead. "EPSHH! HushhShhussh! Epshh! Epshh! Heh-Eh-KessHUSSHuHshhh! Shh –eh - Kessh! Espsshh! Kesshusshh! KetchuFFUUSHH!"

"Good. Just relax," she soothed, although she wasn't certain that he could hear her.

"PesshHUSSSH! MmmessshUSSHH! HuhESSSH! HuhESSSH! Epsshhh! HEP-TesCHESSH! Epsh! Eppsh! Eppsh! Esshoo! Tesshhoo! HesPLASCHESSH!" He pressed his nose into his nearly useless handkerchief.

"Here," she said, handing him another one.

"HushhShhussh! Epshh! Epshh! Heh-Eh-Kesshusshushhh! HushhSHHussh! Epshh! Epshh! Heh-Eh-Huh - KesshusshuSHHH!" He blew his nose wetly, filling that handkerchief … and three others. Suddenly he screamed out again. He dropped the handkerchief and turned away from her.

She could see his breath coming in hitches.

"Eh-Kesshusshushhh!" He whimpered.

She kneeled on the bed and realized that he was crying. "Oh Arthur," she whispered.

"Kesshummpphssh!" He groaned and looked at her with pleading eyes.

"This is going to hurt…" she warned, as she muttered a healing spell that cleansed his ears.

The tingling sensation that would normally tickle made him feel as though his ear drums were bursting. He screamed out and shoved her as hard as he could.

This not being her first Razzle experience, she was expecting it. "I know it hurts," she said, gently.

"No, you don't," he spat at her. "You do-hoh-ndt – Esssumpch!"

"You're almost out of the woods. One more."

He pulled away from her, fearful that she was going to do the cleansing spell again. Then he felt it – a tickle so strong that he felt like his insides were going to come out. "Huh… oh… no… Z? Huh…"

She gave him a fresh handkerchief.

"Th…hanks… Huh… uh… Uh? "Hek-CheesshhEsshh!" His face crashed into his handkerchief. "HushhShhussh! Epshh! Epshh! Heh-Eh-Kesshusshushhh! HepshhKessh! EPSHH! Kesshusshh! KetchumUUSHH! PesshHUSSSH! MmmessshUSSHH! HuhESSSH! HuhESSSH! Epsshhh!"

She put another on his lap and he quickly picked it up. "KESSHusshushhhuh!… uh… huh… HumPESSHH! PLESSHEWW! Eschuff! Heshcuff! Umph! Umph! Umph! Esshuh! Esschuh! EssCHUH! HumPH! UmPH! Huh… uh… ugh… UsshhumPH! EPSHH! HushhShhussh! Epshh! Epshh! Heh-Eh-KessHUSSHuHshhh! Shh –eh - Kessh! Espsshh! Kesshusshh! KetchuFFUUSHH! KetchuFFUUSHHUSSH!" He blew his nose and grasped at her.

She handed him another handkerchief. "Shoo! Uhshoo! Huhshoo! Uh… uhh… ugh." He flopped backwards exhausted, gasping for air. He ached and felt as though he had pulled muscles in his neck, back, and stomach. But, he no longer felt sick. Even the sneezy feeling was abating.

"Less pressure?" she asked.

"So much less pressure," he gasped. His voice was raw and his body sore.

"You've done great, Arthur. You're in the home-stretch now."

"Thanks," he whispered. He looked over at her and smiled. All he wanted to do now was sleep. But, the Razzle was not through with him yet. "Heh-ShesshEssh! Hefff-Umphch! Chessh-Umphhff!"

She accio'ed a new glass of water and handed it to him. She let him hold it this time as she guided it to his lips. He took several large gulps before leaning back. "Thangs," he said, congestedly.

"You're quite welcome." She felt his forehead with the back of her hand. It was warm, but not overwhelmingly so. She wet one of the cloths that Severus had brought and placed it on his forehead.

"The sneezes are losing intensity, so they should subside shortly. The veracity of them should be weak enough to not pitch you forward anymore."

As if to prove her point, he sneezed into the crook of his elbow. "Heh…eh…Umpfff-Chessshh!"

"Don't worry. I'll stay here until you fall to sleep."

He yawned widely. "Thanks, Z… I –ugh." He turned his head to one side. "Hempfff! Chusssh!"

"Don't mention it, Arthur. It'll be okay. And, in a few hours when you wake up, you'll be sore and a little sneezy. But, you'll be back on your feet in no time. "

His eyes shut slowly as he suppressed a few weak coughs.

She waited until his breathing evened out, before she went back downstairs.


	13. The Cold Hard Truth

When Zia descended the stairs she was pleased to see Severus standing at the bottom holding a warm cup of tea. She smiled at him, and pet his face. "I'll take one of those."

He handed it to her with a grin.

"No, I didn't mean to take yours."

He shook his head. "No, I made it for you. This is yours – spearmint with honey. Warm, not hot. Just like you like it."

She smiled as a warm wave of relief swept over her. She pet his cheek. "Thank you," she whispered and gave him a kiss on the cheek. "How's your nose?" she asked, brushing her fingers over the bridge of it.

"Sore," he answered honestly. "I simply don't know how you pull yourself back together after you unhinge."

'Because I unhinge so frequently,' she thought to herself, sarcastically. "Takes practice, I suppose," she answered, sipping her tea and walking into the living room. "Why?" she asked, looking over her shoulder at him, to make sure he followed. "Are you feeling foggy?"

"Foggy brained, as you would put it. My nose and jaw hurt, my neck is sore… it almost feels like it does when I'm getting the flu. But, without the other symptoms."

She shrugged. "All totally normal," she assured him. "But, I can massage your shoulders after we head to bed. " She truly didn't want to offer – she was so tired. But, she knew it's what he wanted, and after a night like the previous, it was likely what he needed too.

"Well see," he said in an understanding tone, that implied that he would assess if he thought she was up to it when the time came. They both sat down on the couch. Zia looked around and noticed that every member of the village was home: the twins, Ron, Ginny, Hermione, and Remus were all sitting in the living room, eating finger sandwiches.

"Here," Ginny said, handing the plate to Zia and Severus. "I know you said you're not hungry, Uncle Sev. But, you should have at least one. And, Zia, I'm sure you've no appetite, but, again, if you could have just one, I would feel much better."

Zia smiled and handed one to Severus, who looked positively green when he saw it. She understood. The few times she had totally unhinged, she wasn't hungry for days. She leaned over to him. "Just one. Then sip some water. If you need, we'll make you ginger tea." She kissed him on the cheek. "Please love, for me."

He took a bite, which would have easily been conceived as a nibble. But, Severus Snape did not *nibble* food. Nor did he eat daintily – no matter what it looked like. He ate slowly, taking small bites, like a gentleman who was too polite to say no.

She at one half of a sandwich, but her fatigue kept her from wasting energy eating. She had precious little energy left, and she was still had to have a family meeting.

"Remus, have you explained to the young ones what's going on?"

"He said that we're having a family meeting. Just an update of what's going on in our lives and in our heads. A place to hash things out and get things off of our chest."

"And, whatever happens in the meeting stays in the meeting. If feelings are hurt or people are angry, it comes out and gets settled here," Ron added in between bites of sandwich.

Zia nodded. "Well… we'll start with the obvious," she said, her gaze shifting over the Weasley family. "Your father will be fine." She paused and allowed the family to take a collective sigh of relief and regroup. "He responded exceptionally well to the treatment. And, although he will still be sneezing and sore for a few days, he'll be right as rain to return to work on Monday… although he'll push himself to do so before. " She looked around the room. "Nobody must let him though. Not before we find out what it is that irritated his system so badly."

"Ih-hih… Huh-Wuffa!" Remus sneezed suddenly. He sniffed thickly and looked surprised. Two more sneezes exploded out of him, violently shaking him.

"Love, are you all right?" Hermione asked, placing her hand on his shoulder.

He promptly pulled away from her. "Huh-Wuffa! Wuffa! Wuff-ffesssh!" He coughed a few times before blowing his nose. "Excuse me," he said stuffily. "I don't know what's just come over me."

Zia sighed. She hadn't even considered the trace amounts of aconite in the Razzle. "It's probably me," she said. "The Razzle contains aconite. It's probably that. I'll go shower after the meeting.

Remus nodded as yet another sneeze exploded out of him.

Zia turned to Severus. "Could you please get the light blue fizzy antihistamine?" she asked him, as she put a hand on his arm.

"The light blue?" he asked, looking at her oddly. It was obvious he did not share her opinion of what they should medicate Remus with.

"I'll be fine," Remus insisted, as the sneezing subsided.

"Please, dear," Zia insisted. "Pretend I'm the healer, and that I've spent a lifetime taking care of this man. Now, let's pretend you're a great potions master, and that you trust my judgment on what to do and how."

"Huh-Wuff-chsst!" The sneeze was quieter, but wetter than the others.

"There is a method to my madness. Please go."

He sighed dramatically. "Yes, healer," he said sarcastically, as he got up to get the potion. He was back less than a minute later with two vials. One of a light blue fizzy potion and one of a dark blue non fizzy potion.

"The reason I suggest the light blue, is because you'll sneeze once or twice, extremely violently and then your body will release the allergen. It's short term – maybe a half an hour of relief. But, that way I can take a shower and we can start cleaning this house top to bottom. That way, if the irritant is in this house, we can nip it in the bud before others fall ill with it. And," she added, suppressing a yawn, "if you need another allergy relief potion after cleaning, you can take one. Unlike the dark blue which is a day long potion."

Severus smiled. "I should have trusted you," he said, handing Remus the light blue potion.

"You used to; when you thought I was competent," she whispered.

The hurt look on Severus' face could not be ignored. But, she was still in healer mode and watched Remus.

"Huh-WuffaaaAAATSSSCHHT! HISSHKETCHHHH!" He then started blowing his nose, and it went on and on so long and so much, Zia thought that he would start bleeding. But, he did not and soon the symptoms subsided.

"Bless you," Hermione whispered, wrapping her arm around his back as he gathered himself together.

He nodded, but didn't say anything.

Zia blinked hard as her eyes went in and out of focus. She noticed Ginny looking at her oddly, but she tried to pay her no mind. "On to the big problem at hand. Money."

She watched as the room tensed around her. "Not that we are in need of it, but that people seem to think that they are not contributing enough, because we have not set a minimum amount expected. Severus has worked out the household expenses – I know, because he pays the bills. I think he also knows generally about how much everyone makes. So…" she handed the floor over to him.

"It's quite simple really. We all take in a decent amount for where we are in life. Zia and I have no interest in bankrupting anyone. So, I came up with a simple formula to calculate, by percentage, how much each person should contribute. Now," he wrapped an arm around Zia. "I know this may sound like a lot. However, please keep in mind that the money goes to the house, bills, food, and potion ingredients… nothing super special, but ones we all use frequently."

The others all looked at him solemnly, expecting some astronomical number. Zia could tell that they were regretting asking already. But, she wasn't concerned. Severus was fantastic with sums. He would work it out to the lowest amount humanly possible. She knew he didn't feel comfortable taking money to begin with. But, if they were going to feel such a strong sense of obligation, he would oblige them the opportunity to help. It was times like these that it was painfully obvious that he was surrounded by Gryffindors. Slytherins would have taken his generousity and never questioned it.

"So, in the end, totaling everything normal, I'm asking for 10% from each paycheck."

They watched as each person in the group calculated their share.

"Are you certain? Even with my old paycheck, that's hardly anything," Hermione said.

"I'm positive. I even rounded up a bit on some of the numbers to make certain things are covered." He turned to Ginny. "Now, I know you're only working part time. And, Remus, that your work is sporadic at best, you can pay me as you can. We'll cover you until then."

"No you won't," the twins said in unison. "We'll pay for our sister," George said. "If ever she comes up short, that is," Fred clarified."

Remus waved at them. "Sirius left money," he said.

"He left you this house too. Which is yours by right. But, the money is for you to live on in your old age. Don't spend it before your time," Zia stated.

"No, I gave the house to the Order. And, then to whomever had need. You have cleaned it, used it, and made it in many ways your own. When I can, I'll leave the house to the two of you."

"Remus, that is too much, old friend," Severus said, in a grateful tone.

"Nonsense. You have both given to me at times when I had nothing. Now, I have an extra house, literally. I know that your place, Zia, is too small for two. And that yours, Severus, was burned during the second war. Keep it. It's a gift, as I seem to have found myself in a place of abundance."

Zia smiled as brightly as she could muster. "Thank you, Remus. That is more generous than we can verbalize."

"You're a good man, Remus Lupin," Severus agreed.

Zia was getting so tired. She was winding down fast. At this rate, she would be forgoing the shower and falling asleep right where she was.

Ginny made eye contact with her. "Zia, how about you and I go upstairs and check on my dad?"

Too exhausted to even see through Ginny's request, she agreed to it.

"All right, Sev. Wrap this up. I'll show Ginny how to take care of the after effects of Razzle."

She groaned as she stood.

Severus looked at her with soft pleading eyes.

But, she was too exhausted to see it. "It's not like you need me down here," she whispered. She smiled at the group. "Your father will be fine. Sev will work out money situations. And, I'm sure all of you know how to clean by now. Be sure to charm behind the walls and under the floors clean. If there is mold or something…"

"We've got it," Hermione cut in.

Remus stood up and pulled her into a gentle hug. "Get some rest," he instructed her. "You've had a long day."

"And it ain't over," she mumbled, pulling herself out of the hug.

Ginny walked slowly beside her. Although she wouldn't say it, she held an arm, braced, behind Zia, in case she fell backwards. The poor woman looked as though she was going to collapse at any moment. Ginny knew she had to get Zia to bed, somehow. And, she had perhaps an even more task in front of her: she needed to make sure Uncle Severus was all right.

She thought about the hurt look that crossed his face when Zia had said that he once considered her competent; the soft look he gave her when she groaned as she got up; the sadness that emanated from him when she said that she wasn't needed downstairs. There was no doubt about it: he was very concerned about Zia. And she was too exhausted to even contemplate seeing it.

"Come on," Zia said, the exhaustion evident in her voice. "I'll show you what to do when your dad wakes up."

"Zia?"

When Zia turned, Ginny gave her a look worthy of Molly Weasley.

"You could figure it out, I suppose," she admitted. "I do need to shower though." She yawned widely.

"I'll stand outside the door. If you are longer than twenty minutes, I'll come in for you," Ginny said, folding her arms across her chest.

"Eh," Zia said with a smile, "you don't need me to teach you to be a healer, kid. You've got it all on your own." She went to slip into the bathroom.

Ginny grabbed her arm before she closed the door.

"Don't get any ideas. I still need you to teach me," she said hastily.

"Honey, I'm so tired I couldn't have ideas if I wanted them."

"I mean it," Ginny insisted, again preventing Zia from calling the door.

Too exhausted to even contemplate what Ginny was talking about, Zia glared at her. "Look, I'm taking a shower. You can either come in and prattle on to me about whatever it is you're going on about. Or, you can wait for me to be done. But, I have about five minutes of energy left and I don't want to spend it here.

Ginny stepped back and let Zia take her shower. As soon as Zia emerged, she gasped.

Zia had looked exhausted going in, but she was positively dead on her feet coming out.

"Come on," Ginny said, grasping her around the arms.

"No, no," Zia whispered, through the unconsciousness that threatened to take her over. "Around the ribs, under the arms." She let Ginny readjust her.

Careful as a mother, Ginny walked her into her and Severus' bedroom. She marveled at the queen anne furniture, but was surprised at how old everything seemed. The room was like the portrait of Dorian Grey. It had aged, although those who inhabited looked as though they had not.

She laid Zia on the bed, with the upmost care, and smiled when Zia started softly snoring before she even left the room.

HP**HP**HP

Remus watched Severus while Ginny helped Zia up the stairs. Severus' eyes did not unfix from Zia until she was completely out of site. He didn't look at the rest of the room, merely dropping his eyes to his lap and taking off and pocketing his glasses.

Remus took his cue from there. "Mione, why don't you and the boys prepare dinner? Something that'll take a few hours to cook – maybe run to the store to pick up some supplies, yea?"

Hermione smiled sadly, her eyes flickering from Severus to the Weasley boys and back to Remus. "Sure," she said, getting up slowly, and planting a kiss on the side of Remus' head. "Come on guys. We have to stock up on stuff anyway," she said, as she ushered them out of the house.

Remus waited until he heard the click of the door. "I'm sure she didn't mean it, Severus."

Severus leaned forward, and braced his elbows on his knees – his head in his hands. "She meant it. Exhaustion makes her blunt. You know that."

Remus did. But, he also knew that meant her sarcastic nature was often misconstrued. "I'm sure she just meant it tongue in cheek and it came out wrong."

Severus did not look up. "I did horrible things to her Remus. More and more memories show themselves to me every day. The physical fighting was only part of it. The things I said to her… The things I made her do… I damaged her. And, yet, she sits beside me."

"She loves you."

"She shouldn't. I don't deserve that sort of love." He swallowed hard. "Let's pretend, she had said. She thinks I find her incompetent. She thinks I doubt her knowledge, her training…"

"Severus, she doubts it herself. She feels she's losing her gifts. Her knowledge."

"Did she ever confide in you, old friend? Did she ever tell you what was going on?"

"Never!" Remus exclaimed. "She would never betray your trust like that."

Severus shook his head. "So she suffered through it in silence and alone. Sometimes at night, I watch her sleep and wonder what it must have been like living with me during that time. I imagine the fear that she must have felt whenever I was awake, and the doubt and d-despair that she must have felt… so alone." His voice caught. He wiped under his eyes with his wrist.

"You can't do that to yourself."

Severus looked back at the stairway to the second floor. "Oh, but I do. I envision how she lived with the horrible things, alone, and how much she would have had to endure to make her doubt not only my love for her, but my confidence in her and that I would n-never… "

"Hurt her?" Remus finished for him. "But, you did. Often. Daily. Maybe even multiple times per day. And, you're right, she was probably afraid to sleep and afraid to wake up." He knew coddling Severus would only be rebuked. "Would you have done it to Lily?" he asked, quietly.

Snapping back to the present, Severus looked at him seriously. "What about Lily?"

"If you had won her heart instead of James. Would you have treated her like this? Would you have fought her and…"

"Enough!" Severus snapped. But, he contemplated the question. "We would have probably fought verbally more. But, I would never have raised a hand to her. She would never have had me back."

"You proposed to Lily," Remus whispered.

"I never did," Severus said, shaking his head.

"You did when you thought Ginny was her. You saw a second chance and in a heartbeat, you forgot about Zia and proposed to Lily."

Severus shook his head. "I wasn't myself."

"And, then, she held you while you cried over your loss. If I were her, I would _know_ that I was not good enough for you. And, maybe it would come out when I was drunk… or tired."

"I love her. More than anyone else. More than Lily."

"Have you ever told her that? That you love her more than Lily?"

Severus shook his head. "No. I never compared them in my head."

"Oh bull. She wasn't even mine for two years and everything Hermione does is compared against her. I can only imagine how much you have compared her to Lily over the years. And, if I was a betting man, I would wager that Zia was not the victor."

"You would lose," Severus stated, plainly.

"Fine. Then consider it from her point of view. She knew you loved Lily when she agreed to marry you. But, then you start hurting her – she lives in fear of you. And then one day you forget about her and propose to Ginny, who you believe is Lily. How many times do you think _she_ compares herself to Lily? I bet it would be a lot."

"There are times I wish she kept a diary."

"You'd never read it. You'd never betray her trust like that."

Severus nodded. Remus had a point. He had often told Zia that she should write down the secrets and feelings that she kept in her head. She had always told him that she couldn't betray the people that had confided in her. And, he knew that if she ever did write it down, he could never read it. It would be the ultimate betrayal to her.

"You have to tell her you love her more than Lily," Remus stated.

"She'd never believe me."

"Tell her if you could go back and choose, she would be your choice."

Severus looked at Remus evenly. "That would be like saying that Jada would have married me instead of you. You know that's not true. If she didn't have to go through an identity change, you two would be happily…"

They halted the conversation as Ginny came down the stairs. Severus peeked over his spectacles at her. "How is she doing Ginny?" he asked. There was exhaustion in his voice. But, there was something else too. Something that sounded like… exasperation?

"She's exhausted. I don't think she's had a day like that in a long time."

Both men nodded.

Severus sighed sadly and gazed at the space between he and Remus.

"Uncle Sev?" Ginny cut into his thoughts.

"Hm?" he asked, looking up.

"Are you all right?" She had noticed the hurt look in his eyes when she had mentioned he should pretend he found her competent. She wondered if that was what was eating at him now.

"He will be," Remus answered for him.

Severus held a hand up, to stop Remus. "I will be. But," he considered bringing Ginny into his own pain. He didn't want to burden the poor child, but Zia may have told her something… "Did she say anything to you about … about me not finding her…" His breath hitched. The thought of her thinking he thought her not competent was heartbreaking.

"Not even a bit. If I had to guess, I'd say she didn't even realize she said it."

He put a mask of understanding up. "Thank you," he said quickly, as he took off his spectacles.

"Uncle Sev," Ginny said, coming to his side. She started massaging his shoulder and was shocked at how knotted they were.

He placed a gentle hand over hers. "Thank you, but not right now."

"Uncle Sev, you have to take care of yourself before you can take care of her."

He nodded. "Yes. I'm taking a nap." He got up, rather abruptly. He started to walk out of the room before turning around slowly. "Thank you both. Remus, I'll think on your suggestion. But, she won't believe me."

"Would you believe you?" Remus asked, being careful to leave Ginny in the dark.

"Would you?" he countered.

Remus thought on that. "Doesn't matter what I believe. It matter's what's true. And, what you want her to believe is true."

Severus scrubbed a hand over his face.

Ginny watched quietly. She knew she wasn't supposed to be there, but she couldn't imagine disrupting the conversation by leaving. So, she stood very still and attempted to blend into the furniture.

"If you can't say yes, then that means no," Remus stated. "Which means she'd have good reason not to believe you, if you don't even believe yourself."

"Remus," he growled. He paused. "Ginny, can you please step out? While I'm certain you will hear pieces, I'd rather you not be here for this."

She put a hand up. "I actually have to run to the library. I'll be back."

Severus waited for Ginny to leave. "Remus, I am living with the man that I know my wife would choose giving a second go around. Her competition is dead."

Remus shook his head. "You're an idiot if you believe that. And, a fool if you think that makes living with you – or loving you – any easier."

Severus stalked toward Remus angrily. "What do you mean by that?" he hissed, carefully controlling his voice level.

Remus shifted to face him, squarely. "Zia is not the same person she was before her identity shift. While I sometimes see glimpses of Jada, she changed totally. Zia and I are close friends, but we don't love each other the way Jada and I did. Point blank, she is a different person. And, you have known for over twenty years how close she and I are and what kind of relationship we have." He coughed as his symptom started reappearing. "Meanwhile, she has nothing to compare how things turned out versus how you hoped they would all those years ago. All she has is the reality that if you could go back and do it again, you would have defected to Lily. Lily was already with James, so she has hope that you would have still fallen in love with her. But, Severus, I am willing to bet that it's harder knowing that you would trade her in for Lily in a heartbeat."

"I would not," he seethed.

Remus' eyebrows shot up. "Wouldn't you? You may not remember this, but you did think that Ginny was Lily. You didn't recognize Zia. And, she watched as you pledged your heart and your life to Lily. Whether you feel it every day or not… whether you meant it… she saw it. And, she comforted you for hours after as you sobbed that all you ever wanted out of life was Lily."

Severus paled and sat down. "That should not have happened. "

"But it did. And, if – and I'm saying if because she has never spoken to me of this – _if_ she ever thought that you were truly happy with the life you chose, she doesn't anymore. It's not possible."

Severus closed his eyes and pinched the bridge of his nose. Tears leaked out and streaked down his cheeks. "I am happy with her. I don't know what would have happened with Lily. Maybe we could have been happy together, but that's not what happened."

"You have to tell her. You have to impress upon her that she is the leading lady in your life. Not the ghost of your ex-best friend. Even though she'd never admit it, I can almost guarantee that it's eating her up inside. She is a woman after all… and a lady. And, she hurts just like the rest of us. But, unlike the rest of us, she doesn't have the luxury of showing it."


	14. Truths Revealed

Zia stretched as she woke up. Severus lay next to her, soundly snoring, with one arm draped protectively over her. She smiled as she flipped onto her side and snuggled into him, her head resting into his chest. She breathed in his scent and reveled in the fantastic day she had. As a healer, it was always a good day when she could help someone – and the whole day had revolved around her helping the inhabitants. But, as a woman, she had longed for Severus to act like the man she married that it was practically an ongoing ache. Now that he was returning to his old self, she felt like old times. In fact, between him and the other members of the village, she found herself no longer awaiting death. Now she wanted to fight it.

He shifted in his sleep and pulled her closer. She smiled as she knew, even in his sleep, her closeness – in proximity - was what he wanted – to be assured that there was someone with him, someone whom he could trust and who was not abandoning him.

Abandonment.

Oh, that was an issue they both had. His father had been emotionally absent, and after Lily turned her back on him, Severus would have up and died if given half a chance. Everyone he trusted left him in the end. And, during both the first war, and during the first few years after the second, he was certain she would get fed up with him and either slip out or never come home.

The never coming home scared him more than anything: her being injured or killed on the job. It was part of his protective nature. He didn't simply feel it was his duty to protect her – he was a gentleman, but he knew she wasn't a push over. Rather, he was protective because he couldn't bear the thought of losing her, especially due to the carelessness of another.

Her own abandonment issues were her own doing, really. She had a great mum and da who were supportive of her life, her chosen profession as a healer, and her chosen fiancé – Remus Lupin. They were young and very much in love, both countering the other in the best ways. Certainly there were the healer-sick roles that they played for each other, but really that was so trivial it hardly mattered. They saw the best in each other and in others, while not being afraid to point out their faults. They made each other laugh at the most mundane things, and had intellectual conversations and research competitions regularly.

They were young and very much in love when the Death Eaters started targeting healers. So, Dumbldore gave Zia – then Jada – the chance to change her identity to save her life. After many conversations with Remus, about how she would have to change everything – her looks, her personality, even how she healed, in order to save her life. In the end, they never did break off their engagement, but Remus convinced her that making friends with the new her and 'seeing where it went' was better than her dying trying to remain where she was. She always knew he wanted to get on with their lives while she was Zia, but she couldn't put him in harms way like that. Besides, her personality had changed so much that he told her one day that he couldn't love her the same way anymore. At the time, she told him she understood and would always value his friendship highest above all others. But, since the village had started, she wondered if he said it because it was true, or to give her a shot at another life. Maybe she was supposed to fight for him. She didn't know. But, she had lost him because of her choices.

Then she got reacquainted with Severus. Who was jaded and hurt and very strong. It was his strength that drew her in, and his predicament that kept her interested. Slowly they started to date and learned to trust each other. She knew he wasn't a real double agent long before it was public knowledge that he was a double agent at all. Best of all, he always came back to her. And after he had been absolved of his crimes… his crimes that was it!

She closed her eyes hard. How could she have been so stupid? How could she have looked over that he was a Death Eater! He never had cleansed his mind of the horrors that he witnessed or of the things that he did. He was a Death Eater! He _killed_ people – Regularly! He turned in his best friends for crimes they didn't commit. He tried to kill _her _after their first break up – something that was never discussed. He had almost succeeded as well, but she was pretty sure it was the blast radii from the other Death Eaters that had weakened her so.

"Duccat for your thoughts?" he asked, his gentle tone permeating the darkest recesses of her mind.

She smiled, unsure what to say. "Just thinking about the secrets you and I keep."

His eyes knit together in confusion. "What secrets? Remus and your history?"

"No, the important ones," she answered, shifting out of his arms so she could see him more properly. "The ones I hold as a healer and the ones you hold as a," she stopped. His past was not discussed, not even by them. They had discussed some of it, right after each of the wars. But, it was obvious the subject was painful for him, and although she had offered to do a thorough soul cleaning on him, he said he didn't deserve to be forgiving for his atrocities. Not really. She took away the barriers and let him release his emotions, but she did not deaden the pain.

"A death eater," he finished for her darkly. "Why are you thinking about that?" The question in no way related to her as a healer. He wanted to know why she was thinking about him as a Death Eater.

"I was just thinking," she said, choosing her words wisely, "about the secrets that you keep. About the fact that you've never shared or released them. About what they must be doing to you now."

"I don't want to talk about it!" he exclaimed, throwing his legs over the bed and sitting up. But, he didn't move off the bed.

She pushed herself onto her knees and traced her fingers down his bare back, noticing the wetness of sweat and how he was not moving, not even to breathe. It was the same as he used to get before he had to go back to Voldemort. He was steeling himself against emotional and mental pain. He was putting up barriers to keep others away. In short, he was pushing her out.

"Severus," she whispered, planting a kiss on his shoulder. "Severus, I'm not attacking you."

"No," he growled, "you're pitying me."

"Oh, Morganna, no!" she exclaimed. "Severus Tobias Snape when have I ever pitied you?"

He shook his head.

"Answer me in words, Severus," she stated, through gritted teeth, showing him a shadow of the woman she used to be.

"No, never. But, we haven't talked about this in many years. I thought that you had seen past it by now."

"It's part of who you are, but not the only part. And, it is part of the man I love," she replied tenderly.

"How could you? You know parts of what I've done, but you don't know what I've done. I've been absolved by the law, but the – the pain I live with, have learned to live with. If you understood… if you truly understood… you wouldn't love me." He sighed heavily. "I've awaited this day since we were children. I honestly never thought it would happen. I never thought you'd want to know."

"Do you want me to know?" she asked.

He looked over his shoulder and made eye contact with her. It took work for her not to gasp in shock when she saw the raw emotion in them. He showed no anger, just sadness and fear.

She sat on the bed next to him and kissed his upper arm. "I love you, Severus. I know what you did… what Death Eaters did… I love how you overcame and conquered. Your strength to have survived your life and not died or fallen along the way."

"I followed Voldemort – the darkest wizard in known history. I helped him rise to power,_ twice_!" He yelled the word 'twice'.

"You were tasked to the second time. By Dumbledore, in his _infinite_ wisdom," she stated, adding sarcasm on the word 'infinite'. "Sweetheart, it's not your fault." She bit her lip. Other than the word 'dear' or the occasional 'honey', terms of endearment weren't generally received well.

Anger flickered across his features, but didn't hold. He closed his eyes and bowed his head. "I was so sure that I was doing the right thing. And they were accepting of me," he whispered, starting an explanation that she had never before heard.

She smiled a bit, but said nothing.

He looked at her, and then back down. He swallowed thickly. "I thought I was so lucky to be accepted by people who thought that purity of the blood was important. Most of these witches and wizards were purebloods. I was a half-blood. A… a… mu… mud-blood. But, they liked me. And, I…" he swallowed again.

He took a shaky breath, and she saw tears rolling down his cheeks.

"I… um… after my childhood, I thought that wizards shouldn't marry muggles. Obviously, they weren't strong enough to balance each other." He took another shaky breath.

"You were trying to prevent others from having a childhood like yours." It didn't make sense to an adult mind. Especially not one that had lived through the two wars. However, to a teenager who had lived through a horrific childhood it made perfect sense.

"I don't deserve you. You don't deserve this," he chanted through the tears.

She put her arm around him, and pulled him to her. He craned he neck to rest it into her chest and sobbed. "I killed so many, so many who believed that muggles and wizards belonged together. I killed without remorse because I was saving a child. But, I killed so many… and children, what I did to Hogwarts and the children and…" Finally, his words failed him and he succumbed to retching sobs.

She shifted herself so that her arm wrapped more around him and brought her other hand up to caress his face and neck. She dropped kisses on his head. "It's okay," she told him. "It's over, Severus. You are a good man. A strong man."

"No, I'm not," he said, through the sobs.

"You can't go back, but I still love you. I love you still." She held him tightly and rocked him as he cried, and laid with him when he needed to sleep away the pain.

When he was snoring soundly, she kissed him on the cheek and left a holofly for him, explaining that she had gone to check on Arthur and help with dinner. She knew he would be fearful that she had left him, but she couldn't bear to be in bed any longer.

**HP**

When Zia checked in Arthur's room, she found it decidedly empty. 'Someone's feeling better,' she thought as she went downstairs.

"Shoot!" she exclaimed as her legs gave way and she fell down the last three stairs.

Within seconds, she heard people running in her direction. She pushed herself up and tested her weight on each leg. "I'm okay," she said, as Remus and the Weasley's came rushing up to her.

"What happened?" Remus asked, moving to the front and reaching for her hand.

She squeezed his hand and allowed him to help her to her feet. "Just momentary weakness in my legs. I assure you, I'm fine."

The group did not look assured.

"HepSHHHuh!" Arthur sneezed wetly.

"Bless you, dad," the twins said simultaneously.

He nodded his thanks and blew his nose wetly.

"How're you feeling?" Zia asked, deflecting the attention off of herself.

"Better," he said, although his voice betrayed how exhausted he was feeling. "I won't be ready for work tomorrow. But, by Monday, it is quite likely. His breath hitched and he turned away from the group. "HuccCHESSH!" He shuddered from the force of the sneeze and he groaned as his hand massaged his side.

"You probably tore a few muscles," she said, coming over to him and removing his hand. "Here, let me see." She performed a wordless diagnostic charm. "Yea, just a few torn muscles. Nothing broken. I'll get you a potion that'll fix that right up," she said, exiting into Severus' workroom.

Remus was not far behind her. "Nice deflection," he told her, as they walked down the stairs.

"You noticed that, huh?" she asked, with a smirk. She sat on the couch that she used to sit on to watch Severus work. It had felt like forever since they were down there together. She wondered if they ever would be again.

"Are you okay? From the kitchen, that fall sounded painful."

"My pride was hurt more than anything else," she answered, rolling her wrists and ankles and bending her knees and elbows, so that he could see that she wasn't injured.

A familiar sad look crossed Remus' face.

"What is it Rem?" she asked. "Truly it's not as bad as all that. I'm merely weary from the day."

"Are you?" he countered. "There have been many days that I have seen you weary. You do not look it to me."

She sighed. "No, I am not," she admitted. "In fact, I almost feel like myself… you know, aside from momentary weaknesses of the mind and legs."

Again, that sad look.

"Talk to me, Remus. Please."

He shook his head, but looked up – as if to keep tears at bay. "No…" he breathed, softly.

She shifted over on the couch and patted the seat next to her. "Talk to me," she said in her healer tone.

He sighed and sat down next to her. "I have a wife who doesn't know me, whom I barely know – and I don't know if I love. And, my best friend is dying. I don't know how to properly support Ginny. It feels as though I am letting down the women in my life. And, there are so few…"

"Have you exchanged the words?" she asked, obviously speaking of Hermione.

"From time to time. But, not generally." He paused, studying his hands. "She married me to save my life. But, she deserves better."

"Is there any attraction."

"Yes, of course. Well, I find her attractive at least. And, she says that she does me. But, we haven't done more than kissing…"

"Even after all this time?" Zia interjected.

He nodded. "When we do get passionate, she pushes for more, but I am not comfortable… at all… with it."

"Do you feel as though you're taking advantage of her?"

"No," he shook his head. "I just don't want it."

"Okay, you don't have to. But, you do know that eventually she will find another, if you don't meet her needs."

"Or, she'll be shackled to me forever because she feels obligated to. Throwing away her whole life for me." He smiled wryly. "Perhaps I'll simply die when you do. We'll make a pact, I'll - ."

"No, stop!" Zia exclaimed. "I can't have your death on my hands, Remus. And, if all I have to do is die to make you kill yourself, then I'll know I killed you – like premeditated murder."

She turned away from him and pushed herself off the couch. She went to the shelves and picked up the muscle repairer balm and muscle relaxant potion.

Remus was silent as he watched her walk away from him. "I'll find another answer," he said, weakly. I was only fooling."

She paused and looked at him with sadness as raw as Severus had looked at her with. "I know. I'll help you find another answer."

**HP**

By the time they got back upstairs, Arthur was having a sneezing fit in the easy chair, with the twins flanking him on either side, suggesting more and more unhelpful ways of making it stop.

"We could just hold your nose closed," said Fred.

"Or, stick your head in a bunch of petunias," added George.

Ginny came up behind Zia and Remus with a steaming mug of peppermint tea. "He's allergic to petunias," she explained quietly, as she moved past them.

"Here dad," she said as she handed him the mug.

"N-," but Zia didn't have a chance to finish her statement.

The instant Arthur grabbed the mug, he sneezed violently, and spilled it all over his hand. "Agh!" he yelled. He pulled his hand into a fist and drew it to his chest.

Ginny grabbed the mug and looked at Zia frantically. "I didn't think," she said, quickly.

Zia performed a wordless spell and healed his hand. "It's okay. It's a simple remedy. And, something every healer has done at least a hundred times."

Ginny nodded, but was silent as she went back to the kitchen.

"Remus, go check on her," Zia whispered.

He nodded and followed Ginny into the kitchen.

Zia kneeled down next to Arthur. "Here you go," she said handing him the vial. She saw his breath hitch as his fingers wrapped around the vial. She didn't let go. "Fred, your pocket square," she directed.

He quickly pulled his handkerchief out of his back pocket, and at her head-tilt, handed it to his father. And not a second too soon.

"PheeffSSSHEWW!" He did not lower the handkerchief, as he started off on a long, deep coughing spell.

"Bless you, dad," the twins said in unison.

Zia felt her energy start to wilt away. This was her first full healing day in years. She had no idea how she used to get through every day like this, and not only get through it but derive energy from it. "You've got to take the potion, Arthur. It'll be one big sneeze and then you'll be on the mend again."

He wiped his nose and took the potion. As Zia had predicted, he sneezed once – violently – and then felt better. "Thank you," he whispered as he put a hand on her shoulder and gave it a small squeeze.

"No problem," Zia said. She gave his hand a squeeze before she got up and headed into the kitchen.

"It was just a stupid mistake. Another stupid mistake," Ginny said, as she paced around the kitchen. Zia could tell she was frustrated.

"Everybody makes mistakes," Remus said. He, too, was frustrated. He was seated at the table and was trying to calm her down. "Ginny, really."

"It's my dad! I have to take care of him. I can barely cook, I can barely heal. This one," she said, pointing at Zia, "says she thinks I'd make a good healer and I just burned my own dad!"

"Ginny," Zia said. "Truly, healers make that mistake all the time. It's not that big of a deal." An idea slowly dawned on her. "How did class go today?"

"Class was fine," Ginny said, without emotion.

"No it wasn't. What's going on?"

"My professor thinks I'm lying about having found someone with HDD. He says not all the symptoms are spot on and that if I'm going to fake things, I have to do a better job."

Zia bowed her head. She was afraid of this. "Is he threatening your grade?"

"He's threatening to fail me."

Zia nodded. "Well, then I guess I have to talk to your professor. Or, I'll need to check over your work and we'll get it just right every time."

"But, you're so busy. And tired. And Uncle Sev said not to burden you."

Zia's head snapped up. "To you, personally?"

"To the house," Remus answered. "We've all been told to pull back the stress we place on you." He looked out the door and then at Ginny. "Fine job we're doing, eh?"

She shook her head. "It is painfully obvious that nobody here has been a healer. To take away my charges is like saying it's okay to die, because I'm not needed anymore."

"But you're wanted," Ginny said, in a kind tone.

Zia knew what she meant, but could not help herself. "So, you're saying I'm not needed then?"

Ginny paused, tears welled up in her eyes. "Not what I meant."

"I know," Zia said, kindly. She walked over to Ginny and pulled her into a hug. To her delight, Ginny hugged back.

"I don't want you to die," Ginny said, remorsefully.

"Well that makes two of us," she mumbled into Ginny's hair. She held Ginny close while she processed her emotions. "You know what? You, me and Hermione, we need a girls night. How about tonight? We'll go to Remus' cottage and just be girls. I think we all need it."

Ginny nodded against her as she tried to catch her breath.

"Remus, do you mind?"

"Not in the slightest," he said, standing. "I'll go tell Hermione to pack."

"It's just an overnight," she said. "I'm gonna go take care of Severus a bit. Then we'll have dinner and depart, okay?"

Ginny nodded, pulling away from Zia. "Sounds like fun," she said.

**HP**

Zia closed the door to their bedroom quietly. Severus was still snoring, asleep in the bed. She felt torn. He would need her tonight. Desperately. But, Ginny needed a girlfriend. And, Zia needed a break.

"Hey," she whispered into his hear, making sure her warm, moist breath tickled his ear, just so.

"Hm?" he asked, as he opened his eyes. "I never thought I'd see you again," he said, seriously – his voice raw from his sobs.

She brushed a hand over his arm. "Oh, please, I never knew your reasoning for doing what you did, but it's not like your history was a complete shock." She kissed him, tenderly, on the lips and felt his lips caress against hers.

He pulled away, looking at her as though she was a figment of his overactive imagination. "Tell me something horrible you have done," he stated, his voice still rough from sobbing.

She paused. She had done many things that would have been considered horrible by many people, but it all depended on point of view. Healing death eaters, instead of letting them suffer and/or die, for one. Or, targeting werewolves and vampires, who chose to follow Voldemort, as the weakest targets and shooting them down one by one. Or, keeping members of the Order sick as bribed by those who cared the most about them, only healing them when it was safer for them to go out again. Or, deciding Remus' living situations without his knowledge. Or, being so rough with some Order members, while getting their secrets, that she left, bruises, welts and broken bones. Suddenly, the right memory dawned on her.

She slid off the bed and pulled her pensive out from beneath it. "I'll do one better. I'll show you." She lifted her wand to her temple and let it suck out the correct memory.

She placed the pensive on the bed. "Go ahead," she said.

He dipped his face in and was immediately brought back to their vacation to Thornbury Castle. He had gotten so sick that he accidently overdosed on Pepper-Up, several times over. There were hazy parts – definite hazy parts as he went through. He reminded himself to ask her why she guarded parts of the memory against him. But, at the end of the memory, he saw it. She was having tea with Remus and Tonks, and Tonks grabbed her arm and made her pull up her sleeve. There were deep slice marks in her arm, and several burn marks that were healing. Zia was saying how lucky she was to have him in her life and that, as a healer, she couldn't expect much more.

He pulled his head out of the pensive. "You cut yourself?" he asked, as he searched for a reason for the cut marks that made sense.

"For many years, every time I did something to let you down I would cut or burn myself to remind me not to do it again."

He felt as if his heart had shattered like glass. The woman he loved more than his own life had cut herself _for years_ as a punishment for wrongs she thought she committed against him. He rubbed a hand over his eyes, as his stomach turned and his heart clenched with guilt.

"There were parts of the memory that were hazy," he lead.

"Yea. Those were things that I thought it best that you not remember."

"Like what?" he asked, his voice full of suspicion, as he tried to recall if he had ever seen her hurt herself.

"Like …" she swallowed. She didn't want to do this. "Like when you pushed me so hard against the sink that you gave me a mild concussion. Or, when you told me that you didn't trust my healing capabilities… though I suppose not much has changed there… Or, when you told me that your life would have been better if I were never in it, and that you only stay because you pity me."

He was certain that his heart had burst into painful guilt ridden flame. "That trip was to thank you for loving me…" he whispered, suddenly realizing that the abuse she had to put up with stemmed far longer than his current breakdown. "A foreshadowing of things to come I suppose," he said sadly.

"Oh, Severus," she soothed. There have been so many good memories. The bad ones are part of who we are… you didn't mean to hurt me, any of the times. And, sometimes, maybe I asked for it."

His head snapped up and anger shone in his eyes. "No," he demanded. "Now you sound like a battered housewife. You never deserved unintentional pain. Although, that is the only kind I've ever given you – I promise." Memories of little nuances floated through his mind. Him stalking off after arguments. Him waiting for her to give the first apology – whether by touch or voice, even if she wasn't wrong. He sighed heavily, realizing his darkness permeated the very fiber of his soul, and that she was far too good of a person for him. "Why do you love me at all," he asked, darkly. "I am not deserving of such a gift."

"I will decide who is deserving of my love. And, I have chosen you. And, the times I was deserving, were times I acted weak – like prey. And, we both used to seriously detest that."

He wanted to agree and disagree all at the same time. The only thing he felt was fierce protectiveness. He pulled her into his arms and held her close, dropping kisses onto her head between murmurs of apology. "I love you more than Lily," he whispered.

She pushed herself away slightly, but not out of his grasp. "What?" she whispered, certain she hadn't heard right.

"I love you more than Lily," he said, with more conviction this time.

She looked at him oddly. "Are you feeling okay?" she asked.

"No," he whispered, truthfully. "But, I do love you more than I ever loved Lily. And, I don't think you ever knew that." He pulled her close again, and she could hear the squeaks of suppressed sobs.

"I love you too, Severus," she said. "More passionately and deeply than I ever loved Remus."

The squeaks gave way to full on sobs, and he held her as they coursed through his body. As they calmed, he pulled away slightly. "I will make this life up to you. I promise," he vowed.

"There is nothing to make up for. I've loved my life with you."

He looked at her skeptically, and she knew he would never believe her fully again

As he calmed himself, she brought him a basin of cool water. "Come on downstairs. There's dinner. And, Ginny, Hermione and I are going to have a nice girls night out."

He nodded as he pulled on a fresh shirt. "Come back sometimes tonight. I want you near me when I awaken."

"Of course," she said, kissing him on his distinguished nose, and holding his hand as they walked downstairs.


	15. Girls Night

Zia stretched out on the couch and sighed heavily. Remus' over-stuffed couch was, oddly enough, one of her favorite places to be. She looked up at Hermione and stood up immediately. "My apologies. I nearly forgot this is your home now."

Hermione waved at her nonchalantly. "Please make yourself at home. Goodness knows we never quite did – even when we were living here."

"How do you mean?" Ginny asked, sitting cross legged on the floor.

Hermione shrugged and sat down in the easy chair. "It's no secret why I married him. And, he's a good man and someone I love on certain levels. But, everything apart from friendship is so forced with us. Like we're doing it because we're supposed to."

"That is the problem with marrying for the type of reason that you did," Zia pointed out.

"I know," Hermione said, resigned. "I couldn't simply let him die. But, I do care about him a great deal. And am even attracted to him. But, I don't know… nothing … deeper."

Ginny looked at the floor sadly, but said nothing.

"Don't rush it, Hermione. Someday maybe the two of you will feel something deeper. Or, maybe they'll repel the stupid law and then the two of you can get an annulment." She smiled, kindly. "It was a genuinely good deed you did. And, no one appreciated it more than Remus." A smile quirked at the corner of her lips, "Except maybe those of us who really care about him."

Ginny nodded emphatically.

Zia smiled, and yawned widely. "I'm so glad you two were open to doing this. I love our men, but they are so exhausting."

Both Hermione and Ginny nodded.

"Let me get some snacks," Hermione said, getting up.

"I actually wanted to hash out some solutions with you two. But, I think we need some laughter too. So, short of you two having funny stories, do you have any questions about when Severus, myself, Arthur – you're father," she said to Ginny, "or Remus, I'm sure I have plenty. Even during serious times, there were good times to be had. And, sometimes, laughter truly was the best medicine."

HP**HP**HP**HP**HP**HP

Remus looked in on Severus, just as he promised Zia he would. Zia had promised Severus that she would be back every two hours. But, Remus and Arthur had convinced both of them that as long as she came back once or twice, they would look on him and make sure that he kept his headspace straight.

He pinched his nose closed, and pressed a palm over his mouth. Whatever had caused Arthurs sinus infection had certainly been purged from the house. But, not before irritating Remus' sinus' as well. He whirled away from the door. "Hessshhhwaffa!" The sneeze was wet, but contained. He heard a pause in Severus' rhythmic breathing.

"I'm sorry, Severus," he whispered, turning back towards the room.

"Quite all right. I have been sleeping too much of late… neglecting my duties."

"It's been a difficult few days," Remus said kindly.

"For Zia especially," Severus replied, standing.

"Not so, really." Remus felt another sneeze creeping up on him. He braced himself against the doorframe. "HessshwufffSHHH! Hessshhhwaffa! Hessshhhwaffa! WuffSSHA! Wuffa!" Each sneeze shook him violently.

Severus' eyebrows knit together in concern. "Remus," he asked, in a warning tone.

"I'm fine," Remus replied in a most unconvincing way. "You're coming down with a sinus infection, no?"

Remus coughed into his fist. "Or, an allergy."

"Come," Severus said kindly, cupping Remus' arm just above the elbow. "The girls needed time away, and I think we men need time to talk as well."

HP**HP**HP**HP**HP

All three girls were doubled over with laughter.

Zia had remained on the couch. However, throughout the night, both Ginny and Hermione had opted to hang out on the floor, surrounded by pillows and blankets. Bowls of snacks were everywhere and there was enough butterbeer for them to practically swim in.

"Then- then Pete says… but I thought that's why snare drums were called that…" she burst out laughing again. "So, there were are… ankle deep in devils snare, Remus half out of his mind with wolfsbane and with a vine of devils snare winding around his leg. I've been charged with keeping him upright, although really he was so relaxed I should have let him fall to the floor. Sirius and James are trying to kill the devils snare, and nobody remembers that it shrinks away in the sunlight." She chuckled at the memory. They had been sixth years then and decided to go on a little excursion late one night, with Peter guiding the way. "So, it's like hours later when Lily finds us, dog tired and Remus totally feverish and nearly literally dead on his feet. I'm standing only because I'm leaning against a wall and Remus against me." She chuckled. "She was like, you idiots." Her eyes glazed with the memory of Lily. "But, she was so kind. So very kind, making sure Remus was provided for – and me too… then Sirius and James, making sure we rested and healed as necessary." She cleared her throat and took another drink of butterbeer. "So, any other questions?"

"When Remus taught at Hogwarts," Hermione started. "did you take care of him after his transformations?"

"Course I did," Zia answered. "Poppy – Madame Pomfrey that is – was so busy with the students and most of the other professors, she couldn't truly give him the twenty four – seven attention that he requires after such a thing. But, I was still quite in hiding, so it was only for a few days afterwards… you know, set him up so that he could fend for himself with Minerva – that's Professor McGonagall to you – and Poppy could check in on him."

"What about Uncle Sev?"

"Generally, a difficult situation, as Severus and Remus were still working together and under the guise of being bitter from their childhood days. So, he could begrudgingly make him the wolfsbane potion, but otherwise they strayed from each other. Although, I never though Remus would forgive Severus for teaching about werewolves the first time that the moon fell him." She shook her head sadly.

"I meant did you care for him, too?" Ginny followed up.

"Only at your place. I didn't venture out much. And, as you may recall, I was typically shrouded when I visited."

Ginny nodded. "Which is why I don't want you coming to my Professor. You spent so many years in hiding, that I don't want to undo it all for a grade."

"I appreciate that, Gin," she said with a smile. "What's your Professor saying? That my symptoms don't align?"

She nodded. "And to some degree, they don't. Like these past few days should have totaled you. But, you've been – you know with naps – been more like your old self. I think your diagnosis is wrong… from what I've seen, you have HDS, not HDD."

"HDS?" Hermione asked.

"Healers Deficit Syndrome. It presents like HDD, and for similar reasons. Zia has given so much of herself, of her own energy over the years, that her energy reserves go to empty and then some before it eats at her body and then it gives out and she must rest until the reserves go back up."

"Okay, so how does that differ to HDD?"

"It's not deadly," Zia whispered. "HDS is completely manageable. But, HDD takes over as you may consider a cancer or a virus would."

"Which means your potions…" Hermione lead.

"Haven't done a darn thing one way or the other," Zia answered.

"And your recent downslide?" Hermione asked.

"Completely caused by Severus," Zia answered.

"Did you really show him that you used to be a cutter?" Ginny asked.

"Yes," she answered. "He asked for the worst thing I had ever done. And, I knew that it was what he would consider the worst thing."

"I'm surprised it didn't make him completely mental," Hermione said.

"He's been through a lot. It takes a lot to screw with his head," Ginny answered.

Zia nodded. "He was trying to figure if I was strong enough to share his Death Eater atrocities with. It was the wrong memory to share. But, it showed a different resilience. Don't worry. We'll work through it."

"How's he feeling?" Hermione asked. "You know, since last night and all."

"Better… or as much as he can. I don't know how this is going to affect him going forward. He may not be the same Severus we've always known."

HP**HP**HP**HP**HP

Severus got a cup of tea for he, Arthur and Remus and settled into his favorite chair. Arthur and Remus sat next to each other on the couch, both covered with a fleece blanket.

"I shan't keep you two up late, as I know neither of you is up to snuff. However, Arthur, I do appreciate you sending your boys out this evening."

"One hundred-fifty pounds well spent," he said with a sniffle. He pulled at his nose a bit and ran a finger under it boyishly.

"Did either of you know she was cutting herself? Did you know she was inflicting self harm?" he practically growled.

Remus and Arthur looked at each other guiltily.

"Not in many years," Arthur said.

"She made Tonks and I swear that we would never tell you. I don't think she has done it since Thornbury."

"You knew about Thornbury?" Severus asked.

"I was there when you told her that she had outlived her usefulness and that you no longer trusted her. It was Tonks who found her bleeding out that night. And, we both told her if she ever did so again, we would tell you. I don't think she ever did." He had answered in a whisper, but his eyes held a seriousness that never wavered. "It was the only time I ever hated you, Severus. That you could take someone so good's love and turn it into something that hurt her from the inside out."

Severus had his head bowed in shame. His eyes were closed, but his breathing even. "Why does she love me?"

"Because she does, and that should be enough for you," Arthur answered.

"Severus, you above all here know that you can't change the past. But, you can control the future. Trust in it. Trust in her. She loves you. As do we all."

Severus tenderly wiped a tear out of his eye. "I told her love her more than Lily. You were right, Remus, I don't know if she believed me. But, I do. I keep finding out ways that I've hurt her. But, I will get better. And, I will make it up to her."

HP**HP**HP**HP**HP**HP

"So, I've got a situation for you, Zia" Hermione said.

Zia had laid down on the couch, but was not asleep. The girls had been working out different situations with each other, generously laced with both sarcasm and truth. There had been laughter and promises of assistance.

They had decided that dancing needed to happen. Even if it was just the three of them dancing with Remus, Severus, and Arthur – of course trading up partners so Ginny didn't always have to dance with her dad. Zia had been shocked to know that they didn't realized the older gentlemen could dance. It was something not only taught, but enjoyed in their generation that hadn't continued to Ginny and Hermiones'.

The had decided music needed to come into the house. Whether by Remus' violin, Zia's violin, Severus' cello, or even Ginny's flute. Hermione was also open to buying two radios – one that picked up on Wizarding Stations, so that they weren't dependent on the Daily Profit and a muggle CD player, so that they could go shopping for different music that they could then dance to.

They had decided to talk to Severus and Remus about the wolfsbane potion. Hermione had recalled that when she saw Remus transform during her third year at Hogwarts, he didn't do so until after he had been in direct moonlight. However, from what they had all known and seen he transformed with or without the direct moonlight, most months. Granted they didn't stay with him except on rare occasion, so they wondered if he was actually transforming at all. And, if he wasn't, locking him on the floor in a cage was cruelty.

"Okay," Zia said, with an exasperated sigh. She was getting tired. "Shoot."

Hermione sighed, tight lipped.

"What is it? Wait, I have one. Sorry 'mione, but this has to be worked out before we go any further."

Both of the others looked at her as though she had gone mental.

"What is it?" Hermione asked, surprised at the interruption.

"Zia still thinks you hate her and you don't want her taking care of Remus," Ginny blurted out.

Zia tipped her head back on to the cushions and wished she was asleep.

Hermione looked at her incredulously. "Is it true?" she asked.

"No, I don't think you hate me…anymore," she added at Ginny's withering glare. "But, you have to admit Remus and I have a bizarre past. And, I don't expect it to be easy for you to handle."

"What? You act as if I've never seen your friendship before. I have seen that you've withdrawn, and I know it must hurt him."

"I don't want to flaunt the relationship we have… and how in many ways its closer than what you two have."

"Why?" Hermione asked, sharply. "We were friends who married so he wouldn't be put to death. I know you've been his best friend and healer for many, many years. I wish you would show him – and all of us – the affection I know you feel. I see it in your eyes."

Zia smiled. "You're quite remarkable. I do hope that you and Remus work out."

"As do I. But, either way, I really do want you to resume the relationship you're comfortable with. Not one that makes everyone on edge because you think that I'm going to be a jealous bitch."

"Thank you," Zia said shortly.

"You're withholding something," Hermione stated.

"Remus told me about Sarah."

"Who's Sarah?" Ginny asked.

"Quite a different situation, I must say," Hermione explained. "She was trying to date him. To take him away from me, just after we got married. I didn't realize that months later we would still be awkward and friends with a marriage contract. Maybe if I did, I would have let her. But, we were still trying to force ourselves into a normal married life."

"Fair enough," Zia said. "Now, what has you so concerned, 'mione?"

"When we went shopping tonight, for dinner you know?"

Zia and Ginny nodded.

"I was approached by a man asking me how my marriage was doing."

Zia didn't open her eyes, but she did furrow her brow. "Did you know him?"

"No, and the odd thing was that he asked how my husband's health had been. And if his blood had been healthy."

Zia's eyes sprung open and she turned her head to face Hermione. "What was his name?" she nearly snapped.

"I don't know. But, it was odd. He didn't call Remus by his name. He called him Richard."

Zia sat straight up and put her feet on the floor. "Are you quite sure?"

Hermione looked at her in wide eyed shock. "Of course I am. Do you know what it all means?"

"It means I'm going to kill your husband. Come," she said to them, as she b-lined for the fireplace, leaving the mess behind. She sincerely hoped that Hermione and Ginny would follow in suit because there were going to be fireworks in the house tonight. And, it was going to be something they would not want to miss.


	16. Interrogation

[Authors Note: Title comes from song from Fox's Anastasia.]

Zia returned from the girls' night around midnight – literally in a burst of flame, as she walked through the fireplace as though she was taking part in a raid from days gone past. She showed none of the weakness that they had been seeing over the past few months. For a moment, he was cast back to ten years earlier. In any case, she was raging mad.

The men had been talking, calming about nothing that she cared to register. Severus was sitting him down in his easy chair, with a concerned, yet serious look on his face. Arthur was saying something about Percy at the Ministry, but nothing more than that registered. There weren't any wards against the fireplace, something she changed with a wandless spell as soon as the three of them crossed the threshold. She scanned the room for a hidden attacker – just like she had done those many years ago. And, then, in her fury, she took complete control of the room.

She took one look at Remus, demanded that he wrap himself warmly and chastised him for not letting one of the others know he was unwell. He ordered Arthur to get blankets for Remus and demanded that Severus get a basin of hot water for Remus to soak his feet in. She had taken complete control of a situation, as only a healer could.

Used to years of taking her orders when she was authoritative everyone had sprung into action.

"Seriously, Zia, I don't know why you're fussing in such a rage," Severus said, as he brought in the basin.

"Only to make him comfortable as I tear him apart, my love," she responded with darkness that the older generation had not heard in many years, and the younger generation had never heard at all.

Everyone, except Severus bristled, their eyes widening in shock. But, Severus stood up a little straighter and pulled at the bottom of his shirt. An affectionately dark look came into his eyes and a similar smile crossed his lips.

"Remus, my love, my friend, you've have been lying to us." Her voice was deeper than normal. Her tone was dangerously threatening.

Severus stood of straight and watched the scene unfold with pride in his eyes and a cold smile on his lips. This was the Zia he had fallen in love with all those years ago. He cast his gaze to the side for a moment as he considered the damage that this expulsion of rage and energy was going to do to her. He feared that she would have a heart attack afterwards. But, he had long since learned not to get in the way of her and her prey. Especially when he didn't know her reasoning. She always had a reason.

Remus sat in Severus' favorite chair with a blanket over his legs and another wrapped around his shoulders. His cheeks were flushed, as was his nose. His red rimmed eyes held the beginning glaze of a fever. But, it wasn't the impending ailment that kept his insides as cold as frostbite. Rather, it was a chill that ran from his heart, through his core and felt as though it was sweat through his pores.

"Heh-achuffa! Huh-chuffa! Awauff!" Remus sneezed into a well-timed handkerchief.

A round of blessings followed and he thanked them with a wave and a congested sniff.

Zia paced the room for a few minutes while she collected her thoughts. This was her friend: no good would come from her attacking him. There was a roomful of people: no good would come from her embarrassing him. But, all she wanted to do was scream at him. How could he do this to himself? How could he put his life and that of Hermione's in jeopardy? There had to be a reason… one of more than just money.

Repressing her anger, she knelt in front of his shivering form. She put her hands on his knees and compartmentalized the heat that radiated off. She would not go into caring-healer mode at this moment. It was not the right thing to do. "Remus, my friend – my love," she whispered the last two words. She typically did not skimp with her affections. Being a healer, it was much easier to be kind and affectionate. It was also the best way to get the person being healed to relax and loosen up. "Why did you not tell us that you were selling your blood?"

The room went still. Severus and Arthur's eyes focused on their favorite lycanthrope. Meanwhile the two girls looked appalled.

"I don't know what you mean," Remus dead-panned back at her, followed by a congested cough.

"Don't you LIE TO ME REMUS!" she yelled, completely losing her control. She slapped his knees and stood up, turning around to pace around the room again. A thought occurred to her. "Or should I say, Richard?" she asked in a cool even tone.

Remus looked at her with shocked, weary eyes. But said nothing. Instead he sneezed, "Heh-Shhessh!" After blowing his nose quickly, he looked at her guiltily. But, remained silent.

"Is it true?" Arthur asked, his low, calm voice breaking up the negatively excited energy, which was crackling around the room. "Remus, are you selling your blood?"

Zia half expected to hear Hermione ask why he would want to do such a thing. But, she was a clever girl, and figured that even she had found out that werewolf blood was a precious commodity on the dark market.

"It's true," Remus admitted solemnly. "I don't know why it's any of your business though. I'm a grown man. I know what I'm doing."

"Do you?" Severus asked using a dark tone typically reserved for death eaters.

"Why Remus? Don't you understand the danger that you could have put Hermione in?" Zia snapped.

"No, I'm completely ignorant to any negative consequences of my actions," he responded, his voice dripping with sarcasm.

"Now, you know I'm not judging you, Remus," Arthur interjected, his calming voice portraying the voice of reason. "But, you know I would have given you whatever you needed: money, food, whatever."

"Look, I hate taking charity. This is something I can do for myself. I haven't done it since just ah- ah – after… Huh-Wuffa! Wuff! Kessshht! Since just after the weddig." He finished the sentence stuffily and honked his nose. The illness was already upon him, and he didn't have the strength to argue with the house and maintain clarity in his voice.

Zia could hear Hermione whispering to Ginny, but couldn't make out what was being said.

"I di-di-didn't - Huh-Chessh! Essshhh-sheesssh!" The sneezes shook him violently. After he tended to his nose, he finished, "I didn't put Hermione in any danger." He sighed wearily and gave Zia a pleading look that told her, quite clearly, that he did not want to continue this conversation.

Zia felt her heart melt. Her years of being domestic had made her soft. She couldn't even finish a proper interrogation anymore.

"You did," Severus interjected. "Hermione say louder what you just told Ginny."

Memories of doing interrogations with Severus flooded her. She smiled at the memories. There was nothing that made her feel stronger and more alive than doing the Death Eater interrogations with him. It was one of the many functions that she helped perform that he used to convince the Dark Lord that she didn't need to be marked.

She turned to Severus and gave him their trigger look. The one that told him that he was now leading this interrogation, and she would watch for outside clues.

Hermione looked quite put out. "He's my husband," she whispered, anxiously, as if that would excuse her from sharing what she had told Ginny with the rest of the room.

"And he shouldn't have put you in such a position," Severus said in a level tone. "Now, tell him what you just told Ginny!" His voice had gotten just a hair louder as he finished the last sentence. But, he remained completely in control.

"I said that the – the guy told me to give you or, um Richard, a message."

Remus deflated completely and looked as though he was going to cry.

Hermione whispered something and Zia watched as a blush of shame crept up his neck and into his cheeks.

"And that was?" she answered for him.

"I heard her," Remus whispered, his voice betraying the shame he was feeling.

"Yes, but the rest of us did not. Say it again," Hermione.

Her eyes flickered to Severus, who had fixed Hermione with a long supportive glance.

"He said that if you don't deliver the vials as promised that he'll take it out of me the next time he sees me. He said he understand that I've been mated with you, therefore my blood is as good as your."

"Remus, what did you promise?" Zia asked in a rather accusatory tone.

"Nothing!" Remus exclaimed. "I told him I was out. That I didn't want to anymore. I gave him the vials of… oh no…" He paused and raised the handkerchief to his face. His face blanched severely and Zia wondered if he was going to be sick.

"Oh no?" Severus repeated, smoothly, goading him to continue.

"When Hermione and I had gotten married I sold him healthy blood, with the promise of more. But, I wasn't healthy again for a long time, so I sold him what I had at the usual price. It must not have been as – as… Heee-ahhh Wuffchh!" He sniffed thickly. "He must nodt have been habby with the level of purity," he finished thickly. He gave his nose a congested blow and leaned back in his chair with a groan.

Zia crouched in front of him again. She looked at her aging and ailing friend. His hair fell limply over his forehead, and his face was drained of its usual coloring. His cheeks were flushed with circles that can only be brought on by a growing fever. Dark circles were forming under his eyes, and he was sniffing nearly constantly. "Remus," she said, much more calmly. "You are in no condition to deliver that sort of blood."

"You think?" he asked, just before his face crashed into his handkerchief with another harsh, wet sneeze.

"Well then, what are you going to do?" Severus asked, arms folded in front of him. "You obviously had no concept of the level of danger you were going to put Hermione in." A sparkle shone in his eyes. "Unless you did and you chose to simply not care."

Remus sat straight up. "No! I do care. That's why I stopped selling the blood. Before it was to make ends meet, and then when I didn't need to anymore, I stopped. Figured I'd end it on a good note. I didn't realize he w-wou-huh-HUH…" His breath started coming in heavy pants.

"Try to breathe through your nose," Zia whispered.

He sniffed congestedly, but it did the trick. "HUHP-CHeeesshhhhcchh!" He blew he nose and looked at the crowd assembled with watery eyes. "It wasn't my intention to put you in harm's way, 'mione. Never."

The room waited for Hermione to answer. Zia and Severus were all but holding their breath to not continue with the interrogation. They both visibly relaxed in that time, as if they were reminding themselves that Remus was their friend and that this was not a true interrogation.

"But, you have savings from Sirius," Hermione said after a moment.

"All right fine!" Remus yelled. "I get it. I'm a bad person for selling my blood. I obviously don't give a damn about my wife, or my friends, and I – heh-eh… I- oh… Wuffa! Wuff-ECHH! Heh-huh-kesshtchoo!"

"No, Remus, it's not like that," Zia said, giving another look to Severus to let him know the interrogation part was over.

"It is." He sniffed liquidly. "I'll return to my cottage in the morning. Hermione, divorce papers will be on the table." He sniffed again.

Zia stood up and put a hand on his forehead. He was burning up. "Come on, Remus. See reason. We're mad because we love you."

"Oh yea, I'm feeling it. I'm… feeling… Huh-Wuff! Huff! Chessuff! Huh-Wuffa! Etch-shesshoo!" His head snapped forward with each sneeze, the last of which being too wet to be contained in the handkerchief and spraying over the front of Zia's shirt.

Instantly, Severus saw red. If Zia got sick with this thing it could kill her. He stalked over to Remus, "Are you trying to kill her!" he yelled. "Are you trying to get her sick so that she'll leave you alone? If she gets sick because of you, I'll have no part of you again ever!" he snarled as he violently turned the chair so that it was facing him.

Remus shook his head, panicked with the reality of first putting Hermione in harm's way and then doing the same to Zia. Now he was staring into the face of a very angry ex-Death Eater. This was not a good situation by any means. "No, Sev… I … I didn't…Ekkkessshooo!" Dazed with both fear and fever, he didn't even attempt to catch the sneeze, and caught Severus full on in the face.

"Ugh!" Severus screamed. Quicker than could be seen, he grasped his wand. "Cruci-"

"No!" Zia shouted as she jumped between the two men, purposefully overshooting, so that she hit his wrist and knocked his wand out of his hand. She grabbed the back of his head and forced him to make eye contact with her. "Severus, no! Go upstairs and wash up! Interrogation over! Then get back down here and we're gonna talk!" she demanded.

She looked over at Remus. "Just talk," she said gently.

"Hermione, take him upstairs and get him into his pajamas. We'll set him up on the couch and talk around him if we have to. There are several problems that we need to hash out tonight. His dealer, how we're going to take care of this illness, bringing a little fun into the house, and I think it's time for us to know what we really think of each other." Her toned had calmed. Her breathing was returning to normal, but her pulse was racing. She remembered being exhausted. But, she knew she wasn't going to sleep any time soon. It didn't matter how late it was getting.

At her demand, Severus went upstairs – still visibly raging.

"Come on," Hermione said to Remus, trying to help him stand up.

He wrenched him arm away, nearly losing his footing in the meantime. "Get off!" he hissed at her.

She backed up.

He looked at Zia. "And, don't you dare come near me you bitch!" he snapped.

"Arthur, do your thing," Zia said, without emotion.

Without saying a word, Arthur got up off the couch and assisted Remus upstairs.

When he disappeared from view, Hermione plopped down on the couch with tears in her eyes. "He didn't want me near him," she said as the tears fell. "After nearly a year and everything we've been through, he didn't want me there."

Zia turned towards the couch. "He's feeling very vulnerable right now."

"And, it's no wonder," Ginny said as she sat beside Hermione. "I've never seen that side of you."

"Yea, that was strange," Hermione agreed.

"Though it does explain why Severus fell in love with me, doesn't it."

"You don't seem so mismatched anymore," Ginny agreed. "You fell for his strength on the outside and gentleness on the inside. And he fell for your gentleness on the inside and strength on the outside."

Zia nodded. "All right you two. Someone let me know when Remus is down here and ready. I'm going to go check on Severus."

She peeked in the bathroom. The room was steamy, but he was no longer in there. She was somewhat disappointed. She was hoping to shower with him, as used to be their custom.

She went to their bedroom. Severus was in his pajamas sitting on the bed. He looked numb, his eyes distant, as though he didn't know what to do next.

"It was like old times, wasn't it?" she asked, the excitement of the joy she felt coming out in her voice.

"Hm," he said. "We attacked a friend."

"I was angry," she agreed, sitting on the bed next to him. "He was selling his blood again. Putting Hermione in danger."

"Go change," Severus said, in a low, even tone.

Zia got off the bed and slipped into one of her favorite house dresses. "What's eating at you, Sev?"

"What do you think? I just … I almost cursed one of my oldest friends."

"But you didn't."

He sighed heavily. "Because of your timing. I could have wound up cursing you."

She shook her head. "Nah, my timing was on. Come on downstairs." She bit his neck and made his gasp. "We're going to find out what everyone really thinks of everyone else." She pulled her pensive out from under the bed. She smiled at him. "As said on the night bus, it's gonna be a bumpy ride."


	17. Getting to Know Them: Ginny's Perspectiv

Zia descended the stairs, with Severus following behind. He placed his hand on her shoulder. "You don't have to do this," he said softly.

"I do. I started an interrogation on my closest friend." She stumbled down the last two stairs.

Severus grabbed her by the arm. "Please go upstairs," his eyes held pleading concern. "I'll tell everyone you're not well. Please."

She looked at him and smiled. "But, we made a great team again, didn't we? It was like old times." She kissed him on the cheek. "I'll go to sleep soon after this. I promise."

When they got into the living room, Remus was lying on the couch sneezing heavily into a handkerchief.

"Bless you," she said softly. She waited until Severus sat down and sat on his lap.

"I suppose I should thank you for saving my life," he said, his voice thick with congestion and bitterness.

"Nah. I'm sorry Remus. I shouldn't have attacked you like that. I was just so angry. I thought your days of selling your blood were over. I could have handled it better. " She set up the pensive. "I want us all to come clean to each other. Either verbally or through the pensive, everyone tell one memory you have that changed the way you view each other person and one thing about yourself that the rest of the group may not know." She sighed heavily. She was exhausted. She wanted to curl up next to her husband and go to sleep. But, she knew she had to do this. "And," she covered her face with her hand and started to sob.

Remus sat up a little straighter, and Severus curled his arms around her and pulled her close.

"It's okay," Severus whispered. "Come on; it's okay." He kissed the top of her head. "Please don't' cry. Remember, I love you more than Lily," he soothed as he tightened his grasp.

"I'm sorry," she told the group. "Remus I'm so sorry. You should never have been part of that." She sobbed harder.

"Zia… it's okay. You were angry. I would have been angry too, if it were any one of you. And you saved me from the Cruciatus. So," he sniffed thickly, "I can't hate you for it."

Zia sniffed wetly. "Kids, um… Hermione, Ginny, you go first. You've grown up us in different forms. I'm sure you have memories about each of us that have changed your viewpoints. I'm interested to hear them. Or, if you don't want to share with anyone but the person, simply use the pensive."

Remus sneezed violently, three times, shaking as he did so. He rubbed his forehead and groaned.

"Let me guess, Rem. You did all the cleaning on your own?" Zia asked, dryly.

"Black mold under the stairs. It's gone now – Heeesshhheww!" He coughed deeply and winced at the pain in his head.

"Of course you couldn't have gotten any one of us," Ginny said.

"Didn't want you getting sick."

Ginny rolled her eyes and got ready to retort, but Severus held up a hand, urging her to pause. "It was good of you to take one for the team," Severus said. "But, next time please try to take more care."

"Hempshht!" Remus wiped his nose and sighed wearily. "You don't have to tell me twice."

The room blessed him, and Zia yawned deeply.

"Gin, you go first," Severus instructed.

Zia released the breath she had been holding and the sobs started to run anew. Severus redoubled his hold on her. "Allow me to explain what's going on," Severus said, quietly to the room. "Zia is just-."

"Overwhelmed," Remus, interjected, in an understanding and kind tone.

"Exhausted," Arthur stated in a similar tone.

"Dying," Hermione said, too seriously for the moment.

"No," he held up his finger to pause them. "She's had a rough day, and-."

"She's exhausted," Remus interjected with a smile, knowing that their interruptions would normally annoy the hell out of Severus, but that he was too distracted by Zia's condition to actually get angry again.

"And overwhelmed," Arthur stated, with a smile.

"But, she's not dying," Ginny said.

The room paused. Severus' eyes turned steely and he brushed Zia's hair off her face. "Say that again," he dared.

Ginny swallowed. "Z… I …"

"Tell him," Zia whispered.

"He pushed her up so that he could look in her eyes. "What is this?" he growled.

"She didn't lie to you Uncle Severus. And, I'm not certain about this. But, I think she was misdiagnosed. I think she has Healers Disease, not Healers Deficiency Disorder."

He nodded. He recalled that being what the doctor had called her ailment. "But, she's been dying; the doctor said so," he said softly. He held her with a tenderness that he didn't recall having ever held her before. She had always had a difficult time releasing after the compartmentalization of an interrogation. It was part of the reason that they had always sparred. He recalled Dumbledore and Sirius talking about how they would hear her cry for hours after an interrogation when they could not be together. But, when they were together, she would hardly ever let him see that side of her. And, if he saw anything, they were merely tears that had escaped past her defenses. It was an odd feeling. He wasn't pleased that she was crying or even that she was releasing. But he was honored that she knew she could curl up in his arms and that he would take care of her. It showed a quiet confidence in him and in their relationship. Perhaps it was salvageable after all.

"It's not to say that she can't die from it," Ginny continued on. "But if this was HDD today would have likely killed her. Instead, she was laughing and joking with us, had an interrogation, and is now trying to work through family matters. It's not HDD. I'm sure of it."

"See Sev," Zia said, her voice hoarse from sobbing. "You'd better be careful what you wish for. You just may be stuck with me longer than a few months."

He blanched. He knew she was teasing him. But, joking about her death seemed so horrible to him. He still couldn't bear the thought of losing her. He kissed her on the head again. "I hope so," he muttered. He pressed his cheek to her head and took a deep breath.

She could feel his stomach start to tremble beneath her as he struggled not to start crying.

"So, Gin, you're still up," Zia said, trying to move the focus off of them, in case he did start crying. He stomach moved in and out in such a way that she knew he was crying on the inside, even if he wasn't on the outside.

Ginny turned to her dad. "Well, you know I've always thought you were brilliant, but mum was definitely the leader of our family. But, when she died, you stepped right up and while you can never take her place, we're not lost without her. Because we have you." She smiled kindly at him and tears began to form in his eyes.

"Thank you, Gin," he whispered, smiling at his daughter with a look of such love that Zia wanted to instruct them to hug. But, they would do that in their own time.

Zia shifted and kissed Severus on shoulder.

He sniffed wetly, a tell-tale sign that he had, in fact, been crying. She peered up at him, but he had not yet lifted his cheek off her head. She looked at Ginny and realized that she was watching the two of them, as if waiting to be told when she could continue.

When Zia nodded slightly, Ginny turned to Hermione. "'Mione, you have been one of my best friends since our days at Hogwarts. But, I realized that your intellect has practical applications in your seventh year. I know I wasn't there, but Ron and Harry told me about it. You really are quite remarkable. And, when I grow up, I want to be just like you." Hermione mouthed her thank you and reached out for Ginny's hand. Ginny took it and gave it a squeeze.

"Remus," she continued, moving over to the couch and sitting down in front of it. "I don't recall a time when you weren't in my life. You're friendship has been invaluable to my family and to me. But, it wasn't until Hermione was helping you that one summer and you lost control that I realized how hard being a werewolf is for you, and that it takes daily control, and I learned to appreciate you even more for it."

Remus blanched. For a moment, Hermione thought he was going to be sick. She quickly went to the couch and sat on it, near his waist. "It's okay, Rem," she said, gently.

"I did do that," he whispered.

"And, yet, here I am."

Tears leaked from the corners of his eyes. "And here you are," he whispered.

"And yet he does not cry for what he did to you," Severus growled lightly, so that only Zia could hear.

Zia, all too aware of how sensitive Remus' hearing was, hissed back at him, "I swear to Merlin if you bring that up , I will break your throat."

Severus chuckled and gave her a squeeze.

But, Remus had heard it. "Severus, I have apologized to her for that so many times over the years that the words almost lost their meaning over time."

Severus' eyes turned steely and he glared at his friend. "You do know you're the only person who's ever hurt her that I haven't retaliated against at some point. "

Zia closed her eyes in exasperation as the rest of the room looked between Remus and Severus.

"What happened?" Ginny asked, verbalizing what the others in the room were thinking.

"Look, you weren't even in the picture yet," Remus said, hurriedly, just before sneezing wetly into his handkerchief.

"Let it go, Severus," Zia said in a warning tone.

"I'm sorry, Jada," Remus said. "I never meant to do that to you. In fact, I'm rather shocked you still carry the scar. Wouldn't that have gotten removed when you did your change?"

"It's my oldest glimmer," Zia said. "It's the one I can never let down. Well I guess now I could. But, that would feel strange."

Remus smiled sadly and squeezed Hermione's hand.

"What happened?" Hermione asked, repeating Ginny's question.

"It was a long time ago," Zia answered, her voice indicating that they were going to get a very short version of the story. "And, the marauders used to be there – personally – when Remus transformed. I wanted to partake, and things got a little out of hand."

At the shocked looks around the room, she continued, "He scratched me. He did not transfer his lycanthropy."

She looked at Remus, her eyes filled with understanding and love. "And, I'm still here too. In fact, I accepted your marriage proposal less than two months later."

"I am a lucky… man," he said. He had considered saying werewolf, but knew that he would be yelled out for that.

"You are," Severus deadpanned.

"So are you, ex-death eater," Hermione snapped.

Zia closed her eyes and winced. This was falling apart in ways that she could barely stand. This was supposed to be a family building exercise. Instead, people seemed to be airing their hurtful, spiteful thoughts. It was rolling downhill faster than she could stop it.

Severus looked at Zia and ran the back of his hand over her cheek. "Yes, I am," he replied softly and without malice. Just looking at her, he could tell how much the argument that was brewing would hurt her.

"Sorry," Hermione whispered suddenly.

Zia cast her a glance and realized that Remus was looking at her with such outrage that this fight would have stopped in its tracks, even if Severus had not taking the high road.

"Ginny, keep going," she said, trying to get at least one person's good thoughts about the rest of the house finished.

"Uncle Sev, you are the smartest and most brave person that I've ever met. But, I had always thought that your bravery and fortitude was overused, especially since I knew what a fun and caring person you could be. It wasn't until I learned about Lily and especially about Zia, and I learned about how you did so much to protect Harry, that I realized that all of that bravery and strength and fortitude was fueled by love. " She laughed lightly. "Not the personae you put forward, but the real you is so much more dynamic than the personae. I'm honored to know you."

Severus smiled softly, and readjusted Zia. "Thank you."

"And Zia," Ginny started, coming before the two of them and sitting down on the floor, "all I ever knew of you was a cloaked figure with the most amazing purple eyes, who came and took care of people when they were sick or very very depressed. And, in hindsight, I know that was strange because everyone during the second war seemed to know you and knew you stayed here when you weren't wherever else you were. When I finally met you, really met you during the second war, I remember how skiddish you were to talk to anybody; how you would disappear; how bitter you always seemed. I'm so glad to have gotten to know you over time and found that your personality is a combination of the healer and the mystery. You are one of the most dynamic people I've ever had the pleasure of meeting." She smiled at her.

Zia smiled back. "As are you to me, young one," she said back. She reached out and grasped her hand firmly. Then she turned back to Severus. "I'm sorry, love. I'm so tired. I know this was my idea, but would anyone be terribly upset if I went to sleep now?"

"No," he whispered gathering her into his arms and lifting her up.

"Severus!" she exclaimed with a giggle. "I'm not as light as I used to be. You'll hurt yourself."

"I'm fine," he said, trying to keep the worry that she was actually lighter than she used to be, out of his voice. "It is late," he said, addressing the room. "Would any of you mind if we continued this tomorrow?"

"Not at all," Arthur answered for the room. "Come on, Remus. I know what you're in for. I'll help Hermione get you into bed."

"Thank you," Remus replied before sneezing three times. Each heavier and wetter than its predecessor.

Zia meant to bless him, but she was asleep before she could get the words out.


	18. Getting to Know em: Arthur's Perspective

Severus sat in an easy chair in their bedroom. Many years ago, when they had lived at Snape Manor, she had insisted on one in the room so that she had a place to sit while tending to him. Since then, anywhere they had a room together had an easy chair in it. He recalled visiting her at her cottage and being surprised that there was an easy chair in her room there as well. He remembered feeling pangs of jealousy and wondering who was sharing her bed. But, he knew then as he knew now she would let those under her care sleep in her bed and she would sleep in the chair. As he watched over hear sleeping, he realized what a smart idea that had been.

He was reading over the research that Ginny had provided him with on her comparison between Healers Disease and Healer Deficit Disorder. She was correct, Zia's condition more closely resembled HD than HDD. He rubbed a hand over his face. In both cases, the ailment was exasperated by extreme physical and emotional stress. In the case of Healers Disease, she could handle normal stresses like she would have without the disease and, in certain cases, she could even gain energy from it and live more or less a normal life. The major difference had to do with physical body strength and fatigue. She would get momentary weakness, muscle fatigue, and could even lose the ability to walk all together. But, with proper rest and maintenance, it was not fatal.

He took a deep breath and leaned his head back. The day before was a long day for everyone, but for someone who was not supposed to be worn out it must have been excruciating. But, she had held out until she couldn't. He let a smile appear on his lips as he thought of how vulnerable she must have felt the night before. He felt the long suppressed joy in knowing her weakness and knowing how he could have played on it – although he wouldn't. It was a dark joy that had fueled him as a Death Eater. Even so… even after everything they had been through… she felt safe enough to retreat to him. She trusted him at her most vulnerable. Hermione was right. He, Severus Snape, ex-Death Eater, was a very lucky man.

"Guess, I've been asleep for a while, eh?" Zia asked him. Sunlight was streaming in the window and Severus was sitting in the chair reading. She could only imagine what time it was. She went to check the clock and saw that it was nearly two in the afternoon. "You shouldn't have let me sleep this long," she said calmly, the sleep still evident in her voice.

He moved to the bed and sat down next to her. He ran a gentle hand through her long black hair. "You needed the sleep. Besides I only woke up around noon. Seems the whole house has been sleeping in.

She shook her head. "Doesn't make sense. Remus is ill which means he hasn't been sleeping and that means Hermione hasn't been either."

He grinned at her. "Let's pretend I'm a competent potions master and that I have a home store of remedies that would make St. Mungo's jealous."

She smiled and turned onto her stomach. "Oh is that what we're pretending? Then what would such a potions master give to a werewolf coming down with a sinus infection… remembering he can't have Razzle or Pepperup."

"Dreamless sleep draught."

She physically winced and smiled in a way that said he had done something foolish. "Poor Hermione," she said with a chuckle.

"What do you mean? Are you suggesting one of my potions is subpar?" he scoffed. He was getting defensive and turned away from her.

"No," she pushed herself up. "Severus, that's not what I meant. Of course your potions are sound." She sighed sadly. How could she ruin a day so easily? "I'm sorry," she said sadly. "Perhaps Hermione was wrong. Perhaps you're not lucky to have me."

It was emotional blackmail and she knew it. But, with his mind breaking apart and her body doing the same, she wasn't sure how to handle his mood swings. So, she chose to handle them by making him focus on her.

It worked.

"What the hell are you talking about?" he snapped as he turned back to her. One look at her and his demeanor softened immediately. He took a deep breath and calmed himself. "I apologize," he stated stiffly.

"Severus, I'm not doubting the quality of your potions. But, as a healer, you have to understand the dreamless sleep draught means that he didn't stop suffering his symptoms – only that he slept through them."

Severus paused as the truth of that. "So she had to deal with the symptoms that he didn't know he was having."

Zia nodded.

He chuckled a bit. "You're right. Poor Hermione," he said.

"You still mad at me?" she asked, running her hand up and down his thigh. This wasn't meant as emotional blackmail, however. This was an honest question. They had always just gotten over anger at each other. But, so much had come out over the past few months that she wasn't certain where she stood with him anymore. She knew she loved him – completely and unconditionally. But, he had never really been one to give unconditional love. Once someone fell out of favor with them, they were gone forever. He may have said that he loved her more than Lily, but she didn't believe it for a second. Rather she believed he used to love her more than Lily, and now he merely kept her around out of obligation or fear of being alone. She knew she was lucky: as a healer, she didn't even deserve that much.

"Zia, I wasn't mad at you," he started, looking at her sadly. He hadn't meant to respond so harshly. He had told her he loved her more than Lily, and had hoped that would be enough to mend things. It used to take so much less for her to move on from emotional stings that he flung her way. But, the past few months had been harder than he anticipated, and he knew she bore the brunt of it. It had taken its toll on her, and even his admission of love was not enough for her to go back to the way things used to be. Even now, even after she had come to him at her most vulnerable time, she still held deep-seeded insecurities. Damage: he had done her so much damage.

He had never had much time for unconditional love. If someone was hurtful or no longer worth loving, he stopped. And, she knew that. Her coming to him when she was vulnerable was only the tip of the iceberg, so to speak. He had to let her know that he still loved her and that while his protection of her was unconditional, that his love was unconditional as well. The only other people he had ever felt this towards were Dumbledore, the Weasly's, Remus, and, of course, Lily. He was a smart man, adept at many things. But, he was not good at displaying his affections. And, he knew, that would have to change in order for her to heal completely. Problem was, he didn't know how to change it.

"You were," she interjected. "I know you were. I was stupid with my words and I insulted you. I didn't mean to, Sev." She felt as though her insides were in a vice. She hated that she felt like she was going to cry, again. This was hands down the worst part of her disease. The loss of control over her emotions was even more horrific than the weakness in her legs, the dizziness that she had learned to become accustomed to, and the organs rebuilding. "Whatcha reading?" she asked, changing the subject.

"It wasn't anything I can't handle," he responded softly. He looked at her as if she was going to break. Like he was seeing what he was so close to losing for the first time. "I was just looking through Ginny's research. She very possibly could be right about you having Healers Disease rather than HDD."

"Yea, but it doesn't add up," she said quietly.

"What part?"

"Healers Disease does not tend to cause system failure."

"Yes. I have asked her about that," he agreed. "I have asked her to research the care of those with Healers Disease and Healers Deficit Disorder."

"Well that's really easy to find out," she scoffed.

"No no. Not the medical care, but the personal care." He paused as he thought about how to word it. "I want to know the stress level that the healers were under. I've written a few letters and gotten Ginny access to the St. Mungo's archives."

"You think a whole lot of healers went to St. Mungos?" she asked. "Really?"

"Well what would you propose?" he asked, folding his arms in front of him.

She couldn't think of anything, so she shook her head and grumbled that she didn't know. "I just don't know of a whole lot of healers who ran to St. Mungos in the past thirty years. Really if she wants this information, she's going to have to find people who took care of healers."

He stifled a chuckle. "That's damn near impossible to find."

She rubbed her forehead.

"Are you well?" he asked, rubbing her back. His voice smooth, silky, and dripping with concern.

"Just a mild headache forming," she admitted.

"You should get more rest," he suggested.

"If I do that, I'll never sleep tonight. Besides Remus…"

He considered arguing with her. But, he knew that to make her feel incompetent was only going to lead to another argument. And, they over the years they had enough arguments to last him the rest of his lifetime.

"How are you feeling love?" she ventured.

He forced a smile and she knew immediately.

"But, Remus has a sinus infection. You can't catch that."

"True, but likely the mold aggravated my allergies as well. But, perhaps we couldn't tell through all the other issues and ailments. Or, perhaps it's something else completely. "

"Headache?" she asked, since he wasn't showing any respiratory symptoms.

He nodded.

"Come to bed with me," she said, patting the bed beside her.

He shook his head. "I'd rather stay up with you."

"You're going to monitor me, aren't you?" she asked, sitting up and starting to get out of bed. "Severus, you're going to make yourself sick. Come, sit here and I'll give you a neck rub. You used to say I was pretty good at them."

He smiled and sat on the bed, letting her get up on her knees and start kneading his shoulders and neck. The knots felt as though they melted like butter at her touch.

"I'll be fine, really. But, thank you. This is so… nice" he said, leaning forward and letting her work the muscles at the base of his neck. "I'll look after you and things will be like they were again. You'll see." He forced a smile. He wanted her ailment to be Healers Disease so badly. But, what if it wasn't? What if he was still losing her only he didn't know? He promised himself then and there he would not take time with her for granted again.

"You need rest," she stated. She could feel his muscles tensing and releasing under her fingers, which tended to happen when he was sleep deprived and desperate to maintain control.

"I need to be with you," he admitted. He awaited her scorn for his admittance. But, much to his surprise, she hugged him close.

"That's lovely. I can't think of anyone else I'd rather spend my time with."

He smiled and looked back at her. "I wasn't mad at you before," he said, finally answering her earlier question. "And, I'm not mad at you now either." He leaned over and kissed her firmly on the lips.

OOooOOooOOooOOooOO

The group relaxed together in the living room. Remus was bundled up on the couch, his fever keeping him vaguely awake and intermittent sneezing threatening to split his skull wide open. Hermione sat next to him, allowing him to rest his head on her lap, or lean against her when he was awake and interested in taking part in the discussion.

Likewise, Arthur was still exhausted and had taken up residence in the easy chair. Zia had given him a few potions to heal his muscles, but refused to give him anything to calm the intermittent cough and sneezing, saying that it was important that he let his body have its respiratory response.

Severus sat with his arm protectively around Zia, as if he couldn't bear to be more than a few inches away from her. Unused to his clinginess, it did not bring her the confidence that she was sure that he was trying for. Instead she was worried that he was nearing another break. She wondered what he would do to her this time and found it difficult to relax within those arms that had brought her so much protection, joy, and fear.

At one point, Severus leaned over and his arm brushed her chest. She flinched away, bringing her arm up in a protective way. He looked at her, his eyes searching for the cause of her reaction.

"You okay, Z?" Ginny asked, as she brought in tea for everyone.

"S-Sorry. Strange flashback," Zia said, as she took a cup. Her hand shook so violently that her tea spilled over the edges of her teacup.

"Strange?" Severus asked, implying that he wanted her to continue. He would not have been shocked if she had merely been responding to his treatment of her in the past year. But she called it a strange memory. It was different.

"Remember what we were talking about last night?" she asked, seemingly changing the subject. "The best of everyone and all? Well, as we all know it hasn't always been good. While I was um, working with the Dark Lord during the first rising, I had to prove my allegiances. This meant allowing Malfoy, Carrow, Goyle, Pettigrew, whomever to have their way with me. And, I had to love it. Love it like LeStrange. I just – I got that feeling. Like I was going to be taken again. I'm sorry." She blinked away the tears, knowing that she had just deeply offended him. Much to her surprise, she felt his arms encircling her.

"Never again," he whispered as he intermittently kissed her hair. "Never again will I allow someone to do that to you."

"How did you allow it the first time," Hermione asked accusingly.

He sighed and tightened his hold on her. "My only goal was for her to not have to take on the dark mark. But, to do that I had to convince the Dark Lord that she was worth keeping alive. And, I had to convince him that she was trustworthy. So, she was expected to do the things that all of our women were. Loving it like LeStrange… that's a term I have not heard in many years."

"Bellatrix loved rough sex," Zia explained to the room. "Anywhere, any time. I – however – di d not. Thankfully, the potions that prevent STI's kept me safe that way."

_/How do you have sex with me? Knowing who I am? What you've been through?/_ he sent through occulmancy.

_/I loved you then and I love you now. Even though I was fairly certain you didn't actually love me back for many years after the first war. It was all about Lily, and I understood that./_ Her understanding that he would have to move past Lily ever so slightly to even love her at all was what made her feel so special that he loved her at all. It's what made her hurt herself when he started to show contempt for her. And, it was what made her stay when he started to abuse her.

He felt himself get choked up. Even as he was nearly killing himself to protect her, she still valued herself second to Lily. He was almost offended before he realized that back then, she was second to Lily. And, the fact that she was actually aware of that – but stayed – suddenly made him love her more.

"Can we talk about the good things again," she asked as two tears leaked from the corners of her eyes.

"I want to start," Arthur said, jumping right in. "I have seen this group change dramatically over the past twenty years or so, and I have to say, I could not be more proud, or more honored to be part of this group."

"Severus," he started. "You know I value you as a brother. But the moment that changed my view of you forever was – after you killed Dumbledore –"

Severus began to tremble. It was a part of his past that he hated himself for. One of the many parts of his past that he hated himself for.

Zia put a hand on his arm. She expected him to shake it off. When he didn't she became concerned. She scooted herself closer to him and wrapped her arm around the middle of his back. He stiffened at her touch and she froze. He put a hand on her leg, letting her know that she was pushing a line. She dropped her hand to rest on the seat behind him, but her arm continued to touch him – to let him know she was there. It seemed to be the perfect balance as he eased into her arm, and nodded at Arthur, who had not paused speaking.

"- when you came to our house – panic-stricken, depressed… but with that Death Eater strength in your eyes. When you warned us about the attack that was coming and to get the things we really cared about out of the house… and Remus, when you and Tonks heard about what Severus had said, that you came to us – even though it was so close to the moon and you were feeling so poorly. It was then I knew – even though you had always be there for us… that you really did value us as important in your life."

"I valued you long before that," Remus whispered.

"I know, my friend," Arthur said with the long practiced kindness of a father. "But, back then, it was so hard to sort through who were friends from necessity and who were friends because they really were. It was then that your reasoning was clear."

Remus nodded and sneezed violently, shaking from the effort. The room blessed him, and his acknowledged them by nodding while he blew his nose with a loud honk – earning him another violent sneeze.

"Ginny, Virginia, my dear. You were so young, however you stepped up as a lady when your mum f-fell." He choked on his words and Ginny went to his side in a moment. He smiled through his tears and clapped his hand on hers. "Every day you prove yourself as her daughter. I could not be more proud of who you have become."

She blushed a bit as she smiled proudly. "Thank you," she whispered. She grabbed a napkin and handed it to him, putting her hand on his shoulder and he brushed the tears out of his eyes.

"Hermione," he continued, pushing the residual sadness out of his voice. "One of Harry Potter's closest friends and my son's first love. I remember seeing you as child and watching you grow into quite a remarkable woman. But, the summer that made me realize how very deep, talented, and caring you are, was when Remus fell with that awful recurring flu, remember?" he asked the room, as everyone in the room had taken part of the healing that summer. "And, then Severus fell with it, and even though the story we gave you was different from everything you ever knew, you accepted it, trusted us, and cared for Severus because we told you to. I was proud of you as though you were my own daughter that summer." He smiled at her as though she was, in fact, his own daughter.

"Thank you," she said, brightly. She stole a glance at Ginny, who smiled back without anything but pride in her eyes. She hadn't felt the pride of a parent since the death of her own. The pride of Mr. Weasley's made her feel as though she was doing something in her life right. And that felt very good indeed.

"And Zia…" he paused for a long while.

Zia's heart dropped as she realized that he thought of her as an attachment to Severus rather than a friend of his past. "It's okay," she whispered, swallowing the lump in her throat.

He gave her a knowing look and shook his head. "No, it's not. I'm just having difficulty pinpointing a moment that changed my perception of you. You've always acted the way I considered consistent – for you."

She turned away slightly and shook her head. "It's okay. That's the job of the healer, to be the consistent person. You're just saying that I blended in the background and did my job well." She smiled brightly and forced herself not to blink, lest the tears fall.

Suddenly he snapped his fingers. "It's not something I saw, rather a story that Remus and Sirius told me about you." Her eyes snapped open wide. She tried to calm herself, but Severus noticed. He pulled her close. "The day you proved that you were human."

"Oh no you don't!" Remus interrupted. "That's mine. The day she proved that she had a heart of her own, not just one to give to everyone else."

"I'd rather you not tell the story Remus," she said, knowing exactly which one he was talking about.

"I'd love to hear it," Hermione said.

"Yea," Ginny added with a smile.

"Sev," she started.

"I think I know the story already," he stated, placing a hand on hers. "But, Arthur, do remember the story doesn't have to be a good one. Perhaps a story during this time of togetherness where she didn't act like a good healer…" He was thinking of when her glimmers fell, hoping that Arthur would talk about his perspective on that.

Zia pulled her hand away and excused herself from the group.

He grasped at her hand, and held her back for a moment. He looked at her imploringly.

She held her other hand to her nose and pulled her hand away, before slowly retreating up the stairs.

"Zia!" Arthur called, getting up to follow her. "It's nothing personal. It's not bad… your consistently has been a breath of relief in a very chaotic life. "

"I – I jus… I," she choked. "I – I just… I just…" She swallowed.

Ginny's heart sank into her stomach as she could practically saw Zia's mind stop. She started to walk towards her, but paused as Severus stood up. "Exercise over," he replied silkily as he walked over to Zia.

"No!" she shouted, pulling away from the men in front of her. She looked at Arthur imploringly. "This doesn't change anything – any view?"

"You've been through so much. No one can handle it forever,"

She placed her head in her hand. "Fine. Thank you," she said, as she started to retreat up the stairs again. "I'll be right back down. Figure out who's going next."

Something was wrong. Ginny could feel it.

"Really Arthur," Severus asked, his silky voice tinged with anger. "You couldn't say one kind thing about her? You couldn't mention one thing that made you see her in a better light – or even a worse one? You could have picked the glimmers or the fact that she worked with the Death Eaters, or how she's coped with this illness. Anything. And you came up with nothing?"

"Something is wrong," Ginny mumbled. "She's not okay. Something is wrong." She couldn't explain the feeling. She looked at her father, and suddenly she got it. She knew what was wrong. "Shit!" she exclaimed as she bolted up the stairs, leaving the others looking at each other, confused.

Arthur closed his eyes as if he was in pain. "I've got it. The story that broke my heart. Thornbury."

Everyone in the room knew the story of Thornbury Castle. Severus had taken her out after the second war as an apology for everything he put her through. As life would have it, he wound up getting sick and they wound up getting put into quarantine. It was then that he had told her that she had outlived her usefulness and that he didn't trust her anymore. It was then that she was caught cutting herself.

The room jumped suddenly. Even Remus, who wavered on his feet.

Severus apparated upstairs in a wink, closely followed by Arthur.

The bathroom door was wide open. "… that I've done nothing of note in twenty years," Zia was saying to Ginny. Zia was standing with her arms folded as she leaned against the wall. Ginny was crouched before her looking up in an extremely non-confrontational stance.

"Your arms, let me see them," Severus demanded. He looked at her seriously.

She raised an eyebrow and rolled up her sleeves. There weren't any new cuts or burns. She looked at Severus quizzically.

Ginny shot him daggers and then turned her attention back to Zia. "Consistency, through two wars, is a pretty high compliment."

Zia nodded. "I know… I just… I don't know."

"It's okay," Ginny soothed, standing up. "Like with HDD, inability to quantify or cope with the emotions – it's part of the disease." She squeezed Zia's arm. "You'll be okay. We'll make sure of it. We're here for you, Z."

Zia whined loudly, looking upwards and clapping her hands over her face. "But, you're not supposed to be. You're supposed to be here for him!" she shouted, pointing at Severus. " Not me!" She pointed her hand at Arthur. "Like he said, I'm the consistent one. I'm not the one you have to be here for – I'm just a healer… a stupid… weak…." She burst into heavy sobs.

"Leave us," Severus demanded, darkly. He gently guided Ginny out the door and closed it, placing a silencing spell on the room. "You're not weak," he stated clearly, but not forcefully. Quietly and stately he walked up to her. Many years ago, he would have yelled at her or used sarcasm to break her from her fit. But, this time was different. This was a lifetime of pain rolled into one painful outburst of emotion. Softly, he wrapped his arms around her and held her as she sobbed.

"Do you still hate me?" she whimpered. "Moreso now, right?"

He thought back to the day his mind first started to break. "I didn't say I hated you."

"Oh…" she breathed, "you did… more times than I can count. To the point that I went beyond not taking it personally, beyond not caring, to pretending its how you said you loved me." Sobs got caught in her chest as she tried to suppress them.

He rested his chin on her head, thankful that she had curled herself into his chest. That way she couldn't see the pain that her question caused him as it crossed his face. "No," he answered darkly serious. "Your strength shines through, even now. " He sighed heavily. She had needed more assurances in the past few months than she had in the entirety that he had known her – combined. It was getting tiresome and he wasn't certain that he could keep it up.

"I've made you uncomfortable," she said, startling him with her ability to see right through him. "I'm sorry," she forced herself to stop crying and made her breathing regular. Her eyes shone in the cool indifference that he had come to know, but without the devious sparkle that he loved. In every way but her radiance, she looked exactly like she did in his mind.

"You don't have to hide from me," he said in a low deep voice. He recalled the feeling of betrayal he had felt when he realized she had been hiding her looks. Then the feeling of torment and fear when he realized she was dying. Then the bone crushing guilt as more and more memories came back of the damage he had done. Finally, the cutting jabs she made at herself to bolster him up. He did not view her as weak. But, he understood why she saw herself that way. The idea of her hiding from him again terrified him. What if she died, this time, from something he could have prevented. What if she died before he was able to properly apologize or make it up to her?

She looked him squarely in the eye. "I am. I know. It's okay." She nodded at him. "I'm not the woman you fell in love with. I'm not even a shadow of her. But, if you give me a little more time to repress and compartmentalize…"

"No! Not again!" he barked at her.

"Severus!" she snapped. "Do you think Hermione didn't tell me? Do you think I don't know that you thought that she was me? That you told her that you were happy that I had come back and that I wasn't the weak person that I left in my stead?! I _know_, okay!? I know that you… that I…" She gave a short stuttered breath and swallowed thickly.

He shoved her out of his arms briskly – a gesture which was quite normal of their even during the wars. He crossed one arm across himself and buried his head in his other hand. He was shielding himself from the hurt that he was feeling. He was closing her out.

"Sev?" she asked.

"Get away," he said, gesturing with the hand that had been holding his head. He softened his tone and his gesturing. "Just… just go away." There was a soft edge of pleading in his voice.

Knowing she had over-stepped her boundaries, she did as she was asked.

OOooOOooOOooOOooOO

Arthur sat heavily in the chair and put a hand over his eyes to keep the room from seeing the tears that were spilling down his cheeks.

"What happened," Remus asked, hoarsely.

"I broke her. My inability to say anything… that fit the description of this exercise broke her soul." He refused to lift his eyes to the group. He had honestly thought that the fact that he considered her consistent would be a high compliment. After all, it was what she had spent a lifetime trying to be. All of her actions, even the way she could be contacted was regular, concise, known. He had never considered the toll doing something like that would take on someone. Apparently, it was harder than he expected. Perhaps it didn't happen because it was the way she was – as he and Molly had always speculated. Rather, it was something she had done for all of them. He wondered what toll it had taken on her – deep down inside, in those places that people didn't even want to see in themselves; in those places that the deepest darkest secrets are hidden from oneself.

He recalled how she had to go through her 'change'. He wondered how she could rebuild her personality and if Zia was always a part of Jada, or if she was a new entity honed over years of self-training. He figured they had been catching glimpses of the reclusive Jada personality. Perhaps the Healers Disease was bringing up the repressed personality. Or perhaps she was always partially there, but now was becoming the dominant. In any case, they had all taken her for granted, and now he had caused one of his oldest and dearest friends pain.

He took a quivering breath.

"Dad, it's not like that. Her illness keeps her from being able to properly process information and emotions. So, that's all that was. She'll come back and be fine. You'll see," Ginny said, calmly. She came to his side and squeezed his shoulder to let him know that he was not being punished or shunned for his misstep.

He wiped the tears from his eyes again. "I finally know what I want to talk about… what I want to say changed my view of her… but I don't know if she'll believe me."

Just then, Zia descended the stairs. She walked over to Arthur and pressed a kiss to the side of his head. "Arthur, my deepest apologies. It is, in fact, a healers greatest wish to be considered consistent. Please know it was my illness acting out and not me. Thank you for thinking that I've remained the same over the years."

She sat down and smiled.

"Actually, do you remember when the pack of werewolves attacked the burrough?"

Remus stiffened, before sneezing three times, each more roughly than the one before.

Zia nodded. "Of course I do. It was at the beginning of the second war and you and Molly had just strengthened the wards when the ones in the south field went down."

He nodded. "I told her to mind the children and that I would handle it, but you wouldn't let me go out alone. It was the first time I'd ever heard you cast the killing curse. You stated it in a silky way, not unlike Severus. It rolled off your tongue as if you had been expecting to say it and you killed with such grace and skill it was easy for me to forget that you're a healer. That was the day I saw your inner-most strength. That same strength that Severus sees in you. More than a healer, a friend, a caregiver. It showed me your depth."

She beamed. "Thank you, Arthur." She hated to admit it, but being seen as something other than just a healer meant the world to her.

"Oh me next," Hermione stated excitedly. "Zia, I had seen you in the castle… always with Madame Pomfrey. Always looking at Severus. And, I never quite knew who you were or why. And, then the year you helped me take care of Remus and Severus, I hadn't put it together – yet – who you were. But, throughout all this – seeing the intricate parts of one of the best healers of our time… just amazing. You're really an amazing person, and I'm honored to have gotten to know you – and I want to get to know you more.

"Thank you," Zia whispered. She didn't feel that amazing, but she was glad she came off that way.

"I hate to interrupt, but I need to take Zia out for a moment." He smiled a forced tight smile at Zia. She shrunk away him slightly. She didn't know what he was going to do, or say. She slipped her wedding ring off of her thinning fingers, expecting him to finally ask for it back.

Neither her cringe, nor her taking off the ring were lost on Remus. But, his symptoms suddenly increased three-fold and he started to sneeze violently, completely unable to quell the fit. He knew Zia was causing it. Whatever it was that Severus wanted, she wanted to handle him alone. He knew it would slow – if not stop completely – as soon as she left.

And it did.


	19. Amati

Zia gently stepped through the floo at Flouish and Blotts, as this was their usual exit. She took a few quick steps ahead and prepared to catch. As per usual, Severus stepped out of the floo with his breath hitching. She was always humored about the fact that floo powder made him sneeze. But, after years of being a Death Eater it had taken her nearly another decade to make him feel comfortable that she didn't mind his post – floo sneeze. So she never let him see any emotion about them.

"Heh-Hitchoo!" he sneezed, quickly unfurling a green cotton handkerchief and blowing his nose stuffily.

She immediately noticed his congestion and waited for another sneeze, but none came. She knew he was feeling under the weather earlier and wondered if it was the same sinus infection that Arthur had, or merely an allergy like Remus, or something different all together.

He took her hand and she was immediately inundated with the image of a Dark Mark and a snake. Quickly, she slammed her mental shields up and looked around suspiciously. He, too, was looking around as though there was an enemy nearby and his wand was drawn. "What was that?" she asked.

"I don't know. But, it can't be good. Someone must be close by," he answered, guiding her out of the store with his hand on the small of her back. It was unspoken but obvious to her that 'someone' referred to another Death Eater.

She withdrew her wand and walked with him, cautiously, until they reached muggle-London. There wasn't another incident, so they assumed that it was merely another Death Eater in too close proximity to him, and that she caught the side effects, since they didn't shield strongly from each other.

"Where are you taking me?" she asked. They didn't go to muggle-London often, so she knew he had a plan.

He sighed deeply. "Did you really used to come to Hogwarts to help, and watch me as I did things?"

"Well, yes. Poppy asked for my help a few times, working with students who were responding very poorly to the stresses going on, helping her brew things you didn't have time for, things like that," she answered.

"When did you see me?" His voice was low, tired. He wasn't looking at her, but he wasn't quite alert either.

"Um, a few times. Once when the students were sleeping in the Great Hall and you were pacing them with Dumbledore. Another time was when you were protecting the children from… well from Remus. Um… another was um… when the Order infiltrated Hogwarts…"

"… and I attacked Harry… you saw that?" Shame washed over him and choked him. He hadn't wanted to attack Harry. But, he was playing the villain back then. It was expected that he do so. He and Minerva had planned their duel and his escape before he killed Dumbledore.

She cleared her throat. "I was part of the Order who had infiltrated it," she whispered.

He looked at her sharply. "You came out of hiding?"

"Sort of. I mean, I wasn't completely _in_ hiding. You know that. And, there were so many kids. Nobody knew who I was except for the order, so it really didn't matter…"

"I'm sorry you had to see that. This makes things more…" He turned to the side, and she thought she saw him brush under his eyes. "This makes it even more important for me to make amends… at least to start," he replied quietly.

"I… what?"

"I have been recalling more and more of the last year, as I basically descended into madness. And, I know that my… issues have not been completely dealt with. However, you have stayed even as I have done horrific things to you."

"Severus stop," she demanded. "Nothing you have done has been something I would consider horrific."

He looked at her, stoically, for a moment. How could she say that? He tore her down emotionally until she doubted his love for her. He had beaten her so frequently that she had stopped sleeping whenever he was home and only slept lightly when he wasn't. She faced his anger with quiet resolve – as though she had deserved the punishments he doled out to her. And, then when he needed her for any reason – she was right there, supporting him in any way that he needed. If fear of that magnitude wasn't what she would consider horrific, he couldn't imagine what was. "Be that as it may," he continued, not conceding the point, "I remember now when it was that the spark in your eyes went out. Died when you looked at me. There are a handful of memories that I have that I would swiftly curse myself for creating. The day I destroyed your violin is one of them."

Zia felt her breath catch in her chest. It had been her great-grandfathers' violin and it meant the world to her. She had been playing it to soothe her mind one night. He had determined that she should stop playing, but rather than asking he did so by wrenching the violin out of her hands and smashing it against the wall. She had been devastated. She didn't think he noticed how much he had hurt her. She didn't know what to do, but she reminded herself that the violin was only a 'thing' and that Severus was her husband. She promised herself that she would save for a new violin, and pressed on – a little bit dead inside.

"You remembered," she breathed.

"Yes. And I remember the dull look of pain in your eyes as you held the pieces of the violin in your hands. I…" he swallowed. "I can't apologize enough for what I did. But, I do apologize. I can't explain my mentality at the time. Only that I was unwell and that I strove to hurt you."

"And succeeded," she confirmed.

"I know," he said. After a pause he continued with, "But, I will be making it up to you today. I know I can't replace that violin… and I have looked into getting it repaired, but it'll never play the same again. I am so sorry."

"I um…" she said softly. She wanted to say she forgave him. But, she didn't. Not really. She could handle the physical parts of the relationship. She could even handle the emotionally draining things. But, he had killed a piece of her soul that day. He had truly harmed her in a way she wasn't certain how to recover from.

He squeezed her hand. "Don't say anything about forgiveness. Not until I at least try to make it up to you." They turned down Queen Anne Street, and her breath caught in her chest. "Severus, no. It's too expensive," she said before they even got to the store.

"Not for you. I promised you when we got married that I would take care of you. Well… I have been sorely remiss on this. But, I will not be any longer. He rang the bell and announced their appointment.

"Master Snape, so good of you to come," a woman said over the intercom. The door buzzed and they entered the most extravagant violin store Zia could even imagine. Her eye fell on a finely crafted violin. Her gaze swept over the woodworking and she focused on the strings – catgut. "Severus," she whispered urgently, "do you know what that is?" she walked over to it slowly, as though too heavy of a footfall would damage it. She stopped about two feet away, looking only with her eyes, afraid to touch the treasure on the wall. "It's an Guadagnini," she whispered in awe of its presence.

He exchanged knowing glances with a man who had just walked in. The man was aging, but apparently was acquainted with Severus, by the way they greeted each other. "If you like that one, you should look at the one to its right," he said unobtrusively.

She shifted her gaze after a moment. She furrowed her brow in confusion. The color of the wood… the grain of it… "Oh my," she breathed. "No, it's can't be," she said, looking closely at the scrollwork. She looked back at Severus. "A Stradivarius."

"Indeed," the man said, pulling it off the wall. "Would you care to play it?" he asked, tuning it. She watched as his hands deftly moved about the instrument.

"I am not worthy of such an instrument," she said, still breathless.

"Ah, but is the instrument worthy of you?" he asked, choosing a bow carefully.

"It is," Severus answered for her. "Go on," he goaded.

More confidently than she felt, she took the violin and bow. She closed her eyes and listened to the secrets of the Stradivarius. It whispered the secrets of its owners, how they played, their styles of music, anger… love… lust… all the secrets told through their hands as they played the violin. Secrets… stories… dances… candlelight… symphonies… She started to play the Hornpipe from Albathezar before she even realized that she was playing. She opened her eyes when the most beautiful music filled the air. The Stradivarius was singing for her. She played through the end of the song, weaving her own passion into the story of the Stradivarius. The song had ended, but she didn't want to stop. She never wanted to hand it back. But, she knew she must. The violin was not meant to be hers. Rather, it only loaned itself to her for a moment in time. Her moment.

"Thank you," she said, handing the instrument back to the older gentleman.

He smiled at her before stating, "You're quite right, Master Snape. She needs an instrument with whom she can share her passion… needs… wants… strength… " He looked around the shop the way Olivander looked for wands. "Why don't you try this one?" he asked as he tuned it. "It is a del Gesu, which was used by the violinist Isaac Stern until 1965."

She held the fine violin. There certainly was no shame in a del Gesu." She closed her eyes and waited for its story. But, it didn't speak to her. It said nothing. Not a whisper. Not even a hint of its secrets. It didn't trust her. "It doesn't trust me," she said.

"Make it trust you," he whispered, looking at her over his wire rimmed glasses.

She closed her eyes again. A spritely tune sprang from her fingers. She ran them up and down the fingerboard, which was sized just a bit differently than her comfort level. She finished the phrase, but not the song. "It doesn't trust me," she reiterated.

He seemed to consider that for a moment. "Here," he said, pulling another violin out of a case, "This is a late Turin piece," he started.

"Amati?" she hazarded to guess.

He nodded at her. "You know your fine violins. "My grandfather was a fine violin luthier," she explained.

"Well he certainly doted on you," he said, handing her the Guadagnini.

The violin seemed to come alive in her hand. It felt as though it melded into her hand. She didn't even need to close her eyes before it started to talk to her. Really talk, as though everyone in the room could hear its rose laden secrets. "It's this one," she said, putting it under her chin. She didn't even have to think about the song before it flowed from her fingers. In fact, it took a moment before she realized that it was her favorite song in the whole wide world – La Matelote. The song then flowed into a more romantic tune, one that she barely recognized, but it obviously meant something to Severus; she could tell by the way he stiffened to not show emotion.

"I'll send your bill to Gringotts," the man said quietly.

Severus nodded. "She'll need a bow as well. I'm afraid hers was also destroyed in the accident."

The man waved it off. "This bow should do just fine, although she will need a decent suspension case to care for it."

"Severus, it's too much."

"This is not about price," he answered simply. "I have the money. And you have the skill."

She nodded. Of course he had the money. He had always lived simply – even when he was a Death Eater, which was odd because the Dark Lord had paid him handsomely for his allegiance. She knew that money was now paying for her violin. But, what of it? It was either that or it would sit in his vault until long after they died.

They finished the exchange and Zia thanked him with a long kiss. "Thank you," she whispered. "It's like a dream come true." She smiled – a real one that reached her eyes.

"You deserve it. " He reached out for the violin case, but she was having none of it, rather holding it to herself. Instead she let him have a deep kiss.

"Ah hah…" the sneeze taunted and tickled Remus' nose, but it would not come out. He let his jaw go slack and tried to just let it come, but the little bugger just wanted to torture him. "Eh…Heh…Eeehhh…"

Hermione sat next to him, looking quite concerned. Ginny and her father were trying not to look at all, knowing how self conscious Remus was apt to get about his symptoms.

"Just relax Remus. It'll come," Hermione whispered, her breath tickling his ear in a way that he considered quite pleasant. As soon as the jolt of energy ricocheted though his body, the sneezed tumbled out of him, throwing him forward as it did so. "HESSHHAAA!" He coughed a few times and then cleaned himself up. "Pardond me," he stated stuffily.

"Remus, I know it's none of my business, but I can't bear to watch this," Arthur blurted out suddenly. Perhaps it was the residual effects of his own illness, but watching the façade of Remus and Hermione being married felt like nails on a chalkboard to him. "I can pardon you for your symptoms, but if you don't love Hermione, then I demand you release her."

The air in the room became so silent, one could hear a pin drop.

"Mr. Weasley, you know the conditions by which we married," Hermione stated, breaking the silence.

"I do. I was there. And you were giving potions… nearly a year ago now. And judging by the way you two still act like friends – close friends, but only friends, my guess is that you have not used them."

"Arthur, you once asked me why I meddled in a relationship that I had no business being in. Now, I will ask you the same," Remus stated, anger hinting at the edge of his words.

"Because I view Hermione as another daughter. And, I didn't have a problem with the marriage. But, if you're not even going to give the emotional part a go, then perhaps it's worth letting Zia or Ginny try to find a loop-hole in the law. Because right now, all you're doing is preventing Hermione from having an emotionally satisfying relationship. After all Remus, she gave up a boyfriend for you. Don't you think she could find another?"

"Hello! I'm still in the room!" Hermione interjected. She looked over at Remus, who was looking down. She could not tell what he was feeling, but after nearly a year she could venture a guess. "That's not fair. It's only been about a year… yes, we are married, but we're still in many ways dating and getting to know each other."

"Then I'll say it to you too, Hermione. If you're not going to give the emotional part of the relationship a real try, then neither of you can be upset with the other if it fails. Why in Merlin's name do you think Zia is so scared of hurting you?"

"I have no idea!" Hermione exclaimed. "That has never made sense to me!"

"Because you have in no way set up boundaries for what is yours and what you don't mind sharing. I mean, truly Hermione, Zia is a hands on person. She will hold, snuggle, even kiss if it makes people feel better. How would you feel about her kissing Remus?"

Hermione thought about that for a moment. "Well I wouldn't mind her giving him gentle kisses, in appropriate places, but deep kissing or private area kissing, well that's mine."

"Then use it!" Arthur demanded. "Treat him like he's your husband. Go for the relationship with the same passion and gusto that you did in the beginning. You don't even know how damned lucky the two of you are and you're just wasting it!" He wiped under his eye.

"Da?" Ginny asked, placing her hand on his shoulder.

"I'm fine," he whispered to her, grasping her hand.

As Ginny held his trembling hand in hers she could tell that he was anything but fine. But, at least she started to understand where the anger was coming from.

"You know I love you Remus," Hermione said, placing a tender kiss on his temple.

He nodded. She had told him that before. It wasn't she who didn't pursue him. On the contrary, it was he who was concerned about pursuing her. He was afraid that it wouldn't work and that she would be chained to him due to her sense of obligation.

"If it doesn't work, I'll marry him," Ginny offered. She had a crush on Remus for as long as she could remember. "That way you two don't have to stay in a loveless marriage, but Remus is still protected from the law."

The horrified look Remus gave rivaled the one the Arthur gave her.

"Really, I mean it. I'm old enough to make my own choice. And, it's not like I have anyone on the horizon, da," she told the two men.

Remus nodded. "Yea, um," he stuttered rising up from the couch. "You have given me a lot to think about." He didn't make eye contact with anyone in the room. "I, um… I need a moment," he said, stumbling as he made his way upstairs.

Hermione waited only a few moments before going up after him.

On the way from the violin shop, Zia could barely contain her excitement. "I'm going to play Beethoven and … Irish fiddle… and…" she prattled on about all the things she was going to play with an excitement that she hadn't felt in a long time. "Oh Severus, thank you so much… I can't even explain to you what this means to me… it's truly beyond words."

"To see that look in your eyes is worth it," he whispered so quietly that she could hardly hear him. "You're welcome," he responded more confidently.

Suddenly, she was blinded with the vision of a striking snake again. She felt someone grab her from behind and when she opened her eyes, she was terrified to realize that Severus was standing in front of her, not behind her. "What is this?" she hissed, keeping a death grip on her new acquisition.

"Don't you worry. I won't touch your new acquisition. Rather, I have something very special for Severus here," a far too familiar voice said.

"Malfoy," she whispered.

"Zia, stay still," Severus stated, his voice cool and collected, though it was a far cry from what he was feeling. He and Lucius locked eyes and had a stare down of wills. That's what it was all about really, who had the stronger will.

"Now, Severus, you act as if you don't trust me." Malfoy's voice betrayed no inkling of emotion, merely the taunting that the man had become known for.

Zia felt a tap on her stomach with the man's wand, but heard no spell uttered. "Why should I keep her alive?"

"I have never harmed Narcissa, now you leave her alone," Severus threatened, pulling out his wand so quickly Zia blinked and missed it.

Malfoy arched an eyebrow. "I suppose it would only be fair. However, I don't play fair – especially not with someone who never took the mark of a snake. Don't you worry, you'll never forget what it is to have a snake inside you."

Tired of feeling threatened, and having no idea what Malfoy was talking about, Zia whirled around to fight him hand to hand if she had to. But, he had disappeared in a burst of darkness.

Instantaneously, Severus was at her side. "Are you all right?" he asked, feeling up and down her side. He waved his wand and performed a quick diagnostic spell. "Is your stomach okay?" he asked, referring to the tap he obviously saw.

She wrapped her free arm around his midsection and pulled herself close, feeling safe in his tightening embrace. "I'm fine, Severus," she said, breathlessly. She was so angry at Malfoy for ruining their good time. And, then she was mad at herself for letting him.

"Check the violin," he demanded.

Quickly, she opened the case. The violin was just as perfect as it had been when they left the store. "I can't wait to play again. Do you think Remus will play with me? He used to talk about playing when he was a kid."

"It's been a while since we were kids, but I suppose it's possible," Severus said. A slight cough escaped his lips.

Her expression softened. She repressed the memory of what just happened and made sure that she would handle it on her own later. "Come on, let's get home. We don't need anymore excitement today."

Severus kissed her on the top of her head, and then walked next to her with his hand on the small of her back. "You know, there was one serious thing I wanted to discuss with you while we're out. But, I don't want to upset you." He knew her stress levels had to be through the roof, even though she was stellar at hiding them.

"Severus, what is it?" she asked. "Trust me. You cannot upset me today." She was not going to let Malfoy ruin the day. And, she wasn't going to let Severus ruin it either. Damn him and his self-sabotage. This was going to be a great day for her, no matter how many memories she had to repress to do it.

"Why are you making things so hard on Hermione and Remus?"

She blinked at the non-sequitor. "What in Merlin's name are you talking about?" she asked.

"I mean, you keep withholding care from Remus."

"He has Hermione now. He doesn't need me," she answered, bluntly. Her voice held no remorse or regret. Like Severus' love being conditional, Remus' replacement of her was something that she took as a fact of life and had continued on.

"You can't possibly mean that!" Severus retorted. He stopped walked and looked down into her eyes, at which point he realized that she did in fact mean that.

"I do. I've been replaced. It's not my job to take care of him anymore. I mean for Merlin's sake, even twenty years ago when he was under my full time care, I couldn't care for him well enough to keep him symptom free long enough to contemplate a job, or take him to conventions or any such thing. She's simply better at it than I am. As you once said, I've outlived my usefulness. He has a better healer now."

"When did I say that?" Severus snapped. "I've heard that I've said that from you and Remus. Hell even Tonks brought that up to me at one point. When the hell did I ever tell you that you've outlived your usefulness?"

"Thornbury**… right after, when you were under the soul healer's care." She sighed sadly. She didn't understand how a memory that was so old could bring up feelings that were so raw. But, even just remembering his cool, calculated statement made her feel as though her lungs were being frozen.

Severus didn't even bother denying it. If it was said under the care of a soul healer, the fact of the matter was that on some level he must have believed it. "I retract my statement," he mumbled.

"You don't have to," she whispered. "You were right. It wasn't long after that I started to get jolts of pain. It's been nearly a decade and it's all catching up to me."

He felt his heart sink. Just another way that he had hurt her. Just another way that she had coped with the pain. "I want to," he said with more fortitude. "You have not outlived your usefulness. Not to me and certainly not to Remus. I mean, I know Hermione has been remiss in caring for him since they moved in, but I think it's because she's still trying to find where she fits in all that. It's no secret that you two were very tactile. Merlin's beard she grew up seeing you two be tactile whenever you were together. I think it'll be easier for her to figure out where she fits, if you just do what you do." He paused. "How long has it been since Remus fell asleep on you?"

"About a year… since just before they got married.

Severus nodded. "And you miss it?" he asked, knowing what her answer would be.

"Of course. But, I don't want to upset Hermione."

"Okay, while I doubt she'll be okay if you snuggle in bed with him anymore, I'm certain she won't mind him falling asleep on the couch with you. Or, snuggling against you for warmth when she is at work. Or long hugs when his depression gets too bad. Or kisses on the head for fever."

"How would you know this Severus? Marriage does strange things to a girl," she interjected.

"I asked her," he responded simply. "The other night, when you went to bed early. I talked with them about why you're being so standoffish with Remus. They were concerned. Most of all Remus. He thinks that you're still mad at him because he meddled in our relationship."

"I am," she stated. "But, not enough for me to withhold care." She started walking back to the floo point again. "So, if I snuggled with Arthur, you wouldn't mind?" she ventured.

"Of course not. It's part of your job. And, that man needs touch and comfort."

She smiled brightly at him. "What did I ever do to deserve you?" she asked.

Severus smiled, his lips pressed in a tight line with the corners barely turned up. 'I don't know, but it must have been dreadful,' he thought. "No more failing as a healer," he said. "Do your job." He poked her in the nose lightly and smiled.

She smiled back at him. "I love you," she whispered, as they stepped into the floo and he called the gate address for Grimauld Place.

When the stepped out, Ginny and her dad were playing some sort of card game in the dining room.

"Ouch!" Ginny cried as the card snapped at her finger.

"I told you, you have to move faster… remember – get the cards before they get you. Once, you've got the cards down, we'll start with the plants."

"Plants?" Ginny asked.

"Hey guys," Zia said, coming up to them. Her stomach was starting to hurt, and she figured it was from the excitement of the day. She turned to Severus. "Sev, can you please get me a vial of my daily potion? I forgot to take it this morning."

Severus looked at her critically and squeezed her hand.

"I'm fine. It's just the HDD." She kissed him on the cheek. "Please?" she whispered.

Giving her hand a final squeeze, he went into his lab.

"Whatcha playing? Oh… Hungry Plant, huh? Don't get hit by one of the *tweedle-beetles," Zia said. Especially when they're wet. They hit my finger so hard once they fractured it." Turning to Arthur she added, "What possessed you?"

"She wanted to learn it. Apparently, she saw some kids at University playing." His voice was still congested and strained. He turned his head to the side and clasped a handkerchief to his nose and mouth. "HushhShhussh!" He suppressed a few coughs then turned back to the game.

Zia squeezed his shoulder. His body temperature was normal. "I'll get you some tea for that. Spearmint all right?"

He sighed wearily. "That would be delightful, Z. Thanks."

She nodded. "Ginny? Anything?"

"The strawberry vanilla?" she requested, as she tried not to get her fingers pounded by two fighting tweedle-beetles.

"Be right up."

While she was in the kitchen, Severus brought her the potion she had requested and watched as she drank it. Within moments her stomach-ache went away. "See, I told you it was nothing."

"You should brag about your violin," he said, placing a kiss to the side of her head. She wasn't running a fever. He paused for a moment after he realized that he had been checking

"I will," she said, with a delighted smile.

"So, guys, where are Hermione and Remus?" she asked, when she brought out the tea.

"Dad decided to meddle and now they're up in their room," Ginny answered bluntly as she cast a perturbed glance at her father.

"I'm tired of them simply living as friends. Hermione deserves a proper marriage, and so does Remus for that matter."

"Arthur," Severus said, sitting down. "You know that their marriage is hardly what anyone here would consider traditional. They have been happy as friends."

"No, we haven't," Hermione said, coming down the stairs. "We have been trying super hard to make it work. And there has been some intimacy. But, that fear of losing the friendship is simply too strong. Our first anniversary is coming up. We've decided to give it a few more months and then find another way…" She was not happy about this arrangement. She had no problems being married to him. She loved him on many levels and sometimes romantically – when he would let her. He, too, had admitted to loving her. However, he was terrified of feeling the same way that Severus did about Zia. He didn't want someone like her to waste her life with someone like him, and he didn't want to someday bark at her that he hates that she wasted her life with him. He had seen how much damage Severus did with that. He would rather head it off at the pass.

"Another way…" Zia urged.

"I'd be willing to marry him," Ginny said after another sip of tea.

"Or maybe the law will be repelled," Arthur said, a bit too forcefully.

"Or, I will do something that will immediately nullify the marriage and then go into hiding," Remus said with a sniff. They had both done their fair share of crying, and the idea of not being married anymore scared him for more reasons than just being single again. He would almost prefer Hermione not be attached to him anymore. He loved her, but didn't want to act on his feelings. If it didn't work, it could ruin everything, and he didn't want to do that. He couldn't risk the friendship. He had such a limited support system as it was.

He crossed his arms in front over his chest.

"It'll only work if you both _try_, Remus," Zia snapped.

"I'm trying!" he yelled back. "I just can't risk everything! I can't…"

"Remus, if you _don't_ try, don't you think that it'll hurt the friendship – even if you are not captured or locked up or whatever?"

"What the hell do you want from me Zia?" he yelled, suddenly.

"Nothing," Hermione interjected suddenly. "She doesn't want anything. I don't want anything. We'll just see if it works. It's not like you're holding me back from doing anything. I am happily married. I want to be with you. If that changes, we'll look at it then." She put a gentle hand on Remus' shoulder. "I love you," she whispered, planting a kiss on his cheek.

Two tears escaped down Remus' cheeks. "What is it? Pick on Remus day?" he muttered.

Frowning, Zia came over to him. "I'm sorry, Remus," she said, pulling him into a reluctant hug. She kissed him on the temple. He jumped a bit and looked at her oddly. It had been a long time since she had been so easy and healer-ish with him. "I did not mean to attack you. I just worry about your happiness. And yours," she said, looking pointedly at Hermione.

"It seems that we all care a lot about each others happiness. Perhaps even enough not meddle where we ought not be, but we do it out of love," Ginny observed.

"It's true. And speaking of love…," she hoisted the violin case onto the table. "Look at what Severus bought me." She opened the case and burst into a being of sheer glee.

Arthur looked at it critically for a second before saying. "Severus, is that a…"

"It's an Amati!" Zia exclaimed, finishing the sentence for him.

"No…" Remus said, sitting down and looking at it in awe.

"What's an Amati?" Hermione asked. The violin was in brilliant condition. It was a beautiful and impressive violin, but she couldn't quite understand why everyone was in such awe of it.

"Amati was a contemporary of Stradivari," Zia explained. "I did test a Stradivari today, but this is the one that claimed me."

"Wow," Ginny said breathlessly. "Will you play?"

"Oh yes. Tonight, tomorrow, and any time that I feel like it." She turned to Severus, "Which will be a lot," she verified with a smile, craning her neck up to kill him on the cheek.

Severus smiled in spite of himself and wrapped one arm around her waist, drawing her closer to him. "It was worth every galleon," he said tenderly, kissing her back.

Remus and Arthur smiled. This was far closer to the Severus/Zia relationship that they had grown used to seeing over the years. Meanwhile the looks on Hermione and Ginny's faces showed that they were finally starting to understand why Zia stayed with Severus all these years. Truly, the cause for the village to have been called together was a new dynamic. And, if Zia had grown used to this over the years, they could understand why she was having such difficulty coping with the change – especially as her health was failing at the same time.

"So, Remus," Zia said, clapping her hands together and looking at him with a mischievous grin.

"Hmm?" he asked, looking at her curiously, as he tried to figure out what she was thinking before she even said it.

"I remember, long ago, you used to tell me that you played violin. I do have my general violin… would you play with me?" she asked, with a hopeful grin.

She looked at him with such hope and honesty that he knew that Hermione hadn't' mentioned the run in with his mother. "Well, when we saw my mother after first getting married," he began.

"Excuse me, what?" Zia interjected. Remus had told her stories of his mother while they were back in Hogwarts. They were not necessarily happy stories, and from what she recalled when he went home one year, his mother was just gone.

"Hermione had found her and reunited us," he explained. "She gave me back my violin." He shifted uncomfortably. "It went extraordinarily poorly… we haven't seen her since."

"Oh Remus," Zia said coming to his side and giving him a quick hug. "Are you okay?"

He looked at her with raw emotion: hurt, confusion, sadness bordering on depression… and shrugged. He leaned his head towards her and took a deep sigh. He had missed Zia as his healer. No one knew him like she did.

Hermione sucked on her bottom lip. They were so easy together. She couldn't figure out why she had deprived Remus of this deep level of care and friendship simply because he had gotten married. She went to approach them, but stilled when Ginny joined the hug, resting her head on Remus' chest. He freed one of his arms and wrapped it around Ginny. He kissed her gently on the head and rested his chin there. Hermione came and hugged him from the other side, and he kissed her on the head as well.

"I'd say you're pretty well loved Remus," Arthur pointed out, stifling another sneeze.

"I agree." Remus pulled himself loose from everyone but Zia. "Can we talk about it later?"

"Sure," she agreed easily, suddenly catching herself and stealing a glance at Hermione, who nodded and waved it off as if to say, 'no problem'. Zia instantly relaxed and planted a kiss on Remus' cheek.

Hermione fidgeted. Remus' mother had tried to email her a few times. But, Hermione didn't think it was a good idea. Especially, since his mother kept sending her articles on interracial marriages and the difficulties they faced. After three emails went ignored, his mother had backed off. When Remus felt that he was ready to reopen that door, Hermione would help him do so. But, not before. Not again.

"So, what do you say, Remus?" Zia asked. "Please? I'm a bit rusty, but I'm sure we can enjoy each-others learning curve… and I'm sure everyone else will enjoy it. Please?"

Remus' heart melted at the request. Zia did not often beg. In fact, she barely ever did unless a life or death situation was attached to it. "Sure," he agreed with a nod. "Hermione would you mind terribly returning to the house to pick it up?"

"Not at all," Hermione agreed. "But, before I do so, I would like to finish the good memories thing. "Would that be okay?"

"Sure," Zia said, refilling her teacup and heading into the living room. She felt calmer than she had since the whole village had started.

Severus smiled. The ease of how Zia, Remus, and Hermione seemed to be working together – just by Zia relaxing and treating Remus as she always had was amazing. It was as though the household was really a village. Like the proverbial elephant had been removed from the room. He filled his own teacup and steeped in her special upper respiratory blend. He wasn't sure if he was coming down with what Arthur had, or feeling the same allergy Remus was battling, but something was not quite right. It wasn't anything to bother anyone over though.

Arthur smiled. When Molly was alive they generally had the radio going. They would say it was to listen to the news. But, really, they loved to dance. The music made them feel like things were normal… at least somewhere, sometimes. Having music in the house would do much to help him relax some. He didn't like to complain about work, especially not when he was still well enough to do so. There were other people in the house with bigger problems than he had. And, finally, the village seemed to be working the way he had expected it to. Maybe things would be less awkward going forward. He too refilled his tea and went into the living room.

"So," Hermione started, sitting in the easy chair. She smiled as she looked around the room. She had been looking forward to telling everyone her perspective since it all started… especially since she thought that the 'kids' were going last. She didn't feel like she was a kid, and it was nice that no one was being held to it. "I know I started explaining earlier about Zia… and I want you to know that I meant what I said. I want to get to know more. I like the easy friendship that you and Remus have, and I want you to act on it. Truly it may be what saves his and my marriage. He needs someone to be that person, and if I had the choice of you or anyone else… I really think I would rather it be you." She smiled gently.

"Thank you," Zia accepted with a nod. Her eye jumped to Severus, who was leaning against the mantle. This wasn't an uncommon occurrence, but something else was wrong. Something she couldn't quite put her finger on. She chalked it up to the stress of seeing Malfoy again and let it go, giving him his space to process the situation.

"Ginny, you have been my best friend for many years. As my life has changed, you have been amiable and easy to get on with. I have loved growing up with you and you have only added to my life – never detracted. I never thought of you as a little girl – even when you were one. And, I have always loved your wit, intellect, and perspective. No matter how awkward, your opinions are always welcome."

Ginny smiled awkwardly and cast and uneasy glance at her father, who's opinion she was certain Hermione did not want, especially not after the morning.

"Mr. Weasley. You have always been like a father figure to me. And after the death of my own dad, you have stepped in quite well. I am pleased that we have become more… friendly… in the past year and I wish to continue to do so."

Arthur smiled, knowing full well that this was an olive branch gesture and that he would be a fool not to take it. He smiled at her apologetically. "Thank you," he said, accepting the olive branch humbly. He had known that his suggestions wouldn't be very welcome when he had given them. But, only after did he realize that he had done to Hermione what Remus had done to Zia. Caring in this house really tested the bonds of friendship.

"Severus," she started.

"You thought I was a slimy git who terrorized you in Hogwarts, and now that you've gotten to know the real me, I'm not so bad, right?" he answered irritably. He gripped onto the mantle for a moment. "HarESSH!" he sneezed, forcefully. His composure was regained within seconds, and he turned to face Zia, giving her a reassuring smile.

Zia relaxed instantly. She hadn't even realized that his sneeze made her tense up – and not for the normal reasons. Certainly, she didn't want him to be ill, but some instinctual part of her feared that he was showing cold symptoms without a fever again. She wondered how long it would take him to unleash his anger on her.

"Bless you," Hermione replied irritably. "That's not quite it actually. Certainly at school we all thought you were … unreasonably harsh, but then after learning the truth – about how you were friends with the Weasley's and Remus and all… I really learned to respect the position you were in. And, then when you were bitten by Nagini… wait a minute, how did you recover from that? We all thought you were well and truly dead.

Severus ran a finger boyishly under his nose. "I'll simply say that Zia truly works miracles when it comes to healing."

Zia couldn't help but flinch. The cold symptoms were back. He had indicated that he was feeling not quite right earlier, but he still wasn't running a fever. It had been such a delightful day. She wondered how badly he would hurt her tonight. She caught Severus staring at her in concern, and she quickly smiled at him. She didn't want to stress him out, lest her punishment be worse.

"Well… anyway, then as I'm sure you know when you were adjunting at University, I had quite a crush on you, but um – then… you know, I found out that you and Zia had gotten together – or back together, and well… it's nice to see the side of you that she sees. The violent side was as terrifying as you had been back at Hogwarts."

He gave her a steely glare. "Well I'm glad I don't terrorize you anymore," he seethed.

"Severus, keep your temper. It was an ill worded compliment," Zia explained.

He turned his glare to her. "Yes ma'am," he said condescendingly.

Zia sniffed and straightened up. He was going to hurt her tonight. She could feel it.

Severus' look instantly softened. He came over and sat next to Zia, who has ceased breathing and closed her eyes.

"I should rip your hair out for such insolence," he whispered in a tone so low that nobody could hear him but her… and Remus.

"You will not!" he said, suddenly standing up. "You will not hurt her!" He stalked over to Severus and grabbed Zia's hand. In a motion too quick, he wrenched her up.

Zia heard her shoulder pop. "Ow!" she yelled, shoving him away.

In an instant Severus was on his feet, punching Remus squarely in the jaw. "You will not hurt what's mine!" he yelled, as Remus was knocked off balance and fell backwards.

Still seeing stars, Zia slammed her shoulder into Severus, screaming again as it relocated. "Don't don't he didn't mean to," she protested.

"Ginny there are bone healers in the lab. Get one for Remus," Zia commanded. "She turned to Hermione. She felt like she should make an excuse for what Severus did, but she didn't want to all at the same time. "Hermione, I'm sorry," she sighed. She rolled her shoulder and put her hand over her right eye, in an attempt to cover the tears.

"It's okay," Hermione said, sounding far too understanding for the situation. "That actually sort of made sense. Severus said something that Remus overheard. Remus became protective, and tried to get you out of the way. You didn't expect it and he dislocated your shoulder. You cried out in pain and then Severus got overprotective and punched Remus in the jaw." She helped Remus to his feet.

"I actually don't need the bone healer," he said to Ginny when she came back upstairs. Mostly the fever knocked me off my feet. "I'm sorry Z, are you all right?"

"I'm fine, I just… thank you for trying to protect me." She looked at Severus. It had been over a month since he had threatened her in any way. She knew that the threats and things wouldn't end until he totally released.

Severus sniffed a bit, and Zia looked over at him. He was giving her an uncertain glance.

"Honey, why don't you go to bed and we'll finish up down here. It's been a long day and my stomach is bothering me."

"Sure it is," Remus said, scathingly.

"I'm sure it's just the excitement of the day," Zia responded. She grinned brightly again. "Tomorrow we'll start practicing together, okay Rem?"

"Yea," he replied curtly.

"Remus, my love," Hermione said, trying to lighten up the mood of the room. "You have always been a friend and mentor. You were there for me when I didn't think much of myself and you helped me learn and grow. And, now we're married. I in no way married the man I thought I would, but I'm glad I did. I'm glad the two of us found each other and – no matter how it all turns out – I'm glad I have this experience."

Remus smiled a bit. The day had been exhausting and draining for everyone. And her words, while kind, were very difficult for him to believe.

Zia was sitting up in bed rolling her shoulder, when Severus came in. "Hey," he said to her, his voice low and calming.

"Hey," she said back. She knew she should apologize. That it was the role she always played. "I'm sorry for ruining the day," she whispered as he climbed into bed.

"What?" he asked, obviously surprised.

"You gave me such a wonderful day… and I'm such a screw up…" Tears started rolling down her cheeks. She couldn't do anything right. Not even when he had set up such a perfect day for her.

He pulled her close and rested his chin on her head. "Hey, none of that. I'm sorry I threatened you. I saw you tense and I felt something in my brain block the logic sensors. Remus was only protecting you – and then I was only protecting you…"

She sniffed wetly. "You see? Just by existing, I cause the two of you to fight each other. You're both so protective… " She sniffed again. "I know you're stuck with me for a while longer, but take solace in the fact that your friendship will be stronger when I'm-"

"Don't say it… for Merlin's sake, don't say it," he interjected. "You are glue that holds this group together. Without you, we would splinter."

"You wouldn't," Zia said, remembering how close Severus and Hermione had gotten when she was at University and recalling how the Weasley's, Remus, and Severus were able to happily co-exist when she wasn't able to be around. She pulled back and smiled at him. "But, thank you." She kissed him lightly on the lips. He was running a slight fever. "I'd give you a backrub, but my shoulder is still a bit sore.

"Roll over," he said, gently. "Tonight, I will dote on you."

Strong hands firmly worked the tense muscles in her back and shoulder. She let out a content sigh of relieve. "Oh Severus, that feels so good," she praised.

She had lost weight. A lot of weight. How did he not notice? "Zia?" he asked.

"Hm?" she responded, sleep hinting at the edge of her tone.

"I love you."

She looked at him. Her instinct told her to ask him if he was feeling okay. But, she didn't want to anger him. "I love you, too," she said with a smile.

"Zia?" he asked again

"Yea?"

"Don't ever say that my life will be better without you again." It wasn't a request.

"Okay," she responded sleepily.

"Zia?" he asked a third time.

Now she was getting annoyed. "Hm?"

"I would miss you if you died," he said, as a play on their general banter.

"I'd miss you too," she responded.

*tweedle-beetles are property of Dr. Seuss. From Fox in Socks.

** The full Thornbury incident is written in the dating Severus Snape Series


	20. Family

A/N: Mentions of blood/bloody nose. It's important for the story. For those of you getting tired of the sneezing, this is a low sneezing chapter. For those of waiting to know what's going on with Remus and Hermione, here's more clues to the puzzle.

Videos for the music listed can be found as follows:  
><span>Morrison's Jig<span>: YouTube Celtic Mayhem's Morrison's Jig for a good representation of the song:  /Gojn1DLDyeY  
><span>Female Sailor<span>: It's the second song in this set – , which is the best recording I have found to date.  
><span>The Bricklayers Song<span>: You Tube watch?v=UxaCfJfw6AY&playnext=1&list=PL9FCB2ACD2C08E159&feature=results_video ; Lyrics by Ray Stephens 

HP ** HP** HP** HP**HP

Severus' head throbbed painfully as his shoulders hunched with three sharp sneezes, which he confined tightly into his handkerchief.

"Bless you," a small, mousy Hufflepuff said absent-mindedly. She then squeaked in terror as her partner nudged her in the ribs and brought her attention to the snarl Severus was fixing her with. When he saw the fear in her eyes, he suddenly flashed back to the look Zia had given him when he threatened her. He sighed as another sneeze overtook him. "Twenty points to Hufflepuff," he grumbled. "But, nobody else get any ideas," he warned stuffily.

At the end of class, the students handed in their assignments. He pursed his lips as the Hufflepuff girl tore from the room, casting him a glace of sympathy and terror as she went. Even in kindness, he terrified people. His heart sank and he thought of how much that girl had reminded him a of Zia. He hoped the student had better luck in life.

A Ravenclaw boy made his way to his desk, rubbing his nose furiously. "Professor… do you have a moment?" he asked between hitching breaths.

"No," Severus grumbled, trying to keep the boy at bay. He was already starting to feel awful. He didn't want to contract whatever the boy had too.

"But, Professor," the boy said urgently. A wet sneeze propelled him forward, stumbling into the desk and putting his now wet hand in the middle of the papers Severus had prepped for grading. "HitShess!" the boy sneezed freely, spraying the papers. "So-sorry," he mumbled, removing a well used tissue from his pocket and rubbing his nose roughly with it.

Furious beyond words, Severus snatched the papers away. He made a mental note to ask Zia to brew her early illness tea for him. If he was going to get a sinue infection, that was one thing. But, it combined with whatever this kid had sneezed all over his stuff was simply too much. "Go to Madame Pomphrey and I'll see you tomorrow," he growled, suppressing two coughs afterwards.

HP ** HP** HP** HP**HP

Zia and Remus smiled at each other as she took the lead playing, allowing him to lay harmonies as he felt comfortable. They finished the set, both of their fingers flying on the fingerboards or their respective violins. With the final pull of their bows, they smiled at each other basking in the intense energy surrounding them.

Zia turned to put her violin back in its case. Her nose was vibrating. It was an odd feeling and she didn't figure it was a good thing. When she turned back, she noticed that Remus was wiping his face.

"Rem?" she asked, putting a hand on his shoulder.

He hastily turned away. "I'm fine," he said. But, the gruffness in his voice betrayed him.

In an instant of pure instinct, Zia hugged him tightly. His arms immediately wrapped around her. She felt him rest his cheek on her shoulder and his stomach start to tremble against hers.

Ever so gently, she pressed a kiss to his neck.

His breath was hot against her neck as his breath became ragged and soft sobs escaped him.

She sniffed, her nose still feeling like it was vibrating, and redoubled her hug. "It's okay, Remus," she whispered absent mindedly. "You're safe here. Let it out."

After a few moments his soft sobs became harder and she felt hot tears start to soak through her shirt.

She reiterated that it was okay and he was okay and that he was safe, holding him and just letting his emotions flow. After about fifteen minutes, she realized that he was not going calm down. "Come," she said, breaking contact only to grasp his hand and lead him over to the couch.

"What is the first thing on your mind?" She had long since developed a way of getting Remus to release his emotions in a productive manner.

"I'm a monster," he whispered, dejectedly.

"Why?" she asked, much more calmly than she felt. She wanted to tell him that he most certainly not a monster, and offer to curse whoever told him that his is into the next century. But, she had long since learned that if she showed anything beyond concerned neutrality, he would repress his emotions and focus on her.

"My mother thinks I'm a monster." He covered his eyes with his hands.

"Your mother doesn't understand your ailment."

"My father left her years ago," he continued as if she hasn't spoken. "She blamed Hermione for me being sick and for not keeping a clean house. She was so exacting." He took a quivering breath.

"People change, Rem. You know that."

He nodded. "Yea."

After he was silent for a few moments she realized that the topic of his mother would have to be put on hold for now. "Why are you a monster, Rem?"

"What kind of jackass marries a wonderful young woman and then feels nothing beyond friendship for her?" he muttered looking at the floor.

"The kind who is forced into marriage," she answered kindly.

He looked at her – the pain in his eyes raw and intense. "I have a wife and it's not you. I don't want this… I mean… she's really trying and is fantastic. But, you were supposed to be my wife and Sirius my husband. "

She suddenly understood. "You've already mated twice."

"Yea," he answered with a nod.

"When did you realize?"

"The first time I saw Severus threaten you. I wanted to kill him myself and protect you until my dying breath. It suddenly made sense how I can be so completely attracted to her but not want her in a capacity closer than friendship."

"Maybe there is a loophole in the law. Maybe if we can prove you've mated twice."

Remus looked at her incredulously. "Even if such loopholes did exist. Jada and I were not married and neither were Sirius and I. And, what with both mates being dead, I just don't see the Ministry looking favorably upon the situation.

"It not like you killed them."

"Like the Ministry is ever going to believe or understand that." He looked at her oddly. "Zia, you're bleeding," he said, quickly pulling his handkerchief out of his back pocket and pressing it beneath her nose.

"Oh, it's been feeling funny for a bit," she said, taking his handkerchief. "I'll… um… I'll be right back," she said retreating upstairs.

When she came back down, she gave him one of her handkerchiefs. "Sorry about that. Yours is a bit… well destroyed."

The concern he held for her was nearly palpable. "Did you take your potion today?" he asked, gently taking the handkerchief as though if he pulled it too roughly, she would break apart.

"Yea, Severus made sure of it before he left for work." She sat down next to Remus again. "You okay?"

"Don't even try it. It's you I'm worried about now."

She shrugged. "Other than wishing that Severus would stay home and let me take care of him, I'm fine." She sighed, "He's so sick. I'm surprised he's not keeping the house awake with his snoring at night."

"Oh, please," Remus said, waving his hand. "We're all loud snorers. Don't worry about it." He looked at her oddly. "Are you okay?"

She wavered where she sat for a moment. "I'm dizzy," she whispered.

He stood up suddenly. "Maybe we should bring you to St. Mungos."

"No no… it's okay. I just… I don't know. I feel off… I'm sure I'm just tired."

"Well," he said helping her up. "Why don't we get you into bed? You can take a nap before Severus comes home and then things will be fine." He smiled at her.

She didn't believe him, but she wanted to. She smiled back. Turning away from him she coughed, catching it in her sleeve. She noticed a bit of blood on her sleeve. She turned her sleeve away from Remus. The last thing she needed was to concern him with her health. He was worried enough for her already.

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Zia felt considerably better after her nap. Her nose was buzzing again, but she figured that it was just the start of another nose bleed. She crept downstairs quietly and noticed Remus playing violin in the living room. She stood in the doorway enjoying watching him enjoy himself. She wondered how much time like this he had for himself in recent memory and she guessed that it wasn't much.

Suddenly the door slammed shut and broke him from his thoughts. He jumped when he saw her. "How long have you been there? "

"A couple minutes," she answered, nonchalantly, as she peeked into the hallway. She smiled as she saw Severus hanging up his cloak.

"I hope I didn't wake you," Remus said, putting away his violin.

She smiled gently at him. "You didn't. It was nice just to watch you enjoying the moment."

She was startled by a congested sneeze and a few suppressed coughs. She cast a worried glance at Remus, and then went into the hallway. "Bless you," she offered, quietly.

Severus looked at her as though he had been caught.

She gasped as she saw how flushed his cheeks and nose were. "Oh sweetie…"

"I'm fine. Just a bit of dust. You don't seem to clean while you're home, now do you?" he snapped at her. He bit his lip to suppress more coughs. He didn't want to bother her with his being sick again. She needed her rest.

"No, I suppose not." She kissed him on the cheek. "What do you say to stew for dinner tonight? I can get it going while you go…" Her words died on her lips as she noticed the angry look he was giving her. "Well, rather, I'll make stew anyway. How was your day?"

"Ruddy sick children sneezing all over my desk. Ruddy stupid children not doing their assignments. How do they expect to improve if they don't do the assignments?"

Her eyes opened wide. "Someone sneezed on your desk?" she asked, shocked.

"And all the papers I was grading."

"Why?"

"He wanted to ask me a question and it sn-snnu…" He closed his eyes and took a deep breath, willing the sneeze away. Much to his relieve, it worked. "It snuck out on him."

"How are you feeling, Severus?" She asked because when she assumed things he would get cranky. But, she could tell that he was coming down at least with a sinus infection. She knew the signs; it wasn't the first that he'd caught while they were together.

He looked at her, eyes narrowed, and was prepared to lash out at her. Instead he sighed and leaned his forehead against hers. "I'm tired… and cold," he whispered.

"Go upstairs and draw yourself a nice warm bath. I'll make some dinner and then we'll call it an early night."

He nodded and withdrew his handkerchief. Holding it to his mouth he coughed wetly, the sound making crackling and crunching noises in his chest.

"Oh dear," she said, unable to keep the worry out of her voice.

"I'm fine," he wheezed. She gave her shoulder a squeeze and brushed past her.

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Dinner went well, with the whole gang gathered together eating happily. Ginny had told everyone about the good marks she was getting thanks to her involvement in Zia's care. Ron, George, and Fred apologized for their absence and explained that they had rented the flat above the shop and were living there now. Zia couldn't be sure, but she thought she saw them slip Severus an envelope, which she assumed contained money to help pay for Ginny's room and board. Hermione was regaling the table with some of the new acquisitions that the bookstore had gotten in.

Zia sat back and sighed happily. This is what she had always wanted, a household that ran well – if not happily. Where almost everyone was well and happy. She cast a glance at Severus. He had hardly eaten anything. Not that she was surprised. She smiled a bit as he sipped the broth and allowed himself two covered sneezes. She wished he would stop hiding his ailment, but this wasn't out of character for him. In fact, that he wanted to cover his ailment but not take his anger or frustration out on her was just the bit of normalcy that she had yearned for.

She leaned over to take another forkful of stew and noticed a bit of red drop into the bowl. "Oh dear," she breathed, pushing herself away from the table. She quickly withdrew her handkerchief and pressed it to her nose. She grabbed the bowl of soup and trashed it, so that no one else would come in contact with the blood.

"What is it?" Severus barked, hoarsely. He cleared his throat and coughed wetly.

Hermione looked at him critically. "Severus, are you all right?"

He waved her question off and stood shakily.

"Severus, sit down," Zia stated. "It's only a nosebleed." She couldn't help but notice Remus pull a frown.

The look Severus gave her told her that he was not reassured by her nonchalance.

She realized that the room had gone quiet and she shifted under everyone's gaze. "Remus and I have been practicing violin. Perhaps we could play a few songs together after supper, yea?"

"That sounds fantastic," Arthur said, over-enthusiastically – but not before giving her a concerned look. "Maybe just a song or two before bed?"

"Maybe just a dance or two?" Ginny ventured.

"Only if you dance with Severus," Zia answered, taking more stew and coming back to the table. She was relieved that the group wasn't focusing on her. But, she was starting to get worried. She had the nosebleed that Remus had seen. She had woken up with one. And now this one. Something was wrong. But, she didn't want to worry everyone. Especially not Severus. The poor man was so sick already. The last thing he needed was to worry about her too.

"Deal!" Ginny said with a smile.

Remus looked disturbed. "What two songs? We didn't practice all that many."

"I don't know, I'll start laying some tunes and you can work it with me," Zia answered, continuing with her nonchalant attitude. She cleared her throat and coughed into the part of the handkerchief that was covering her mouth. She withdrew the handkerchief and noticed that there was a splattering of blood there. She hoped that this was just a passing thing, maybe how her body was dealing with the allergens in the house.

She felt tired all of the sudden. Like the sandman had come and put sleeping power in her eyes. She yawned deeply.

"If you're too tired, though," Ginny started, the concern evident in her voice.

"No no," Zia said, through the yawn. "Just a few songs will be good. Then Severus can see me play." She sent him a look of love, which he returned.

She smiled. "Will you dance with me Uncle Sev?" she asked politely.

He raised a finger in the air, silently asking her to hold on a second as he pulled out his handkerchief hastily. He sneezed harshly, twice, his exhaustion catching up with him and making it impossible for him to completely suppress the symptoms. After a stuffy blow and a groan he turned to her, forcing himself to smile. "Of course I will," he said.

She looked at him sympathetically. "Unless you're feeling too unwell. There will always be another time."

"A dance or two won't kill me," he said, gently. "Besides, dancing with a young, beautiful women would do my old heart some good."

Ginny was about to look at Zia for confirmation that this was still okay, when Zia sat down next to Severus. "But, be careful Ginny. If you dance too close or too fast, you're libel to give this one a heart attack. He always did like redheads."

Severus looked at her carefully. He studied her features, but to his surprise she didn't seem hurt or angry. He smiled as he realized she was poking fun at him. He smiled. "Come," he said, standing up from the table. "Let's see if we can't get that nosebleed to back off, shall we?"

"Hermione, would you be a dear and," Zia started, but Hermione was already on it. "No worries, we'll clear the table and clean up in here."

Zia gave her a relieved look. "Thank you," she said.

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"Is this your first nosebleed?" Severus asked, as Zia helped him undress. He enjoyed feeling of being taken care of and smiled a bit as he watched her fingers nimbly unbutton his shirt.

"Don't worry about it," she deflected, not looked up at him. She had charmed the handkerchief to stay on her nose and would reposition it when necessary.

"I don't like that answer," he said, shrugging out of his shirt. "Here, let's see." He went to pull away the handkerchief, but turned to his side instead. "Heh-Chuh-huh! Heh-Chuh-HUH…eh… huh… Hempchtx!"

She repositioned the handkerchief. "Bless you," she said, putting a hand on his shoulder.

He pulled out his handkerchief and sneezed three more times, each more intense than the last.

"Sev, you're not well," she said, in a resigned tone. "Sit down on the bed. Let me do a diagnostic." She went to lead him over.

"Later," he replied after a stuffy blow. "It's not like we're going to be shocked by the findings. A sinus infection and some complication." He coughed wetly.

"Maybe you don't want to dance tonight," she offered.

"Don't worry," he replied, exhausting evident in his voice. "Now, let me see your nose. Has the bleeding stopped?"

She removed the handkerchief. "It's slowed," she said with a sniff. "It'll be okay, Sev. I'm sure it just has to do with the temperature change or something."

"Zia…," he said in a warning tone.

"Sev, I've had several," she stated bluntly. "It's not normal and it makes no sense for HD _or_ HDD. So I'm sure it's just something in the air."

He sighed and sat down on the bed, causing the springs to groan in response. "You'll tell me if something is wrong?"

"Sweetie, there is simply nothing to tell. I'm having nose bleeds and am coming down with a cough. With as much as people have been sick around here it was inevitable that I would get a cough or a sniffle at some point."

He nodded at her logic. "I'm sorry. I just don't want to lose you."

She kissed him on the forehead. "I understand. I don't want you to lose me either. Go get changed and don't hit on Ginny too much."

He looked shocked for a minute. "I merely flirt with her. I would never be so crass as to hit on her."

"At least not with me in the room?" she asked, blowing her nose a bit. She winked and smiled at him.

He smiled at her for a moment before sneezing heavily again. "Cheeky," he mumbled through the handkerchief.

"Only for you."

HP**HP**HP**HP**HP

When they came back downstairs, Remus was tuning his violin. "You ready?" he asked, looking at Zia as though he was concerned she would break.

"Yea," she answered, with a smile. She rushed over to her violin and tuned it quickly. "Something fast? Something slow? What are people in the mood for?"

"Something with good rhythm," Arthur answered.

"Something danceable," Hermione said at the same time.

"All right," she answered with a nod. "You ready, Remus?" she asked, pulling the bow across the strings.

"All I have to do is keep up, right?" he asked, licking his lips in anticipation.

"That's it," she said starting to play Morrison's Jig. She started out nice and slow, allowing Severus some time to hear the timbre of the instrument he had so graciously purchased for her.

The room started to clap as she and Remus picked up speed. Suddenly, Ginny started to dance, first clapping and bouncing by herself, then taking Serverus' hand and the two of them started to dance around the room.

Zia made eye contact with Remus and nodded, at which point they both changed the song to Female Sailor.

"Gah! I wish Ron was here," Ginny stated, as she, Arthur, Severus and Hermione made a small set and performed the dance.

Zia and Remus laughed as they played faster and faster in a unspoken contest of musicians versus dancers. As the dancers started laughing, they also started slipping on the floor, laughing harder as they worked at dancing and holding each other up. After several minutes, Severus started to cough, prompting Remus and Zia to slow down and end the song.

"Ginny, can you get him some water?" Zia asked, still riding the high from playing – and laughing – so hard.

Ginny nodded with a smile. "For all of us, really," she muttered as she went into the kitchen.

"Not near the violins!" Zia called after her. Her tone was just a touch too serious for the situation.

But, Ginny didn't seem to mind. "I'm not that stupid," she assured them as she popped her head back into the room.

"Hey Rem, do you remember The Bricklayer's Song?" Zia asked.

He burst out laughing. "It's been a long time since I sang that."

"Oh come on Remus. It's not so danceable, but it's funny," Zia prodded.

Remus smiled at her. "You always knew how to sweet talk me to do anything."

"I didn't even try," she responded, utterly baffled.

"Exactly," he said, putting down his violin. He waited for Ginny to return with the water and for Severus to catch his breath. "Now, this is a song about a Brick Layer, who had a bit of bad luck and couldn't go to work the next day," he lead.

Zia laid a few gentle chords and then plucked the strings to keep his beat.

'"Dear Sir, I write this note to you to tell you of my plight. And at the time of writing I am not a pretty sight. My body is all black and blue, me face a deathly grey. And I write this note to tell you why I am not at work today.

"While working on the fourteenth floor , some bricks I had to clear. But to toss them down from such a height was not a good idea. The foreman wasn't very pleased, he is an awkward sod. He said I'd have to cart them down the ladders in me hod.

"Now shifting all those bricks by hand, it was so very slow, so I hoisted up a barrel and secured a rope below. But in me haste to do the job, I was too blind to see that a barrel full of building bricks is heavier than me!"

Ginny and Hermione started to giggle, while Arthur and Severus nodded. Familiarity, shone in the eyes of the older men.

"So, what happened next, Remus?" Zia asked in a flash of entertainment. She was smiling so much that her cheeks hurt, but she continued to pluck the strings.

"Well," he answered, as he started gesturing with his hands. "And so when I untied the rope, the barrel fell like lead and clinging tightly to the rope I started up instead! I shot up like a rocket til to my dismay I found that halfway up I met the bloody barrel coming down.

"Now the barrel broke me shoulder, as to the ground it sped, and when I reach the top I banged the pulley with me head. I clung on tightly, numb with shock from the Almighty blow and the barrel spilled out half the bricks fourteen floors below.

"Now when these bricks had fallen from the barrel to the floor, I then outweighed the barrel and so started down once more still clinging tightly to the rope, me body wracked with pain. Halfway down I met the bloody barrel once again. "

"Oh no!" Hermione said, covering her eyes as though she was watching the actions rather than listening to the song.

Remus merely smiled and continued. "Now the force of the collision, halfway down the office block, caused multiple contusions and a nasty state of shock. Still clinging tightly to the rope, I fell toward the ground and landed on the broken bricks the barrel had scattered 'round. Well I lay there groaning on the ground, I thought I passed the worst. But, the barrel hit the pulley wheel and then the bottom burst! A shower of bricks rained down on me, I didn't have a hope. For as I lay there bleeding, I let go of the bloody rope."

"Oh sweet Merlin!" Hermione stated, confirming to the group that she had never heard the song before. The rest of the group started laughing as they good-naturedly enjoyed her reactions to the tale.

"The barrel being unsecured then started down once more, and it landed right across me as I laid upon the floor. It broke three ribs and my left arm, and I can only say that I hop you'll understand why I am not at work today."

The group all laughed and clapped, and Zia looked at Remus with a familiarity that she had not felt in a long time. "Well done, old friend," she said, putting away her violin.

She clasped her hands in front of the group. "Now, I hope you'll all forgive me if I had up to bed. I had much fun, but I am exhausted." She cast a glance at Severus, who was biting his bottom lip as he suppressed a sneeze.

"Not at all," Hermione said, getting up. "I don't remember the last time I had so much fun." She turned to Remus. "And, you – why didn't you ever tell me you could sing?"

"It's been a long time. And, it's only the one song," Remus answered, pulling her into his arms and planting a kiss on her lips. Shocked, Hermione returned the kiss, but only for a moment. She looked at him oddly, and then held his hand. "Come on, we should be heading up soon. I have heard of another underground convention and I want to discuss it with you. G'night all."

"You were delightful," Severus said, pulling Zia into his arms. "Thank you for that."

"No thanks necessary. This was fun. We should do it more often. This house needs more music in it."

"It does," Arthur agreed quietly. "I used to play penny whistle. Perhaps I should pick it up again. And, Severus, didn't you play cello once upon a time?"

Severus nodded. "I did."

"Well there you go," Zia said, her voice suddenly hoarse. "We can teach one of the girls to sing, the other to play percussion and we'll have ourselves a little band." She cleared her throat.

"I've got to get you to bed," Severus said, putting his arm around Zia. "I'll see you in the morning Arthur."

"Good night Severus. Rest well, Zia," Arthur returned with a smile. The village was finally starting to feel like a family.


	21. Nightmares

"Mmm…"

Zia twitched in her sleep and turned towards Severus, burrowing herself next to him for warmth.

"Mnnn… no…"

She moaned softly and opened her eyes, squinting at him as she adjusted to the dim moonlight that was shining through their window.

"No… no father, please…mmmmn." He flopped an arm across his chest, as if to protect himself.

Nightmares.

She pushed herself up on an arm to see him better. Beads of sweat trickled down his face, glistening in the moonlight.

"Oh baby…" she muttered, despite herself. He hadn't had nightmares in many years and she wasn't sure if it was good or not that he was having one now. Particularly one about his father.

She knew his body temperature was high, but she wasn't sure how much of it was due to his ever worsening sinus infection or how much was due to the nightmare. She didn't want to put her hands on him, knowing that he typically woke up violently. On the flipside, she didn't want to go get someone. For one thing, he would be greatly humiliated by someone else seeing him like this. For another, if he woke up and she wasn't beside him he would immediately fear that she had abandoned him. And then she would have a hell of a time getting past his emotional shields.

"Mother?" he whispered, as if he were reaching out for salvation.

She sat up next to him. "Severus, baby. I've sent your father away. It's okay. We're safe now."

"He hit you?"

Zia paused. He had told her long ago about the abusive rages his father used to fly into. She could tell by the way he was never able to look at her that he had felt guilty for being too young to protect his mother. "Not this time, sweetie," she answered. "Come on, give me a hug."

"You should hit him back," Severus hissed at her. "Put strychnine in his tea. I'll help you. Don't defend him, please. Please…"

Zia clasped her hand over her mouth. He had never talked to her about these feelings and she felt like she was prying into parts of his mind that she had no right being in. She knew she had to get him out of the nightmare.

Suddenly, something crashed in the hallway. "Damn, sorry. It's just water!" Remus hissed into the hallway, knowing that the crash would draw attention from the house.

She turned instinctively. But, the crash snapped Severus deeper into his nightmare. "He's back. Mother don't let him hurt me. Please?" His voice was small, nearly begging her to protect him.

"Severus," she said, placing a hand on his shoulder.

"No!" he shouted, taking a swing at her and landing a wild blow that knocked her arm out from under her. The force of the unexpected blow landed her across his body. She pushed herself up. "I should've seen that coming," she muttered to herself.

Severus took a shaky breath and started to cry in his sleep. "Mother are you there? Mother?" His sobs got more desperate.

"Sev, please wake up," she pleaded softly. "Come on baby. I love you. I'm here."

He only sobbed harder.

An idea slowly dawned on her. "Sev, I need help!" she said urgently.

It worked. He sat straight up, screaming, "I'm here!" He wasn't completely out of his dream yet. But, his protectiveness of her was strong and his subconscious was ready to be there for her.

She caught him in a hug, repeating his words back at him. "It's okay, Severus. I'm here," she soothed, allowing him time to cry, get his bearings and push her away – as was his custom.

"Want me to get you some water?" she asked, gently.

"No," he said shakily, curling himself into her. She laid down and let him lay on top of her. His breathing was hard and shallow. After a few seconds he started apologizing with each exhale.

She took a deep breath and kissed him on the head. She held him close, the heat radiating off of him making her overheat to the point of feeling dizzy. But, she didn't release her hold.

"Who are you apologizing to?" she asked.

"You… I shouldn't be so…" He took a shuddering inhale.

"Shhhh," she soothed. "I'm here. You're here. It's okay."

"Don't treat me like an invalid. I'm not your precious Lupin. I don't appreciate it," he snapped.

Her eyebrows shot up. He didn't generally erect his emotional shield so quickly. And, he hadn't called Remus by his last name since they taught together during the second war. Suddenly, her stomach churned and she let out a small gasp of discomfort. "Um, okay. I'll get you some water."

"I already told you I don't need water." His tone was biting. "It's so nice that my needs mean shit to you. Get the hell out of here," he snarled.

"Water it is," she mumbled as her stomach churned again. As she walked out the room, she turned back and looked at Severus, who was embracing her pillow tightly. "I love you." It sounded more like a question than a statement.

It was met with silence.

HP ** HP**HP**HP**HP**HP

Zia leaned against the kitchen counter so that it was pressing into her stomach. Beads of sweat rolled down her face as suppressed gasps of pain. "Merlin, Severus, I need you," she whispered desperately. About halfway down the stairs she felt like her stomach was being gripped in a vice, nearly causing her to fall down the rest of the stairs. She felt lucky that she was able to stumble into the kitchen without falling and waking someone. Now she wished she had fallen. At least then she wouldn't have to conserve her energy enough to try to call out for help.

Another violent churn of her stomach depleted what little energy she had and she felt like she melted to the floor, but really she slid down. "Ow…" she whined, coughing harshly. She started to sob. "Severus, please… I'm sorry… please…" But her voice was too quiet to carry up the stairs.

Severus' eyes shot open. Something was wrong. "Zia?" he called out. He vaguely remembered his nightmare, but he fell asleep soon after snuggling with Zia's pillow. He knew she should have been back by then. She was only going to get him water – like she always did. He growled at himself as he recalled lashing out at her. He hadn't had a nightmare in so long that he hoped she remembered not to take anything he said personally. "Z?" he called out again.

The silence worried him. He remembered that during his most abusive times she would fall asleep in the kitchen. He got out of bed and pulled on his house-robe. He wouldn't be able to live with himself if she was asleep there now.

"Lumos," he said, lighting the tip of his wand. He noticed immediately that hers was still on her nightstand. Quickly, he picked that up as well. She shouldn't be without it. Even in the house. He quietly went downstairs, noticing how loudly the floorboards seemed to squeak under his weight. "Zia?" he called when he reached the base of the stairs.

Silence.

His feeling that something was wrong grew. 'She left me,' he thought, anxiety growing within him. 'She finally reached her breaking point and left.' "It was only a matter of time, really," he muttered, walking into the kitchen. He lit the candles, planning on looking around and going back to bed with a bottle of fire whiskey.

As soon as the lights came up, he saw her. Zia was unconscious, passed out on the floor with blood dripping from her mouth.

"REMUS GET DOWN HERE!" he shouted, causing his body to erupt in coughs. His vision began to swim in front of him as he gasped around the spasms.

He heard the sounds of the house waking up and people running down the stairs. "Call St. Mungos. We need a medi-witch immediately!" he exclaimed as he caught his breath. He knelt down next to Zia and cupped his hand gently over her nose and mouth. He focused hard on feeling a breath as the others came into the room.

"Oh sweet Merlin!" Ginny exclaimed.

"Is she –?" Remus started.

"She's breathing… barely," Severus said, pulling her into his arms. He wiped away the blood from her mouth. "Come on Zia. Not now. Talk to me. Please… please talk to me." He felt the crushing weight of guilt overwhelm him. He had treated her appallingly. If he had been kinder, she would have been with him when this happened. But, no. He was sleeping peacefully next to her scent while she was… suffering… alone.

"Severus!" Hermione yelled, snapping him out of his own mind. "We don't have time to wait for them to get here. We have to take her via portkey."

"No!" Severus, Remus, and Arthur exclaimed at once.

"We don't know what's wrong with her. We can't risk a portkey," Remus explained.

"Then by floo," she stated.

Severus pulled Zia into his arms. "Come on, baby, stay with me," he whispered, lifting her up.

She moaned and opened her eyes a sliver. "Hey," she said as tears started to leak down her face. "Sorry I didn't get your water. Hurts." She moaned louder and whined in pain.

Severus paused, his breath caught in his chest. He was going to tell her it was okay, when he heard Arthur's voice behind him. "Go through, Sev," Arthur stated, the green flame already burning in the fireplace. "Ginny and I will follow in a while."

Severus nodded and stepped into the floo, coming out in St. Mungo's emergency ward.

A rose hair colored older mediwitch bustled up to them. "Oh dear. And what seems to be the problem?" she asked, her clipboard and pencil charmed to write whatever Severus said.

"I don't know. I found her like this," Severus said. "She needs help."

"She does seem to," the mediwitch said with a nod. But, she didn't seem to have a sense of urgency. She summoned a gurney and Severus placed Zia on it.

"Has she been ill?" the mediwitch asked.

"She has Healers Disease," Severus admitted.

"Hm. This doesn't seem to be related," the mediwitch stated. She ran a diagnostic spell and the pencil recorded it.

Suddenly the mediwitch blanched. "Oh dear! Healers we need help immediately," she said, as she started to run the gurney down the hall.

"What? What?" Severus yelled as he ran next to it, his bare feet slapping against the tile floor and one hand keeping his robe closed. "Zia, I'm right here. I'm not going to leave you," he vowed.

The mediwitch looked at him critically. "Well, I'm afraid you're going to have to," she said, as Zia and the mediwitches hit an apparition point and disappeared.

"No!" he screamed, dizzy with exertion and fear. He deepened his breathing and suppressed his symptoms as Zia had taught him to when he worked for Voldemort. This was not the place or time to look sick.

He wandered back to the waiting room where the rest of the village members were waiting. "They apparated her somewhere. I um…" he shook his head, unable to speak without breaking down. And that was something he simply would not do… not outside of the house anyway.

"Oh, Uncle Sev," Ginny breathed. The pain that he was in was palpable. The healers may not be able to read him, but as she looked at him, clad only in his bathrobe, his hair messy and unkempt, his skin paling with illness and his cheeks flushed with fever, she suddenly noticed how worn out he looked. She walked up to him slowly and wrapped her arms around him, hugging him tightly.

He reciprocated the hug, holding onto her as though she was binding him to the planet and he might be sucked off if he let her go.

Suddenly, he felt a heavy hand on his shoulder. Hoping it was a physician, he looked up. But, it was only Arthur.

"Why don't you get some clothes on," Arthur directed, handing him a bag.

Severus nodded dumbly. He felt as though he was caught up in some nightmarish dream world. He was hoping he would wake up from this one, just as he had earlier in the night. Then Zia would be next to him and he would embrace her… not yell at her. He promised himself that.

"I'll help him," he heard someone say and felt himself be ushered into the lavatory. Remus. The voice belonged to Remus. He didn't care. He could barely think about anything except the fact that he had not returned her admission of love and that now she was being treated for goodness knows what. The thought of her passing out… or worse… knowing something was wrong and not being able to get to him or even call for him weighed heavily on his mind. He hoped she knew he loved her. He knew she knew. She had to know. '_But what if she didn't?_' a cold thought indeed. What if he hadn't done enough? What if she hadn't even tried to call out to him? What if she thought he didn't care?

An icy chill rushed through his veins, making goose bumps appear on his skin.

"Come on Severus. You know they keep it cold in here. Let's get you into some clothes before you catch your death," Remus said, pulling a pair of black jeans and a black long sleeve button down shirt from the bag. "Oh good, Arthur remembered to pack socks," he mumbled.

Severus took the jeans from Remus and looked down at his bare feet. He squinted at them, as if they were not his own. They were thinner than he remembered, with the tendons seeming to protrude through his skin, which seemed thin to his eyes. His ankles, he noticed, seemed thinner than he remembered. He looked at himself in the lavatory mirror. His wrinkles and grey seemed more pronounced than he remembered.

He winced as the tickle of a sneeze crept up on him. "Pardon me," he rasped, grabbing some bath tissue and blowing his nose thickly into it. "Hessshpheww!" he sneezed, congestedly. He blew his nose again and rubbed the rest of the tickle out.

"Severus, would you like some assistance?" Remus asked, kindly.

Severus glanced up at him, an angry spark dancing in his eyes. But, it was gone in a moment. "No," he whispered as he pulled on his jeans. His head pounded in protest of his standing. He went to the sink and splashed some water on his face. He gazed into the mirror and squinted a bit as he stared in shock. If anyone had asked him what he was looking at, he would have told them that Lily's eyes were looking back at him. "Lily?" he breathed, without realizing.

Remus' heart fell. Even in this time of distress Severus' mind brought him back to Lily. He walked up to his old friend. "At least you know she's waiting on the other side," he said, rubbing his hand up and down Severus' back.

In an instant, Severus lashed out at him. Half expecting the attack, Remus stepped away and grabbed the other man's wrists.

"You monster!" Severus hissed. "She's not even dead yet, and here you are hurrying it along. She's worked so hard to keep you alive Remus. What possible reason could you have for wanting her dead?"

"What? No, Sev. You misunderstand. I mean _Lily_ is waiting for you on the other side."

He shook his head, but looked back to the mirror. "She's got James." Her eyes were gone. He sniffed wetly. "I treated her badly again tonight, Remus," he confessed.

Remus furrowed his brow in confusion. He had stayed up for hours after they went to bed and hadn't heard a peep. "Did you charm the room for silence?" he asked.

"No," Severus said, pulling on the shirt. "But, I was… am… feverish and I wasn't feeling well and I had a nightmare. She broke me out of it, but I was still… wounded." An aching chill swept through his body, causing him to cough wetly . "She told me she loved me. I didn't… I … didn't…" Tears started to fall.

"Sev," Remus said, coming to his friend once more. "She doesn't expect you to shower her with affection. She never has. And, we all know how emotionally detached everyone gets after a nightmare. I'm certain she didn't take it personally." At the look of guilt that remained on Severus' face, he continued, "And, I'm sure anything you snapped at her was taken in stride as well."

Severus leaned against the sink and let Remus put his socks on him. "I didn't do well in making the past year or so up to her. In fact, it seems my abuse and neglect stems back for many years." The aching chill had returned.

"She never felt you were. And, more recently, when she did, she brought in us to help. Yea?" He nodded.

Severus bowed his head. He flexed his nose a few times, but didn't say anything.

"Let it out, Sev. You know that we're going to have to hide your sinus infection. They'll likely say you'll infect her, or some such nonsense if they think you're sick."

Severus nodded as his jaw went slack. "Huh….eh…ha…APTSCHOOO!" he sneezed violently, into his hands, followed by several smaller, quicker, wetter sneezes. He grabbed more toilet tissues and blew his nose fully. Then he thoroughly scrubbed his hands.

"You okay, Sev? Those sounded exhausting," Remus sympathized.

"They can't find out about this. They can't keep me away from her. You know as well as I do this sinus infection wouldn't kill her even if she got it," he admitted. The pain in his head had him thoroughly convinced that his brain was simply going to explode and that would be the end of that.

Remus nodded solemnly. "Of course. Besides, this is Zia. I can't remember the last time she was ill, do you?" He asked, trying to calm his friend.

"I do. She had the flu several years back. Damned if she told me about it until she took a header down the stairs at my manor." He smiled a bit and chuckled to himself. "It was then I learned that she'd somehow rubbed off on me. I actually took decent care of her."

"You generally took fantastic care of her." He bit his lip. "Did she ever cry to you, Severus?" He almost didn't want to know the answer. The thought of her crying tore his heart out and stole his breath away.

Severus nodded. "A few times."

"Did you ever berate her or put her down for it?"

Severus looked scandalized. "Of course not."

A faint smile crossed Remus' lips. "See, you cared for her then."

Severus coughed wetly, into the crook of his elbow. "I don't want to go out there again," he admitted. "I'm dizzy and don't feel well."

Remus sat on the floor near the wall. "Come here Severus. Sit by me," he said, calmly.

Severus nodded and sat down without protest – a true testament to how poorly he was feeling.

HP**HP** HP** HP** HP**HP

The physician came into the waiting room. He was young, about the age of 25, with red hair that he kept tied back in a ponytail. He wrung his hands nervously, unsure what to expect from the gaggle of people who had conjoined in the waiting area.

"Can I have the party with the mature woman who was brought in here via the emergency ward?" he asked. Hermione raised her hand. "The one who was unconscious?" she asked, timidly, wanting to make sure that he was talking about Zia Morgan, party of five.

"Aye, that's her. With the black to grey hair."

"That's us," Arthur said, shaking Ginny awake. She had fallen asleep on his shoulder in the several hours that they were waiting.

The doctor looked for the man who had run beside the gurney. "Is her next of kin here?" he asked.

"I'll get them," Hermione said, making her way towards the mens room without a second thought. She opened the door and saw Severus sound asleep and snoring like a locomotive. Remus seemed to be dozing and she was sad for waking them both. "Remus," she hissed, looking at the tile floor, in case there happened to be another man using the loo.

Her husband looked at her with bleary-eyes. It took him a few moments to taken in his surroundings. But, then Severus snored and it all came flooding back to him. He looked at Hermione and straightened his legs stiffly groaning for the effort.

"The doctor wants to see her next of kin," she explained.

"Well that can't be good. Give me a few minutes to get him up and ready. We'll be out shortly."

With that, Hermione went back to the waiting room. "They fell asleep," she said, with a bit of a smile.

The doctor nodded, politely. "I've often said we should put bunks in there, for the amount of times people retreat to release their emotions and then wind up zonking out soon after."

After nearly ten minutes, Severus emerged. To anyone else he would have been walking in a stately manor, as though one would when he felt completely in control. However, the household knowing him as they did exchanged worried glances. They each wondered how dizzy and exhausted he was feeling in order to have to walk so slow at such an important time.

"And you are?" the physician asked, professionally.

"I am her husband," he said. He voice was silky and haughty, but clear of congestion.

Remus stood a few steps behind him, ready to catch him if he fell.

"And her name is? She was quite unconscious when we were working on her."

"Zia Morgan-Snape. I am her husband, Severus Snape."

"Severus Snape?" the young man asked in surprise. "The Deatheater?"

"How dare you!" Hermione snapped. "He has given more up than you could ever understand. What right have you to -."

"Yes," Severus answered, silkily, holding up a hand to silence his young friend. "Though I have been absolves of those crimes and do not understand what business they are of yours."

"When did you marry?" the physician asked flatly.

"Again, I do not understand why that is any business of yours," Severus responded.

"I am trying to figure out who hexed her," the physician answered plainly.

"I beg your pardon," Remus asked, touching Severus lightly on the back.

"Well, fact of the matter is that she was cursed. Her insides were quite literally twisted up in knots. It's a wonder that she was able to eat or drink at all since it happened, yet we found evidence of food in her system."

"I did not hex my wife," Severus responded, poorly hiding his agitation at the accusation.

"Was she your wife during the first war?" the healer acted, poorly masking his distain with Severus.

"No, she was not," Severus answered honestly. He knew where this was going. This was not the first time that someone had judged Zia on his past crimes. He wasn't any happier about it than he was about werewolf discrimination. But, both prejudices were there and he would be damned if he would let his past hurt her chances of getting good quality care.

"And the second?" the healer prodded.

"No," he said, folding his arms in front of him.

"Well then I suppose I should tell you that she does have some odd bruising… some bones that have healed improperly and some fractures that show repeated wear. Do you know of any way that she has been injured repeatedly lately?"

Severus drew in a quick breath. He wanted to get violently angry at the thinly veiled accusation. But he couldn't. He had hurt her, and he had been caught. He swallowed thickly and put forth his most menacing glare. He hoped it would be enough to project anger, even if he only felt contempt and sick in more ways than with a sinus infection.

"Truly is this necessary?" Arthur interjected. "I assure you no one in this room has harmed her."

"I wish I could believe that. But the fact is that she has aged well beyond her years, even with the HD. And she has been hurt repeatedly," the healer insisted, casting a stony glance at Severus.

"Wait, Uncle Sev," Ginny cut into the conversation. "Did you say you ran into Malfoy about a week ago? Could he had hexed her?"

"Malfoy? As in Senior or Junior?" the physician asked, his voice thin.

"Senior. Yes, were in London and he took her hostage for a moment." Severus felt overcome by guilt as he realized that Malfoy must have hexed her when he had her hostage. He then thought about what the healer said about Zia's insides being tied up in knots. He wondered if anyone knew she had been in pain. And, if so, why they didn't tell him. He thought about the food he saw her eat. He had only thought she wasn't hungry. He never would have guessed that she was in pain and suffering in silence. She wasn't supposed to do that anymore. She was supposed to trust him.

"Well, that likely explains the hex. But, the bone breaks and things. Master Snape?" the physician asked pointedly.

"Yes?" Severus sneered back at him.

"You were never known for your kindness…" the healer lead.

"That is ENOUGH!" Remus shouted, amber eyes turning gold as the need to protect his friend grew.

"Excuse me, but her Healer's Disease has caused her to fall a bit. Her healer tendencies cause her to not ask for help when she needs it. She's probably been healing herself and ignoring the pain when it doesn't heal properly," Ginny said, emphatically. "I don't like what you're insinuating. Uncle Severus has never hurt Zia and that is that!" she insisted, sounded quite a bit like her mother. "Now, you either tell us what is going on or I will find a healer who will," she demanded.

"Very well," the healer said, handing off his clipboard to Severus. "I need you to fill this out and then I will let you see her. It's paperwork to admit her to the hospital under long term care. In addition, it gives us permission to keep her alive by magical and muggle means. Finally, it gives you permission to name yourself and one other as the people who will make the decision if the time comes to terminate her life prematurely."

The world swam in front of Severus' eyes as he struggled to comprehend what he was hearing, as well as read the complicated forms in front of him. "Why would we end her life prematurely?" he asked, taking just about all the focus he could muster to do it.

"Come, let's sit and chat over here, yes?" Arthur asked, gesturing for the group to sit in a secluded part of the waiting area.

Much to Severus' relief the group headed in that direction. He only hoped he could make it that far without passing out or showing any other symptom of his illness.

As he sat down wearily, he felt a hand on his shoulder. He looked up and was surprised to see Ginny standing protectively over him. He smiled a bit. He really was starting to understand why she and Zia got along so well.

"Well as I stated, she has been hexed. Her body was already weakened by the Healer's Disease, and her structure has been badly wounded, repeatedly." He glared at Severus for a minute before continuing. The hex literally knotted her digestive tract, so that any food or liquid she has taken in has been getting caught up in various areas, tearing the organs, and causing internal bleeding."

An icy chill filled Severus as he took a shuddering breath. 'I love you?' he heard her voice ask in his head. Tears threatened to fall, but he worked to contain himself. 'Sorry I didn't get your water….' Her voice rang in his head, deafening him as he realized that she was probably in pain when she went to get him the water.

He took in a gasping breath as he remembered his last words to her. '"It's so nice that my needs mean shit to you. Get the hell out of here.' Pain flooded his body and he couldn't hold it in any more. He leaned forward and buried his head in his hands as he wept.

A small pair of hands grasped him, and another hand rubbed his back. The hands grasping him, he assumed, was Ginny. The hand rubbing was likely Remus. He didn't care. He had hurt her so many times that he was ready to be brought up on charges for spousal abuse. And, he wouldn't stop them. She deserved better than that… than him. He had broken her in every way. And, he had been horrible to her when she needed him most.

"She has been having nosebleeds," Remus admitted.

Severus looked up. "You knew too, eh?" he asked, his eyes were murderous, but his tone did not hold malice.

"I'm sorry Severus. I just assumed it was part of the HD and didn't think on it."

"Well, had we known about it then her chances for survival would be higher. As it is, she is in a coma and we don't know if she will ever come out of it," the Healer replied hautily.

Too overwhelmed by the news to even cry, Severus sat up straight. "When can I see her?" he asked, his voice husky with grief.

"Whenever you'd like. All of you," he said, acknowledging the rest of the group. "Don't just say goodbyes though. Talk to her. Tell her everything that you would normally, and maybe even some things that you wouldn't. We have no reason to believe that her brain is dead, which is why we think she could pull out of this."

The group nodded, dumbstruck. This wasn't supposed to end like this. Not a Malfoy curse causing her to die in St. Mungos. But, peacefully, in her home, surrounded by those she loves and who love her in return. It simply wasn't fair.

"Severus I'm sorry," Remus said, his voice torn with despair. "If I had known…"

"Of course you would have said something," Severus said, his voice devoid of emotion. "May I see her?" he asked the healer.

"I'll fill out the paperwork," Arthur said, pulling the clipboard away from Severus.

Too tired and stunned to even thank him, Severus followed the healer to a room a the end of the hall. When he opened the door , he was immediately met with the sounds of machines whirring and beeping. He looked at the healer, perplexed.

"They're muggle devices. They keep her heart and lungs working," the healer explained.

Severus understood, but didn't really hear him. Zia lay on a hospital bed, covered by light blue blankets up to her chest. Her silver hair was neatly brushed and set into a braid that hung down past her shoulder. Magical sunlight shone through the fake window and lit her face was yellow light. Severus realized how pale she had become.

He felt like his heart was in a vice and sighed heavily.

A strong clap on his shoulder let him know that someone was behind him. He didn't really care who. He'd hoped to avoid this situation and he didn't know what to do now that he was faced with it. Any other time he had to deal with something so emotionally stressful, Zia had been there to comfort him afterwards. He suddenly realized how very alone he felt without her and he wondered if he would be able to live his life like this.

He swallowed thickly and moved to her side. A shaking hand swept her hair off her forehead. Even the consistency of her hair was different – dry and brittle rather than thick and soft. He sniffed wetly.

"If you're sick, you're going to have to go," the red-headed healer said callously.

"He's emotional. It's his wife. Back off!" Hermione snapped.

The healer quirked an eyebrow. "I wonder if," he looked at the clipboard, which had been handed back to him by Arthur, "Prof – Mrs. Morgan-Snape ever knew she was surrounded by such wonderful friends." His eyes rested on each person and a bit of familiarity sparked in them before he looked back at his patient.

Ginny caught his slip but didn't say anything. She hadn't seen what her father had wrote and she wondered if he had put Zia's title as Professor. She had worked at Hogwarts afterall, albeit for a short period.

"She knew," Remus answered, pulling up a seat for Severus and lowering him into it. "She knew without a shadow of a doubt." He looked sadly at Zia. She had to know that he still loved her. She had to know that she would be missed and that they would not let her slip away. She had been their healer for the worst parts of their lives. They would not abandon her during hers.


	22. Shattered

_Authors Note: Sorry for the delay. I wasn't sure what way I wanted to take the story. Now I know, and I hope the long chapter makes up for the long wait. _

Zia's eyes opened and she was in a great white space. She looked around. She was standing on a white floor, surrounded by a blinding whiteness. She felt wonderful, like she had never been sick. Baffled she looked around. There was nothing. She wondered where she was.

"Interesting that you're the first of the last to join us," a familiar voice said.

Her ears perked up. She knew that voice. "Albus," she breathed.

She turned.

The deceased Headmaster was standing behind her with a bowl of candy in his hand. "Gumdrop?" he asked, holding the bowl out to her.

"Albus," she said, taking one. "You look just as I remembered." She popped the gumdrop into her mouth. Spearmint, her favorite.

He smiled with a twinkle in his eyes. "I found the Headmaster robes are the best ways to greet people. It's how people seem to remember me."

She nodded. "I'm dead then?" she asked. "I imagined the afterlife… different." She bit her bottom lip and wondered what Severus was doing. Did he miss her? Did he even know? She hoped that he had no idea and was getting some well deserved sleep. She imagined he would beat himself up over it enough if he recalled his last words to her. She hoped the fever would burn them out of his head. He deserved to enjoy some part of his life. With her gone, he could finally find someone younger, more vibrant – perhaps a red-head. He always did like red-heads.

"Well you're not dead. Just out of time," he responded vaguely.

"You mean plucked out, don't you? Like, you plucked me out of time… same as what you did for Harry."

"Yes, similar," a voice answered. But, it was not Dumbldore's.

"Harry," she breathed, turning to look over her shoulder.

He was strong and virile, just like she remembered him. She smiled. "You look well," she said, her voice sounded strange even to her own ears.

"We maintain the form we see ourselves as here. You look beautiful."

She smiled and brushed her hair forward. It was thick, black, and fell just to below her shoulders. It was the way she remembered it. She looked down. Her body was athletic and taut. She was beautiful again. "Thank you. I don't think you ever saw me this way."

"It wasn't that I didn't see you this way. I always knew you were strong and beautiful. But, no I didn't know you this young. I do understand why Severus was so intoxicated with you, though."

She smiled, taking the compliment for what it was. "Thank you," she responded softly.

She turned back to Dumbledore, seriousness shining from her bright eyes. "So, Albus, why am I here?"

"Well, my dear. You have a choice to make. You can stay, but you can go back if you'd like."

If there was anything Zia had learned over the years, it was that everything came with a price. "What's the catch?" she asked, cynically.

"Perhaps you should come in for a cuppa," a third voice responded.

Zia whimpered with joy. "Molly," she breathed, turning around. She rushed up to the voluptuous redhead. She hugged her strongly. "Oh, Molly, you are so missed. You –"

Molly nodded. "Yes yes…. Of course dear." A door appeared before them. "Come on in for a cuppa and we'll explain everything."

Feeling completely comfortable with her surroundings, Zia nodded and walked through the door.

HP** HP**H P** HP** HP** HP

Two days had passed and Severus and Remus had not left her side. Hermione and Arthur had gone to work. Ginny went to school. But, the two men who had been strangers, enemies and friends – often at the same time – sat by her side. Each of them longing for a change in her status. Any change at all.

Remus was cold. So very cold. But it wasn't his body temperature. In fact, Hermione had kept him supplied with his potions and teas, so well that even though the moon was coming up, he felt strong and healthy. Rather, it was the very real prospect of losing Zia for good. The very thought made his heart constrict. He knew that he hadn't been giving Hermione a fair relationship. Even if he didn't love her, the fact was that he wasn't going to get Zia back. He knew he had to give Hermione more love, more affection. But, the truth was, the only woman he wanted to be that easy with was Zia.. well Jada to be exact. He blinked back tears. It was only two days prior that the two of them had played violin together and he had sung the Bricklayers Song. But, it felt like a lifetime before. Their easiness, every smile they shared – he knew that Hermione deserved that. But, as he watched a machine help Zia breath, he realized that he wasn't going to be able to give that to Hermione.

Severus felt lost. His mind a fog with fever that made him doubt the ability of the red haired healer who loathed him so much. Zia would have been able to smell his fever by now, if not his congestion. 'But,' he reminded himself, 'she was exceptional.' His head clogged to the point where he couldn't speak and his throat hurt too much to try. He could only look at Zia, and run his fingers through her hair. His very soul felt like it had been swept from his body and his heart drew cold with every thought of him going through the rest of his life without her by his side. Tears leaked out of his eyes. He never had deserved her. Not from her first admission of finding him handsome to her last admission of love. He heard the healers accusing tones about her injuries. He had injured her so deeply, far more deeply than the healers realized, but he loved her more deeply than he ever knew he could love anybody – even Lily and especially himself.

"You know, you boys should get some sleep," the red headed healer said, as he refilled her IV. "Her status is unlikely to change. And we will notify you immediately if it does. "

Severus pressed his hand to his forehead as his breathing became ragged. Suddenly, he felt it. A tickle in his sinuses. One that he would not be able to suppress on his own. He sniffed wetly, hoping that the pressure change would help his predicament. It did not.

"HESSSPLESSCHOO!" he sneezed, wetly. Others came barreling after it, and it was all he could do to think on them, as he felt himself suddenly being manhandled and lifted out of his chair by his arms.

"All right, that's it. You have to get out now. I will not have you killing one of my best Professors, just because you want me to believe your claim of love." With strength the young man didn't look like he possessed, the healer, hoisted Severus up and pushed him out the door with Remus following closely on his heels.

"You will each have to be subjected to a wellness scan before being allowed back in," he spat at them, before charming the door shut and starting to cleanse the room. "Don't worry, Professor Morgan. I'll take care of you," he said, his voice full of conviction.

HP** HP** HP** HP** HP**HP

Hermione stared blankly at the books she was trying to inventory. She knew that she should be able to just take down the name, age, and condition of the books. But, her brain felt like it was running super slow.

"Hermione?" Brian asked, his kind old voice penetrating her thoughts.

She looked at the book in her hands and down at her parchment as she realized she had been most inefficient with her day. "I'm sorry, Brian. It's been a rough few days."

He smiled with an understanding glint in his eye. "Has Remus been unwell?" he asked, taking the book from her and placing it back on the shelf.

"No, in fact, Remus has been quite healthy lately. But, a friend of ours is very sick and the healers don't know if she's expected to pull through. Remus has been at her bedside for two days along with her husband." She covered a deep yawn.

"Feeling jealous?" Brian asked, fishing for what was bothering his new assistant.

"Oh hardly," she responded. "I just… we've all lost so much… so many fallen to the Wars. And, I just… " she sighed, "I don't want to lose another friend. Especially not one so new to me, but who means so much to him. "

Brian thought for a moment. "It's Zia then? I never thought she would marry," he said, absentmindedly, and certainly not one with Severus' background. But, she sure does deserve it for all that hard work that she did during the war."

"Excuse me?" Hermione said, protective of Zia. How did Brian know about her? Should he? She crossed her arms across her chest and quirked an eyebrow at him.

"During the last war, I was tortured by a Death Eater. The mental damage was pretty extensive and I was going off the deep end at break neck speed. Remus brought Zia to me and she worked me through the worst of it. I can't think of anyone else that he would have such a loyalty to. The two of them were always very close. Best friends they were. And he needed some of those."

She nodded. Just two days earlier she had been envious of the easy relationship Zia and Remus had. They barely seemed like they had to work at it. It just came naturally. But, she reminded herself of how long they had known each other. And, of course, Jada had been his mate once.

Her breath caught in her chest. Perhaps that was why he couldn't really commit to her. He had mated once with a woman already. She picked at her finger a bit as she wondered if the werewolf law would ever be repealed or if they would be destined to be best friends in a marriage forever.

"Why don't you go home and get some rest? I'm sure that Remus could use you there when he does come home."

Hermione shrugged. "I don't want you to think I'm shirking my responsibilities. Work comes first."

"No," Brian corrected, "family does. Tell Remus that I'm here if you need anything. You just owl me in the morning and let me know if you're coming in or not. Don't worry, we'll figure out some form of payment so that you guys don't starve."

She tried to argue with him, but before she knew it, she was shooed right out the door.

HP**HP** HP** HP

Remus performed a side by side apparition right into the house. Luckily Severus had been able to contain his sneezes during the time it took to apparate, but not for a second more. He sunk to his knees in the hallway, sneezing wetly and leaning against Remus. He started clawing at his robes, pulling them awkwardly as he struggled to catch his breath.

"Severus, what is it?" Remus asked, kneeling down next to the man. He let Severus continue to lean on him awkwardly.

"Hot, so hot," Severus gasped out between sneezes and the occasional sputtering cough.

With nimble fingers, Remus quickly unbuttoned Severus' robes and helped him out of them. "It's okay. Do you think you could handle an apparition into your bedroom?" he asked, rubbing small circles on the other man's back.

Finally, after one incredibly powerful and wet sneeze, Severus' fit broke. Panting for air he shook his head and swallowed thickly. He snorted congestedly and licked his dry lips. "Doe," he replied, the congestion taking over his ability for speech. He continued to pant and put more weight on Remus, who continued to crouch next to him and let him have a moment.

He shook his head to shrug off Remus' hand. It had felt cool in comparison to him, but he didn't like when people coddled him. His head pounded in protest and the quick motion caused the pressure in his head to change again. His breath quickened and he untucked his shirt, still feeling too hot and knowing that another fit of sneezing was only going to make him feel worse.

"Uncle… oh my goodness…"

He heard light, quick steps coming towards him. Something in his head told him that it was Ginny. But, he was unable to concentrate on her very long. Everything around him seemed to be waving as though he was in water. He felt like he was overheating, although his body felt so cold. He swallowed hard and tried to maintain his head, which was giving him indications that either he was going to sneeze again or his brain was going to explode, or – very possibly – both.

"Ginny get him a clove infused handkerchief. I'm gonna apparate him upstairs," Remus said, taking control of the rapidly deteriorating situation.

Severus went to cup his hand over his nose, his head tipping back and eye lashes fluttering as the sneeze was nearly upon him. But, Remus didn't seem to notice and wrapped both of his arms around Severus'. "Hold still just a moment," he commanded.

"I h-ackss-"

The two of them apparated into Severus' room with a CRACK.

The first thing that Remus became aware of was Severus screaming and the dead weight of someone falling on top of him. He quickly leveraged himself and pushed Severus onto his back on the bed. Immediately, he saw the problem. Severus' nose had been splinched off.

"Damn!" Remus swore as he watched Severus wince in pain as he completed his sneeze.

"Dammit you idiot!" Severus exploded, with rage. His voice incredibly nasal and his eyes wide with shock. "You never apparate when someone is sneezing!" For a man without a nose, he was intolerably loud, making Remus wince at both the anger and the volume.

In an instant, Remus apparated out and back, Severus' nose in hand. "Just try to hold still," he said, pulling out his wand and reattaching his nose, resulting in a thunderous sneeze, which rocked Severus forward and was caught in his steepled hands. He roared in pain as he collapsed back onto the bed. "Get out you imbecil!" he demanded.

"Now, Severus, I am sorry about that. But, I'm going to get you some Razzle and administer it to you, so we can get you back to Zia as fast as possible." Remus attempted to help Severus get undressed and under the covers. But, Severus was having none of it.

"I can do it!" he insisted stuffily, clumsy hands working to pull off his jeans and quite unable to do so.

"Severus," Remus said, softly, "let me help."

With a sigh, Severus stroked his forehead with his pointer and thumb. "I wish Zia was here. She always knew how to make me feel better." He suddenly felt a tightness in his chest as he recalled how tenderly she had taken care of him, how she had said she loved him, how he had not said it back. _'But she has to know. She has to,'_ he reminded himself. He was suddenly struck with the thought of her sleeping downstairs, in another room of her cottage, or not at all as his mind started to go. His eyes flickered to the bed, where she had fallen off and broken her wrist. He looked at Remus sadly, as though willing the man to be able to read the thoughts that he didn't feel strong enough to say.

"I know. We all do. She'll be back soon. Do you really think that Malfoy could take her out?"

A strangled laugh emanated from Severus. He didn't know if Malfoy could do it, but he seemed to have made a great attempt. And, in an effort to placate the situation, Severus had let him. He couldn't think of an answer, so he remained silent as Remus helped him undress, get into his bedclothes, and get under the covers.

No sooner was he under the covers than did a knock come at his door. "Come on in Ginny," Remus said.

She opened the door, but did not step in. "Uncle Sev, is it all right?" she asked. She was carrying a tray of tea, handkerchiefs, tissues, water, and Razzle.

Impressed by her understanding of propriety, and knowing that she didn't learn that from her mum, Severus mused that somewhere along the line she must have learned it from Zia.

"Of course," he said, suppressing a few husky coughs.

"Now, Uncle Sev," she said, sitting at the edge of his bed, "I know you had told me when Da was sick that I could administer the Razzle to you. "

Severus made to speak, but her firm hand on his arm kept him still.

"I know you likely thought that Zia would be here to supervise the treatment. Since she is not, if you would rather Da or Remus be here – or even Hermione – I will not be offended."

'_Definitely not like her mother,'_ Severus thought. "I promised you that you could administer the treatment and I will allow you to do so. Zia learned much of what she knew on the fly. If you would like Remus or your father in here to supervise, that is fine. I only ask that what happens in this room stays in this room, until and unless Zia feels well enough to ask how it went. And that is mostly for your educational experience. Understood and agreed?"

Ginny gave him one of her rare true smiles. "Yes, of course." She looked at Remus for a moment. "Now, what do I do?"

"All you have to do is wait until I leave, give him the potion, and keep him as comfortable as possible while the symptoms are happening. Mind his ears and don't be too freaked out if they start to bleed. The fluid in there has to come out somehow." As he passed Ginny, he leaned down and whispered, "Be gentle."

After he had closed the door behind him, Ginny turned to Severus. "All right, are you ready for this?" she asked, her voice betraying how nervous she felt.

Severus sniffed thickly – his nose still not feeling quite right after having been splinched. After a particularly congested sniffle, he sneezed and blew his nose with an equally congested honk.

Ginny looked at him sympathetically and patted his arm lightly, suddenly looking like the spitting image of her mother. "Here, take a drink," she offered, making sure to guide the glass to Severus' lips, lest his grip slip. "Do you need to use the loo?" she asked, knowing that he would be bedridden for at least an hour – if not more. When he shook his head, she pressed on. "Is there anything I should know about?"

He took a deep breath and bit his bottom lip for a moment. "I am not an easy invalid. Please do not take anything I say personally or to heart –no matter how biting. And if I do manage to hurt you or your feelings, do tell me after this. I would rather not find out somewhere down the road that you have been crying yourself to sleep or no longer …" His words died on his lips. Who was he to say she loved him or cared for him? But, she did – and he knew it.

Ginny seemed to understand. "I will not let your bad humor complicate or otherwise compromise our friendship Uncle Sev. Okay?"

"Thank you," Severus responded. Quickly, he grabbed a handkerchief off of the top of the stack. "AckSshhhheww!" he sneezed wetly. He blew his nose and sniffed as air was actually making it into his sinuses. "Clove?" he muttered, unable to smell but suddenly able to breath.

"Yep," she said, carefully stroking back some strands of hair that had gotten caught in his stubble.

He instinctually flinched away from her, and she withdrew her hand as though she had been burned.

"My apologies. Zia is the only person who has touched me like that since," he paused. Since his act of indiscretion. It was between the two wars. It had hurt Zia, he knew. But, it had nearly destroyed him.

"Since Lily. I know. I'm sorry. I had no right," she said, assuming that she was finishing his sentence for him.

He cleared his throat, unsure of what had brought Rebecca to his mind. It had been such a long time ago and it had only been the once and it had quite literally 'just happened'.

His heart twisted again. He wanted to hold Zia in his arms again. He could almost feel her lying there. Almost imagine Ginny as her. Almost feel as though she was near. But, she wasn't. He shook with a violent chill when he thought of her last words to him. _"Hey," she had said to him, as if he had woken her from a nap. Then she apologized for not getting him water. The apology seemed so ridiculous to him – like it didn't even belong in the same situation. But, there it was. Her loyalty to him shining through everything else going on. But, then she had complained about the pain and moaned in spite of herself. He couldn't remember a time that she had complained about pain. Not even when her lungs were failing or when she was taking potions to cope with chronic pain while trying to deal with him. _Never had he heard her complain like that – so soft, so gently. It was a terrible feeling, one that still choked him when he thought about it.

Ginny took the moment to uncork the potion. "Here you go," she said, gently. "Drink up."

"Thank you," he mumbled. His thoughts raced back to the fiery red hair and sparkling green eyes of Rebecca. He looked so much like Jada – so much like Ginny - so much like Lily. But, she hadn't been nearly as important as any of them. And yet, he allowed his need for touch to cripple his emotional mind and allowed what was simple touch to turn into a night of incredible passion. Even as he caressed her, his mind had called out for Zia, chastising him, letting him know that the only person he should have been with was her. But, he couldn't stop. It was as though he was spellbound to her.

He focused on the task at hand to try to pull him out of his illness induced memories. He drank the potion down in one gulp and felt the soothing effects of the potion calm his symptoms and give him momentary strength.

He wondered what Rebecca was doing now. She had been a friend of his when he taught at University, who had gotten sick and he cared for. Then he got sick and she cared for him. They were snuggling, which was completely within the boundaries that he and Zia had agreed on. Back then Zia was in hiding and his body betrayed his mind, getting immensely turned on by the woman beside him. They had one night of amazing passion – even through his ailment. The next day, Zia stopped by to see how he was fairing and found them in bed together. The way their bodies were intertwined made it clear that they were not merely snuggling for warmth or comfort.

He never forget how she woke him so gently, and goaded him on to making sure that the young woman was okay. She administered him a few potions and told him that she understood, even before he had a chance to try to explain. He had been panic-stricken that she would leave him. But, she simply kept repeating that she understood and that she was not angry. Once or twice she mentioned that she had expected something like this to happen, and that it really was only a matter of time.

He remembered sliding out from under Rebecca, but not leaving the bed for hours after Zia had left. Her admittance that she had expected it made his heart ache and his breath catch in his chest. For reasons that she never did explain to him, she doubted his loyalty. Or perhaps she had doubted her ability to keep him happy. In either case, he had proven her right with one night of sex. And, he promised himself then and there that he would never betray her heart, body, or mind that way again.

Over the years, he told himself that he had made it up to her, and she confirmed his thoughts on the matter years later. She said that his honest afterwards and his hope that they would reconcile helped her greatly. He had reached out to her more, and tried to be more open with her about what he was feeling and why and when. But, he could not help but wonder if she meant it. Especially now, as all of the muscles in his torso tightened and prepared for the onslaught of violent immune reactions that were about to take place, he wondered if she had ever fully recovered or if it was simply another hurt that she compartmentalized and lived with.

He wheezed a breath in, his eyes flickering over to Ginny for just a second before taking up a handkerchief. "Yessshheewwwaaa!" The sneeze was intensely wet, and sounded like it tickled as it made its way out. Ginny smiled, contently as things seemed to be going as expected. She sat back and waited as several others came barreling out after it. "Har-ESSHH! HEP-TESSHH! Eckta-CHESSH!" He collapsed onto his pillows, panting so heavily Ginny could hear him wheezing.

"Bless you," she said, gently, touching his arm.

"Not now Becky," he snapped, pulling his arm away, as he prepared for another onslaught. "Heyt-chessshoo! Hessshhoo! Hetchoo! Hessh! HessH! Huh-uh Keptshoo! Ketchshoo! Ah-huh-uh… huh… Upffesshho!" He blew his nose stuffily and discarded the first handkerchief. Ginny was ready with the second one, and handed it off to him quickly. "Th-Tha-heh-ATCHHHH!" He had tried to thank her, but his face crashed into the new handkerchief. His ears burned with embarrassment. He wished that Zia was there. Ginny just seemed content to watch. Zia would be soothing him, and likely irritating the hell out of him in the process. He missed her.

"It's okay, Uncle Sev. Just let it out," Ginny said. She wondered who Becky was, but was not about to ask. It was not as though he was in a position to answer.

"Not much of a choice," he gasped out. "Har-SSHH! Shessh! Chesssh! Hah-Eh-SHESSH! Keptchooo! Heptchoo! Heh-oh, HEPTCHOO!" The last sneeze threw him forward. He groaned thickly through his congestion.

"Blow while you can," Ginny said, putting her hand on Severus' arm. She withdrew it quickly when she realized he was burning with fever.

He snorted and coughed, which set him off on a long coughing spell.

She rubbed his back as he coughed and dunked one of the handkerchiefs in the bowl of water that she had brought up. He shivered violently as she put the wet cloth on the back of his neck. "Nargh!" he grunted, shrugging it off. Undaunted, she handed him a glass of cool water. He deftly grasped the glass and sipped it until the coughing stopped and turned to the young redhead at his side. "Sorry Gin," he breathed.

She was about to tell him not to worry about it when his eyes fluttered with an impending sneeze.

Without thinking, she pressed another handkerchief to his face. "Heptchshoo!" He would have sneezed freely, had the handkerchief not been there. He ripped it from her hand as another sneeze exploded out of him. "HEPTCHOO! KEPTCHOO! Hessshhh!" Or three. "Hessshesssh! Kesssh! CHESSSHOOO!" Or six. "This is why I love Zia, Becky. Because she doesn't treat me like a frelling invalid!" he yelled at her. "You can go any time you please. No one is keeping you here."

Becky. He had said it again. "Uncle Severus, I'm Ginny," she said as though she were talking to a small child.

He reached out to her and gently grabbed her wrist with a cold clammy hand. He looked at her with calculated understanding. "I know you are." He started to pant again and released her wrist. "Don't seek to humiliate me," he instructed, taking up the sodden handkerchief. He pressed it to his face again. "Heh… huh… enguhhh…" He squeezed his eyes shut and sniffed lightly, waiting for the sneezes to come. "Of course yuh-you… huhhhennughhh…Esssshhhooo! Keptchoo! Shoo! Hesshhh! HEPT-SHOO! Enuguhhh..tEH-CHOO!"

"I would never do any such thing," she said, tugging the handkerchief from him and handed him another.

He panted a bit before blowing his nose with a congested honk, which set him off on a long coughing spell.

She put her hand on his back, as she sat on the edge of the bed next to him. Slowly, she brushed his hair out of his face and pushed a glass of water at him. Suddenly, he sneezed, bobbing his head and hitting the glass with his hand. The water splashed down his front.

"Oh! I'm so sorry!" she said, flinching as she expected his wrath. With a quick wave of her wand he was dry again.

"Idiot," he muttered, behind his hand. He sneezed harshly again, and gasped in pain.

"What is it?" she asked, a feeling of helplessness crashing over her like a wave.

He didn't answer her. He was panting harshly intermittently holding his breath. He squeezed his eyes shut and reached out to Zia via occlumancy. She was still alive, so he knew he had to be able to reach her. There was darkness. Nothingness. It was like she was dead.

"No," he breathed, tears leaking from his eyes.

"Shhhh," Ginny soothed. She bit her lip, uncertain of what to do for her suffering uncle.

Realizing that he couldn't reach Zia, he peeked at Ginny. "Ear," he said, with a twitch of his head.

She went to the other side of the bed and gasped.

"My ear should be seeping. Just-ah!" He had been whispering, but it was no use. Just the vibrations caused by his voice made his ear hurt even worse.

She grabbed a handkerchief and tried to clean off his ear.

"No!" he growled, pushing her away. With his strength unchecked, he pushed her too hard and she fell off the bed. As soon as she landed, he snapped to attention. "I'm sorry, Ginny. Ah!" he said. He made to help her up, but saw stars and leaned back against the pillows. "Gin?" he breathed, suddenly nauseous.

Luckily, Ginny was younger and in better shape than Zia. She popped back up after a second. "It okay, Uncle Sev," she said with a giggle. "Probably should have seen that coming."

"No…" he breathed. "Gin… so sorry. Ugh. Oh… oh Merlin no…" His breath started to hitch.

"How do I fix your ear?" Ginny asked, desperately wishing that Zia was there.

"You – sp- sp-heh- Hepshoo! Ah! Gatchoo! Fuh-huh-Epshoo! AH! Eshoo! Kepth-uh-nuh-ugh-SHOO! AH!" Tears of pain started to roll down his cheeks, as he – Severus Snape – ex Death Eater and spy – felt the worse pain that he had since the Cruciatus. He sobbed, hiding his face behind his hands as the sneezes continued to barrel out of him. "Huh….eh…ha…APTSCHOOO!" He screamed and collapsed on his bed, coughing wetly, as though he going to become physically sick.

Ginny felt completely out of her element. She had no idea how to make his pain stop. She couldn't even conceive soothing him. She needed Zia. They needed Zia.

HP**HP** HP** HP

Molly poured a steaming cup of tea for Zia, and then put the kettle down.

Zia looked around the table: Dumbledore, Sirius, Harry, Lily, and James were all there, looking at her expectantly. She looked around the room. If she didn't know better, she would think she was back in the Burrow – the one that had been burned during the second war.

"Tea?" she offered the rest meekly. She didn't know what they wanted from her. And she didn't know what she could give them. And she wasn't certain that there was actually tea in front of her. Yet, the cup held steaming liquid – from the smell of it, strawberry.

"We're fine," Sirius answered gently. He was dressed well, in the high fashion that he always found the most comfortable.

"Do you have news?" Harry asked compulsively.

"News?" she echoed, confused. "I don't understand. I mean… can't you see what's happening? Molly there are times I swear I hear your voice."

Molly nodded as though she knew exactly what Zia was thinking and feeling. "Yes, yes dear. I know. Especially when Arthur's ill." She smiled sadly. "How is he?"

Zia arched a fine eyebrow in confusion. "I just don't understand. If you know that, how do you not know how he is."

"It's always best to start at the beginning," Sirius cut in, his low tenor commanding the attention of everyone in attendance without being loud. "Where you are is not where we reside."

Zia gave him a look of sheer confusion. It was obvious she had no idea what he was talking about.

He smiled kindly, as though he understood her confusion.

Sirius had never ceased to amaze her. She always thought that he had more intelligence and charisma than anyone gave him credit for.

"We," he said, opening his hands and gesturing to the others around the table, "are dead. You are not. It is hard to explain the afterlife. But, sometimes, someone gets plucked out of time and we have the ability to speak to them, which is what Albus did for Harry and what we are doing for you."

Zia nodded, but said nothing. She motioned for Sirius to continue.

"When in the afterlife, we can only tap into what is happening when we're called on."

"Which is how Harry called on us when he battled He Who Must Not Be Named," James explained.

Zia looked James over. He looked exactly the same as he did when they died. She remembered taking care of Remus after his transformation. They were engaged back then. Sirius had warned them of the Dark Marks floating all over London and had begged her to keep Remus safe. She remembered reading the newspaper and reading about their deaths and the incarceration of Sirius. It was she who had to tell Remus. And, it was she who had to heal Severus – as ordered by Dumbledore. It wasn't long after that Voldemort started targeting healers and Jada became Zia.

Her eyes fell on Lily. After all these years, after all this pain, she couldn't feel angry at her. Lily was always kind to her. It was she that Jada had discussed going through an identity change with. She and the marauders were the only ones who were going to know that she had gone through the identity shift. She even helped Jada come up with some of the finer points of Zia's personality – like allowing herself to rage.

"So, why am I not dead?" Zia asked. "What do you want?" Skeptical as always, she felt like she was being set up for something. A lifetime of fighting had not dulled her senses. She smiled as she realized that her senses were no longer dulled. She was alert. Her mind worked. She wasn't in pain. For the first time in years, she felt as though she was alive again.

Sirius opened his hands to the sides again. "What we want is immaterial. What you want, not that maybe something we can provide."

Zia sipped her tea, trying to understand what was going on.

"We want to know about our loved ones," Molly explained. "Anything you can tell us. Any questions you have. Anything."

"I'll answer all of your questions. As long as you answer mine at the end." She barely understood what was going on. She had to buy time.

"How's Arthur?" Molly asked, her voice thick was emotion.

Zia sighed and looked at her with a pained expression. "Sad. Lonely. He misses you."

She nodded sadly, "And I him." She took a deep breath. "You have to help him, dear."

"Me? I'm hardly in a position to help anyone!" Zia retorted without thinking.

She nodded deeply, once, as she processed the statement. "Maybe not now dear. But, in the future."

"How?" Zia asked, feebly. "I – I feel like I'm doing something wrong when I try to care for him."

Molly's hand landed hard on Zia's shoulder. "You're a healer, dear. Heal him. Hug him. Hold him. Let him know he's really not alone."

Zia looked at her guiltily.

"You have my permission dear. Make him smile again." It had been so many years since Molly had seen him smile, really smile. She didn't want the rest of his life to be as sad as the past generation had been.

"Yes, ma'am," Zia said, saluting her, trying to make light of the situation.

"And Ron?" she asked, with a force smile.

Zia smiled brightly, making sure that the smile shone in her eyes. A healer trick: letting the suffering see the hope in the healers eyes. "He's doing well. He's living with Fred and George and helping in the shop. Ginny is in University – studying to be a healer. The kids are doing great. Ginny and I … well we're becoming good friends. I'm trying to help her know some stuff you only know from experience – without the experience."

Molly smiled, love shining through her eyes. "Good… good. You … thank you dear. Thank you for keeping an eye on my family."

"It's more like they keep an eye on me. These past few months, I've been… well … poorly."

Molly smiled sadly. "We know dear."

Zia thought for a moment. "Who have I called on?" She thought on it again. "Molly, when Arthur had the sinus infection…"

Molly leaned back and pulled a frown. "He never did handle those well. How long until he was incapacitated?" she asked, dryly.

"Well I think it hit him a day or so before. But, I made sure he stayed home from work and took care of him. It didn't hit him near as hard as it did, say, Severus."

As soon as she said 'Severus', she felt as though ice water ran through her veins. Her eyes flicked up at Lily and then back down. It wasn't fair. All these years she had wanted to say something to Lily, and here she was and all Zia wanted to do was let it go.

Lily leaned across the table and pat Zia's hand. In an instant the night of James and Lily's death flashed through her mind. She saw Severus holding Lily's dead body, rocking her and sobbing. Both of them drew away from each other quickly.

"Well that was interesting," Lily said.

"Have you ever seen it before?" Zia asked. She had seen it through Severus' eyes from the healing sessions. But, she had never seen it in the third person before.

Lily looked confused. She brushed a bit of her fiery red hair behind her ear. "No. I mean, I know you've called on me a few times. But, I never quite understood why."

"And how much does Severus call on you?" Zia asked.

"Less over the years," she admitted, still uncertain of what he had seen.

James pushed his glasses up his nose and read between the lines. "He still loves her?" he asked. The malice that Zia would have expected was no longer there. Just the question.

"Always," Zia answered. "I'm a sad second really." She held her hand up to Lily before she could retort. "It's okay. I knew that going in. He was second to Remus, and I was second to you. But, as the years went by – I remained second. Always second." She shrugged.

"What about Remus?" Harry asked.

"He is married to Hermione," she started.

The group gave each other odd looks.

Sirius leaned across the table. "Are you all right?" he asked, putting his hand on her wrist. A flash of Remus and Sirius kissing passionately flashed through her mind. Much like she and Lily, the two of them drew away from each other.

While she knew that the two of them were bonded, she hadn't seen the two of them be intimate for years before Sirius' death. "I assume you've seen that before," she said, before looking at him. When she flicked her eyes up, her heart nearly melted with sadness.

Sirius had tears in his eyes. His brow was furrowed and he stared at the table intently. "How did it happen?" his voice was gruff with repressed emotion.

"A law was created that all werewolves have to be married or be killed. Hermione stepped up. They're basically friends who share a bed. Hermione takes good care of him. But… I see more emotion between him and Ginny." She turned to Molly. "Not that there's anything going on between Remus and Ginny."

Molly smiled. "Ginny always did fancy him."

"Well I don't know what's going to become of that. But, overall, Remus is healthy and happy. We're all living at Grimmauld Place – as a village. I needed help taking care of Severus. He, um… he started to have mental breaks. Became abusive – physically, emotionally, you know. I couldn't do it alone anymore. " Tears started to well in Zia's eyes. She looked at Lily. "And he still loves you best. Always." She brushed the tears out of her eyes. "I'm probably better off dead. He won't notice." She covered her eyes and started to sob.

Suddenly, Zia felt Severus in her mind. She clasped her hands on either side of her head. "What the… ow…." She closed her eyes and tried to focus, but all she felt was pain. She couldn't feel around it to heal him. She couldn't feel around it at all.

"Just breathe," she heard Albus say. "You're being called on."

"It's like this every time we try to call on you?" she asked, still trying to feel around the pain.

"No. Likely Severus noticed your gone and tried to contact you via occulmancy."

Finally, the pain stopped. "Well that was intense," she breathed.

"And proves that he misses you," Sirius said, without malice.

Zia nodded. "Yea… but … I don't know." She folded her arms infront of her and put her head down on them.

"Do you want to go back?" James asked. "We can send you back, you know." He smiled. "And, then we can all send messages to our friends."

Sirius looked at James as if he had been betrayed. He leaned over the table again. "Zia, you don't have to. What's your life been like?"

"Severus has been - ."

"No," Dumbledore cut in. "What has _your _life been like?"

"I've been dying for over a year. My organs have been giving out. My respiratory and digestive systems have been rebuilt. My muscles have been weak and I've been having nosebleeds. My bones are brittle and my mind is going. I'm only beautiful because of glimmers. My mind is going and I don't have the ability to read people or heal anymore." She looked at the group sheepishly. "I don't deserve to be alive. I'm nobody's healer. I don't want to live anymore."

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Ginny closed the door and walked down the stairs quietly. Her father was having tea with Remus. She looked at the clock, several hours had passed. She couldn't believe that much time had passed.

After his ears started to seep and he continued to sneeze, Severus was in pain and miserable. Helpless to watch, Ginny sat down in the chair and made sure that he had clean handkerchiefs. She had never seen him in such a state before. Even when he had been ill and staying at the Burrow, he had never been in that sort of ongoing pain. She guiltily watched until he fell asleep.

"How is he?" Remus asked, reaching a hand out for Ginny as she came down the stairs. "You look dead on your feet."

Ginny went and sat next to Remus. "He's sleeping. It was intense." She remembered the promise she had made to him to not tell what happened. She sighed and shook her head. "I wish Zia was here. She would have been great."

Remus put his arm around Ginny and pulled her close. "I know. We all miss her." He kissed her on the head and leaned his cheek on the top. The reality that they all had to deal with was that Zia may never be back. And, they would need to cope with that reality.

"Remus?" Arthur said, arching an eyebrow at him.

Remus pulled away from Ginny slowly. He felt comfortable with her. Similar to the comfort that he felt with Zia. But, nothing like the forced affection he had with Hermione. He sighed through his nose. But, of course, he was married to Hermione. He rubbed his forehead.

"Remus are you okay?" Ginny asked, gently.

"He has a headache. Likely stress," Hermione said, coming in from the kitchen. "Here," she said, handing him his potions.

Ginny scooted over on the couch, so that Hermione could sit next to Remus.

"She'll be okay," Hermione said quietly, handing Remus fresh tea after he took his potions.

"We have to face the facts that maybe she won't," Arthur said. "And, we have to understand that she would not want to live like this. But, Severus is not going to be willing to let her go."

"Well," Hermione said, glaring at him, "let's see if the healers can work out her system. If they can get that straightened out, they may be able to make her better." She rubbed Remus' back. He stood up suddenly. "Not right now, okay?" he snapped at Hermione and stalked out of the room.

"This isn't going to work," Hermione said. "Zia has to get better. Otherwise Remus and I aren't going to work."

"Hermione, he's just coping," Ginny said, putting her hand on Hermione's back.

"No," Hermione whispered bitterly with a shake of her head. "He needs Zia. Like Severus needs Zia. I'm just keeping him out of jail. I'm a convenient wife. If she dies, this marriage will fail."

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The table was struck silent for several long moments after Zia stopped speaking.

Sirius was the first to speak. "It's not right. We can't ask her to go back," he said, definitively.

"Well that's not necessarily true. We can fix her," Dumbledore said, with a twinkle in his eye.

"Oh Albus, see reason," Molly replied in an exasperated tone. "You can't just fix her and send her back to that mess. If Severus is really being abusive, even healing her is not going to fix anything. And you know everyone is leaning on her." She turned back to Zia. "Not that you can't handle it, dear." Turning back to Albus she continued, "She's just going to wear thin again. And goodness knows what's happening down there without her."

Suddenly, Zia felt like Remus was in her head. "I have some clue. Remus is… distraught."

Sirius and James rolled their eyes. "Well that is hardly a surprise," Sirius said. "He loved you. It broke his heart when Jada changed to Zia."

"Man, I should have died when I tried to hang myself at Hogwarts," Zia said, glumly.

"No!" Dumbledore snapped.

"It wouldn't have hurt as much," she argued. "We were all kids. Nobody would have really suffered. Now, I have two men who are grieving for two different parts of me and I don't know if I can ever be either again."

"Interesting you should put it like that," Dumbledore said with a chuckle. "You know, we can heal your body. But, your mind – it's fraying, like Severus'. You may be able to help Severus and Remus, but without healing your mind, your body is going to give out again. Not even healers are this strong."

"Albus…" Molly warned.

"What would I have to do?" Zia asked. She liked the idea of healing herself. After all, if she couldn't heal herself, she had no right healing anyone else.

"Tap back into Jada – make your peace with Remus. Help him make the hard decisions that will stop negatively altering the lives of those around him. Then blend Jada and Zia – that's the only way you're going to be able to heal Severus. He doesn't need Jada's kindness or Zia's hostility. He needs a balance of both. And you're the only person who can give it."

"What will happen if I don't do this?" she asked, unable to keep the waver out of her voice.

"Remus will go to the werewolf slaughter house and Severus will commit suicide."


	23. Jadzia Snape

The sun shone through the magically enhanced window and Doctor Robert Hutchinson gazed at his favorite professor sadly. He had been an awkward child in Hogwarts, having not found his own sense of worth or style yet. But, just one year in Professor Morgan's drama after class program had changed all of that for him. She made him feel like he had the gift of comedy. She encouraged him to be more than he thought possible. Her bright attitude and inquisitive mentality had showed him that even in times of crisis, people were still people.

He recalled how hurt and betrayed he had felt when he found out that she was dating Professor Snape. The man was cruel to him and the other students, and downright evil to Harry Potter and anyone considered to be a friend of his. He remembered not understanding her reasoning for loving such a man. He had always assumed that she was cursed to love him – in more than just the figurative way.

He recalled when Professor Lupin had been given the Defense Against the Dark Arts professorship. Sometimes, Professor Lupin would watch the drama program – never participate – merely watch. He always wore a wistful grin, like he saw something no one else could see. The kids all whispered that he fancied Zia but was fearful of Snape's wrath.

He smiled sadly down at her. Seeing the two men had brought back the crush he used to have on her. It was obvious they both cared for her deeply. He picked up her chart. The images were clear – she had been repeatedly injured. He wished he could blame the war. He wished he could say it was a casualty of Healers Disease – or Healers Deficiency Disorder – which ever it was she had. The records said HDD, but her symptoms didn't quite fit. He had spoken to her primary healer, and they had decided to agree to disagree. Truth be known, he wanted it to be HD. If it wasn't fatal, he could wish for a better life for her. One with Remus Lupin, but without Severus Snape.

He sighed heavily. He knew he was being prejudicial against his old, and somewhat less terrifying, professor. He didn't have proof that Snape was the one who had hurt her. He just had this feeling. However, he had known Ron Weasly and Ginny in passing. They would not rally around someone who was as hateful and spiteful as he recalled Snape being. There were missing pieces to the puzzle. He knew it wasn't his responsibility to put them together, but he felt as though he owed her something.

Her eyes squeezed tightly shut and the young doctor paused. "Professor Morgan?" he breathed, daring to hope.

She groaned discontently and shook her head as though she was disagreeing with his very thoughts. She breathed out and went still.

He immediately pressed two fingers to the pulse points in her wrist. Her pulse was stronger. Something was remedying itself.

He smiled as he brushed her hand back. "I'll tell your… family… now," he said. He knew that he should visit them in person. Such news should not be delivered as coldly as through the post. But, he found he didn't want to leave her side. A small burst of guilt blossomed in her chest. He had not seen her for many years. If he felt this sort of loyalty, he could only imagine how strongly he two previous professors wanted to be there.

He knew it was his responsibility to remove any chance of infection or complication from her room. But, he supposed he could have done it more gently. He shook his head as he recalled who he was thinking about. This was Severus Snape – Death Eater, spy, and tormenter of students of Hogwarts. He had been through worse. And, he doubted the man could truly love anyway.

He quickly scratched a letter to Professor Lupin, adding Professor Snape as an afterthought. He didn't want to respect the man, but his propriety dictated that he had to. Begrudgingly, he affixed the letter to his own owl and sent it off.

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Remus had spent about an hour weeping. Hermione had tried to comfort him, but he had sent her away. Ginny came in with tea, but he sent her away as well. He wanted Zia – she was the only person he wanted near him when he felt this vulnerable. Well, her and Sirius.

His tears started to run anew at the thought of Sirius. They had been so good together. A smart match, Molly Weasley had called them. Once upon a time, he and Jada had also been called a smart match. With her healer skills and his constant ailments, he was certain she would grow tired of taking care of him or resent his holding her back. Instead, she seemed to relish in taking care of him. And, the few times she needed him, he was overjoyed to be there for her.

He should have fought for her, he knew. He should have convinced her to stay by his side, that he would protect her. He was part wolf after all – he was hardwired to protect his mate. But, he had convinced himself that he would protect her best by letting her go, letting her change her identity, letting her pretend to be someone else. He was a fool. He had cried every night for years – until Jada only existed when Zia was too harsh of a personality for the people around her. He remembered watching her teach the kids drama, when she worked at Hogwarts. It was the only time that Jada was her dominant personality. He loved her most during those times. But, he had to admit to himself, he loved her always. Even after he asked for the engagement ring back. Even after she fell in love with Severus. Even after they got married. Even after he fell in love with Sirius. All through everything, he loved her – after all, she was his first mate.

He could almost feel her hands on his shoulders, as was her custom when she was trying to comfort him after he had taken a moment. He could almost feel her cheek on his head, which was how she tried to bring him out of whatever funk he was in. He could almost hear her telling him to make the most of a pretty good situation.

Tears leaked out of his eyes as he felt as though his breath was being squeezed out of his chest. He bowed his head and continued to sob.

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Severus awoke with a snort and immediate regretted it. Everything ached. Muscles he didn't know he had felt as though they were being shredded. He wondered who had cast the Cruciatus Curse on him. He tried to remember what he had done to deserve it. He was certain he had to have done _something_ to deserve it. He was surrounded by friends and family. If someone felt the need to curse him, he must have done something horrible.

He lay still, hardly breathing, afraid to move. Pain ripped through his body, the like of which he hadn't felt in a long time. He had never come through a healing session in such a poor state. He wondered what he had done to Zia to do such a poor job healing him.

He took in a quick breath as his memories came flooding back to him. His quick breath in caused him to cough, which sent a series of vibration through his body, which caused pain so extreme he saw white. He screamed, which perpetuated the same issue. Finally, he took a deep breath and held it, waiting for the pain waves to pass. True to the curse, his stomach started to rebel. He remembered the muscle searing pain that getting physically sick would cause. He couldn't imagine surviving that sort of pain again. _'Although, should I die, at least I'll be with Zia… if she'll have me…'_ he thought. He swallowed, thickly. What if she wouldn't take him back though? What if he had really done it this time? Would she want to be with him for all of eternity? Or would she want to be with Remus?

He was her second true love. He knew that. She was Jada at heart, but had turned into Zia over time. He liked pretending that she was simply Zia, with no back story. He had long since convinced himself that she had never loved before. That Zia and Jada were totally different people. But, they weren't. They were totally different personalities.

He let out a slow breath, as he heard feet on the stairs and coming in the door. Of course, his scream would draw attention. He hoped that someone would tell him what he had done to deserve being cursed. He vaguely remembered Becky… no… Ginny taking care of him. He hoped that he hadn't hurt her too badly.

He drew his eyebrows together in confusion. What would make him think of Becky? She had him for a week. The betrayal had happened in a night. For all of his flaws, Zia had never brought her up beyond their third conversation about his indiscretion. Odd that this was the time that he started to think of her again. It had been over a decade since he thought of her last. He whimpered as he wondered what the trigger was.

"Uncle Sev?" The voice was quiet, whispered… uncertain… Ginny.

He grunted lightly. "Don't come near," he whispered, biting his lip to suppress tears. "Don't want to hurt you 'gain." He panted as pain throbbed through his chest, neck, head, and ears.

He felt the bed next to him divot. "You're not well," she whispered, gently pushing sweat soaked hair off of his face.

He tried to respond, tried to say something, to do something. But, it was to no avail. All of his energy had to go to maintain his composure. She was correct. He was not well. He needed Zia … or a real healer… fast.

He could hear her sigh next to him. "You're fever is down," she whispered, awkwardly. "Yet you're still pale." Confusion was evident in her voice.

He took a shallow breath in. The stupid child really did not know what was going on. He would have to tell her… to teach her. "Pain," he whispered.

"Obviously. But, I don't know what to do."

He could hear the desperation in her voice. He knew she was trying her best. He wished he could ask Remus if Jada had stupid moments. But, he knew she did… well he knew Zia did. She had made her fair share of mistakes. It was only fair that Ginny be taught as well.

Nausea roiled through him again. He didn't want to teach her. He felt his Adam's apple bob as he tried to maintain what little composure that he had remaining.

"I'm gonna get Remus," she said, her voice cracking a bit. "I'm sorry…"

She sounded so pitiful, so sad, so despondent. He made a mental note to talk to her after he was feeling better. He didn't want her to give up on herself or her abilities, simply because she couldn't identify the effects of the Cruciatus Curse.

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Ginny took a deep breath and pushed her long red hair behind her ears. She didn't want to knock on Remus' door. But, she knew that Severus needed help. Intellectually, she knew that she could have gotten her da or even Hermione. But, she knew that Remus and Severus had a camaraderie that had kept them going through two wars and in the healing process afterwards. Nobody knew Severus better than Remus – well nobody except Zia. But, Zia wasn't there. And, she might not be again.

She swallowed.

Tears welled up in Ginny's eyes as she thought about never talking with Zia again. She thought of all the times Zia had taken care of her mum or da. She thought about how well she and Remus got on and how she was able to win over Hermione. She thought about her tact and honesty, how she was beautifully fierce on both the inside and the outside. It wasn't fair. People like that were supposed to live happily ever after, not deteriorate to nothingness.

She sniffed defiantly. If Zia was dead, it meant she was with Ginny's mum. In which case, they were both watching her right now. Ginny had a job to do – an image to uphold. Severus needed someone he could trust. Remus needed to be saved from himself. Ginny took a deep breath and knocked on the door.

"Not. Right. Now!" Remus clipped his words, making it apparent that he did not want to be bothered.

She turned the doorknob and pushed the door open. "Remus?" she asked, coming in. His room was immaculate, as always. He was sitting, hunched over on his bed, head in his hands. He did not turn around when she entered.

"Not. Right now. Ginny." His voice was strained and it was obvious that his hold on reality was thin.

"Severus is in pain," she blurted out. "I don't know what to do for him."

"Abdominal pain is an expected after effect of the Razzle," he explained, keeping his back to her.

"No, it's more than that. Something went wrong I think. I don't know what's going on." Her voice wavered, and she licked her bottom lip nervously. "I think something went wrong with the Razzle treatment."

Remus looked up, his eyes bloodshot and face streaked with tears. "What's wrong with him?" he asked, quickly, obviously using Severus as a means of focus.

"It's just… Remus you have to come," she said, turning and walking briskly out the door.

He blew his nose quickly and followed her to Severus' room. If something was wrong with Severus, he would want as few people to know as possible. If Ginny thought Remus needed to be involved, he likely did. He just wasn't used to being the person people came to. That was Zia's job.

He emitted a strangled sob, as he thought about why he was doing Zia's job. However, he focused on the task at hand. He gasped as soon as he saw Severus. The poor man was drenched in sweat and trembling – though whether from fever or pain, Remus could not tell. His ears had obviously seeped, but not been properly cleaned, which likely meant he had infections in both ears. Severus was pawing at his nose, jolting like electricity was coursing through him.

"Ginny what did you do?" Remus spat. "Didn't you clean him up as the fluids came out?"

He rushed to Severus' side.

"I didn't know I was supposed to," she whispered, her words guilt strewn.

He spoke to Severus as though he had not heard her. "It's okay Severus. Don't sneeze. Just keep it in – just for now." He whispered the spell to clean out the seepage in Severus' ears.

Severus let out a gasp of discomfort, which was just enough to make him lose control. "KepSHOO! Argh!" The sneeze had tossed him forward, but he fell back with the scream. His hands cupped his ears, but did not touch them. Tears streamed down his face as he looked at Remus with fearful eyes.

"It's okay. I'm gonna get the infections out of your ears. Jada go get the hydrogen peroxide. I keep it under the sink."

Ginny squinted in confusion. First, she was being called Becky, now Jada. It was as though she blended into whoever people wanted her to be. She wondered if she existed to either of them.

"Jada, it's muggle stuff, but it's closer than Severus' work area. It'll help clear out the infection," Remus implored. He looked over his shoulder and blinked hard, as if to clear his eyesight. "Please Ginny," he whispered, the urgency never leaving his voice.

She nodded and ran out of the room, returning quickly with a dark brown bottle.

Remus took the bottle and told Severus to tilt his head slightly away from him. "You're not going to like this, but you have to trust me," he commanded.

Severus nodded as a sneezy expression crossed his face. "Guh…do id… puh…" he said stuffily, obviously trying to keep himself together.

"Sneeze Severus. It's okay," Remus said, trying not to let the anxiety show in his voice. He knew that they had to get the infections out of his ear, fast. He knew that sneezing before the treatment would cause Severus deep pain. However, if he sneezed while it was in his ears, it had a higher chance of pushing the infection through his nasal cavities. If that happened, he would be miserable for days – and he would only hope that they could knock him out while his body healed itself.

After making brief eye contact, Severus nodded minutely, making noises to coax out the symptoms he had been suppressing. "Heh-Exxxscchhh! Exxxsscchh! Uh-huh… muh Texxxssschhh!" He bit his lip so hard that it had begun to bleed, as he left the pain waves lessen. He looked imploringly at Remus. "This has never happened with you guys before… what did I do to be cursed?"

Ginny looked as though Severus had struck her. "I'm sorry, Uncle Sev. I didn't realize it was so difficult. I really thought I could handle it." The color drained from her face and she sniffed defiantly to hold back the tears.

Still thinking he had been cursed, he turned his attention to Ginny. "You cursed me?" he asked, his voice barely above a strangled whisper.

Remus took the time to tilt Severus' head and start to pour peroxide into his ear. "This is going to tickle and fizz, but you have to trust me.

"Ginny, what did I do to you to be cursed?"

Tears formed in Ginny's eyes. "Nothing horrible. You did call me Becky, but I didn't stop taking care of you because of it. I didn't curse you on purpose."

Severus righted his head, spilling the peroxide in the meantime.

"No, no," Remus corrected. "Keep your head to the side to let it do its magic."

"Ginny, are you telling me you cursed me on accident?" Severus barked angrily.

"Something of the sort," she said, backing away from him. "Zia makes things look so easy. I didn't know… didn't realize."

"You stupid child!" he yelled, flinging a pillow at her. It hit her in the chest and face, causing her to stumble back a few feet. "You never curse someone you're trying to heal! You could have done me in!" He tried to get out of bed, but the pressure in his ears changed and caused him to scream again, falling back to the pillows rather unceremoniously. He sneezed freely and coughed, emitting a strangled scream after each of them.

"I'm sorry Uncle Sev!" Ginny exclaimed, as she ran out of the room crying.

"Shhh…" Remus soothed. He picked up a handkerchief and gently rubbed Severus' nose. "Now Severus, I know you're in pain, but Ginny's not a fully trained healer yet. Obviously, you had an adverse effect to the Razzle, which is strange, but happens. Why are you accusing her of cursing you?"

"Ugh… because… be…cause… no…oh… ugh…puh..." He pinched his nose shut trying to stay the sneezes.

Quickly Remus lifted Severus' wrist, causing him to let go of his nose. "No, Sev. You have to let the sneezes come out. You're ears are most of what's causing you the pain. We have to get the seeping infections out."

Severus looked at him with pleading eyes. "Buht… id… hur-uh-huh-HEPTsssshhhhoooo!" Loud and intensely wet, the sneeze was detonated into a well time handkerchief that Remus had readied. Severus looked sad suddenly and blew stuffily into the handkerchief, his cheeks reddening as he did so. He winced against the pain and grit his teeth as it passed.

Choosing not to comment on Severus' current humiliation, Remus set to the task at hand. "There now tilt your head to the side," he murmured, pushing gently on Severus' chin.

Severus complied, keeping his head tilted as Remus had indicated. He hissed as Remus poured in the peroxide. He gripped the covers to keep from calling out.

"I know," Remus whispered. "It'll cleanse you out in just a moment and then we can work on your bruised and sore muscles."

Severus raised an eyebrow. "Wait… you mean she didn't perform the Cruciatus Curse on me?" he rasped.

Remus looked at him as though he had gone round the twist. "Of course not. We're your friends… your family."

Severus closed his eyes in pain – though this time emotional. He envisioned Ginny standing there with tears in her eyes, apologizing to him for … for not taking care of him well, he suddenly realized. He had chastised her for something she did not do. Something that he was somewhat surprised that she didn't argue with him about. Then it dawned on him: he had never mentioned the name of the curse. _Damn Merlin to Morganna, she thinks that she is the curse._ He swallowed thickly as the crushing guilt of realization struck him. Try as he might and despite all the good that he had done over the years, he was a bad man and he hurt all that he loved.

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Zia rubbed her forehead. "So, what you're saying is that I need to co-join the personalities of Jada and Zia in order to maintain the healing that you'll send me back with," she confirmed.

"That is correct," Albus said, with a twinkle in his eye. He smiled gently. "I'm sure you'll see that Remus and Severus will be quite taken with the combination."

"That's what I'm worried about," Zia mumbled.

She looked around the room that she was in. It was the perfect replica of his office at Hogwarts. She wanted to stay here, where it was safe. Where she could co-join the personalities, or not. Where nobody relied on her being their rock or their consistent person. Where she could change without repercussions.

Suddenly, the door creaked open behind her. "Excuse me, Headmaster," Lily said, poking her head in the room. Her fiery red hair seemed to glow as it fell in soft waves around her shoulders.

Zia smiled in spite of herself. Lily's presence felt just the same as it had at Hogwarts, loving, caring and above all accepting.

"Ah yes, Lily, come in." He smiled at the younger witch, who had assumed the way she looked – about two years before she died. "I think the two of you have much to discuss. And, I – knowing how an old Headmaster can affect things – will take my leave and let you do it."

"No, Albus, it's okay," Zia said turning back to him, but he was already gone. She looked around the office, her eyes skipping to hiding places and shadows, with the practice of someone who had been in the field too long.

"It's not like it is on the other side. These bodies, the shapes, the room… it's all as we perceive it and how we want others to. "

"So, he could still be here," she said, still looking around uneasily.

Lily shrugged, "I suppose." She sat down in front of Zia and looked her over. Her eyes tracing up the dark haired woman's body slowly. "You've changed a lot," she said, carefully.

Zia looked at her coldly. "And you not at all." Try as she might, she couldn't help the knowledge that Severus would prefer if Lily returned than if she did from filling her to the core.

"Well, I have. But, not in ways you can see. I've watched my son grow and die, my friends mature and many die… and I've watched Severus mature and love. Quite a feat there."

Zia laughed far more bitterly than she meant to. "He only loves you. I'm someone he can pretend is you."

Lily looked at her critically. "That can't be right. The Severus I knew never put up with anything less than perfect."

Zia laughed bitterly again. "Yea, maybe when you were kids and he was defending you from your sister. But, when didn't he settle for second? When he followed Malfoy straight into the embrace of Voldemort's inner circle?"

Lily shook her head defiantly, her soft curls tumbling around her shoulders. "Strong, handsome, influential people wanted the boy nobody else did. And after… after our fight…" A distant look came into Lily's eyes, as though she was replaying the fight in her head. "He lost his support system."

Zia crouched down next to Lily. "You had a right to be angry. And a right to walk away," she said, gently.

"I didn't have a right to abandon my oldest friend. I always hoped he would come to me again… ask for help getting out."

"Do you know why he sided with the Death Eaters? Do you know?" Zia asked with tears in her eyes.

"Because I wasn't there?" Lily asked, breathlessly, tears rolling down her cheeks.

Zia's heart constricted. Even after all these years – even into death, Lily still wept for Severus. If only he knew that she still cared for him. Realization hit her like a wave crashing on the shoreline, as she realized the only way Severus would know that was if Zia went back and told him. "No… because he was trying to keep other kids from suffering the same abuse he did. He really believed – at least in the beginning – that muggles weren't strong enough to date wizards."

Lily contemplated this for a moment before nodding. Her tears disappeared as if they had never been there. "Thank you for being so good to him. He's deserved a good woman in his life."

Zia shrugged, blushing because of the compliment. "I'm not that great. A poor substitute for you."

Lily looked at her incredulously. "He can't still love me. Not like that – after all this time?"

"He'll always love you like that. Always." Tears streamed down Zia's face. "And, now you all want me to go back … to combine who I was with Remus and who I am with Severus… it could result in both men loving me…"

"They already do." Both women looked up to see Sirius entering the room. He walked in, smiling gently at both women. He was wearing a dark brown Victorian suit – without the cravat.

"Sirius, you look stunning," Zia said, rising to her feet.

He smiled gently at her and kissed her on the cheek. "As do you."

"Eh," she said with a shrug, unaccustomed to compliments.

"You are," Lily said.

She nodded, not believing either of them. "Thank you," she said, gently.

Sirius sat down in the chair next to Lily with a heavy sigh. "It's such a shame that Severus has worn you so thin. You used to know how to take compliments, although I'm not sure you ever believed them."

Zia thought about having a third chair. Much to her joy, one suddenly appeared. She settled into it and waited to see what advice Sirius had to offer. For all of his attitude and bitterness, Sirius always had the best advice for her. Although Remus could have up and died right along with Sirius, few knew how much Zia suffered because of his death. Everyone was worried about Remus and Harry, so Zia made sure that everyone banded together around Remus and Harry. Zia coped with her pain and her profound loss on her own.

She nearly gasped in longing for her friend. He was finally sitting right in front of her. "I can't help it," she breathed as she leapt at him and hugged him fiercely. "I'm missed you Severus… I mean Sirius." She pulled back, confused. "Sorry… that was…"

"Truthful," he finished for her. He smiled at her. "I missed you too. Nobody listened to my advice near as much as you did."

"Are you here to convince me to go back, too?" she asked, her voice laced with sadness.

"No. Only if you want to."

"What about what Dumbledore said?" she prompted. "If I stay here Severus will kill himself and Remus will… die…"

"Well, we'll all be together."

"All except my Arthur," Molly said, joining the group.

"Dammit Molly. I told you to stay out of this!" Sirius snapped. "Let us handle this."

"Pish posh, I'll do that. I just don't want Arthur to be last man standing," she said, entering with a tray of tea.

"You want me to be the last one… everyone to die and me be left alone. Then you and Severus will have time to heal," she said looking at Lily. Turning her attention to Sirius, she continued, "You and Remus can have time together. Finally, she looked at Molly, "And you want Arthur." She blinked quickly as she looked around the room. She tried to withhold the tears, but they were winning – after all, crying out the pain was on the forefront of her mind.

"Molly!" Sirius bellowed.

"I'm going. I'm going," she said, rushing out of the room.

"It's part of my job, huh?" she asked. "To die alone?"

"No," both Sirius and Lily answered, not quite simultaneously.

"Look," Sirius said, leaning forward so that his elbows were resting on his knees. "Remus still loves you. He always did. Never got over you. You were his primary mate after all."

"And I love him… but… if I merge and both men love me… I can't choose. I – I'm married to Severus." She stole a glance at Lily. "I could break his heart."

He stole a glance at Lily. "He's already broken yours," Sirius said.

She felt like she needed to defend Severus. "It's not been terrible, Sirius. We knew what we were getting into. And he doesn't mind Remus living with us. Lily… well Lily's not even living."

Sirius put his hand on Zia's knee. She was instantly inundated with the memory of Sirius holding Remus as he sobbed. They broke away from each other quickly.

"What was that?" she asked.

"If you saw the same memory I did, it was one of the many times Remus cried over the loss of you."

"Really?" she asked, hopefully.

Sirius nodded. "You will be loved, if you go back. And none of us will hold it against you if you stay. This choice is yours.

HP ** HP ** HP ** HP ** HP

Severus was mid-sneeze when he realized that there was someone in his room. Too late to smother it, he sneezed loudly into his handkerchief.

"Bless you," a soft, yet strong voice said. Ginny put down the tea tray on his bedside table.

He smiled softly at her, his eyes betraying the guilt and malaise that he was feeling.

"How are you feeling?" she asked. Her voice was just a touch cold, but she smiled at him warmly as she sat on the side of his bed and ran a basic diagnosis spell.

"Better," he replied gruffly, as he tried to repress another sneeze.

"Hm…" she said in a tone that said that she didn't believe him. Whether from the diagnostic spell or because she knew better, he wasn't sure. What he did know was that he needed to sneeze again. "Oh Uncle Sev, just sneeze. Truly it's okay." She brushed a stray hair off of his face.

"Harp-etch…" he paused, feeling as though the sneeze was both stuck and gaining in intensity. He massaged his nose through his handkerchief briefly, but all it did was inflame the itch more. He panted and moaned, but all it did was start to turn him on. "Gah!" he complained, his voice thick with congestion. That was not the response he wanted from his fevered, exhausted, symptomatic body.

Ginny smiled. Being a caregiver in the Weasly family meant that she had a lifetime of experience taking care of men. Although she did not notice his growing arousal, she did notice that he appeared to have a stuck sneeze.

"Uncle Sev?" she asked, quietly. When he turned his eyes towards her, she blew gently into his eyes.

"GAH-CHOOSSH!" The sneeze detonated from his body and sprayed into his handkerchief, followed by a rather relieving sounding blow. He coughed slightly and looked at the young red-haired beauty by his side. The girl was getting too old to be calling him uncle anymore. She was actually turning into quite a lovely young lady.

"Better?" she asked after he had taken a moment.

"Yes, thank you," he said turning his eyes away as he realized that he was still aroused.

When it looked like he was going to say nothing further, she got up to pour him some tea.

Thinking that she was leaving, he placed his hand on her arm. "I'm sorry Ginny. I'm sorry for making you cry." He had not raised his eyes to her. She had only been trying to help him. She didn't deserve his wrath.

"It's nothing. You were feeling poorly and in pain. And, I exacerbated the situation."

"No," he whispered. "I shouldn't… I should have exercised… more…" His thoughts flew to Becky. He wondered what she was doing and if she ever thought of him. "Remus called you Jada," he said, trying to change the subject.

"And you called me Becky," she prompted, hoping it would shed some light on the mystery of who Becky was.

She was instantly struck was pangs of guilt as his face crumpled and he dug the heels of his hands into his eyes. "Please tell me I did not."

"You did. Several times. Most times when you were yelling at me – comparing me to Zia and explaining why Zia was the better choice of the two of us."

His cheeks burned crimson and she suddenly regretted telling him. "I'm so sorry Ginny. I… uh…" He had no words, merely shame. Bile rose up in his throat and he wished that he was in a coma rather than Zia. He couldn't hurt anybody from there.

Realizing that keeping whatever it was inside was important to him, yet hurting him, Ginny decided to take a page from her mother's book and probe further. "Who was she?"

He looked at her as though she was toeing a very fine line. But, he opened up to her. "Becky was a teacher's aid. She and I grew very close… much closer than I had intended." He was not willing to tell her that he had cheated on Zia with her however.

"What's bothering you Uncle Sev?" she asked. "Besides the obvious, I mean," she followed up with when he looked at her incredulously.

He swallowed thickly. "I just want Zia," he said after a moment.

"Yea," she whispered. After Remus had put everything right with Severus, he had come downstairs and tore her apart for being a poser as a healer and making many stupid mistakes that could have seriously injured Severus – or worse. She felt like such a failure, a moron, inept. It wasn't until Hermione and her father started yelling at Remus in her defense did she realize that he was directing his anger and fear at her.

She thought back to the rage that they had seen Severus aim at her. She had thought it was terrible at the time, but now she understood that it wasn't that Severus was angry at Zia. Rather, it was that he was angry and she was an available target. She wondered if Zia knew that. She figured she did.

A warm clammy hand wrapped around hers, stirring her from her thoughts. "Are you all right?" he asked gently.

She plastered a smile on her face. "Of course. Nothing for you to be concerned about." It always worked when her mother said it. She could tell by the look he was giving her that it wasn't going to work for her, however. "I screwed up with you and Remus is mad at me," she admitted.

"Remus is in pain right now," he explained. He turned away and sneezed harshly. He winced at the own pain in his head.

"Uncle Sev, get some rest," Ginny soothed. "I've charmed the tea to stay warm, and - ."

"I'm sorry I hurt you, Ginny," Severus blurted out. "I'm sorry … so sorry…" he sniffed thickly and brushed a few tears out of his eyes.

She felt his head for a fever, not surprised that it seemed to have gone up a bit since she had run the diagnostic spell. "I'm not mad Uncle Sev. I shouldn't have lost my composure. I didn't mean to be a curse…"

"No… that's just it… I thought… I thought? HarKESSSH!" he blew his nose with a congested honk and yawned widely. After taking a few moments to compose himself he continued on. "I thought that you had performed an unforgivable on me. I wasn't calling you the curse. Adverse affects to Razzle happen sometimes. Obviously, this was one of those times." He yawned again, ending a few congested sounding coughs.

"Sleep Uncle Sev," she soothed with a smile. "I forgive you," she said, simply.

He yawned again. "Not your forgiveness I want…" he whispered as sleep started to overtake him.

"Then whose?"

"Those of all the people I killed."

She was going to ask him more. But, before she could get the words out, he was snoring peacefully.

Ginny descended the stairs slowly. The tension in the air was palpable and she wondered how on earth Zia coped with these times without her heart bursting in anxiety. As it was Ginny's own heart was thudding so loud that she was certain everyone else could hear it too.

Severus never spoke of his days as a Death Eater – at least not in the capacity of his atrocities. He had been long since cleared of those and it was always implied that only Dumbledore knew the whole truth. However, she had long since concluded that Zia likely knew it too.

As she crept down the stairs, she heard Remus raging. After he had taken care of Severus, but before she went back upstairs, he had stormed at her as though he was going to strike her. He was enraged in a way that she had never seen before, and her da had physically put himself between the two of them in a stuttering, yet desperate attempt to stop Remus from physically attacking her.

She had never seen him so angry. She knew that he was a werewolf and all, but he worked so hard to keep all that under control that he typically became more mild that he likely needed to be. But, when he came downstairs after healing Severus, he flew at her like she had tried to hurt the poor, sick, grieving man. And, listening to him tirade downstairs, she figured he was still angry.

Unwilling to hide in the shadows, she walked into the kitchen. "He's asleep," she said, walking over to the stove and pouring herself a cup of tea.

Hermione, Remus and her da were all sitting at the kitchen table. Remus and her da sat across from each other, with Hermione wrapping one arm around Remus' back and having one hand on his arm. Remus was hunched over the kitchen table, his arms resting on the table, as though holding up his upper body. Hermione whispered something in his ear and shook her head.

"You didn't know it would hurt him," he dead-panned, his nasally voice sounding even moreso through his anger. "You made a mistake," his tone was bitter, and she flinched.

"I'm not Zia. She's had years to –"

"No, you're not," he growled at her.

Ginny's face dropped. The guilt that she was trying to cope with was bad enough. But, Remus' wrath made her feel like dirt.

Suddenly, she heard the familiar sound of wings beating against glass. She opened the kitchen window and let in the brown barn owl that was most typically used as for medical communications from St. Mungos.

"What is it, Gin?" Hermione asked. She didn't most from Remus' side and rubbed his back in small circles.

Remus' look softened immediately when he saw the owl. He scrubbed a hand over his face and rubbed at his eyes. This wasn't right. None of it. Severus shouldn't have had that strong of a reaction. Ginny shouldn't have been caring for him alone. He shouldn't be so mad at Ginny. Hermione shouldn't be comforting him so sweetly after he ripped apart her best friend. And, by golly, Arthur should have beaten the hell out of him for threatening his daughter.

He took a deep breath and repressed his tears. Tears of fear of what the letter said. Tears of regret for letting Jada go. Tears of guilt for yelling at Ginny. Tears of shame for losing control of his anger.

"She's awake… ish," Ginny said, her voice penetrating her thoughts.

"What?" he said, looking at her. His eyes wide with shock.

"She's not awake, but she's starting to show signs of dream-state," Ginny said. "The doctor says we should all be there now. Especially you, Remus. He says that we should go talk to her now. If she's coming out of this, it'll likely be soon or never."

Remus knuckled his eye and took a deep breath. "I guess it's time to wake the sleeping dragon," he said, pushing himself away from the table.

HP ** HP ** HP** HP** HP

Luckily, Severus was easy to raise. Although his fever was still elevated, a simple fever reducer brought it back down. They were both aware that when it wore off, his temperature was likely to soar. However, in order for him to be there when Zia awoke, it was worth it.

"Hep-UmPch-ep-Hitchoo!" The sneeze was strangled as Severus struggled to suppress it, after stepping from the floo system.

The red-haired doctor was standing there, arms folded, as though he had been waiting for the group for quite some time. "I'm sorry Master Snape. You will not be permitted to see her if you are unwell. Her system is struggling as it is."

Remus stepped through the fireplace next.

"Oh good, you're here," said the doctor. He shook Remus' hand enthusiastically. "You'll be pleased to know that there was a bit of communication. "Honestly, she simply said no. Which I have to wonder what she was saying no to." He cast an unkind glance in Severus' direction.

Severus didn't notice. He wanted to be next to Zia. But, first, he needed to sneeze. "HessshPLeehh-CHOO!" The sneeze doubled him over and he groaned in pain as his muscles felt as though they were tearing.

"Yea, we can't let him in," the doctor told Remus. A small curl appeared on his lip as he looked at Severus with thinly masked disgust.

"You can," Remus argued, as the rest of the group arrived. "He's already had a Razzle treatment for a sinus infection. He just had a really bad reaction."

"Hey, I've gotcha," Ginny whispered, wrapping her arm around Severus and handing him a handkerchief.

"I don't want you going in there with me," Severus told her, taking the handkerchief and blowing his nose thickly.

"I wouldn't dare," she returned. She rubbed small circles on his back and kept her hand there even after he righted himself.

The healer shook his head. "Razzle shouldn't be taken in times of extreme emotional stress. It takes care of things – but not well. At least we know he's not contagious." He winced as Severus sniffled thickly. "Though he does sound worse for the wear."

"Might we see her now?" Hermione asked. She was concerned with how long Severus' strength would hold.

The doctor nodded. "No more than two at a time."

Remus put a hand on Severus' arm. "Go ahead. I'll wait my turn," he said gently.

Swallowing the lump in his throat, Severus gathered himself into the closest resemblance of respectable that he could muster and walked into her room.

HP**HP**HP**HP**HP**HP

Zia looked at Lily and Sirius. "What if the combination makes both stop loving me?"

"Then the Healer's Disease will likely kill you," Albus answered, walking towards them. "We know you, when depression strikes, you'll be the last person you take care of."

She nodded. He was correct, of course. "What if Remus falls in love with me? Or both he and Severus do?"

"You'll never know unless you try, dear," Molly said, joining the group.

"You just want me to take care of your family," Zia accused.

Molly didn't even bother trying to deny it. "I do," she said with a nod. "You'll always have a family with them."

"I don't want to lose Severus," she said, feeling as though her heart was being crushed within her chest.

"Well think of it this way dear," Molly advised, "if you stay here, you've lost him. If you go back, you at least have a shot."

HP**HP**HP**HP**HP**HP**HP

Severus sighed heavily as he looked upon Zia. She had shifted slightly from when he last saw her, but not enough. She was never a calm sleeper. Over the course of five or six hours she could flip-flop into thirty different positions. He tried to take solace in the fact that she had moved at all. But, it was still hard for him to think of her as being so calm.

He sniffled thickly and rubbed his nose with his handkerchief. "The first family were the Delacroix," he stated. His voice was smooth, silky – much like the tone he would use with Bella or Narcissa. "Their kid, Harley was in our year. And, she was very loud about her stand against the Dark Lord." His breath caught. He had never told anyone about this. And, he never thought he would find himself telling Zia. "I befriended their father… a muggle who was interested in learning some more about the world that his wife and kids lived in. I gave him a safe place to vent… I … I'll never forget the night he introduced me to his family. His kids recognized me right off. I killed them instantly and then turned my attention to he and his wife." He sniffled wetly as he felt the cold feeling of killing course through his body. He hadn't felt it in years, perhaps that was because he hadn't killed in years. But, even before he stopped killing, he was fairly certain that he stopped feeling the coldness years before. He sighed. "I killed the whole family in under five minutes. The Dark Lord was so pleased. Bella said… s…said that I had a killing streak in me like hers. And, I did… but I was worse, you know. I would befriend people and then use their secrets against them. Or use their connections to get close to the people they loved." His head bowed and he started to sob. "Please come back, I'm sorry. I'm so sorry," he whispered.

He felt a hand on his shoulder. It was strong and semi-large. Remus.

"How much did you hear?" he asked, sobbing so hard that he started to choke on the pressure.

"Nothing," Remus lied, easily. He felt tears prickle at his own eyes as he watched his old friend start to seriously unhinge. He sighed through his nose and gripped Severus' shoulder as hard as he could, without hurting the man. He knew what it was to need to feel like someone was there when everything around feels like it's melting to the ground.

"Merlin, it's not fair," Severus choked out. "She didn't deserve this, not this, not me…." He broke into a fit of coughing, which cut off his air flow and made him sob harder.

"Hey! Hey, you've got to calm down." Remus said, coming to crouch in front of Severus. "You're going to choke"

"Hey," Zia gasped out, her voice husky from disuse; her mind fearful of the changes yet to come; her heart heavy from leaving her friends behind. They had given her messages for their loved ones however, and she felt lucky to still have those. "No dying… that's my job."

Severus' sobs paused and became shocked heaves. "Z?" he asked, breathless, like it was too much to ask for it to be true. "Z?" he asked again, more hopeful.

Remus was beside her in an instant, hopeful amber eyes looking into her green ones. "Zia? Talk to us, please…" he nearly begged, his tone hopeful.

"Sev… breath," she gasped out.

Remus smiled, taking a shuddering breath of delight. "Doc get in here!" he called, unwilling to leave her side.

Zia winced when Remus yelled. "They can hear it… the… the machines," she said, waving quickly at the whirs and beeps behind her.

"Quick, what's your name?" Severus said, his voice gruff from sobbing. His composure was regained. Aside from the tear streaks on his face and his tussled hair, he looked just as formidable as ever.

"Jada-Zia Snape," she answered.

"What?" he asked, placing his hand on her forehead, as though he was checking for a fever.

"Jadzia Snape," she answered. Her eyes started to close again just as the doctor ran in.

Severus and Remus shared a look of confusion, as though they had not heard her correctly.

"She's awake!" the doctor exclaimed. "I know you're tired," he said, checking her pulse. "But, just tell me your name and you can go back to sleep."

"Jadzia Snape," she responded tiredly as she drifted back off to sleep.

In that moment both Remus and Severus knew that they had not misheard. But, neither of them understood what it meant.


	24. The Final Break

Warning: There is blood in this chapter.

Lesser known spells used are taken from Potters World list. 

"Alright, walk her in slow," Hermione said, opening the door to Grimmauld place.

Zia gasped in pain. "Not like they have much of a choice," she said through gritted teeth. She leaned heavily on both Remus and Severus and walked as quickly as her weakened, sore muscles could take her. Sadly, it wasn't very fast and more than once she contemplated asking to be carried. But, Zia's personality was too stubborn for that and Jada wouldn't want to burden either man. So, she gritted her teeth, swallowed her pain, and crept up the stairs and into the foyer.

Much to both Severus and Remus' dismay, the doctor did not want to let her go via the floo. They had hailed the knight bus, earning Severus more abuse than he was ready to handle.

Before they had even settled onto the bus, Severus was identified and insults were hurtled his way. When he started showing symptoms of his illness, it only became worse. Suddenly, an overpowering sneeze crept up on him. Loud and wet, the spray exploded over his handkerchief, earning him clucks of disgust from the other passengers. As he relaxed back in the chair with a groan of exhaustion, he prepared for the insults to continue. If he did not have his sleeping wife leaning against him, he would have happily hexed all each person who insulted him into oblivion. But, all he had to do was gaze at her and he knew he didn't want to do anything else to jeopardize her health. He had come far too close to losing her this time. To his dismay, the sneeze had jostled her awake and she sleepily opened her eyes and leaned up to give him a gentle kiss.

"Bless you, love," she said softly. She opened her eyes and glared at a person snickering in their general direction. "Do you have a problem?" she asked, her voice cold as ice and twice as deadly.

The man immediately stopped laughing. "No ma'am," he said, picking his paper back up and focusing his attention back to it.

Afterwards, she snuggled back into Severus for more than just warmth. She had missed his touch, craved it. She felt as though their auras melded together when they were together. And it brought her such peace and joy. Some part of her mind reminded her about the harm he had brought to her, but at this point, that was such a small part of the issue that she couldn't really care about it.

She opened her eyes and scanned over to Remus. He held Hermione tightly, kissing her head or forehead intermittently. Hermione looked uncomfortable. She seemed to be in Remus' arms because he wanted her there more than because she wanted to be there. She wondered what had happened during the short time she was unconscious.

Severus sneezed again and she turned her attention to him. "You're not well," she offered sleepily.

He sighed and hugged her tighter. "Don't worry about it. I'm sure you'll hear all about it when we get home." He looked down at her. She was already asleep again.

After getting off the bus, Zia insisted on walking. But, her muscles had other thoughts. Too weak to move on her own, or even with Severus supporting her from the side, it took both Severus and Remus supporting her on either side for her to be able to walk up the stairs and into the house.

They settled her in the easy chair and Severus put her favorite blanket over her lap.

"Now, you stay here and we'll get you what you need," Hermione said gently.

Zia smiled at those in the room. "Thank you all," she responded. "But, I'm so tired. Sev, take me to bed please," she said, reaching up towards him in a silent plea to be carried.

A soft look crossed his severe features as he lifted her gently into his arms, and hushed her when she started to ask if he was okay. "You're not too heavy," he said in a tone so gentle that even Remus did a double take.

By the time he placed her on the bed, she was already asleep. But, she felt him let go and opened her eyes again. "What happened, Sev?" she asked, her voice laced with exhaustion. She forced herself to roll over onto her side and squinted as she tried to focus on him. His normally pale complexion was sallow and dark, heavy bags had formed under his eyes. He had lost weight and she wondered if it was simply the stress of her being sick and of his obviously lingering illness. She imagined that he had not slept much since she was admitted to St. Mungos and she wondered if he had been able to eat anything since then.

Even as much as she was worried about him, she was also worried about Remus and Hermione. It was obvious something had happened while she was unconscious, and it bothered her greatly to not know what it was.

"You were cursed by Malfoy when we ran into him," he responded matter of factly. His voice was hoarse and laced with guilt. He had been able to keep his voice and gaze steady as he said it, but looked away soon after. She thought for a second that he was going to sneeze again. But, instead, he simply closed his eyes for a moment, took a deep breath, and looked at her evenly again.

She already knew what her diagnosis was. The doctor had been clear about what had happened, including trying to get her to admit that Severus had abused her. She would do no such thing. Nobody could understand why he did what he did, or why she put up with it. She wasn't about to send him to Azkaban for it.

"No, with you… 'mione…" she yawned widely. Her eyes were drifting closed whether she wanted them to or not. She leaned back on the pillow and took a deep breath.

He stopped and bowed his head and came to her side, the bed devoting slightly under his weight. Of course she would be able to read him. Or maybe she recalled his state when she had come back into her state of consciousness. He laced his fingers with hers and calmly stroked her hand with his thumb.

Understanding that he wasn't going to tell her just yet, and that she was in no state to listen, she changed her question. "How long was I out?" she asked as sleep started to overtake her.

"About a week," he responded. His voice remained even toned, as though he was reading the weather report or the headlines in the Prophet.

She went to ask him more, but the words had trouble making it from her brain to her mouth. Before she knew it she was asleep again.

The next time she woke up, Fred and George were in her room. "Um, does Severus know you're here?" she asked, causing one of the twins to startle and rattle the tray of tea and snacks that he was setting on the bureau. She never could tell them apart properly.

She laughed lightly. "Sorry about that," she muttered.

"Yea, of course he knows we're here," the other said. He was sitting in the chair by the bedside, and she furrowed her brow in confusion. That was Severus' chair.

The one by the bureau came and sat on the arm of the chair. Her eyes flitted back and forth between the two. She knew they had to have something different about them. But, even with her eye for detail they seemed identical in every way.

"It's really not fair to do this to her," one said.

"The poor girl is obviously confused enough already," the other added.

The one in the chair raised his hand, "Fred." Then the one on the arm of the chair raised his hand, "George." Only after did she realize that they were pointing at each other.

She smiled. "George, Fred," she greeted them with a small smile. "How is it that you're in our room and Severus is … not?" Truth be known she was surprised to wake up and not only he not be there, but for others to be there in his stead. While she may have been able to understand Remus or Arthur, or maybe even Ginny and Hermione, she was having a hard time understanding what the twins were doing there.

"Oy, he had to sleep. He had a bad turn with the Razzle treatment and has only been getting worse," George answered.

"Aye, so we decided that he needed some rest. We decided to check on ya during lunch and so put him up in da's room while da's at work, yea?" Fred continued.

"Poor man's got a nasty sinus thing," George said slowly, making serious eye contact with Zia. The statement was obviously for her benefit. "Worse yet, he listened to us in getting him to bed."

She went to nod, but was unconscious before she could enact the motion.

Dark puffy clouds of smoke hindered her from walking forward. She became vaguely aware of someone elses presence in the room, although she couldn't tell if they were a product of her conscious or subconscious mind. She felt someone get close to her, but she couldn't move. Couldn't see through the smoke.

A hand touched her forehead. Gentleness. Concern. Kindness. Remus.

"I always loved you, you know. Even through Sirius. Through Hermione. On my wedding day. I always loved you first," she admitted, allowing Jada to speak for the first time in nearly twenty five years.

Severus tucked his head to his chin, unbidden tears streaming down his face as he heard the voice; heard the words. Jada. The softness, the concern. The gentle healer. He thought back to the hospital, she had called herself Jada Zia and then the combination – Jadzia. He finally understood. Jada's personality was being reintegrated into Zia. His Zia. Remus' Jada. This was not going to go well.

He abruptly stood. "If that's what you want," he spat with a sneer. "I will leave you. You can marry your precious Remus for all I care."

With that he swept from the room. A thunderous sneeze erupted from him as he entered the hallway. "I'm sorry you ever awoke," he whispered to Zia as he rushed down the stairs and into the kitchen.

Remus and the others were sitting in the kitchen preparing for dinner.

"I really think another Con would do us good," Hermione was saying, hoping that some time away from the drama of the house would bring them closer together. As it was, she was starting to feel hopeless about their relationship. She had long since figured out that Remus had mated twice – and that Hermione was not the first woman. With each passing day that they were simply friends she regretted her decision to marry. However, she wasn't sure how to relinquish her spousal rights without causing his demise. So, she stayed.

Severus stormed into the room, wand drawn. "If I were a better man I'd hex you right now!" he bellowed at Remus. "But, this weakness… this that she…" he waved wildly towards the upstairs. He screamed angrily, the torment of what he had just heard shredding his heart. "Sectumsempra!" he cried out, hexing Remus in a fit of blind rage.

Remus screamed out in pain; the betrayal in his eyes shining through the pain. He fell to the floor trying to cover the open wound with his hands as blood rushed over them.

"Petrificus totalis!" Hermione called, having drawn her wand when she saw Severus'.

He blocked the spell with a quick flick of his wand. "You stay out of this, child!" he seethed.

Arthur seemed frozen in place, but he was standing in front of Ginny, who had her wand at the ready. He watched the scene unfold before him. Severus was in true DeathEater mode. This was something that most of them had only ever heard of. He wasn't certain that anyone in the house, except Zia, had seen him this way and he was fairly certain that she would be the only person who could box the monster, so to speak.

Remus lay crying on the floor. He felt as though he was losing his grip on life and felt colder than he ever had in his life. He let out a strangled gasp and slipped into unconsciousness.

"Oh no you don't!" Severus growled, levitating him off the ground and slamming him against the wall, causing a spray of blood over the table and across the kitchen.

Remus grunted and his limbs flopped haphazardly. He tilted his head up and looked at Severus, his eyes squinted with fatigue. "Why? What happened?" he gasped. His face showing the betrayal and confusion that he felt.

"Crucio!" Ginny exclaimed, leaping out from behind her father. He screamed, not expecting the curse – least of all from Ginny. He whirled around on her and stalked towards her like prey. A murderous look was in his eye and Arthur knew immediately what he had to do.

"Mobilicorpus!" Hermione called, stabilizing Remus' body just as Severus lost his concentration. Remus coughed, gurgling and blood filled his throat as she rest him on the table. "Okay, it's okay. It's gonna be okay," she babbled as she balled a dish rag and put it under his head.

"Get Zia-ah…" he coughed wetly. She turned him onto his side and pressed a kiss to the side of his head. His skin was freezing and she rushed out of the room.

"Ignotus caliga!" Arthur cast, causing a thick mist to form around him and Ginny. He took her hand and with a pop apparated away.

"Zia now!" Hermione yelled as she ran through the doorway to the master bedroom.

Zia, who had been awake since Severus sneezed and had been trying to make heads or tails of the banging around and yelling she had heard coming from downstairs, turned to face her with a groan. "What's going on?" she asked, evenly. She couldn't control the pain, her looks, or her thoughts, but she could control her emotions. And, judging by the yelling and banging about downstairs something had transpired. But, she couldn't figure out what.

"Severus slipped into Death Eater mode," Hermione explained, helping Zia sit up. "He's attacked Remus and Ginny performed the Cruciatus, and…"

"Oh no," Zia whispered. She had been afraid of this. Afraid that as he broke down mentally, he would become the monster within. He was a Death Eater. He was one of the best. And then double agent and spy. While he had mellowed in his old age, he had merely put these skills away. Much like she pretended not to be Jada, he pretended not to be a Death Eater.

"Get me down there," she instructed. "Apparate me." She knew she didn't have the control to apparate herself and that it would completely drain her.

She didn't have to direct Hermione twice. In a moment they were both downstairs, in the mist filled kitchen.

"Remus where are you?" Zia called.

She heard a wolf's snarl and stepped back. Had he changed? No, that snarl was Severus'. He was on the prowl. She had only heard him growl like that once before and it was right after Lily died. He was dangerous, deadly even. And, if Ginny had hit him with her curse, he was a wounded, dangerous animal.

She heard his heavy footfalls getting closer. He had snapped. He was going to kill them.

"Hermione, go upstairs now!" she insisted. "Take Remus, apparate home. Now. NOW!" she said, lowering her stance and pulling out her… her wand… it was upstairs. "Get my wand! Get my wand!" she screamed, looking around for the attack she was certain that she would never even see coming.

She heard a pop and hoped that it was Hermione taking Remus away. A quick second pop told her that it was not.

The mist was starting to thin and Hermione handed her the wand. Hermione went to Remus. "Zia!" his breathing isn't regular enough to apparate.

"Shite!" Zia screamed. Her head swam and she felt nauseous. If she healed Remus, Severus could kill them all. If she stopped Severus, Remus would likely die.

He breathing started coming in ragged gasps as she felt the pressure of making the choice between who Zia wanted and who Jada wanted. Either way, she realized, she was not going to survive the ordeal. The bond and trust of the village had been broken. There was no way to heal from this.

She rushed to Remus, "Anapneo!" she said, clearing his airway with a wave of her wand. "Come on, Remus. Come back to me, baby," she whispered. Her tone was determined and she felt as though she was no longer connected to the rest of the world. There was so much blood. It had dribbled out of his mouth, down his chin and had soaked through his clothes. "Scalpere," she said, concentrating carefully to cut his shirt, but not him.

She recognized the curse immediately. "I should have known," she whispered. It was his favorite creative curse.

"Of course you'd go straight to him. You always loved him more." Severus stood not three feet away from the two of them, wand drawn. His eyes had turned into black orbs and he was seething.

"No that's wrong," Zia answered, her voice shaking. "Jada loves him more. Not me. I'm – I'm Zia." She felt as though she had gotten the wind pushed out of her. She started to tremble. "It's hard being two people. Two different things. Two polar opposites. You know that. Remus… Remus too."

She forced herself to focus on Remus. "No… I'm not going to lose you. No no… come on, Remus." She closed her eyes and started chanting the vulnera sanentur incantation. She felt her energy leeching out of her as she poured everything she could into Remus.

Suddenly, Remus grunted and started to try to move.

"No no… just stay put," Hermione insisted.

"Jada?" Remus mumbled.

"Sort of," Zia whispered.

"'mione, go… go… to the bathroom with him… he needs the blood washed off and dittany put on the wounds. He… he should recover." Zia was well and truly out of breath and felt as though she may pass out.

"What about him?" Hermione asked seriously.

Zia knew she was talking about Severus. She also knew that it was going to be her last stand. And she went into it with nothing to lose. "I've got it," she said, as strongly as she could. "Now take him."

She waited until Hermione and Remus were out of the room.

"What the frell did you think you were doing?" she yelled at Severus.

"You said you loved him. More than me. Always." He started to stalk back and forth. His anger had not lessened any.

"Jada loved him always! You loved Lily always! Whose betrayal is worse, hm?" she yelled back.

"It's not a betrayal if you knew! You knew I loved Lily first. Always. You KNEW!" With that he cast a spell that blew up the kitchen cabinets. Splintered wood and broken ceramic exploded everywhere.

"AND YOU KNEW I WAS JADA!" she yelled back. "And now I'm not Jada. But I have to be Jada and I don't know how to be Jada. I DON'T KNOW HOW!" Tears spilled over her cheeks. "You ruined everything!" she accused through the tears.

She sank to the floor. "Why didn't you just let me die?" she asked, still sobbing. "This is worse. This is worse." She heaved as she tried to catch her breath. Who could she go to for help now? Certainly the village was destroyed. She couldn't ask the Weaslys to come back. She couldn't ask Remus and Hermione to stay. And now Severus was back to his Death Eater mindset. She should never have come back. She made things worse by doing so.

"You can leave," she stated, pulling herself to her feet. "I love you. I love what you've survived and what you've been through, who you were and who you are. But, I cannot handle the hatred and darkness of a Death Eater anymore. If this is who you want to be, go find someone else to put up with your violence and your brooding, for I no longer can."

"You love me?" he asked her, as she went to leave.

"Not this. I don't love this."

"But you love me?" His voice was returning to normal. The blind rage was ending.

Suddenly, she turned around and rushed at him. She opened her mind and made the soul healer connection. She saw everything - his parents, Lily, the teasing he endured at Hogwarts, Lily, Voldemort, Lily, the Death Eaters, Pettigrew, Voldemort, her, everything – flash through his mind. She felt how Lily had been his safe place through childhood and Hogwarts and how she had become his safe spot afterwards, first as a healer then as his girlfriend and finally his wife.

She saw his memory of her telling him that she always loved Remus more and felt the heart shattering betrayal as his safe place was taken away. In an instant she deeply regretted coming back. She should have died. It would have been better for everyone.

Without breaking the connection, she leaned in and kissed him passionately. She let her hands feel his body and untuck his shirt, cold shaking hands pressing against hot sweaty flesh. She felt as goosebumps rose on his skin and pressed her body to him. She let him feel everything she did – love, security, acceptance, fear, and hope. She grabbed at him, hungrily, holding him close to her and pulling away only when his breath started to catch.

He turned away from her and sneezed wetly, folding himself in half. He clasped his hands over his mouth and sneezed violently, twice, causing him to stumble into the table.

She screamed as the connection was broken and fell to the floor with a thud. She hiccupped and tried to compartmentalize his pain, fear, and loathing. "I love you, Severus. You're not going to lose me to Remus any sooner than I'm going to lose you to Lily."

He scrubbed his hand over his face. "I know… I – I've known that for a long time. I … I don't know what happened."

"We do." Arthur suddenly walked into the kitchen with Ginny, Ron and the twins.

Fred and George rushed to help pick Zia up.

"I'm okay," she told them, even as she leaned on them heavily.

Arthur clapped Severus on the back, but pulled back when Severus flinched.

"He's not ready for touch!" Zia snapped.

Arthur turned to face Zia. "You all right?" he asked, bouncing his hand at her.

"Yea," she nodded. "Just don't touch him okay?"

"This was the break you were worried about, wasn't it?" Arthur asked.

"Yea," she answered, with a weak cough. She felt both twins tighten their grip on her. "Give him some time. He just needs some time alone." She tried to pull away from the twins. "We need to go check on Remus."

"I think da can check on Remus." George answered.

"Yea, we'll take care of you," Fred followed up with.

Zia bowed her head. _Let them_, she heard in distinctly Jada's voice. "Yea. That would be good," she relinquished.

"Come on," Ginny said, leading the boys upstairs. "We'll get you rested up and then … well we'll fix this," she said with the upmost confidence.

"I don't think this can be fixed, Ginny," Zia admitted.

Ginny smiled seriously at Zia. "Then you don't know this family as well as you thought."


	25. A Bend in the Road

It had been a long, taxing week for everyone. Zia and Severus had been talking any time that she wasn't sleeping. He spent long hours brooding over the past years and contemplating the future ones. Once in a while she would wake up to feel the heavy weight of him sleeping beside her, but for the most part she woke up alone.

She sent several owls to Remus. Initially, they had been returned unopened. But, first Hermione was answering, then both, and finally Remus himself.

Finally, she and Severus came to an understanding. She told him about crossing over – what Lily said, Harry, Dumbledore. She told him about her choice – to stay alive and embrace the two parts of her personality or to stay as things are and to slowly die. She explained what would need to happen – the changes she had been fighting. And he did a lot of thinking. It wasn't fair, she knew, putting him in a situation like that. But, they were the facts of her life and this time she was going to let him know what was going on from the beginning, even though she knew he wouldn't like it.

Finally, he agreed to the terms of keeping her alive – as long as Hermione and Remus agreed. After all, this plan affected them as much it did them.

Remus sat reclined on the couch, glaring at Severus and Zia. They had rearranged the living room so that the two armchairs were opposite the couch with the coffee table in between. There was a spare seat to the side, in case the discussions did not go well.

"I'm opening the discussion by saying that this room is completely locked. No one, noise, or magic in or out," Severus explained, his silky voice holding a hint of calmness, even though he felt anything but calm.

The uneasy look that Remus had fixed them with turned down right livid. "What right did you have to attack me, Severus?" he barked, as though the words had been itching to get out all week.

"None," he admitted. "I was blind with rage. I'd snapped."

"The worst is over. I was able to get inside his head, heal him up," Zia said, reaching over for Severus' hand, which he willingly gave. Her long, slender fingers caressed his stronger ones gently. Nails raked across the back of his hand. The combination of fine and sharp was not lost on either of them.

Remus nodded. Dropping his gaze, he shook his head. "I can't forgive you for it Sev," he stated, casting a nervous look at Hermione.

"I don't deserve it," Severus stated, the ice returning to his low silky voice.

Zia sighed and felt an uncomfortable tickle from within that she was learning to realize that meant that she was ignoring Jada.

"I understand," Jada(Zia) responded, her voice was smooth, quiet, and slightly insecure.

Remus' attention immediately went to her. His eyes held all the hurt that she ever thought he was capable of feeling. She hadn't seen him so vulnerable in many years.

She took a deep breath. He noticed. He recognized. Bile rose in her throat and she swallowed it back. Suddenly, this seemed much harder. After all, if Remus was happy, who was she to offer him an alternative? "You have every right to never forgive Severus – or I. But, truly if you are unable to forgive, it will make this proposition much less appealing. " She blinked. It was an interesting mix between Jada and Zia.

Remus blinked rapidly, seeming to have noticed it too. Brow furrowed in confusion, he seemed to be trying to figure out a problem whose answer lay just on the outreaches of his mind.

"Remus," she stated, we've come to offer you a solution to your marital issues.

"Our marriage is just fine!" Hermione retorted.

"Really?" Jadzia sneered, with the bitterness of the Death Eater Zia had once pretended to be. "Tell me Hermione, who does he go to when he cries? When he's plagued with night-terrors that terrify him too much to cry out? Where does he go when he is too sad to read? Too introverted to get out? Did you even know of these issues? It's been about a year now hasn't it? Have you ever used the consummation potions? You do know that the Ministry tracks though, right? If you don't use them properly, your marriage will become void and Remus will be transferred to the Werewolf Registry."

Remus visibly blanched at this.

"Or...," a gentler tone came into her voice, "you can transfer the marriage to Severus and I. Triads are not uncommon, as you know. While Severus and Remus, I don't suspect, will have much of a difference in their relationship…" She took a deep breath. It wasn't the correct lead in. "Well, let me say it this way. She took a slow breath. "When I was in a coma, I crossed over. I saw everyone."

Hermione gasped. "Harry?" she asked, despite herself.

Jadzia nodded. "Yea, Harry, Dumbledore, Sirius… everyone." She swallowed. "I was told what is going on with my system and they sent me back healed – with the caveat that I release my Jada personality. This means I will be both Jada and Zia – hence the Jadzia Snape comment."

"Remus, my love," she continued. She squeezed Severus' hand when he bristled, but did not take her concerned caring eyes off of Remus. "What I'm offering is simple. A chance to love and be with Jada while Severus loves and is with Zia. Yes, this would mean sharing me and divorcing Hermione. But, you'd be with one of your mates."

"Wait just a minute," Hermione said, her mouth slightly agape as she looked insulted and put out. "This is my husband. Has anyone thought of how this will affect me."

"You don't have to try so hard to maintain more than friendship, with someone you obviously love, but are struggling with," she responded with no more tact than Zia would have used while staring down Narcissa. "You can save your friendship and find someone for your own."

"But, huh, Remus, what about what Remus wants?" she asked, obviously upset by her loss of control over the situation.

"You mean, Jada… you… you're in there?" he asked, leaning forward. He rested his elbows on his knees and leaned out with one hand. His mouth was slightly agape as he looked at her in wonder.

A gentle hand clasped his. Long, slender fingers gently brushed against his palm, just like she used to when he needed to know he was there.

"It's a simple fact of life," she stated. "If I do not embrace the part of me that is Jada, I will die. Severus and I agree that the best way to allow Jada out is for you and she to finish what you've started. It'll be a change and difficult, but I'm willing to give it a go if you are."

"Huh, well I guess it's all settled then!" Hermione yelled. "I change my life, put my world on the line and after the most dramatic hellish year of my life you all tell me that the marriage can just be transferred?"

"Calm yourself," Severus replied, his tone like ice. Remus was one of his oldest and dearest friends. Loathe as he was to share Zia with anyone, Remus was the only person on the planet that he would even consider it with. "He has not given us an answer."

Remus looked over at Hermione. He didn't want to hurt her and he would always be grateful for what she had done for him. But, he didn't need to pretend with Jada – or with Zia for that matter. He wasn't sure how this other arrangement would work – or if it would at all. He didn't know if he would end of up dead at the end of Severus' wand or property of the Ministry. But, anything was better than sleeping with that poor girl, thinking that he loved her when really he was doing it to keep their marriage legal. Hermione deserved better.

"I accept," Remus said, the severity of the situation evident in his voice.

Hermione made a small wounded sound.

Remus turned to her and took her hand in his own. "Hermione, I can never really pay you back for what you did for me. I will always hold you as a dearest friend. But, I have mated twice and my first mate is asking me back. Most people don't get two chances. I never imagined three. I have to take this – otherwise I'll go through life wishing you were her. You deserve better Hermione."

Tears welled up in Hermione's eyes. She had tried so hard to make this work. She knew that it wasn't a failing on her part. Everyone was being completely logical. But, it wasn't fair. This was supposed to be an unusual happily ever after. "All right," she said, not looking at anyone. She leaned forward slightly, hoping that she could keep the tears from leaking out. "How do we do this?"

"First, you have to sign these," Severus said, pulling out a few rolls of parchment. "These will sign Remus' marriage over to Zia – Jadzia – and I. Then you'll sign below there and it'll annul your marriage."

She read through the scroll. Everything seemed to already be in order. She hated feeling as though she was signing over a piece of property. She knew that to the Ministry that's all that Remus was. But, to her, he was more – a friend, a confident – her first husband. "Whatever, just give me the quill," she said, snatching it away from Zia and signing her name in the order indicated.

Remus nodded, swallowing thickly as the others signed their names and finally he penned his as well.

With a wave of his wand, Severus released the wards.

Within moments, an owl arrived from the Registry.

Hermione went to open it, but as soon as she touched it, the note started to speak.

_Miss Hermione Granger, formally Mrs. Hermione Granger-Lupin,_

_The Ministry is delighted to hear of your annulment to the animal Remus Lupin. The animal will be forthwith summoned to the Werewolf Registry for collaring and containment. Due to your prudence, the marriage will not remain on your public record and the potions will be recalled. Your ring is yours to keep, but will melt should you wish to dispose of it. Thank you for your cooperation._

The letter uncharmed and floated gently to the table.

"What the?" she started, but Severus held up his hand.

"Wait for it," he mumbled.

At Hermione's confused expression, Zia leaned in. "They didn't read the whole contract yet," she said with a wry grin.

Another letter arrived and opened as soon as the owl let it go.

_Master Severus Snape and Mrs. Zia Morgan-Snape, _

_It has come to our attention that the marriage of Remus Lupin has been transferred into yours. As the beast has no where else to stay, he will be your responsibility. A wizard and witch of your standing should have ample ability in containing such a creature. Due to the unusualness of this arrangement, this marriage is automatic and a ceremony is not required. _

_In order to make certain these creatures refrain from jumping from marriage to marriage, infecting all they touch, this is the werewolf's last chance before he will be remitted to the Ministry for testing. Please be advised that only two vials will be provided to you for the consummation of your marriage. Should the arrangement not be consummated within a week, the triad will be brought before the Ministry for questioning. Thank you._

"It's done," Jadzia said, with a sigh. She could tell that Severus was uncomfortable due to the conditions set forth by the Ministry. She leaned back. "It's all right love. I'm still your Zia."

"And my Jada," Remus whispered, looking at her as though she was an amazing wonder before him.

"Yes… but it takes a little time. I'm not used to being her yet."

"I know," he whispered.

"And my friends?" Hermione asked. She swallowed thickly. She had only married Remus for his happiness and safety. Zia and Severus could provide that much better than she could.

"Of course," Zia replied with a smile. "You're welcome to stay as long as you would like," she offered, fairly certain of what Hermione's response would.

"I don't think I can do that," Hermione responded honestly. "I'll start looking for a flat this week." With that she got up and left the room, closing the door with a thud.

"That actually went better than I expected," Zia mumbled.

"I'll talk to her," Remus mumbled, running a nervous hand through her hair.

Jadzia moved the table and knelt in front of Remus. "I know it's not the life we expected. But, I always did love you."

He smiled and looked up at Severus.

"I love Severus an awful lot too. And he understands me on much different levels. It'll be a work in progress, but if you're willing to go through the roller coaster of your life, I think this really can work."

"We'll make it work," Severus said, his voice tight.

"We'll work out the particulars," she promised. "I'll do whatever it takes to make you both happy."

Both men smiled sadly. They knew that she may not be able to keep such a promise, but meant it all the same. It wasn't the life anyone had hoped for or intended for each other. But, it was the life they had. And they would do whatever it took to make it work.


End file.
